When To Get Married....

[VelvetGloves]

Good afternoon! Just wondered what anyone and everyones opinion was regarding when to get married. I've been debating on whether I should finish college before getting married or if I should get married early next year. I've been engaged for over a year and have been with my fiance for almost three years now. Everyone had a different opinion on the matter, but I wondered if anyone else had been in the same situation. If so, what did you do? How did it work out? Thanks for any help.


VelvetGloves

 

[preshi]

Honestly dont marry him until you've lived with him... some people say it's a sin and all that but...honestly you don't know someone's quirks... man...

{{hugs}} and good luck. Marrying before you finish college shouldnt be a big deal as long as you both agree to wait on the kids until after you are done. Just a personal opinion.

 

[TennVolTony]

NEVER......

 

[CamColt]

As my friend, who is an expert on everything, told me the other night, anyone who gets married at or before age 23 will be miserable or divorced in 2 years. I got married at 23, and Im going on 8 years this summer.

IMO, the right time is when YOU feel ready. Its a decision that has to come from your heart. Good luck with it.

 

[Steve H.]

Originally posted by CamColt

IMO, the right time is when YOU feel ready. Its a decision that has to come from your heart. Good luck with it.

I think CamColt said it best -- it's a completely personal decision that can't be made by other people.

 

[tigercat]

I think that was wise words as well. I got married at 18 and 28 1/2 yrs later we are still going strong but marriage is work and you have to be prepared for that. I know of others that wouldn't have thought of getting married that young but for me it worked out. We didn't live together before hand and we only knew each other 4 months when we decided to get married so everything depends upon the people themselves.
tigercat

 

[Mishetta]

Velvetgloves, don't get married one minute before you are truly ready.

Also, no disrespect intended, but I disagree with Preshi....I would have never married my husband if I had lived with him first. He is SOOOOOOO Obsessive Compulsive that he drives me NUTS. But I would have missed out on an absolutely wonderful man who is so loving & takes such good care of me & our 2 children. He always puts us FIRST.

I have learned to ignore how long he needs to fix the tissue paper in his shoe box each morning when he ceremonisly (?) lifts his shoes out of the shoebox. Then he folds the top of the tissue paper back very carefully into the box & makes sure the lid of the shoe box is on very tightly. Checks it twice too before putting it back in the closet. Also, how he HAS to shred anything with his name & address (even mail addressed to "Resident" gets shredded!) I could go on forever....

Anyway, all that stuff would have scared me away if we were just living together. Marriage changes everything & I learned to accept his tiny faults in light of all his wonderful HUGE qualities!

Good luck to you!

 

[MerryPoppins]

I think being married while in college would be a little stressful, but I've known couples who have done it successfully. DH and I waited 4 years to get married. We were trying to wait until he got out of school, but he kept changing his major. We settled for me being out and working for a year first.

I agree that it is something you need to feel prepared for. Don't let anyone push you or hold you back if you are sure it is what you want. Just look into the finances and extra work being married will bring while you are still in school. Weigh it carefully and be happy with your decision. Best of luck to both of you.

 

[Kaa]

I was exactly in your shoes about 22 years ago. I had been dating (for lack of a better word) my husband for over 4 years and I hadn't finished college. I married when I was 22 and finished college after working for a few years. I agree with tigercat that marriage is work, but I have to say that after all these years, it is a labor of love.

 

[helenabear]

I have to agree with those who said get married only when you are ready to be married! I will say for my DH and I, we did wait until we had finished school. We had been together for quite some time and had been engaged for about 3 years at that point. It didn't matter to me that we had been engaged so long, we just knew for us, we needed the stress of school to be completed before we got married. That of course was just us and what felt right for us.

Also I will have to respectfully disagree with Preshi. I do not think that living together before hand is a must. I had spent enough time with my DH before hand to know what he would be like to be around and any other quirks that have come up I can pretty easily get used to. So I do not think it is a requirement at all.

Just go with your heart and pick what is rigth for you and go with it

 

[Whitegloves]

Seems to me it's a very personal decision, one only you and your significant other can make. Know that you have your mother's blessings in all you do.
Diane AKA Whitegloves AKA Mom =0)
P.S. You knew I would have to reply to this, LOL!

