When in laws cause problems

[Kalliope]

Well, hopefully with OP's update there's still a chance she can keep BIL and GF from setting up camp in her house while she's away.

Because rest assured if they stay it will be a nightmare getting them to leave.

Since hubby and BIL already think OP is a blanking blank, I'm holding out hope that OP will show them she can be the biggest blanking blank whoever blanked when pushed too far.

 

[spacemountainmom]

Hi OP. I have been lurking on this thread for a couple of days and felt SO BAD for you last night. I wanted to share a story of something that happened to me that may offer a little perspective.

My brother works for a non-profit organization. They don't make a lot of $$ and finances at the organization are always an issue. He called me 2 weeks before I was going on vacation in 2012 and told me that he had offered my house to a guy he knew through work (same organization but works in another state) for him and his family to stay in while they were in town. He had never met this guy, only knew him through emails/conference calls. I guess the guy was planning to come to our city for a meeting, but was complaining about how expensive the hotels were. My brother thought offering them my house was the perfect solution.

I went absolutely ballistic on him. No way, no how, absolutely would not even consider it. My brother was just flabbergasted. He honestly had no idea I would react that way. I guess he rescinded the offer the next morning. We have talked about it since. To him, a house is just a building. He doesn't feel any emotional attachment to it. He is also very trusting. He can't imagine that anyone would take advantage of that situation and besides, if they broke something, he was sure they would pay to have it fixed. No big deal to him at all. I told him that I would feel personally violated and that I don't trust anyone to stay in my house, even family, if I'm not there. My brother always thinks the best of everyone, I tend to think the worst until proven otherwise.

Maybe your husband feels the same way about the house? That its just a building? I am sure to this day, my brother thinks I way over reacted and was "mean" not to let this nice family stay in my house since I wasn't using it. Your husbands lack of emotional attachment to your house, plus his feeling of responsibility for his brother might be causing him to respond this way.

In NO way do I think your husband is justified what he did, particularly with the name calling and making you the bad guy.

Who on earth does this????

Does your brother have mental issues?

I am completely flabbergasted by your post. I just cannot fathom what is going on in the mind of someone who offers their sibling's home to a complete stranger without checking with the sibling beforehand!

Just when I think, I've heard it all...

 

[Grmnshplvr]

UPDATE DH and I just had a very long and awkward conversation. BIL is not staying. DH talked to a buddy, calmed down and needed a day to see my side. He apologized for the way he trwated me yesterday which was totally unlike him to talk to me like that. He said he was tired and really couldn't understand what the big deal was and also didn't want to have to tell BIL no. He said absolutely not to giving BIl money for a hotel. His words "he works full time he can afford a hotel" I said yeah think about that for a minute, he'd rathee just use your bed for free. I started feeling myself feeling guilty about him now having to tell BIL no but DH was just like I'll just tell him again we already made arrangements. My girlfriend pointed out maybe he never wanted BIL to stay. His initial reaction was heck no! Then I caved and maybe he realized he really doesn't want him here either. I said we have given him numerous rides. Money. My husbands bike. I draw the line at my home. I will not stand between you and your brother and anyway you want to help him within a reasonable way. But the line is my home. He agreed. Now I'm not stupid and after yesterday I told him I can't trust him or BIL to make arrangements behind my back. He said he would never do that and told me to make sure my sister comes to feed the cat. She loves next door so I will know if he shows up and husband knows that. I am crying I am so relieved right now. More so for the safety of my cat and my mattress.

 

[spacemountainmom]

I am so happy for you!

That would have been a "hill to die on" for me.

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

Yay!!! Have fun on your Disney trip!!

 

[ericstac]

...and also didn't want to have to tell BIL no. .

Lol all he has to say "sorry bro, the wifeys said no."

 

[okeydokey]

I am glad to hear this update, and hope that you and your DH can enjoy your vacation together. You said this behavior was very unlike him and I am hoping you can both move on and lean on each other.

 

[Dawnlight]

I'm relieved for you that this is the final outcome. I wish you and your family a great vacation full of wonderful memory-making and fun.

