Who else is a non-worrier?

[Cruisin]

What is your secret?

I don't tend to worry an awful lot about things either.

I have found the "secret" for me seems to be, that what I can't change there is no sense worrying about.

For example, when my kids were out late and it was snowy etc, I'd start to worry and then I'd think......... Will worrying about it cause any change in what will or will not happen

No, not usually, so I let it go.

I try to apply that strategy to any situation that could be stressful.

 

[Christine]

I wouldn't call myself a "worrier" or a person who frets over things (or "borrows" trouble). But I do tend to overthink many situations that are hot-button things for me. I analyze it to death and look at each direction a situation can go. Is that worrying? Maybe. But I'm not like that on everything. I can be terribly too laid back about some things that people around me are freaking out about it. There's no logic for me. I used to be terribly worried about my health but I think it was justified at the time since I did get cancer, have an unexpected surgery and 2 unexpected treatments surrounding the cancer, and then I had four benign breast lumps--one of which the radiologist pretty much told me was cancer. That made me very worried for several years. I seemed to have gotten back to normal in that area.

I find true worriers (I have a relative like this) fixate and worry on EVERYTHING. When the one thing is resolved, they move on to the next thing.

 

[kafitty]

i can be, but generally, if it's something i have no control over, i don't stress too much.

even if i do, i'm usually back to being okay fairly quickly.

 

[Imzadi]

I used to be a worrier until I read something that put it all into perspective and explained what worrying is about.

People worry because they think it is a positive activity. That they are actively keeping on top of a situation. But the act of worrying is not proactive. It actually does nothing but create a lot of stress, negativity and is mentally and emotionally draining. When someone worries, their situation stays in exactly the same place as when they started to worry. All they've done is stress themselves.

Worrying is a mental activity and a mental habit. If you catch yourself worrying, you have to mentally and actively STOP. You then have to replace the mental thoughts about that specific situation with something actually positive, problem solving, constructive and ACTION oriented.

For example, if you are worried about finances, you have to change your thinking from worrying to problem solving. Are there actual actions you can take to change the situation? Do you need to go back to school or take an evening course to up your skills? Do you need to revise your resume so that it is actually ready, in case you lose your job? Can you put out feelers for different kinds of work? Can you network with friends that you are looking for odd jobs to bring in money. You never know, one small job can lead to a bigger opportunity. Do you need to be surfing employment websites like Monster.com, so you will be quite familiar with the site if/when you do lose your job? This way, you can log on with some confidence & familiarity instead of learning about it all when you are stressed and upset from being fired.

Are you worried about your safety when traveling? Have your read up and learned what are proper precautions to take? (So many tourists come to NYC with their handbags wide open, their wallets in plain site, toting an expensive camera and jewelry on their chest and they worry about being robbed. Well, yes, when you advertise your self as an easy victim, you will be. It doesn't take much to secure your items. Do you have your emergency travel numbers in place? Do you have the number to get your credit cards & travelers cheques replaced? Have you created a "Plan B" as a failsafe, in case something does happen?

WORRY, in an of itself is not a postive activity, if it stays in a place of NON-action. Worry is also about not being in control and being a victim. The first moment you start worrying, it should be a SIGNAL that you feel you haven't done something. It should be a flag that you DO lack some skills, knowledge, training, info to handle a situation coming up. So it is actually a kick in the butt to take some action if any is really warranted to be better prepared, skilled, knowledable. Being precautionary and prepared for the worst is not a bad thing. Your worries should be addressed so you can affect postitive outcomes if what you worry about happens. You need to go down a checklist of what your worry is about. CAN/SHOULD you take some action you have not taken yet? Have you analysed your situation from all angles so you can DO something about it.

If you just "worry" with no positive outcome then you are actually self-victimizing yourself.
Problem solving is taking those same "worries" but attacking if from a place of confidence and control. There are/may be things you can do to change the horrible outcome you are fearing.

If you truly have done everything you can that is reasonably in your power to do, then you have to tell yourself: You ARE prepared. You have done everything foreseeable, to the best of your ability that you can to be prepared for, and in reasonable control of a situation and have enough skills, tools & resources to negotiate though what happens.

