When to tell the kids?

[la79al]

Okay, we were planning to tell the kids about our Disney trip in 2 weeks, partially for DSDs birthday (not that the trip is for her birthday, just to tell them then). I have a set of stacking boxes and princess/Tink stuff to put in each of the boxes. In one of the boxes I was going to put a puzzle that says We are going to Disney World. The trip is the last week of June. DH now wants to wait to tell the kids because we are in the middle of a custody trial. Our trial date is the end of May. I have proof that the trip was booked long before we started the custody stuff, he just doesn't want any drama. He understands however that I REALLY want to tell the kids about the trip ahead of time so he said I could do it in 2 weeks as planned. I am wondering though whether it would make a difference whether I tell them May 19 or June 2. The room is booked, transportation decided on, ADRs made based on a loose park schedule. I really can't think of a good reason why the kids need to know sooner other than to just give them more time to be excited. I've managed to keep the secret this long (though you would be surprised how many conversations you can have with kids about next time we go back....) so another 2 weeks probably won't kill me. Any opinions?

 

[SINYMom]

Based on my own experience, I would wait. My boys are now 14,10 & 10 (twins, gotta luv them). Years ago, we told them when we were about 1 month out, they asked every day, I thought I would go out of my mind . Last year, we decided not to tell the twins until the day we were leaving. They knew we were going away but they thought we were heading to the Hamptons (beach area in LI, NY). I picked them up early from camp and my older son and I told them as we were leaving camp, at first they didn't believe us, then they couldn't stop jumping up and down. It was a great reaction, everyone in camp caught their excitement

We'll be heading down again same time this year, but they already know and have begun the countdown.

So, while they didn't have much time to be excited, I also was not driven crazy by two little boys who can't wait for the magical day to get here.

Good luck in whatever your decision is, but more importantly, good luck in your custody issue.

 

[TheDizMom]

We have always told our kids in advance and it has been fun. I know you are going through rough time right now, which your kids are bound to be aware of, so this might be a welcome distraction for them(and you). You could make a countdown chart for them so they can get into the spirit of things and also know how many days they have left to go. You could add that to your surprise when you tell them. My IL's told our kids about our trip on my birthday in September for a trip in April. It was a long way out so then when we were 50 days out they came home to a countdown chart that I hadn't mentioned to them. They had so much fun taking off the next Mickey head every night. We all did it together every night and had our youngest tell us every night how many days til we left. It helped her with her counting and number recognition as an added bonus. One thing is for sure they won't ask every night how much longer because they can see it on the chart. I am definitely a let the excitement build kind of person. So there is my 2 cents.

Best of luck with your custody trial and have a great trip.

 

[letthewookiewin]

I always tell my DS's as soon as we pick the date that we are going. They know that we go every other year, so basically I just tell them the month that we are going.
When we picked the date for our next trip, I told my DS8. I said that's over 500 days away, and I don't think I can wait. He looked at me and said "Mommy you will just have to have patience because Mickey is worth the wait." "But 500 is a long time, I don't think I have that much patience," I said. He informed me that I would just have to learn. This is a little boy that has ADHD, and normally can't wait even 30 minutes for anything.
When we tried this method when they were 5 & 6, they bugged us so much about "when were we going to go", I thought I would go crazy. Now, as long as they have the trip countdown calendar, they don't even ask.

 

[maxtomsmom]

IMO, I would wait to tell them but only because of your custody battle. Normally, we tell and do the countdown thing (very educational in so many ways), but because of this battle you may want to keep the peace between you and your ex. It would be a good distraction, but you may want to plan a vacation in the future that would involve getting his permission (his weekend or something like that). By keeping the peace, it could benefit you later on. Once you go, your kids may really need it to help them through this tough time.

 

[maxtomsmom]

OOPS! I must have misread your original post, I thought you wrote about your ex not your current DH. Sorry about that. If your ex doesn't have an issue, then tell them. Do what you always did in the past when you were planning a trip. It will your kids know that some things remain the same. We always tell our kids when we are going and where we going way ahead of time. I would want to do that no matter what my situation was. They really don't like surprises even really good ones.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Think I would wait to say anything. While I don't have any custody disputes going on, I do have ongoing issues with my ex-husband and it always makes our trip planning a bit touchy (even though I have custody). Seems the more notice he has for our vacations, the more time he has to give me and the kids grief. I know you want the kids to be excited, but I'd probably bite my tongue a bit longer until I knew what the next round in the custody battle is going to bring.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

We are not going untill next August and I think I told them way too soon! Now anytime we get in the car, my DD5 asks "Are we doing Disney today?" Another year and a half of this!!!
And with the custody dispute, I think I would wait. We don't have that problem as we have joint custody of our dd10 with her bio-mom, but when she told her mom we were thinking of going to Disney, her mom said "Doubt it, they are just teasing you. They won't take you, just their "real" kids if they even go". That never even crossed our minds, but I don't want her to get a bad taste of Disney just because of her psycho jealous mom. Anyway, I've told her to just not talk about it to her mom anymore untill we get everything settled for sure. Good luck with your trip!!!