 

[Vernie822]

YAY!!!! Now for a MAGICAL vacation!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wow!!!!
Interesting update!
Your DH was actually not quite comfortable with the whole thing either, and just having a hard time telling his brother no!

OMG, he really must have feeling so stuck in the middle.

And, I am so glad for the safety of your mattress!!! Hahahaha!!!

 

[superme80]

So glad to hear this update. Enjoy your vacation!

 

[Grmnshplvr]

Wow!!!!
Interesting update!
Your DH was actually not quite comfortable with the whole thing either, and just having a hard time telling his brother no!

OMG, he really must have feeling so stuck in the middle.

And, I am so glad for the safety of your mattress!!! Hahahaha!!!

I'm wondering if it was easy when I was he bad guy but once I caved he had to reflect and wonder do I even want this. During our discussion he was more honest and aware of his brothers issues than I have ever heard him say before. I also think offering to pay for the hotel showed him how much this bothers me. I'm so relieved. We are on good terms although obviously we have some issues to deal with I can at least know I don't need to stress about this while we are gone. i know his brother won't take this news lightly. I also know he now has to say my wife said no and I will once again be a blanking blank but quite frankly I don't give a blank. I won't be used or taken advantage of.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

Thank you all so much for your support and voices of reason. For showing me I'm not the crazy one here. Sometimes in this family it's hard to tell. I will update once BIL gets the news.

 

[CF'er]

I would hope that your DH would take the heat with BIL instead of dumping it all on you. At the very least would be a "we" decided to keep our original arrangements.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

I

I would hope that your DH would take the heat with BIL instead of dumping it all on you. At the very least would be a "we" decided to keep our original arrangements.

I told him I'd take one for the team and he can put it all on me. I don't care what his brother thinks of me.

I asked him what really changed his mind he said "his happiness wasn't worth ours" I'm grateful to his coworker/friend that pointed that out.

 

[srferson]

UPDATE DH and I just had a very long and awkward conversation. BIL is not staying. DH talked to a buddy, calmed down and needed a day to see my side. He apologized for the way he trwated me yesterday which was totally unlike him to talk to me like that. He said he was tired and really couldn't understand what the big deal was and also didn't want to have to tell BIL no. He said absolutely not to giving BIl money for a hotel. His words "he works full time he can afford a hotel" I said yeah think about that for a minute, he'd rathee just use your bed for free. I started feeling myself feeling guilty about him now having to tell BIL no but DH was just like I'll just tell him again we already made arrangements. My girlfriend pointed out maybe he never wanted BIL to stay. His initial reaction was heck no! Then I caved and maybe he realized he really doesn't want him here either. I said we have given him numerous rides. Money. My husbands bike. I draw the line at my home. I will not stand between you and your brother and anyway you want to help him within a reasonable way. But the line is my home. He agreed. Now I'm not stupid and after yesterday I told him I can't trust him or BIL to make arrangements behind my back. He said he would never do that and told me to make sure my sister comes to feed the cat. She loves next door so I will know if he shows up and husband knows that. I am crying I am so relieved right now. More so for the safety of my cat and my mattress.

I literally threw up my arms and said YES when I read this.
I tried looking for one of the smilies doing exactly what I did, but I couldn't.
So here's a squirrel. Because... well... squirrel.

 

[srferson]

I
I told him I'd take one for the team and he can put it all on me. I don't care what his brother thinks of me.

I asked him what really changed his mind he said "his happiness wasn't worth ours" I'm grateful to his coworker/friend that pointed that out.

Bingo.

Have a wonderful vacation!

 

[BadgerGirl84]

Thank God, OP! I am so relieved for you. Not that I would ever wish the stress you just experienced on you....but one trip I had a bunch of super stressful stuff happen the day before. Everything got resolved and it was honestly the best vacation because the whole time I was breathing a sigh of relief and glad to have the mess behind me and relax. Enjoy your trip!!!!

 

[robinb]

Great news! Have a wonderful vacation!

 

[Donnainnj]

Couldn't get this song out of my head while reading this thread