which sounds better--all you grammar people

[simba928]

Which of these sounds the best?

It was revealed during this argument the rivalry between the two.

-----or----

During this argument, the rivalry between the two was revealed.

-----or----

The rivalry between the two was revealed during the argument.

----or----

something else

TIA!

ETA: forgot to clarify that this really isn't a writing piece. It is a script for a project that we have to do. We have to pretend we are lawyers and prove that the character either intentially harmed another character or it was a complete accident. This script will be used tomorrow when two other people in my group act as lawyers and present our argument to the class

 

[Beth76]

The rivalry between the two was revealed during the argument.

But, I'm not grammar expert, by any means.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

id say the second one,,but im not an expert!

 

[Disneyrsh]

THe third one. It's the only one in which you did not use 'this argument', but rather, 'the argument'.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

The first one sounds awful. "It was revealed during this argument the rivalry between the two.".....sounds like something else should be added..."was fierce" for example. I like the second one.
BTW I teach English.
Robin M.

 

[simba928]

I guess I probably should have put the sentence before and after. LOL. I think I meant to put this argument for the third one, too.

Ok, here it is:

Only moments before Finny was jounced off the tree, the boys had gotten into an argument. Gene needed to study for a test. Finny wanted to hold a meeting of their Super Secret Suicide Society of the Summer Session. It was revealed during this argument the rivalry between the two. Gene had his grades and Finny had his athletics.

 

[bicker]

In reality, all three are imperfect, since except in creative writing, use of the passive voice is discouraged. I'd recommend: "During this argument, Peter and Paul revealed that they were rivals."

 

[simba928]

Wow, I just realized how terrible the first one is. LOL. I've read it like a million times and didn't realize that it was horrible until just now. lol

 

[disneynutt1225]

I definitely think the third sounds the best. Are you reading A Separate Peace? I loved that book!!! (And frankly I'm amazed I can remember the title since I haven't read it in probably 15 years!!).

 

[simba928]

I definitely think the third sounds the best. Are you reading A Separate Peace? I loved that book!!! (And frankly I'm amazed I can remember the title since I haven't read it in probably 15 years!!).

Yeah, I'm not so sure what I think of it so far. I really hate this project, though. LOL.

 

[LuvTigger]

I'm no expert either, but my job does require a lot of writing.

I agree that the first was is NOT preferable. I kind of prefer the third, but I wouldn't mess with the opinion of an English teacher!

I think I might consider changing the word "this" in the second one or "the" in the third one to "their".

 

[LuvTigger]

In reality, all three are imperfect, since except in creative writing, use of the passive voice is discouraged. I'd recommend: "During this argument, Peter and Paul revealed that they were rivals."

I just read the OP's ETA that says it's a script for a mock presentation and they are supposed to be lawyers. I agree with the poster I quoted above. Since I do a lot of writing for work, I was also taught that the active voice is usually preferred, and comes across much stronger than passive. I would think that if you're a lawyer presenting an argument, that you want your language to be very strong and that the active voice would help you do that effectively.

Also, in your previous post where you show more of the script, I would change "had gotten into an argument" to "got into an argument".

I think what you wrote sounds good if it was a writing assignment, but if you're presenting an oral argument, you need to practice it and see if it's strong enough.

 

[mom2boys]

My 1st choice:
During this argument, the rivalry between the two was revealed.

My 2nd choice:
The rivalry between the two was revealed during the argument.


I think the first stress the fact that there was an argument which revealed the rivalry.

The first choice does not clearly deliver your message - at least not to me.

 

[Disney Doll]

The third one sounds best. The first tqwo are "passive" the third one is "active" and active is usually better in writing.

 

[bicker]

Actually all three are passive. Active voice requires the subject to be the agent or actor of the verb. The key is the phrase, "was revealed" -- that's what makes all three passive voice. Rephrase without the word "was" and you'd have active voice.