Who else is burnt out on hosting Thanksgiving?

[dvcgirl67]

Yes I am. My grandparents were both Italian. Every Thanksgiving with them my grandma cooked a HUGE dinner with so many Italian sides. I miss her cooking. She died about 8 years ago, but the grandma I knew "died" over 20 years ago when she developed dementia. I haven't had her cooking since I was a teen. I'm in my 40's now.

Sorry about your grandmother. But sounds like you have great memories. The big Italian feasts ended before I joined my husband's family, but it was when his uncle was still alive and they went to his house. They talk about those dinners as legendary.

 

[wide awake]

I find no actual difference in quality of the gathering if using disposable vs real plates between the places we go to for the holidays. Isn't one of the points of the holidays with family to have quality time?

We all appreciate different things. What your family notices/doesn't notice isn't relevant to my family.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

We all appreciate different things. What your family notices/doesn't notice isn't relevant to my family.

Of course. But a well set table does not mean the items can't be disposable. You haven't been to my family's get togethers then Your implication was somehow disposable meant lesser than (edited: coffee kicked is, leave it on a better note instead).

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving regardless!

 

[lifesavacation]

I love being around my family but the holidays are so much work. We have 16 coming for dinner. This morning is the 2nd day I’ve woken up to a throbbing headache. My niece and nephew aren’t well behaved, their parents scream and everyone else just talks louder because you can’t hear anything. Today, they’ll watch football and that means even more noise added to the mix.

No one is up yet but my husband and me. I can hear him chopping vegetables in the kitchen and I’m enjoying a cup of coffee in bed before they all wake up and the noise starts. I honestly don’t know how I did it when my kids were that young. So much work. I took the kids out for a hike yesterday trying to burn down some of their energy. I need to be in the kitchen today, but a peaceful hike through a forest sounds pretty glorious right now.

 

[dvcgirl67]

I love being around my family but the holidays are so much work. We have 16 coming for dinner. This morning is the 2nd day I’ve woken up to a throbbing headache. My niece and nephew aren’t well behaved, their parents scream and everyone else just talks louder because you can’t hear anything. Today, they’ll watch football and that means even more noise added to the mix.

No one is up yet but my husband and me. I can hear him chopping vegetables in the kitchen and I’m enjoying a cup of coffee in bed before they all wake up and the noise starts. I honestly don’t know how I did it when my kids were that young. So much work. I took the kids out for a hike yesterday trying to burn down some of their energy. I need to be in the kitchen today, but a peaceful hike through a forest sounds pretty glorious right now.

I'm with you....it's too much work. And while I definitely had lots of patience for the kids on my side of the family when they were young (over a decade ago)....and I was younger, I'm finding I have less patience around the little ones on my husband's side. The kids are 8 and 4....parents are my husband's nephew and his wife. They're adorable kids, just not well behaved and so I'm kinda already dreading Christmas dinner. I may take your idea and if they start acting up and volunteer to take them on a walk around my FIL's neighborhood. Maybe take a walking "roadie" of cabernet with me .

I'm working on and off today, so we saw our parents last weekend. Later today I'm making beef Bourguignon and mashed potatoes. We'll have that later tonight....probably in big bowls on the couch under blankets with our dogs to watch a Christmas movie. Our tree is up and it feels festive. I'm happy to not be entertaining....enjoy just being cozy at home.

 

[Disneyland1084]

 

[jrmasm]

We all appreciate different things. What your family notices/doesn't notice isn't relevant to my family.

We all appreciate different things. What your family notices/doesn't notice isn't relevant to my family.

I’m with you. FOR ME, disposable plates etc are not going on my holiday tables.

I don’t give a rip what anyone else does.

 

[SirDuff]

Of course. But a well set table does not mean the items can't be disposable. You haven't been to my family's get togethers then Your implication was somehow disposable meant lesser than (edited: coffee kicked is, leave it on a better note instead).

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving regardless!

And, for ME, they are lesser than. Doesn’t make the people who use them “lesser than” but, to me, they do lessen the experience.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

And, for ME, they are lesser than. Doesn’t make the people who use them “lesser than” but, to me, they do lessen the experience.

At least you're blunt about it

 

[pinkxray]

I don’t know how people host for large holidays. I make our Thanksgiving dinner for our family of 5. I’m honestly over it. Since we don’t have any family to celebrate with I try to make it special for the kids and still like the house to be clean and make dinner the same as if we had a large get together, just smaller.

