Whine, vent, advice? I don't know...

[mamatojon]

So this coming Wednesday is my 33rd birthday. I hate my birthdays, and not because I'm getting a year older really - I just hate all the hoopla. My family really overdoes the birthday thing. Usually I can get out of them by having other plans with dh, but this year he is away on a business trip and so I really don't have an out. My grandma will want to make me a cake, my mom will want to take me out to dinner... which is all very sweet and I feel like a total heel for even being grouchy about it at all.

The thing is though, I am very overweight. I have probably 50 pounds to lose, and that would even put me over the ideal mark but at least I'd be at a size 12 or 14 there. I'd be okay with that. It seems like every time I try to lose weight, my family sabotages my efforts. I'm going to call my grandma today and tell her that I'd prefer that she not make a cake for me, I know she will totally guilt trip me. When I tell her that I am trying to get healthy and lose weight she contradicts me and then gives me the cold shoulder. I used to go over to her house once or twice a week, but I have really cut back my visits because every time I go over there she has made lunch (even if I have already eaten) or wants me to try something, a lot of times she will have my grandpa get something at the store that she knows I like and when I refuse it she will say "well, he only picked it up especially for you since we know you love it."

I can be more open with my mom and tell her that we can go out to dinner but just keep to restaurants that aren't that bad for me (maybe Applebees, I think they have some weight watchers stuff) - but she will inevitibly get me a starbucks card or some godiva chocolates or something else as a present. It just seems like everytime I turn around somebody is pushing food at me.

Obviously my weight is my own issue and I take full responsibility for it, it isn't like I got to where I am today because of birthday parties alone. I just wish I had an inkling of support and understanding from these people that supposedly love me the most.

 

[disykat]

That's too bad. I think you'll probably have to eat some of Grandma's cake. Make it a goal to take a few bites and leave some on the plate. Hopefully your mom will take you up on the Applesbee's suggestion.

Although I'd let her make the birthday cake, I'd be firm with grandma at other times and tell her you've already eaten and that next time she needs to let you know she's cooking so you can leave room. If weight control isn't an exceptable excuse in her book, tell her you are having "digestion issues". (I've never met an older person who wouldn't get that excuse - LOL!)

Good luck! We all used to joke about my grandma clucking about how much weight we'd all gained and then pushing food at us. She just couldn't seem to help herself - either with the snarky weight remarks or with the food pushing.

 

[Acklander]

I'd say go for the birthday cake and then treat yourself to a nice long birthday walk. That way no ones feelings get hurt.

 

[Beth76]

Too bad for grandma. Yeah it's nice that she wants to bake you a cake but she's a grown woman and can handle being told "no thank you". If she insists on making one for you anyway, be strong and don't eat it, if you really don't want to. Happy Birthday! And it's ok to indulge every now and then. But if you really don't then you shouldn't.

 

[Disneyland1084]

I'm overweight too so I know how you feel. The thing to do would be to just cut back on portions. If you go out to eat you can make a smart choice for a meal. If you're given chocolate as a gift, why not have your DH take it to work and share with his co-workers?

 

[disneymama73]

One piece of cake and one dinner is not going to sabotage your weight loss efforts.

Your family loves you. You're a mom, right? Put yourself in their shoes. They want to celebrate the day you were born.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

One piece of cake and one dinner is not going to sabotage your weight loss efforts.

I agree. Look at your birthday in those terms. And, enjoy a birthday walk even if it's the next day. Cut back on your calories the day before so you can indulge slightly.

 

[mamatojon]

One piece of cake and one dinner is not going to sabotage your weight loss efforts.

Your family loves you. You're a mom, right? Put yourself in their shoes. They want to celebrate the day you were born.

I know. It isn't really one piece of cake though. It is one piece of cake then "take the rest home with you" - when I say no thank you Grandma, it is "it's for the kids! They'll want it later, right kids?" So then I take it home and end up binging on it.

I know, that isn't her fault. It is my responsiblility and believe me I own up to it! This is just the way my grandma is though, with every sort of bad behavior. When my aunt was diagnosed with lung cancer and tried to quit smoking they went on the reservation and bought her a whole bunch of cartons "it was too good a price to pass up!" my other aunt has a drinking problem (she's been sober almost 10 years now, but it almost killed her), and my grandma constantly drinks wine around her. I think my birthday is just a convenient time for me to reflect on something that goes on all year long, the disfunction of my family. My sister weighs almost 400lbs, she made her two cakes last year, and had her take both home with her. My sister is single with no kids! I just don't understand why she can't be more supportive and feels like she needs to feed all of our bad habits/addictions.