 

[Kaa]

I was exactly in your shoes about 22 years ago. I had been dating (for lack of a better word) my husband for over 4 years and I hadn't finished college. I married when I was 22 and finished college after working for a few years. I agree with tigercat that marriage is work, but I have to say that after all these years, it is a labor of love.

 

[becka]

It is a very personal decision however I was looking at making the same decision 7 years ago.

DH and I started dating the first month of our freshman year in college and by early in our junior year we started talking about marriage. We discussed getting married the summer of our junior year but in the end we decided that waiting one more year was not going to kill us and that it was probably better to wait longer than necessary rather than to rush in just a little too soon. We got married just 13 days after graduation and I really feel like we did the right thing.

 

[Princess_Aurora]

The absolute best time to get married is when you know it's right. If you don't feel comfortable getting married while you're still in college, then wait until you're done. If you're so much in love that you feel like you can't go another day without being married, then start planning.

By the way, Disney World looks like a great place to get married. I got married when I was 19 (while in college) and DH and I were thinking about having a small ceremony at WDW but I decided I wanted to have the wedding back home so my famiy could be there. That turned out to be probably the worst decision of my life. 5% of my family showed up for my wedding. But it's not the wedding the matters, it's the marriage. Get married in front of a Justice of the Peace if you must. As long as you know you'll be happy with him, when and where you marry doesn't matter.

 

[goofygirl]

Don't rush anything..I know I am not going to rush..

I am in a long engagement with no date set yet..my BF and I want to live together first as kind of a "pretest", we also want to advance ourselves career-wise before we make things legal.

I cant imagine going to college AND starting a marriage- it seems like too much!

 

[Gail T AGAIN]

Originally posted by preshi
Honestly dont marry him until you've lived with him... some people say it's a sin and all that but...honestly you don't know someone's quirks... man...

{{hugs}} and good luck. Marrying before you finish college shouldnt be a big deal as long as you both agree to wait on the kids until after you are done. Just a personal opinion.

I agree DO NOT , I repeat DO NOT get married til you live with him. OH God, I wished someone had told me that before I got married 22 yrs ago. Now I am divorced and gave that advice to my son, I strongly believe you have no clue what things he does that would irritate you.

 

[mickeyfan1]

that living together first will not necessarily be the way to find out about your potential spouse. DH and I lived together for about a year and a half before we married, and the day we got married, he totally changed. He became "married". Not that that was bad, but it was different, he changed his outlook on life somewhat.

We have been married 27 years in July, so I guess it worked for us, but don't get married until you are ready. Tfhere is a HUGE difference between getting married and being married. You have a lot to worry about right now, finishing scholl should be a priority. What would your parents say if you did get married, they may have a big investment in the cost of schooling and may not wat to support you if you are married. YOu can always get married, it is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make in your life. If you have to ask here for advise, you probably need to wait just a bit longer.

 

[Serena]

When you are ready and not before.

Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. There are no guarantees.

 

[luvmy2sams]

I agree with most of the above posters. You'll know when you're ready, so don't do it a minute before you're certain!

DH & I met freshman year of college, were engaged the following year and married over winter break before graduation in May (3 years later). DH went on to get his master's degree, so we did the married while in college thing for almost 2 years before entering the "real" world. Married for 8+ years with a 4-year-old and another on the way, so it's definitely working out for us.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I have to add that I respectfully disagree that you have to live together first. Not that I am against living together per se, but I've been married for almost 19 years. We didn't live together first and our marriage is still going strong. I knew his faults and he knew mine. We had dated for several years. Well, maybe we didn't know all of each other's faults, but we loved each other enough to get past the faults. I love him in spite of some of his annoying habits.

DH always says that he thinks the key to a strong relationship is knowing that everything could fall apart and you COULD split up. That makes you work hard to always keep the love alive and take care of each other. I don't quite look at it that way, but we do work to keep the romance and love in our marriage.

So live together if that is your choice, but it isn't the only way to make a marriage work. I intend to stay with my wonderful husband until death do us part.