When your parents shock you

[dawson5]

My mother shocks (and shocked) me in so many other ways. This is a good one.

I have to ask, you really thought she would have given you a hard time for choosing to stay home with your child?

Enjoy the little one when she comes. I love them when they are little, then they learn to speak and it's all downhill

 

[Carly_Roach]

Yesterday I had a very serious conversation with my mother about me most likely not returning to work after my husband and I have our first child. Her opinion really wouldn’t make a difference regarding my decision; I just wanted her to be aware. I was also asking if she would be able to stay with us for two weeks in August, because I will return to work, but then give my notice.
I had prepared myself to hear her telling me that we were wrong, and for lots of her opinions. Her reaction went something like this..

“Oh, that makes sense. Just let me know when you want me to be there. Can I bring Snickers (her dog)? Do you want to go to Disney World the first week of December now if you don’t go back to work?”

That was the exact opposite of what I envisioned her response being.

In light of the other opinions you got here that made you feel as though stones were being thrown at you, it could be that your mother's opinion shocked you because she may have shared the feeling that others here expressed about knowing full well you weren't going to continue working but decided to string your employer along for six months anyway, only she didn't express it like we did.

Has a parent ever shocked me like that? Yep. Typically when they realize that no amount of arguing was ever going to change my mind and they didn't feel up to an argument. Do I shock others like that? Yep, all the time for the same reasons: I know what they're doing is unethical, but I personally don't feel like arguing about it because I know nothing I say will change a gosh dang thing.

 

[Philagoofy]

Congratulations on the upcoming birth of your little girl. Brynn Ellen is a beautiful name. Best wishes to you!

 

[Abbie]

In light of the other opinions you got here that made you feel as though stones were being thrown at you, it could be that your mother's opinion shocked you because she may have shared the feeling that others here expressed about knowing full well you weren't going to continue working but decided to string your employer along for six months anyway, only she didn't express it like we did.

Wow. What a huge, monumental, gigantic, massive, leap.

OP, congrats on your new upcoming little one. So glad you didn't have to "do battle" with mom!

 

[WDWorBUST]

Wow.. What kind responses I got for posting something personal.... A few things that weren't discussed in my original post because I didn't think I would need to defend myself.....

My current position in my company is going to be eliminated at some point this year, most likely by September... I would be given one months notice to hire someone to replace me in a junior level executive position and then train them to do my job. My position would then be eliminated. I ended up going out on leave three weeks ago (2 months prior to my due date) due to medical reasons brought on by the stress of my job. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday where my doctor told me that she really thought my job was slowly killing me during my pregnancy.

I have been an incredibly hard working, dedicated worker for this company for over 10 years. I was trying to share a light hearted conversation between my mother and I, I wasn't looking for anyone to throw stones at me... What a shocker!

Considering your current situation you might contact your short-term disability company to ask if your benefit would continue if your employment were to end. I know ours does continue even if employment ends and if yours does you can go ahead and let your company know you won't be returning to work and still collect your STD benefit. I totally understand where you are coming from, especially with your job being eliminated anyway, but I also know you struggled with this decision and how to go about doing it yourself....if this is the case then you can make the decision known now and have that weight lifted off your shoulders.

 

[LaurenLC]

In light of the other opinions you got here that made you feel as though stones were being thrown at you, it could be that your mother's opinion shocked you because she may have shared the feeling that others here expressed about knowing full well you weren't going to continue working but decided to string your employer along for six months anyway, only she didn't express it like we did.

Has a parent ever shocked me like that? Yep. Typically when they realize that no amount of arguing was ever going to change my mind and they didn't feel up to an argument. Do I shock others like that? Yep, all the time for the same reasons: I know what they're doing is unethical, but I personally don't feel like arguing about it because I know nothing I say will change a gosh dang thing.

No worries….. I wouldn't want you to have to come down off your high horse for me.

I'm not unsubscribing from my own thread because of the rude comments.

 

[VAN]

I'd been working for over ten years when I started my family. My mother said, "I just have to get this off my chest - I think mother's should stay at home with their children."

I really had to laugh (to myself, not to Mom) because she saw herself as a stay-at-home mom. In reality, she gave birth to 14 children (about 1 per year) + worked on the family farm from before dawn to dusk. When we were small she was out milking cows with us in the house by ourselves, doing the garden, canning, freezing, laundry, meals, bookwork, helping in the fields, etc.

She did not see herself as a working mother because her "work" was a family business! It has only been since the 1950's that women have been SAHM with nothing to do but run the house and focus on the children. Most mothers before then worked at the family business and/or took in chores to supplement the family income.

My Mom really was a superwoman ... we lost her about 2 months ago. She was my inspiration. Luv you Mom!