After cleaning and doing errands Wednesday and cooking all day Thursday, I am exhausted. I noticed the dining room had a bunch of dog fur floating around and asked DD to sweep. She asked why couldn’t I do it, I wasn’t doing anything. I am done. From now on if it’s not my my day to work at the hospital, you’ll find me having dinner in WDW for Thanksgiving.

 

[dvcgirl67]

One of my aunts complained yearly about Christmas and hosting it. She's very sweet but also worries a lot. Well the first year we were in our new house we said we could host. At first she was fine with that, then she got antsy but eventually we kept the plan at my house. It became a situation where we figured out she complained about the stress the getting ready the 'in charge' aspect but secretly liked it. Never offered to host again after that. She did redo her entire kitchen down to the studs during the pandemic and has switched out home decor multiple times since and was very excited to show everyone.

I do think that as much as some complain about hosting they also don't want to let that role go, either because they like to have it or they are concerned if someone else does it it won't be to the same level. But if you're truly done with hosting let it go but I wouldn't assume that someone else will host it or do it the same way. Just like gift exchanges as adults sometimes people are just over it entirely and wish to do something different.

Oh, I totally know people like this....the complainers who don't want to give up hosting. Or, maybe they don't complain about it so much but the day off there's lots of sighs and short exchanges in the kitchen. Essentially, this was my in-laws forever for Christmas Day. MIL passed last year, but we're still going to FIL's because that's how he wants it. But for years, we almost weren't allowed to help in the kitchen....just a little with cleanup. But they'd be snapping at each other about this or that and it would get uncomfortable for the rest of us. In a way, my FIL still won't let go....last year he taught his nephew and his wife to make "his" lasagna....which is just.....lasagna . I offered to make it this year because our nephew's wife is very pregnant but FIL won't allow it....has to be "his" lasagna.

 

[dvcgirl67]

And, for ME, they are lesser than. Doesn’t make the people who use them “lesser than” but, to me, they do lessen the experience.

What about using actual silverware....but disposable plates? I've seen some pretty fancy looking disposable table settings on socials this year. Almost looked too nice to throw out at the end of the meal.

At this time of the year we're flooded with TG content, as in 264 ways to cook a turkey (still just turkey), 9 million sides, but also lots of "tablescape" images. I saw one "influencer" post about "building your table scape higher". Higher? I mean, isn't there enough stress as it is....having to try and elevate what is probably the most mediocre meal ever into something decent that has....at best, a 50/50 chance of even being hot by the time it hits the table. Now I'm learning that my tablescape is too.....flat?

 

[TwoMisfits]

What about using actual silverware....but disposable plates? I've seen some pretty fancy looking disposable table settings on socials this year. Almost looked too nice to throw out at the end of the meal.

At this time of the year we're flooded with TG content, as in 264 ways to cook a turkey (still just turkey), 9 million sides, but also lots of "tablescape" images. I saw one "influencer" post about "building your table scape higher". Higher? I mean, isn't there enough stress as it is....having to try and elevate what is probably the most mediocre meal ever into something decent that has....at best, a 50/50 chance of even being hot by the time it hits the table. Now I'm learning that my tablescape is too.....flat?

That's the way I do it - worked perfectly yesterday.

You always need real silverware b/c no one wants to stab turkey and have fork tines break. But the plates and cups will work no matter if they are china or paper.

It also means if anyone drops a plate or cup cleaning up, it's fine b/c nothing breaks. Yes, that has happened here before (but not this year).

 

[sam_gordon]

Regarding the disposable plates & silverware, what I linked on Amazon is not your typical "paper plates". They honestly look "real" and have some heft to them. Here's the "silverware" we get: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B076X7T2L9/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1. This is the second year we've done this and haven't had one break.

The plates and utensils LOOK real.

We had 17 people at our table yesterday. Because we used disposables, we were able to fill the dishwasher with most of the cookware and serving utensils (some still had to be hand washed because of the size). If we would have used real plates and silverware, it would have greatly increased how much needed done by hand.

I don't see ever going back to "real" stuff again for large gatherings. If that means some of you look down on me, and yes, that's how some of your comments read, so be it. I'm more interested in our attendees getting enough to eat and enjoying the company than what the table looks like. We also use (gasp) disposable table cloths.

 

[Babs Johnson]

I’d rather eat off of even cheap paper plates with plastic forks than overly elaborate fancy place settings. IMO those that insist on an over the top table care more about appearances than the food and guests.

