When your teenager doesn't want to go on vacation with you anymore...

[sunsprinkle24]

We are planning a small vacation to Gatlinburg for the Fourth of July weekend. Can't go on a longer trip this year because Dh just started a new job and doesn't have any vacation time, so we thought we would take advantage of a long holiday weekend. I thought the Fourth would be a better time to go than Memorial Day - I know it would be more crowded, but we never do anything for the Fourth so I thought this would be a nice change.

DS15 doesn't want to go....he wants to stay home and run around with his friends...he asked if I would let him stay home alone.. yeah right! I know when they get around this age they would rather have friends along than spend time with their brothers and sisters. He hasn't asked yet but I might consider taking a friend along, but I would rather not. I have 3 other children, DS13, DS9 and DD3. So it's not like he's an only child with no one to do things with.

It really hurt my feelings that apparantly we aren't "fun" anymore. I just wish he was as enthusiastic about going as the others are.

Has anyone else been through this and what did you do - make them go, bring a friend, etc? There is no family he could stay with, and I wouldn't want to do that anyway....I just really want him to go with us!

I think he would have a good time once we got there, (well, I hope so....lately he acts like we are the most un-cool people on Earth) and we are actually heading for home on the 4th, its about a 5 hour drive so we would be home in time for him to go the local park and hang out with his friends and see fireworks, which is what he wants to do.

 

[holycow]

He has plenty of time to hang out with his friends and Dad is starting a new job and will be involved with that...I would let him know that he will be attending the family vacation and that's that.

You know once he gets there he'll have a good time!

Holycow

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I would make him go with no friend. My siblings and I seemed to bond on vacation "against" Mom and Dad.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Yikes! I'd never say no to a vacation.

 

[Planogirl]

Only you know for sure. Some teens stay difficult or surly and affect everyone else's fun. I don't think that this is unusual, some kids just rebel like this.

Is there a relative that he could stay with? I know that you'd miss him but it might be worth it this once. He might also discover that he would have liked to have been there!

Just some thoughts. Good luck!

 

[PooohBear]

My DS (16) doesn't want to come with us on vacations either, so I feel your pain ! BUT we did get him to go with us this past summer, and let me tell you.... he was miserable most of the time, he tried to have a good time, but most of the time he just wanted to be home with his friends.... my advice to you.... bring a friend with him !!!!! ( if he has nobody to stay with while you're gone ).... if you take him WITHOUT a friend, he will spoil your fun and your other childrens fun, if they don't want to be somewhere.....i've learned the hard way that their "attitude" will spoil it for everyone else.... and really my DS is a great kid, he just doesn't enjoy "family" vacations anymore.... good luck with your decision !!!

 

[grinningghost]

Flame away, but I'd let him stay home (with proper supervision of course - maybe a grandparent?)

My own DD turned down a trip to Disneyland recently. (Yes, she REALLY is my biological child, though I don't know how) I decided that it was time for DH and I to have a nice vacation and if we were to make her come along, she would probably be miserable and that would only make US miserable.

So, now she's staying here with Grandma and we're on our way to California in 29 days.

 

[Kae]

Don't let it hurt your feelings. My cousin who is 15 is mad that her parents want to go to Naples for spring break, & they told her she could take 1 friend & she does not want to go. I do not ever remember being asked, I just went.

It is just crazy, I'll go. There is so much stuff to do in Gatlinburg, I think he would have a great time.

Kae

 

[Sandy V.]

What Holycow said.

We've been fortunate thus far in that our 17 year old DD and 14 year old DS still like going on vacations with us. I'm not looking forward to the day when they don't want to.

I might be in the minority, but I prefer family vacations to be JUST that . . . family. I'm not "big" on bringing kids' friends along. I realize that there are valid reasons for doing so, though, so I'm not putting anyone down who does this.

I also wouldn't let my teenager's "attitude" ruin the vacation for anyone, even if he feels "forced" to go. That would last about 2 seconds on our trip before my husband would make it known to the offender that an attitude adjustment was gonna happen immediately!

Good Luck!

 

[Chicago526]

Ya know, as much as I love my grandma, having to stay with her while my family went on vacation would have been WORSE than just going along. She's a wonderful woman, but very boring!

Maybe if you give your teen an alternative to going that is WORSE than the trip itself, they'll then be more enthusiastic about going.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

My DS is 14 and I feel your pain! We're fortunate to have my parents living very close (next door). So we have let him stay home by himself at times. My mom makes sure that he comes to their house for dinner and keeps an eye on things. It has been a little disappointing that he'd rather go duck hunting with his hunting partner (an adult) than go on a weekend trip with the family.

If I didn't have someone close to keep an eye on things I'd make him go with us. But I know he'd have a good time if he went.

My older brother ruined staying home alone for the whole family. When he was 18 we were in the process of moving and my dad let him stay at home by himself for the weekend. He proceeded to have the biggest party in La Canada history - they had cars PARKED on Angels Crest highway! I always have that in mind when my son wants to stay home alone!