 

[jodifla]

I know that every employer who I worked for that has had this done to them has felt they were taken advantage of. They have felt that the women in question have stayed on the payroll through there leave to continue collecting benefits and, and never had any intention of coming back. It happened quite often at the one company I worked for that had a paid maternity leave policy. They paid you your full salary as long as the doctor deemed it medically necessay, usually 8 weeks. Lots of women would collect the salary through their leave, come back and give thier two weeks. They changed the policy becuase of it. When I left you had to work for 6 months following the leave to be eligible for the benefit, otherwise they would dock your last check and go after you for the rest.

My company started something similar. You couldn't just come back and give your notice. You had to stay X amount of time, or pay everything back.

Sorry OP, but women who do this make it difficult for EVERY woman of child-bearing age to get a job. And once the word is out that you are the kind of person that does this, it will be very hard to get rehired someplace.



I

 

[paintnolish]

Congrats and enjoy your WDW trip! Did you go often with your mom when you were I child? I did and going with my mom and my children on the same trip brings back wonderful memories! I teared up while riding Dumbo with ds- I could see my mom down below holding dd!

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Yesterday I had a very serious conversation with my mother about me most likely not returning to work after my husband and I have our first child. Her opinion really wouldn’t make a difference regarding my decision; I just wanted her to be aware. I was also asking if she would be able to stay with us for two weeks in August, because I will return to work, but then give my notice.
I had prepared myself to hear her telling me that we were wrong, and for lots of her opinions. Her reaction went something like this..

“Oh, that makes sense. Just let me know when you want me to be there. Can I bring Snickers (her dog)? Do you want to go to Disney World the first week of December now if you don’t go back to work?”

That was the exact opposite of what I envisioned her response being.

That's awesome!

 

[dispor]

OP, I'm glad your mother is supportive regarding your decision.

As for the giving notice... We all know how quickly things can change. You are wise to make sure everything is okay before deciding 100% that you are quitting your job. What if your husband loses his job two days after the baby is born (I hope not!). You may very well need to go back to work and have him stay home with the baby for a while. You are smart to not make the final decision until you absolutely have to.

 

[princessmom29]

The company did no such thing, the insurance company that carried their short term disability paid their salary while on leave. While they are within their rights to do so, their policy could be seen as being discriminatory.

It was NOT insurance funded. I didn't carry the company insurance and still got the benefit. THEY chose to continue to pay us and did it for any short term disability up to 12 weeks without question. After 12 weeksd there was a hearing before the board of directors to determine wether to continue to pay. They almost always did. This was a company that took care of it's employees. It's too bad that people had to start taknig advantage of that fact.

I wouldn't feel guilty at all if I got pregnant, went on maternity leave, collected benefits, and then decided that I just couldn't leave my baby, and THEN gave my two-weeks.

It seems a little shady to know full well that you are going to do that, and make your other employees cover for you while you are gone for months, and then say, "I quit!" Let them hire someone NOW.

Exactly. You know you are not coming back, then tell them. Don't milk it for every dime and then leave them up a creek. Admittedly the op'ssituation is a little different as her position is being done away with anyway, but in normal circumstances it is vey shady.

 

[princessmom29]

I guess I'm not really surprised, but rather disappointed... I think it's pretty sad that people feel the need to pick on people via a website... Makes you wonder what they're like to people in 'real life'.

I don't think anyone is picking on you. I would tell a real life friend exactly what I told you, and in fact I have. A good friend lets you know when you are doing something that is not right, and based on your original post that is waht you appeared to be doing. With new information it would seem that you were going to be leaving soon anyway. Sorry, but I call a spade a spade and my friends value that. They apperciate being told "hey you might want to take a good, long, hard look at what you are doing here."

 

[Colleen27]

Wow, can I borrow your mom? Mine tried everything she could think of to talk me out of becoming a SAHM, and I'm still hearing it about DH's decision to go out on his own so he can work fewer hours and spend more time with the kids!

 

[tzolkin]

I did this with my job after the birth if my second child. I honestly hadn't made my mind up. I didn't go back in, just contacted my boss when I was sure of my decision. They obviously had no problem because they contacted me three years later when a position came open to offer it to me first if I wanted to go back to work. I think it depends on your relationship with your employer.

My boss told me to wait until two weeks before I was supposed to come back to give my two weeks notice. She told me to take the few weeks to make my decision. The person who I trained to fill in for me during my leave was told that she would be offered the position if I did not return. I was actually kept on as an employee and worked part-time on a few projects during the first year after I "quit". I have also been offered several positions over the past 6 years if I was interested in returning to work.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'll go back to the shocking parental reactions....