 

[dvcgirl67]

Regarding the disposable plates & silverware, what I linked on Amazon is not your typical "paper plates". They honestly look "real" and have some heft to them. Here's the "silverware" we get: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B076X7T2L9/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1. This is the second year we've done this and haven't had one break.

The plates and utensils LOOK real.

We had 17 people at our table yesterday. Because we used disposables, we were able to fill the dishwasher with most of the cookware and serving utensils (some still had to be hand washed because of the size). If we would have used real plates and silverware, it would have greatly increased how much needed done by hand.

I don't see ever going back to "real" stuff again for large gatherings. If that means some of you look down on me, and yes, that's how some of your comments read, so be it. I'm more interested in our attendees getting enough to eat and enjoying the company than what the table looks like. We also use (gasp) disposable table cloths.

I'd come to your house and eat...lol! I'm also perplexed at disposable plates/cutlery being a class issue.

I've seen those sets of disposable silverware....comes in gold too. Again, I haven't hosted in quite some time, but I'd go this route. When I have hosted TG dinner, it was always a quite depressing feeling to have done *all* of that work, only to have the meal consumed in roughly 20 minutes, with many, many more minutes of cleanup ahead in the kitchen.

To be completely honest, about 20 years ago my mother got us all wrapped up in her "tablescape" Christmas fantasies....by started a Lenox Christmas China gift giving bonanza. For several years my sisters and I were all giving each other this china, and looking back, I'm not sure why. It's like we were possessed....lol. I still have it....probably 12 place settings plus tons of extras, like a round flat thingie to put a bottle of wine on. At some point we all realized that this was "Big China" at work....and stopped the insanity. Every year around this time I try and unload this china, but to no avail...people don't want it. I used it a grand total of....one time. And, it was even *more* of a pain...because it couldn't go in the dishwasher! That's barbaric in my opinion.

 

[ronandannette]

I’d rather eat off of even cheap paper plates with plastic forks than overly elaborate fancy place settings. IMO those that insist on an over the top table care more about appearances than the food and guests.

NOT true, and pretty demeaning on the face of it. For me, it's part of the whole endeavor of offering hospitality and welcoming guests; the extra effort is because they are worth it. Whether they recognize it or not isn't my goal, or the point. I go out of my way because the occasions are special and I feel honored to have them. I don't resent doing it, don't have any secret or overt hostility towards the people that come and don't spend a second before or after, *****ing about how much unappreciated work it all is.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

We’ve hosted the last 5 years since we bought our home. My aunt who had been doing it for a good 17 years was happy to pass it over.

In my family everyone brings a dish so it’s never on one person. I made the turkey, ham, mashed potatoes and stuffing. We use paper plates, cups, cutlery and disposable food dishes. There were about 40 people in my house and I don’t have a big house. There was no sitting down all together. I set up tables and chairs throughout the house and garage/mancave and people eat where they can grab a seat. There are people in and out from the house to garage. Cousins in the kids rooms. Toddlers running around. A walker with a baby in it. It’s loud, chaotic and full of laughter. Everyone loves it!

For me the biggest issue is the cleaning since I don’t cook all of the food. But my SO doesn’t leave it to me and my aunts help. I also condense food and trays as the night goes.

Leading up I get anxiety but once it’s done I’m so happy and can’t wait for next year! I enjoy being with my family and we have a great time.

We start at 4 and a big portion are gone by 7 since a lot go visit their in-laws.

I had Friendsgiving brunch last week and we all sat at a nicely decorated table all together and it was just as fun, memorable and delicious.

 

[Babs Johnson]

Did anyone ever having holiday dinners in shifts?

When I was a kid we spent holidays at my grandparents‘ house. There were about 25 to 30 present. They lived in a city row house and had a large kitchen but no dining room. The kitchen table could be extended to seat about 10. They also set up a 4 person card table.

The women prepared and set everything up, then retreated to the living room while the men and boys ate first. Then they switched places when it was time for the women and girls to eat.

For dessert you could sit in the living room too to eat your pie.

 

[sam_gordon]

NOT true, and pretty demeaning on the face of it. For me, it's part of the whole endeavor of offering hospitality and welcoming guests; the extra effort is because they are worth it. Whether they recognize it or not isn't my goal, or the point. I go out of my way because the occasions are special and I feel honored to have them. I don't resent doing it, don't have any secret or overt hostility towards the people that come and don't spend a second before or after, *****ing about how much unappreciated work it all is.

I know this isn't how you meant it, but one could read the bolded and interpret it as "those who use disposables AREN'T 'offering hospitality', NOT 'welcoming guests', and DON'T feel the guests are 'worth it'."