When your child sits on the bench (sports related)

[luvmarypoppins]

Does your team have a policy, for example, that all players have to play?

How do you feel if you go to see a game and your child sits on the bench the whole time?

If you bring relatives to the game and your child sits on the bench the whole time, how do you feel?

Does anyone feel its o.k. for the whole team to win etc., even if it means your child sits on the bench etc.

Please keep this civil, I dont want it to turn into something not nice. Just wondering your thoughts.

I gave ds, who has been both the player and now the coach, some advice of my own.

 

[Mkrop]

Is this a recreational league or a competitive league? Do they tell you upfront that all the kids play?

DS11 plays for teams that are recreational and instructional in nature so they do not put kids on the bench, they all play.

Our school has A teams that competitve and kids will sit, and B teams that try to get all the kids in.

 

[NMAmy]

It really depends on the age of the kids. When dd was little and played in a rec league, everyone got a chance to play for part of the game. They're all learning the same skills so it makes sense for everyone to play.

When dd got involved in sports teams in school where she had to try out for the team, then if she sat on the bench, she sat on the bench and I kept my nose out of it. Everyone is part of the team whether they're playing or not. It was up to her to work harder and earn a place on the court or field or whatever sport she was playing at the time. (My kid played a lot of different sports.)

 

[WhereOWhere]

If my child has to sit on the bench, there probably is a reason. Do I want it? No, but it is a sport after all. Of course, depends on their age. If my child was a toddler, I would hope everyone would get to play, but not once they're older.

 

[brockash]

I think it depends on the age. Honestly, I'd say up until high school, I think everyone on the team should have to play for at least a certain amount of times, and the kids that are better can play longer ect. but I think all should play for at least X amount of minutes of a game (give them a chance, let it be somewhat fun so they can figure out if it's something they really like or not.)
Once it gets into high school, I guess I feel that reality can set in. You're going to play depending on how good you are, and since that's the real world, I think high school is a good place to start that.
As far, as how I would feel as a parent. If I knew my child wanted to play, but had to sit on the bench the whole game, I'd feel very bad for my child, and if it was before high school, I'd be pretty angry, but I suppose that's why you should find out the rules beforehand. I personally have a DS, almost 7, and DD 20 months, so it's not really any issue yet. My DS has been playing sports since he was almost 5, but no matter how good or bad a child plays, they still play every game. Obviously some play more than others, but as long as the kids don't really "notice" (which I'm sure on some level many do, but...) I'm okay with it.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Maybe I should clarify, Its competitive and its for 9th grade and up

 

[java]

How old are we talking about? Are these elementary age or high school aged kids?

Rec league EVERYONE plays. They alternate who is sitting on the bench. If my child sat on the bench the whole game I would be upset

Competitive- well it's more the better players play and the others sit on the bench often. Here if my child was sitting on the bench- well that's part of the game.
I do think children need game play to get better. But I understand wanting to win. And I wouldn't be thrilled if my son sat on the bench if I brought relatives- but I wouldn't bring relatives if I thought that was an option.
If he knows in advance someone is going to be benched I would assume alerting them to that fact might be a nice gesture.
ok just saw you say high school
HIGH SCHOOL changes everything. It's competitive and everyone that plays a sport knows that. If you want to play PRACTICE. If you stink you are sitting the bench. I would also not be embarrassed if I brought family and my child sat the bench- unless he was a great player. And really a great player not one only in my mind!

 

[Justanopinion]

some of this depends on age.

Our local youth league has rules.
Baseball, I want to say a child must play at least 2 innings per game.

Basketball, a child must play 4 minutes per period

football, I don't know what the rule is on that but I do know that we have a red team and blue team per age group. red plays first and third questers while blues plays 2nd and 4th. Now if that's broken down further I don't know. I don't think it is but I've never heard of it being a problem either. I know my DS was on the not so good team but he always got some playing time.

Now, when they get to jr. high and high school, totally different. I don't believe there are rules. I know my DS sat on the bench a lot. I supported him no matter what, I loved him no matter what. And I warned relatives ahead of time that he doesn't get a lot of playing time.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

My DS9 plays on a YMCA team. If it weren't policy that all kids play, he would be on the bench the whole game. Of course, if that were they type of team, I wouldn't sign him up in the first place. He just wants to play. I think that it's fine for a kid to sit out if they are on a competitive team, and fine for the rec teams to let all kids play.

How do kids ever get to play if they don't have a chance to get out there and show what they've got..even on a competitive team? Practice doesn't show everything they can do. I would feel bad for a kid to not get to play at all.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Up to age 7, I think they should all get to play. After that, the kids who are good play and the ones who aren't sit on the bench.

If it were my kid, I'd encourage them to try something else. Not everyone is good at everything. "If you aren't good at baseball, you aren't. It's not a big deal. There is something else you will be good at. I promise." That sort of thing.

