When it's time to end a friendship

[indygirl99]

Wow! I could have written this. This is what I'm going through now and realize that I have gone through this during various phases of my life. I don't live in one of the most diverse & fast paced metropolitan cities in the world that offers everything there is, by ACCIDENT. One of my deep, personal values & goals is to always keep growing, expanding, and challenging myself personally, professionally and artistically. I'm constantly consciously re-evaluating my life and the directions I want to move forward. There is so much to do and explore. Especially as I have gotten my health back and have a second chance to be out living life again, I'm not going to sit around wasting this chance. Most times, that means leaving people & situations that are no longer in alignment with my life as my interests and situations change. It's not personal. We are not in the same place anymore.

Like the poem, "A Reason, Season or a Lifetime," many friendships I deeply cared about which were interests based or situational, really fit into my life for only a season. It doesn't mean the friendships had less value, or I don't still appreciate what we had during those times in my life. Yes, I felt very sad at the end of those friendships. And I can understand they just want back the person who shared all the good times with them. Surely, THAT part of me is still IN me? Right???

Uh, NO. When the interests/circumstances have changed from: "WE used to do ___ TOGETHER," to now "YOU want to still do that (which is okay,) yet I feel it in my soul that I NEED to be over THERE doing something else," we no longer intrinsically fit. We are no longer a WE. And there are only so many times one can repeat, "I'm sorry, but I'm no longer interested in that. I've moved onto other things now that you aren't into, and I'm not going back," before things turn uncomfortable or ugly because the friend just doesn't get it. It's best if both sides can let go with grace.


OP, it sounds like the disparity between you and your friend have become too great over time. It's not just that she has different values; if she was making plans on the phone with other people who are "cooler" than you, then she doesn't value YOU. And it sounds like you don't value the activities she values, like the dance classes and school, or how she treats her daughter. Definitely time to let go and move on.

Powerful and so on point for most of us at different points in our life.

 

[gotomu212]

Is it possible there was some misunderstanding? For her to not even say more than hi to you at the grocery store sounds bizarre. I've had friendships naturally end but when I run into the person we are still both happy to see each other and ask for general updates on families/jobs/whatever.

 

[WIcruizer]

Is it possible there was some misunderstanding? For her to not even say more than hi to you at the grocery store sounds bizarre. I've had friendships naturally end but when I run into the person we are still both happy to see each other and ask for general updates on families/jobs/whatever.

Right. Or at least have the social decency to "fake it." I run into people all the time I really don't like, but it doesn't take much to say a few nice words and move on.

If it were me, I would make ONE sincere attempt to find out what I did that was so bad that my friend literally won't even talk to me. Life is short, I don't like awkward endings like that. And if there was some sort of miss-understanding, I would want to clear it up. Then it ends either way, at least I made the effort to make peace. But that's me, not saying that's what OP SHOULD do.