When I go to the grocery store I feel like I am going to meet my drug dealer

[dare2dream]

Yes I am addicted to food, not good food, junk food. I am a compulsive overeater. I have several screws loose in my head. I am completely out of control and severely depressed.

For several months now I have dreaded going to the grocery store and did not know why. Fortunately it is just DH and I so once a week is all I really need to go. After careful thought I realized that a trip to the grocery store is a major battle with my conscious.

Bad Brenda (BB) I want that. (junk food).

Good Brenda (GB) You are a morbidly obese woman. You do not need to eat that.

BB I deserve to have that.

GB It is not good for you. You will regret buying it.

BB I can portion it out in ziploc bags or freeze some of it. I will only eat it on special occasions to reward myself.

GB You know you will either eat it in one sitting or if you're lucky it will last 24 hours.

BB I will share some of it with DH.

GB No you will not. You will eat it all by yourself. You will hide the bag when he comes into the room while you are eating it or you will eat it all while he is at work.

BB I still want that.

Sometimes Good Brenda will win and I will pass the item by and move down the aisle but then something else will catch my eye and the exact same conversation will begin again in my head. Every single trip to the grocery store turns into a monumental battle of good versus evil and I am getting worn out with all the fighting going on.

Sometimes the item will go into the cart. As soon as I am in the car with my bags of groceries I will think, no I will start to salivate, about the item. I have been known to eat an entire slice of pizza from Sam's Club in the car while driving the 6 miles home to my house.

If the item makes it home in the grocery bags it never, never, never ever lasts long in the house.

Yes this is sad, Yes this is crazy. I am just wondering if anyone else has feelings like this.

DH says just stick to the list. Common sense says don't go anywhere near those trigger foods, but there are so many of them. What do you have to say?

 

[lisah0711]

Hi Brenda! Nice to see you. Sorry that you are having a tough time.

Did you know that we still regularly quote you on the BL challenge thread? Here is a quote that was just posted last week:

Quote from Dare2Dream: How is your week going? Are you OP (on program)? Are you exercising? Drinking that water? You know what to do to make the magic happen. Get on the wagon. We are all here to help you on the journey. We can do this one day at a time. One bite at a time.

Would it be possible to get your DH to do the grocery shopping? Either alone or with you? Not as a long term solution but just for a few weeks to help you for a few weeks as you work through this and have a few successes?

I know that you know in your heart what needs to be done and that you can do it. Lots of room here in the wagon so come on over and join the summer challenge. We're all in this together!

 

[dumbo_buddy]

i'm feeling out of control lately and as i'm typing this i'm eating my third 100-cal pack of the day. "Bad Nancy" made "Good Nancy" believe that i'd only actually eat one of them as my snack each day and well, that obviously didn't happen. i'm struggling with the daily junk food temptations as well.

i make a list and am pretty good at sticking to it when i go food shopping. but it's the end of the day after the kiddo is asleep when DH and i look at each other and say, "ok, so who is going to go get 'nacks?" (my 8 year old cousin couldn't say "S" sounds so we still talk like him as a joke...you know, when you're hungry you want a 'nack and when you look at the fish while you swim you use a 'norkel). anyway, way too often one of us will run to the deli and get ourselves a bag of chips and pack of cookies and then sit and eat the whole thing. DH has a very fast metabolism so can sit and eat a box of cookies - i'm talking the WHOLE box - and still not really gain anything. then there's me. i'll see him eating it and think, psh, i can do that. i just ran today. i deserve it! i'll eat and eat and eat then i will have a belly ache all night and then be up 2lbs the next day and swear off food forever followed by eating something not-so-great an hour later when i'm starving.

that is a long-winded way to say you're not the only one! something needs to click. i'm trying to get that click to happen sooner rather than later so i can get back in gear. the summer challenge is going really well and there are some really nice people on there! come join!

 

[Rose&Mike]

Hi Brenda.

Hugs to you. It's so hard sometimes. I second Lisa's idea about having your DH shop. Mine did a lot for me while I was losing--just made life easier for me. One time I asked him to get one of those teeny tiny bays of plain Lays--they are my trigger food--and he brought home a huge bag and I made him take them back. Some stuff I just can't have in the house--and that might be the way it has to be for the rest of my life. It doesn't mean I don't have them--on occasion I will have a teeny bag of Lays, but I can't have a big bag in the house. The same is true with cookies, cake, any kind of baked good. I actually have a pan of g-f brownies that I will probably send to work with Mike tomorrow so I don't go crazy and eat them all. I try really hard to look at that kind of stuff as treats, but it's really hard sometimes.

The point of all this--sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to get through the moment. Please join us on the BL thread. It's an easier journey if you get the support you need.

 

[cewait]

Opposite here. I knew that if I were going to be responsible for my fuel, then I needed to learn how to shop. Because I was so into reading labels I went by myself for a year or longer. I shopped the perimeter and made a game of the experience. I had a list of no's Short but no.

No HFCS
No artificial sweetener
No added sugar in prepared food
No 'enriched' xxx grain
No Transfats - read on the label as partially hydrogenated.

These simply did not go into the cart.

I only went into the center of the store for spices, teas and prepared items meeting the above.

The way to do this is to do it a week at a time. Be anal about it in week 1. Try to reenforce over the next 4 weeks then go anal again.