That's assuming the kid was taught correctly. If they'd been taught only by people who encouraged them when they did poorly and not by people who said, "No, you're doing it wrong. Do it like this." and practiced with them...I'd try a good coach and practice first.

But if they've been taught well and practiced and still sucked, I'd push them elsewhere.

This isn't hypothetical. I have a kid who wanted to play and just sucked. He's found other stuff and he still likes sports. It's a little tough for the kid (and tougher, in our case, for the dad, lol), but it is a lesson they have to learn eventually. And it wasn't the end of the world.

 

[mjkacmom]

Rec sports - everyone plays. Travel - ability. Ds10 is one of the weaker players on his travel bball team, and he plays maybe 2 innings - I have no problem. He learns a lot more being the weakest member of the team, and he plays at practices.

 

[Anewman]

Some leagues are "pay to play", so if it costs money the rules usually mandate a minimum must play requirement for every kid.

Those are usually your Little leagues and pop warner type stuff.

In more competitive environments such as high school and travel/tournament type teams, it is best man for himself.

 

[fun4me]

IMO if I am paying fees to have my children in a sport I expect them to get some play time. We choose leagues that require each player to have x amount of time on the field. IMO they are there to learn and how can they really learn sitting on the bench the entire season.


I do feel that if it is a school sponsored team then I am not upset if they sit on the bench. It would be nice if they got some play time though.

I think the younger they are the more equal the play time should be.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Maybe I should clarify, Its competitive and its for 9th grade and up

Then only the children that give the team the best chance to win would play extensively - but all should get at least some play. Competitive leagues usually have tryouts, so all players are usually good enough to play, but some are always better than others. I have told my boys that if they want to continue to play sports, they need to become more serious about practice. Right or wrong, at some point only the best kids play.

IMO, if there are tryouts and you don't make the team, you know that you need to work harder to get a chance to play next season. However, if you make the team and spend all of your time on the bench, there is usually a reason (aside from ability). Sometime it is the coach (has favorites), but it is usually the player...

 

[castleview]

In a rec league, everyone plays. The point is to learn. DD plays rec soccer and travel. At the first travel practice, we were told up front that every one would play each game, but they wouldn't have equal playing time. I was fine with the situation. If we get to a point where I don't think it's worth it, we'll deal with it then.

I don't know how it is where you live, but our local baseball and softball leagues did get so "travelcentric" that they nearly destroyed their rec league and now the current travel teams are way behind in fundamentals. A good rec league is important and I hope you son isn't sitting on the bench due to poor organization.

 

[LBAK]

I have coached a competitive team in the past and although a lot of coaches disagree with me I feel that if a child makes all the practices and puts the effort into them then he/she should be rewarded with playing time. If I felt he/she was good enough to make the team then I should not have a problem playing them. My starters obviously get more time and subbed less but I do make sure to get everyone in.

 

[Master Mason]

Maybe I should clarify, Its competitive and its for 9th grade and up

In that case no there should not be minimum play time. Competitive leagues and HS sports are not about making the kids feel good, they are about winning games and it is the job of the coach to put the best team out there he can. If your kid is not the best at their spot then the other kid should be playing. If your kid wants to play they need to work hard and become the better option to the coach.

 

[VolleyballQt07]

Maybe I should clarify, Its competitive and its for 9th grade and up

At that age and level, then you should earn your playing time...If you want more playing time, you need to work harder in practice and do what you can outside of practice to get the skills you need.

I made Varsity volleyball this year as a sophomore (very rare at my school only one of 2 underclassmen on the team), I also was one of only 2 to make JV my freshman year and was a starter), because I do what I need to at practice and in the off season to increase my skills (camps, clinics, etc...). Being only a sophomore I didnt get as much time as the older girls, but my coach does know my drive and determination and I know as I get older and better, I'll get my turn!

 

[mjkacmom]

I have coached a competitive team in the past and although a lot of coaches disagree with me I feel that if a child makes all the practices and puts the effort into them then he/she should be rewarded with playing time. If I felt he/she was good enough to make the team then I should not have a problem playing them. My starters obviously get more time and subbed less but I do make sure to get everyone in.

DH coaches ds10's travel soccer team, and his assistant coach feels more like you do. What DH does is, when they're playing a weaker team, he puts in the players who sit the bench more, so they get more playtime. He'd never have a kid sit the bench the whole time, but the better players do get more playtime (ds sits the bench more than 1/2 of the other kids - he's part of a team, that wants to win).

 

[KAMLEM]

Maybe I should clarify, Its competitive and its for 9th grade and up

In that case, not everyone should be guaranteed playing time. That's just how it is with competitive sports. My DD is in the 9th grade and she plays high school soccer and basketball. Right now there are 2 girls on her basketball team that sit on the bench every game. If they are winning or losing by a lot, they get to play the last minute or two of the game. They were told up front this is how it would be. If I were the parent, I wouldn't bring relatives to the game but I would still go to support her.