You have to decide what is reasonable to do and what starts turning from worry to paranoia or irrational fear. If you observe worriers, they are always scared they don't have control, not enough skills, and have no self confidence to handle the future. They have no confidence in those they are worried about. At core, they have no belief in themselves, so they think worrying about what they can't foresee will fix the situation. It is a victimizing mentality. The irony is worrying makes one a victim in their on minds (and the situation hasn't even arrived.)

If you've done everything you feel you need to do about a situation, you ultimately have to let go and have faith (combined with constructive actions) that you can handle this process called LIFE - or just stay home and be victimized by yourself and your fears. You've already needlessly done yourself in.

Yeah, "worrying" is a great activity. NOT!

 

[AKL_Megs]

I am so not a worrier. I don't waste my time worrying about stuff I can't change. I'm also not a "better safe than sorry" kind of person who goes out of their way to "protect" her family from things are are not likely to happen. For instance, I don't worry about random pedophiles when my DD uses a public bathroom alone.

It is SO refreshing to know that there are parents like you out there! This made me think of something that I witnessed over the summer at the airport.

I was in the womens bathroom. A mother was in the handicapped bathroom stall with a daughter (about 5) and a son (about 3). She had ALSO brought along into the bathroom (not the stall, but the bathroom) her son. He was, I would guess 11... I am guessing this because she kept calling to him, "James, are you still there and okay," and he would answer back, "Yes," in a ready-to-change voice.

WAY to old to be in the bathroom. If he wanted to, he could have peeked through the cracks of any of the stalls and seen anything he wanted.

Some parents worry WAY too much.

 

[pearlieq]

I try to strike a balance. I don't think either extreme is helpful.

Sometimes non-worriers don't spend enough time thinking things through and can miss opportunities or wind up wasting time and money due to being unprepared.

We went on vacation last week with a couple so "go with the flow" that I'm convinced they'd still be sitting in the airport if we hadn't been with them.

By the same token, people can worry themselves into knots and paralysis. It's no way to live.

For my part, I try to separate what I can and can't control. I let go of things I can't control and try to be as prepared as possible for things I can. Knowing I have at least a rudimentary plan for whatever might befall me lets me relax and go about my life.

 

[hereyago]

I am a non-worrier. My DM worries about everything and if i were like that, I would have ended it all by now, seriously.
Life is way too precious for me to worry about things I can change and harp on the things I can't.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I'm not much of a worrier. What will happen will happen. If I can't control it, I don't worry about it.

 

[Disney Doll]

I think that's it. My mom worries about everything and nags, nags, nags. Love her, but it's exhausting. But I also think I'm more like my dad. We just kinda roll with the punches!

Sis???!!! Is that you??? I have a mother who worries constantly, and about the most mundane things. It has gotten worse as she has gotten older...I think because her world has gotten very "small". She & my father don't do as much as they used to, so she has a lot of time to think and perseverate on things.

I will tell you that growing up with a worrying mother is quite difficult....there were things I didn't do that probably would have been a lot of fun and great experiences, but I just knew that the pre-experience preparation would have been filled with "I don't understand why you have to go" and "what if something happens. I'll never forgive myself for letting you go" and that sort fo thing. I am 47 yeras old and even now there are things I do not tell my mother I do, because she will drive me insane with the worrying and perseveration.

I think I am a pretty "realistic" worrier....I think I worry about the things that need worrying about. Although occasionally I find myself slipping into my mother's worrying style...then I do the old "Don't bleed until you get shot" thing. That's my little mantra to stop myself from worrying about the things I cannot control.

 

[Aisling]

I'm a worrier, been one all my life. But I'm actively trying to free myself from this.

Imzadi, your post was extremely helpful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[golfgal]

I think the key to not worrying so much is to accept that you can't control everything. I remember when I used to spend a ton of time packing to go someplace so worried I would forget something, which I usually did anyway. It then occurred to me that if I forget something just go out and buy whatever it is. It saves a lot of trouble. Apply that same attitude to pretty much everything, meaning that if things don't go exactly as planned, who cares, something else will come along to takes it's place.

There was a post about someone who's sister was going to give her $100 if she packed for her trip the day of. I could EASILY do that-for my entire family-for $100. Yes, it is nice to organize things earlier then that but if you forget socks, go buy some when you get there (generally for me it is PJ's that I forget).

 

[Rora]

I have irrational worries that I shouldn't have.

I worry when my mom/DFiance/dad is driving somewhere, I call, and they don't answer. I immediately think the worst.

I worry one day my DFiance is going to wake up and not love me.

