white lies

[ez]

I have a good friend who I have noticed will tell me white lies...all about kinda immaterial things about herself, and the way I discover it, is she will contradict herself, like she forgets she told me one thing and a few weeks later tells me something different. Has anyone experienced this, I blow it off because its such trivial stuff. Sometimes I myself have told white lies, but this is when it has happened, I have this one friend who asks me personal questions about my financial status or something,( like, how much do you owe on your house?)and I get uncomfortable with the question and will sometimes tell a general white lie and change the subject. Also I guess I tell white lies not to hurt someones feelings(your haircut looks great!) So,what do you all think about people who tell white lies, and do you tell them yourself?

 

[FOJMO]

Although I wouldn't categorize this as a "white" lie, because that to me signifies something trivial, I used to work with a girl many years ago who told out and out lies and then would trip herself up later.

She would tell us about boyfriends she had (she didn't) and would send herself flowers to work and the card would say they were from all these different guys. I don't remember how we found out, but we did, and no lone ever really confronted her about it.

We really felt sorry for her, as she felt she had to make these things up to make her life more interesting, I guess. It was very sad...

 

[DemonLlama]

OK, just my take on the differing situations:

I had a friend who would compulsively lie about ridiculously little things. She has since sought therapy to understand why she feels compelled to "control/manipulate" situations in this manner. The pattern of lies is a main concern in your friend's case. There is something lacking in his/her self-esteem to need to fabricate things.

Too-personal questions shouldn't be met with white lies, but a polite, "I'm really not comfortable discussing that," and a change of subject.

If someone asks me an opinion about a haircut, say, that isn't particulary flattering, that's where I have the most trouble. If it's possible to say, generally, "you look very nice" and still mean it, I'd do that. After a couple of weeks (depending on the cut!) you might find another style that you think would work better and send a picture of it, with a note about how you saw this cut and thought her face shape/coloring would be fantastic with it. This is assuming you are close enough to suggest such a thing.

As an aside, I could only take about ten minutes of that new show "My Big, Fat Obnoxious Fiance" Monday night, but I did note one thing. When asked what she thought of her "fiance" she found the one thing she could say honestly (You have beautiful eyes) and went with that. I found it ironic that she's willing to lie for $1,000,000 to her entire family, but searched for an nice, honest thing to say to the actor hired to make her life miserable.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I found it ironic that she's willing to lie for $1,000,000 to her entire family, but searched for an nice, honest thing to say to the actor hired to make her life miserable.

Wow! That's a profound point I missed.

I never lie, I do believe. But I easily told a white lie to my girlfriend yesterday. She had had streaks put in her hair and I said they looked great, although I couldn't really see them until she pointed them out to me!

My other big white lies concern how people performed in school, church etc. plays and concerts. I learned from experience that you can crush someone's ego by being too honest. Live and learn. And, I learned to find something nice to say.

Those haircut "white lies" should really be part of the school curriculum as they can save a relationship and hurt feelings.

 

[philaround]

As my dear departed grandmother used to say
"If you tell a lie you have to remember that lie for your whole life. If you tell the truth you'll have no problem remembering.