 

[pkjne]

We were going to tell our kids that we were going at the end of July or first part of August we are leaving out on Sept 21st.
But now our plans have changed I think we might hold out until like the day before due to my Mom found out she has cancer and it is small cell rapid growth and I am not sure what is going to happen.
We don't want to make it even sadder for the kids if we tell them and then can't go because Grandma is sick
Am I doing the right thing ?
Also does anyone know anything about small cell rapid growth ?

Thanks so much

I want the truth about it don't worry about feelings I have already read some on it and got some opinions would just like to hear from others also

 

[TheDizMom]

We were going to tell our kids that we were going at the end of July or first part of August we are leaving out on Sept 21st.
But now our plans have changed I think we might hold out until like the day before due to my Mom found out she has cancer and it is small cell rapid growth and I am not sure what is going to happen.
We don't want to make it even sadder for the kids if we tell them and then can't go because Grandma is sick
Am I doing the right thing ?
Also does anyone know anything about small cell rapid growth ?

Thanks so much

I want the truth about it don't worry about feelings I have already read some on it and got some opinions would just like to hear from others also

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry!! I hope she is able to make a full recovery. I can only imagine how hard this is for you. My mother has been ill for years with bad rheumatoid arthritis, a heart condition, and diabetes, but even when things are bad I don't worry, at least right now, if she will be around at the end of the summer. You must be going through hell! We are all here to be supportive .

I definitely think you are doing the right thing. Your situation is a bit tenuous and especially if your children are younger ( I didn't notice if it was on your signature) they won't understand. If ,God forbid, things don't go well it would be so hard to deal with your children's disappointment on top of what is already going on. If things are going well then you will have a great trip to make the last few months melt away for awhile with a happy fun family vacation.

My thoughts and prayers are with you . Right now just concentrate on being there for your mom as much as impossible, and encouraging her during her illness. Also don't forget to ask your husband to help you as much as possible at home so you don't get overwhelmed. When you need him to do something don't hesitate to ask him even if it's only for a hug and a kiss.

 

[pkjne]

Thank you for your support. I went to the doctor today with my Mom and I got to talk to the doctor without my Mother in the room. I asked him about it and he said that if this cancer goes to the liver then it will be like 6-8 months.
He said that most live 16-18 months............I am so sad



Yes my children are young my oldest is 8 years old and then I have a 7 year old and also a 5 year old. They love their Grandma very much



My husband has been wonderful through out all of this........I love him for that.

Just hoping and praying for the best here.

 

[3princesses+aprince]

Thank you for your support. I went to the doctor today with my Mom and I got to talk to the doctor without my Mother in the room. I asked him about it and he said that if this cancer goes to the liver then it will be like 6-8 months.
He said that most live 16-18 months............I am so sad



Yes my children are young my oldest is 8 years old and then I have a 7 year old and also a 5 year old. They love their Grandma very much



My husband has been wonderful through out all of this........I love him for that.

Just hoping and praying for the best here.

I'm so sorry me and my kids are very close to my mom too, I can only imagine what you're going through I wish you and your family the best of luck.

 

[TheDizMom]

Thank you for your support. I went to the doctor today with my Mom and I got to talk to the doctor without my Mother in the room. I asked him about it and he said that if this cancer goes to the liver then it will be like 6-8 months.
He said that most live 16-18 months............I am so sad



Yes my children are young my oldest is 8 years old and then I have a 7 year old and also a 5 year old. They love their Grandma very much



My husband has been wonderful through out all of this........I love him for that.

Just hoping and praying for the best here.

I am so sorry the news isn't any better for you! No matter what happens your mother will know you and your family love her and are there for her. One word of advice for you if you don't mind it. When my DH grandmother died very quickly after a fall my MIL wouldn't let my DS then 7 see her because of how she looked. My son to this day is still upset he didn't get to say goodbye to her, and he is now 10. You are going to want to protect your kids from this, and to a point you should, but don't assume they are to young for everything. The older ones especially can deal with a lot more then you think they can. I am not saying they should be in the room when she's dieing or anything only that they need to have the opportunity to let your mother know how they feel about her , to know how much she loves them and to feel like they have had a chance to say goodbye to her. With any luck they won't need to do this for years to come. Seeing to a point grandma's illness will help them be better able to understand and cope with it. Talk to them and ask them how they feel as her illness progresses and let them make some of the decisions for themselves about what they do and don't want to see. My son at 7 was able to write a letter about his GG and read it at her funeral. It was something he really wanted to do so we let him. It helped him say one last goodbye. My point is that even at 7 and 8 they understand and can deal with a lot more then we give them credit.

Again my continued support and prayers go out to you and your family.