Last year I had a TIA (ministroke). I ended up having to go to Mt. Sinai in NYC because my local cardiologist thought I might have a rare congenital defect. I had already had one congenital defect repaired as a child.

Anyhow, I have this mother who worries about everything. Evereything is drama/trauma. This has seemd to happen as she has gotten older. There is much she does not get told because she'll just worry herself sick. While I was bing worked up locally for the heart issue, I said not a word to her. But when I had to go to Mt.Sinai, I thought I better sa something since it sould turn into "something". So I go over to the parents' house with my story all prepared and sort of a watered-down version of what had happened...tell them I had a dizzy spell, had some cradiac testing done, they think I might have another congenital defect so I have to go to a NYC specialist for follow up.

I am expecting my mother to freak, faint, gasp, carry on etc. She looks at me and says "Well, let's see how that goes". And that was it.

As it turned out, I had no major issue and just need to take a baby aspirin. Yay!

 

[aprilgail2]

I was out of work for 2 1/2 months for a knee surgery....right before I was due to go back to work a job that I had put in a resume to called me up and hired me- I didn't even go back to work for 2 weeks- I just called them up and said that I was not coming back because I had gotten another job offer- I never had an issue with future employers because I didn't go back and give 2 weeks notice to that other employer before leaving! Don't sweat it, it won't be an issue!
The company I work for now will not give a bad referance to ANY employer that calls for a referance for an employee that used to work there-to many lawsuits brought on by giving bad referances so they say its easier to just say "oh they were a fine employee" rather than say anything bad- even if they were a HORRIBLE employee!

 

[barkley]

I was out of work for 2 1/2 months for a knee surgery....right before I was due to go back to work a job that I had put in a resume to called me up and hired me- I didn't even go back to work for 2 weeks- I just called them up and said that I was not coming back because I had gotten another job offer- I never had an issue with future employers because I didn't go back and give 2 weeks notice to that other employer before leaving! Don't sweat it, it won't be an issue!
The company I work for now will not give a bad referance to ANY employer that calls for a referance for an employee that used to work there-to many lawsuits brought on by giving bad referances so they say its easier to just say "oh they were a fine employee" rather than say anything bad- even if they were a HORRIBLE employee!

our h/r got around the lawsuit issue quite easily by telling a potential employer looking for a reference "we can only verify what a person's final salary was, and if they are eligible to re-hire-then they would provide that information, and 9 times out of 10 if the caller was told the applicanat was'nt eligible to re-hire they would ask what the basis was-h/r would'nt disclose the specific information but would just read the definition out of the handbook (and it basicly said you were not eligible if you were either terminated for cause or violated the terms of your employment contract.

in some lines of work you have to provide a minimum of 10 years of job references, and if that only equates to one employer they may ask you to go back further and provide the previous employer's information.


i had a co-worker who was out on med leave, applied for another job and interviewed for it-when she interviewed she said she was available for immediate employment. the interviewer called her current supervisor and asked if she could give an assessment of her current work quality, supervisor quite honestly said she could'nt b/c she was on a long term med leave and had'nt worked for x number of months. the interviewer disclosed to the supervisor that the employee had said she was immediatly available for employment, and offered to fax the application to her (no issue with shareing the information b/c they were'nt her employer.

upshot-job she hoped to get turned her down and told her she was perm. ineligible for employment due to falsifying her job application as well as lying to them in an interview, current employer investigated and had her terminated for disability fraud.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I guess, in the end, there are people who would (and have) done this sort of thing (going on leave with no intention of coming back and having the company pay for it) and feel that there's nothing wrong with it. Then there are people who would never do this sort of thing and feel that the behavior is unethical.

Neither side is going to convince the other to change their opinions. Each side believes they are right. But each side has to live with the consequences of their beliefs.

In my case, I have to live with people calling me judgmental, which isn't a problem. I live my life based on a set of ethics and values I was raised with. I don't need approval from others to validate my belief in doing the right thing. In the case of women who go on maternity leave without being honest with their employers (or anyone who behaves as if they can be dishonest for whatever reason), they'll have to live with their own choices.

As for the topic of this post (when parents do or say something that shocks you), I stand behind what I posted. OP was expecting an altercation from her mother because she likely knows how her mother feels about a particular situaiton. Altercation didn't happen and OP is shocked. I merely offered a possible explanation based on what I was reading.

It would be better for the OP to focus on those who are telling her it's OK to do what she wants to do instead of trying to get 100% validation for what she's planning to do to her employer.

 

[KAMLEM]

It would be better for the OP to focus on those who are telling her it's OK to do what she wants to do instead of trying to get 100% validation for what she's planning to do to her employer.

I don't believe she is looking for validation from anyone. She was simply commenting about the surprising reaction from her mother, no need to read anything more into it.