 

[Nickunited]

I think its normal for a kid that age not to want to go away with their parents anymore. Its "UNCOOL"

Dont let it get to you - I was the same way when I was that age. Now, I am 25 and every year my brother and I plan a little trip and include our parents. Last year it was the Grand Canyon for a couple of days and this year its Mt Rushmore.

Its a stage - they will grow out of it and in time not be ashamed to be with their parents anymore! Although - I am not a parent - I am just speaking from when I went through that stage!

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I'm not a teen, but I'll go with you!!!



When I was a teen I actually liked going away with my parents. I was weird.

 

[poohandwendy]

If it were my son, he would be going. It is the natural course of events that you are no longer 'fun' to a teenager. If you focus on that part of it you will likely end up trying to appease him, not a good pattern to start IMO. Family isn't about one person. If he asks in a respectful manner, sure I would let him bring a friend (if that were feasible)

You are not asking him to give up his summer, it is just a few days and he will be back in time to hang with his friends for the fireworks.

 

[SPAM]

as a teenager i know what thats like. its not that its "uncool" i dont care about being seen with them. its jsut not fun for me. this summer i HAVE to go on a 2 week family vacation. 1 week with my extended family. 1 week with just my family. i hate the beach im not a beach person. plus it will be the summer before college and i wanted to get a job and work a bunch. i have a mission trip for a week, then its immediate 2 week vacation. i dont know what kind of job i can get where i can get off the whole month of july, especially when its only a summer job. i really do not wish to go, but i dont have a choice.

 

[KarenC]

My DS (16) doesn't want to come with us on vacations either, so I feel your pain ! BUT we did get him to go with us this past summer, and let me tell you.... he was miserable most of the time, he tried to have a good time, but most of the time he just wanted to be home with his friends.... my advice to you.... bring a friend with him !!!!! ( if he has nobody to stay with while you're gone ).... if you take him WITHOUT a friend, he will spoil your fun and your other childrens fun, if they don't want to be somewhere.....i've learned the hard way that their "attitude" will spoil it for everyone else.... and really my DS is a great kid, he just doesn't enjoy "family" vacations anymore.... good luck with your decision !!!

I really agree with this. We spent a week in Maine last summer and my son made us miserable. He really wanted to be home with his friends. And we didn't go over a holiday weekend. The 4th is a really big deal for my son. To make matters worse, cell phone service was poor where we stayed. Basically we decided that was our last family vacation.

We have let him stay home alone when we're gone for just a couple days. We make sure his friends' parents know we're going to be away. We alert our neighbors too. He knows this. So far he hasn't given me a reason to worry. And there's a benefit to us--he can take care of the dogs!

 

[Dopey Sharon]

I also wouldn't let my teenager's "attitude" ruin the vacation for anyone, even if he feels "forced" to go. That would last about 2 seconds on our trip before my husband would make it known to the offender that an attitude adjustment was gonna happen immediately!

Good Luck!

Easier said than done! We always went on at least one vacation a year, since our kids were small. The year they turned 18 & 16, we went to WDW. Well, my 16 y/o son didn't want to go, but we made him go...it was our family vacation, after all! Big mistake, on our part. He made the trip miserable for all of us and I vowed to NEVER go away with him again.

I have a question for you. Just how would your husband have handled it? How would he have MADE my son have a good time and be happy?

We have since, gone away, to WDW, as a matter of fact, this past June, and we had a good time. They are now almost 24 & 22, and this was the first time we all went away since that trip six years ago.

We are planning on going to WDW this December, but he's not going with us. Our DD is bringing her boyfriend.

My advice to the OP is, if he really doesn't want to go, I wouldn't make him. If you have no family he can stay with, do you have any close friends that would let him stay with them?

 

[Planogirl]

I agree. You can't MAKE a rebellious teenager behave a certain way. Sure you can force him to go but an "attitude adjustment" isn't going to keep him from being moody if he chooses to be so.

The nice thing is that these things normally don't last that long. He'll be back to normal again someday.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

I am going through this right now. DS 17 says he doesnt want to go, even though his 2 brothers are going too. I said, sorry you have to come, relatives arent an option as most of them are deceased. I said when you are 18, then you can legally stay home by yourself. I plan on giving him alot of independence on the trip so hopefully that will be less of a headache for us, but I do have alot of family time scheduled and they can go off on their own too, they usually close down disney quest. I was seriously thinking of him having a friend along if I really had too.

 

[sue1013]

If you can arrange supervision for him let him stay home. Remember they are trying to move towards independence from us. That is normal! DD went through not wanting to go on family vacations for a few years. Now that she is married she's asking us to go. We're going away Easter week with her and her DH. DS who is 18 is not going since he's in that stage right now. Its all part of them growing up.