Hi all.
Just checking in.
Hugs to you, Lyzziesmom, for your moment. Sometimes I have moments when I realize I don't have children and someday something could happen to Steven and I'll be all alone (something along the lines of what you described about "I'm old & in a nursing home, and every day in between would be the same.")!! No children to come and see me.
It really is a sad thought. I just try and not think about it. But hugs to you!!
Whew, DznyFan, what a weekend!! I'm tired for you. Hang in there, the weekend is coming.
OK, guys, I need some advice from my friends!! Really, I'm just needed some help w/ a possible situation! I mean, I've got the whole Triangular Talking thing down
I can spot those a mile away but I'm really struggling with this one.
OK, here it is with a little background first. . . . .
I used to go to church with a lady whom I didn't know very well. One day we were talking and I was remarking how DH and I were looking for a home blah, blah, blah. She told me about a home
right across the street from her in her development that sounded perfect for us. We checked it out and fell in love and that's the house we just sold after living there for 5 years.
When we first moved in, she started coming over and we made "fast" friends. It was like we just clicked. Anyway, she shared with me how she
USED to be friends with this one and she
USED to be friends with that one (different people who lived in the development who for whatever reason dropped her!!) but now she doesn't know "what crawled up their butts" because now they don't speak with her blah, blah, blah.
At the time, I just thought that was the most horrible thing in the world!! I couldn't
imagine why!! She was just so helpful and nice and it just seemed bizzare to me why those people in our develpment would just push her aside and drop her like that?
Well, the year progressed and I shared many many hours with her and shared (way to) many many things with her. She was a "friend" to lean on and when I went through some rough patches with my family she was a shoulder to cry on and she gave me comforting advice and compassion.
Then, strange things started happening.
She started watching my house. When I'd pull in, the phone would start ringing. "I just saw you pull in" she'd say. Or, if I were working on the computer (when we still had dial up) and the house windows were open she'd yell
across the road "Hang up the phoooonnnneee!! I'm trying to call you." And then, if she'd see my sisters pull up, she'd grab a tea cup and saunter over across the yard, she'd knock on my door and say, "I saw your sister drive up, I came to have some tea."
And it got worse, one Memorial Day she started calling all around looking for me. First she called my in-laws but we had just left. Then she called my sister but we weren't there. We were actually heading over to my other sister's but hadn't arrived there yet when she called and left a message on her phone. Talk about feeling like she was a Psycho!! I never told her it was ok to call my family or friends looking for me!! That's when Steven said, "No wonder everyone in the neighborhood dropped her!! She's phsycho!" That's not all, though. Situations in my and Steven's life started changing for the better. We started getting a grip on our finances through taking financial courses and she would call and tell me how jealous she was of us.
Then, things started going rough in her family (i.e. her daughter, in her words, became out of control and the police were called a few times until the daughter finally had enough and moved out) and she would call and "slam" my family and everything that I had shared with her when I needed a "friend" she threw back up into my face almost as if to make herself feel better. She would say things like, "Your sister is so dumb. She may be smart when it comes to school and such but she's really dumb when it comes to love. . . and living with a man blah, blah, blah." Then, she'd start talking about my mother and how horrible our relationship was and how my family was "so weird". Knowing how bad the situation was with my mom. Talk about pouring salt into an already gaping wound!! And it got to the point where everytime she would call me she would start ***** slapping me with her verbal abuse. It really just knocked me for a loop. I mean, who would have expected that from a friend? And before I cut all ties with her (or tried) I'd still occasionally go have tea with her. And it would be going along all nicey like and out of left field she'd start in with her viscious verbal attacks!! I just couldn't take it anymore so I tried "breaking" up with her almost like a boyfriend and girlfriend break up, I tried to cut ties. But it never really worked, and she'd see my friends in the stores or whatever and be like, "I don't know what's crawled up April's butt?!!
"
Remember she said that about the other neighbors? The straw that broke the camel's back was one Sunday when I wasn't home last January. Steven was getting ready to go somewhere so he went out and started our vehicle and had it running and he came back inside to finish getting ready. Apparently she came over and started banging on the door. She was yelling (for all the neighbors to hear) "April open up! It's So and So." "April, come answer the door." Well, he finally goes and answers the door and I think she was surprised. He told her I wasn't home and she was like, "Well, have her call me, please." Now up to that point I hadn't talked to her in over
9 months!! I never did call the crazy loon!! I just ignored her and when we moved, I didn't even tell her good-bye. Instead, I jumped
for joy and danced a jig and said, "Good Riddens!!" She was crazy!! And with talking to some other people in the neighborhood or people who knew her, they all complained of the same thing! The bad thing for me? I lived right across the street from her, where they didn't. I had their sympathies.
So, what began (in my eyes) as Lucy and Ethel turned into Single White Female!! Remember
that movie?
Fast forward, I move to S.C. and life is grand! It's kind of fun moving to a place where no one knows you.
It's like being on your honeymoon all over again.
So, I've lived here for 2 months and life has been pretty good. There are three rentals in a row where I live. We're on the end with the biggest yard and a driveway on the side of the house.