I worry when someone sends me a text message that says "We Need To Talk"..

Complusive worrier. I think I have anixety issues, I really do. I need to stop and get myself undercontrol, but I can't. Almost every female in my family takes anti-anixety medication (we're all worry-worts) and I wonder if I need to be on it too.

Actually reading this thread helps put worrying into perspective but I doubt I'll remember it when I start to worry!

 

[Gagirl69]

I can so relate with the ones that say their moms worry constantly. My mom worries enough for the both of us. It drives me nuts. I went to see her today and all I heard from her was have I called about the flu shots? When are me and the kids going to get them? When she felt like she wasn't getting anywhere with me, she then started asking my 18 yo daughter about the flu shot.
I love my mom dearly. The constant nagging just makes me CRAZY!!
Oh, the flu shot was just one example. I could wriite a book. I've just learned not to tell her certain things. It's better that way.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Nope, not me. This is me...

Me too... Oh how I wish I didn't worry. I once had myself tricked into non-worrying, but I'm just a worrying mess anymore. This infertility thing has me a bona-fide mess of a trainwreck.

Lucky you!

 

[Disney Doll]

I can so relate with the ones that say their moms worry constantly. My mom worries enough for the both of us. It drives me nuts. I went to see her today and all I heard from her was have I called about the flu shots? When are me and the kids going to get them? When she felt like she wasn't getting anywhere with me, she then started asking my 18 yo daughter about the flu shot.
I love my mom dearly. The constant nagging just makes me CRAZY!!
Oh, the flu shot was just one example. I could wriite a book. I've just learned not to tell her certain things. It's better that way.

That's what I do with mine. I go with a "What she doesn't know doesn't hurt her" plan most of the time. If she finds something out after the fact and asks why I didn't tell her, I say quite honestly "Because you would have driven yourself and me crazy with worry and i saw no need to do that".

 

[ckay87]

I am also a big time NON-worrier and I was actually just thinking about this myself while watching the news this morning. There was a story about how Iran has launched another missile. I thought "I should probably be concerned about this. Why am I not?" It is times like that when I think that something is wrong with me.

Over the summer, my 16 year old son is out driving around with his 18 year old girlfriend and their other friends. I was tired, so I went to bed. But not before thinking to myself "what kind of mother am I? Shouldn't I not be able to sleep? Shouldn't I be sitting at the door, watching the clock and worrying?" It sounds like I don't care, doesn't it? Of course I care and I would lay down and die if anything happened to him. I just can't bring myself to worry.

 

[HM]

I never had been....until I had kids.

Wait until your kids are in school. You worry about whether you chose the right school for them and are you scarring them for life with some of the choices you make for them.

Then you worry about whether they've turned in their homework and stuff like that when they get a bit older. Then they get to high school and you worry about every little test and project because you're worried their grades aren't good enough to get into the school they want.

 

[KAMKIM]

I never worried until I had kids. In general I am pretty laid back but when it comes to my kids I'm all the time. I worry about EVERYTHING.

But other things, things that I cannot control I dont worry about at all.

 

[Snoopymom]

I think that's it. My mom worries about everything and nags, nags, nags. Love her, but it's exhausting. But I also think I'm more like my dad. We just kinda roll with the punches!

I am so jealous! I wonder if when you have someone else doing the worrying, you don't feel the need to?

I've noticed this with dh and I. I'm the worrier, but if I figure out that he is worrying about it too, then without realizing it, I stop worrying....as much anyway.

In fact I'm a little mad at my mom right now because I'm worried about someone in the family she normally worries about, but when I talked to her last night, she could care less. Subconsciously, I think I was trying to pass the worry on, and maybe she didn't feel the need to worry because I already was.

 

[Snoopymom]

I think that's it. My mom worries about everything and nags, nags, nags. Love her, but it's exhausting. But I also think I'm more like my dad. We just kinda roll with the punches!

I am so jealous! I wonder if when you have someone else doing the worrying, you don't feel the need to?

I've noticed this with dh and I. I'm the worrier, but if I figure out that he is worrying about it too, then without realizing it, I stop worrying....as much anyway.

In fact I'm a little mad at my mom right now because I'm worried about someone in the family she normally worries about, but when I talked to her last night, she could care less. Subconsciously, I think I was trying to pass the worry on, and maybe she didn't feel the need to worry because I already was.