Blech. I guess it is more complicated than I can get through on a message board - I think this is just mainly a big fat whine. Ultimately, this is my body and I need to take responsibility for my weight and just deal with whatever consequences those may be. My mom said, "take the cake and throw it in the trash before you even get to the car" - I think she gets it. She promised to get me nothing edible for a gift, LOL. She said "I'm breaking the cycle!" LOL.

 

[mamatojon]

Thanks everyone for "listening", the encouragment and understanding. This week has just been really stinky, I think I'm hormonal, and on top of it my jeans don't fit me this morning - no one to talk to with dh gone and all of my real life friends seem to have plans this weekend. Pity party for one.

Anyway, thanks for letting me whine.

 

[DisneyPRPrincess]

So this coming Wednesday is my 33rd birthday. I hate my birthdays, and not because I'm getting a year older really - I just hate all the hoopla. My family really overdoes the birthday thing. Usually I can get out of them by having other plans with dh, but this year he is away on a business trip and so I really don't have an out. My grandma will want to make me a cake, my mom will want to take me out to dinner... which is all very sweet and I feel like a total heel for even being grouchy about it at all.

The thing is though, I am very overweight. I have probably 50 pounds to lose, and that would even put me over the ideal mark but at least I'd be at a size 12 or 14 there. I'd be okay with that. It seems like every time I try to lose weight, my family sabotages my efforts. I'm going to call my grandma today and tell her that I'd prefer that she not make a cake for me, I know she will totally guilt trip me. When I tell her that I am trying to get healthy and lose weight she contradicts me and then gives me the cold shoulder. I used to go over to her house once or twice a week, but I have really cut back my visits because every time I go over there she has made lunch (even if I have already eaten) or wants me to try something, a lot of times she will have my grandpa get something at the store that she knows I like and when I refuse it she will say "well, he only picked it up especially for you since we know you love it."

I can be more open with my mom and tell her that we can go out to dinner but just keep to restaurants that aren't that bad for me (maybe Applebees, I think they have some weight watchers stuff) - but she will inevitibly get me a starbucks card or some godiva chocolates or something else as a present. It just seems like everytime I turn around somebody is pushing food at me.

Obviously my weight is my own issue and I take full responsibility for it, it isn't like I got to where I am today because of birthday parties alone. I just wish I had an inkling of support and understanding from these people that supposedly love me the most.

They mean well, after all you have graced the planet for another year! My suggestion would be to tell grandma if she doesn't mind making a sugar free jello cake or an angel food cake this year instead of a sinfully fattening cake.

Since Applebees is a great option I would suggest that as a restuarant to go out to. Also tell mom that in leiu of chocolate or starbucks card, you would rather she save her money. You know she loves you and although chocolate and starbucks are a great treat now and then, you would prefer to not have the temptation there.

Happy Birthday and good luck with your weight loss!

 

[L107ANGEL]

This is a very stressfull time for most!!! Including you! Just do what you need to do and don't stress

 

[tw1nsmom]

Could you invite Grandma to Applebees for your celebration? Tell her you've been dying to try one of their desserts and that's what you want for your birthday. Then you can order the Weight Watcher's cake and stay on plan. Just make sure the Applebees you go to offers that item on their menu. Menu's do vary by location.

I do know what you're going through. My grandmother can be that way too. It's partly done through a desire to win/keep your love, partly through denial that any of the people she loves could be anything less than perfect (in her mind, if you don't have a weight problem, why do you need to watch what you eat?), and partly through a need to keep people dependant on her by enabling their addictions.

Good luck. Remember, you can't change other people, you can only change how you react to them.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

After reading your second post, I think I understand a little more. Sounds like something more is going on other than the simple birthday celebration. Seems like they do want to sabotage your efforts. I don't understand it, but you know them and if you feel that it's something deeper, it probably is. I can't offer much advice, but I'm sorry that you're going through this. This should be a happy time (yeah, I know, getting older isn't fun, but the alternative really stinks ). I know, why don't you tell them your favorite cake, but make it a type that you really hate--that way when you bring it home you won't eat it. My DH bought me a cake for my birthday last week and it was really pretty bad. That was good and bad--at least I wasn't tempted to eat much of it. Sorry that you don't have the family support that you wish you had. Does your husband support your efforts?