I've introduced myself to the single lady next door to me and that was cool and she's hardly EVER home and that's even COOLER! She's always at her boyfriend's and that's just fine with us. The other, older lady on the end who works second shift I had not yet met but everyone said she's very nice. On Saturday, I was on my way out to get the mail and walked by her front door and she came out to meet me. I was so embarrased because as Murphey would have it I had my nightgown on under a coat, a pair of jeans that I had just thrown on and my hair, uncombed, up in a clip. Well, she seemed nice enough and she was telling me about some crafts she does and then she wanted to show me. She invited me in and I didn't want to seem unneighborly so, I went in. They were really neat and so I made all over them and then she says, "I'll show you how to do them sometime if you'd like." "Sure, I say, that would be great and I really thought it would be fun because I've always wanted to learn how to do it."
Then, I couldn't leave!!
I can't explain it, but the other neighbor stopped in and we were all talking and up to this point I'm not feeling "threatened" and so I'm talking and they're talking and then the clock is ticking away and then I am starting to feel kind of threatened like I'm being held captive and then Steven comes down and knocks on her door. THANK GOD!! He comes in, meets her, looks at her crafts, makes some small talk and gets me out of there. But, before we can leave she starts in about those stupid crafts and "come back tonight" and they'll be so much fun and when am I coming back and so I'll be having so much fun that I won't even realize it's 3 o'clock in the morning and what time do I want to come back?
?
?
?
?
I'm going "deer in the headlights"
And having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder over
the other crazy neighbor and Steven finally says something like, well we're really busy so don't make your schedule around us. Tell you what, if you're car is here later she'll just come back down then ok? But don't rush around and rush your day on our account. And he got me out of there.
I was just like, "What happened back there? I think I blacked out."
So, we go about our day and I'm stressing out over this and I don't want to be rude and we said we'd be back and I don't want to get into another one of these neigbor relationships. So, around 7:00pm, I make my way down there to her house. She's pleased as punch to see me. And other neighbors and even the landlady stop in (and this makes me feel better) and Steven goes out to buy me some Christmas presents but finally he comes back and then comes down to save me.
We were there until 4 o'clock in the moring people!!!!!! And not because I wanted to be!!! But we started making this craft with a sled and paint and sculpey clay snowmen and you have to bake it and Oh what a nightmare but I stay because I want to finish it and I DON'T want to come back the next day and at that point I was feeling EVER again!!! So, finally at 4 am we left to come home. Unfortunately, I didn't finish the dumb thing
and I can't not go back (at least that's what I think because I'm a sucker for guilt!!) so I commit to going back the next day and she tells us how lonely she is and how she's from Michigan and how she misses her family and how lonely she is and we really kept her company and please come back ANY TIME!! Talk about feeling like you're choking. Well, I tell her I'll be back the next day but I'm definately sleeping in. The next day comes -- Sunday -- and at 1:00pm there's a knock on the door. And then another. Steven goes to answer the door and she's finished the project!! Well, thank goodness. Now, I don't have to go back there. Then, she wants a tour of our home because she wants to see if it's laid out like hers.
We oblige to all of this because we're just wimps I guess. Have a hard time telling people no. Don't want to be "un"neighborly. It's really rather distressing. But I would never think to ask someone if I could see their home to compare? I don't know? Is it just me? Am I the freak for thinking this?
So, she finally leaves after telling us to stop by anytime.
I go all yesterday without seeing her. Then, tonight at 9:00pm.
9:00PM we get a knock on the door. I'm in my nightclothes so I run to the bedroom. Steven answers the door. It's her (key in the psycho music) and she says she has her mailbox (we had talked about it on Saturday) and she wants Steven to put it up for her. She wants me to come down and see it. . . right then. Steven tells her I'm busy but that he'll be down to see what it is he has to do.
When she leaves, he comes into the room to tell me about what just happened. I'm like, "Steven, it's 9 o'clock. This is inappropriate!" He says he didn't realize how late it was, he thought it was more like 7.
I declare, "I'm not going down there!" But inside I'm all torn up with guilt because I feel like I'm being rude. Why should I feel rude?? She came knocking on my door at 9:00pm but I feel like I'm not being very nice when she invites me down. ---This is probably what got me sooo tied up with the other psycho lady neighbor.--- But Steven still goes down because he told her he would when he thought it was 7:00.
She wants to know where I am but seemed contented when Steven told her I was dressed for bed and busy.
Maybe I'm making a big deal out of this. Maybe she really is just a lonely older lady (she's 61) and she just likes having company. Maybe she's not posessive but I'm so gunshy after the other crazy neighbor that I just don't even want to take the chance and go there. But I'm consumed with guilt because of that whole "Do unto others" thing. I would want people to be kind to me and all but I have a life and I don't crowd in on people because they have lives too. It just amazes me some of the things that people do (and I let them get away with) that I would NEVER imagine doing or asking!!! It totally catches me by surprise and then I usually end up divulging things I didn't want to or doing things I don't want to because I think saying "No" is mean.
I told you I need help!! I guess I didn't work through this issue enough in counseling!!
I'm open to any and all advice you may have.
Talk to you all soon!
I agree with 2xcited...I'm lost without the toothy smile (did webmaster Alex not like that little guy)?
)
for the neighbor problems. You just need to be firm and say "NO". I think that other people just need to be a little bit more respectful of time and things like that. I am horrible at telling people no also.
)just have a few drinks and call it a night. It won't be the first time we've done zip on New Year's.
arty: 
She was ready to crawl under the blankies early last night....