The the final no.. NO beating yourself up. Give yourself a day to slip every week. Only one day and try to stay true the rest of the week.

 

[cclovesdis]

Hi Brenda!

First, . I definitely feel you. I am finally getting myself together and losing weight after gaining almost 30 pounds in about 6 months. I highly encourage you to join us on the BL Summer 2011 Challenge. We are a great group of extremely supportive people. We have been pretty chatty this summer and send each other lots of support. I am the coach of Healthy Habits (previously Challenge(s) of the Week/COW) and I know for me that I would not be doing nearly as well if it weren't for having these weekly goals. I use Weight Watchers and Sparkpeople. It may be extra work/time, but I am also doing as well as I am because I use both. Here are some of my tips that come to mind first:
- Don't be afraid of eating food with fat in it-just make it healthy fat. I like canola and olive oil, as well as lowfat cheese. (Cheese was giving me heartburn, but the last time was okay. Don't know if you can eat cheese.)
- Protein is your friend. I am a big fan of egg substitute.
- Veggies taste great grilled.
- Pancakes can be made with whole wheat flour (no white flour necessary).
- Fruit is great, but watch your portions.
- Drink plenty of water.

As for grocery shopping, could DH go by himself? I live with my parents (I'm 26) and if my father goes, he gets a list-a detailed list. The list only contains items that are on sale and a few extras that you have to buy weekly and may not be on sale (bananas, apples, carrots, lettuce, yogurt, milk, eggs, deli meat). I always try to have ingredients on hand by buying ahead of time. For example, we rarely have less than one can of cooking spray in the house. Could you trying writing DH a list and having him go? I even write down if we have a coupon and how many you need to buy to use the coupon, or if we need 3 even though the coupon only requires 2, etc. I am a detail person though. The reason why I mention coupons is because often if the item is on sale, I think I should buy it. Then, we I see that we do not have a coupon, I think twice and "good CC" prevails and there are not any cookies in the cart. I guess what I'm saying in short form (I'm also wordy ) is that completing another task can serve as a distraction and get me away from thinking I would love to eat that. I understand. Carbs, especially sweet carbs are a big downfall for me.

For another idea, what about grocery shopping with a friend? I've done this a few times and we're both trying to lose weight so we talk to each other about what we are buying. It may not be something people do frequently, but I've made much better choices because someone else was there encouraging me.

and hope to see you on the BL thread.

CC

 

[FireDancer]

I'm with coach, shop the perimeter. If you have a Trader Joe's near you I would try to get as much as you can there. While of course there are better choices then others you will find almost all of the "bad" food has less of the bad stuff in it.

Something else that has worked for people I know is to make a list at home and get nothing that is not on the list, even if it is something good. It is easier to make the list at home when you aren't staring at your vices and once you train yourself that nothing not on the list gets bought, even if it is fresh broccoli, it starts to become the "new normal".

Good luck.

 

[HappyFingers]

Get you husband to handcuff you to the bed (strong bed)

give him instructions that for the next week maybe 2 weeks he is only to bring in healthy raw uncooked foods (salads) 3 per day, water and nothing else, no matter how hard you beg no matter how loud you scream at him

you need to be broken

right at this current moment, all sorts of chemicals are flowing around your body and embedded in your liver, when you try and stop taking something, the levels in your liver reduce and then you start to crave that particular item which increases those levels, its the same for everyone.

i dont know if you drink coffee but if you do its a mother of a drug, when you stop taking coffee rest assured you are in for a 3 day blinding headache, i know this as i have given it up manys times over the years, i just take a really strong painkiller such as tramadol 200mg and mix it with nurofen plus to numb myself enough to be able to function with the headache in the background, how many times have i read that someone had a migrane and their husband went and got them a coffee and it went away (der) of course it will the migrane is just simple withdrawal symtoms.

the same withdrawal principles apply for every drug no matter what it is

i guess you are at a point where you can no longer manage your own desires and thats why i say get your husband to lock you up, extreme i know but hey, it will work, at the end of the week the toxins will be all out of your system and from then on any desire to eat junk food is no longer physical but purely mental, thus making abstaining much, much easier.

people are going to say im crazy but if being locked up for a week or 2 was an option, if there was a service that provided such a oppurtunity, i would take it, no problems what so ever

i have not eaten more than one very small healthy meal per day for the last seven days, that and 2 vlcd diet shakes, added to that i take 40mg of duromine and the first few days i took some nurofen as well just to held with the withdrawal headaches

is this method a good way to lose weight ? no, of course it isnt but it is the only play i have left with a holiday to usa coming up in only 46 more days now.

the only other thing that i have found is using 200mg of slow release tramadol combined with 2 nurofen plus every 4 hrs will knock out any desire you have to eat and also take care of any pain you are having in relation to the initial withdrawal, after a week of doing that you slowly reduce the tramadol by cutting it in half, this will help you establish a good healthy rythm

get him to lock you up, i know, i know its crazy, but it will work

i hear the voices to i know exactly what you are talking about

you will be eating a pizza perhaps and you will have a few slices, a drink and perhaps some garlic bread (as you do) at this point your stomach will be telling you that it is satisfied, you know that it is, you can feel it, but, you keep right on eating, probably finish the whole pizza, drink and garlic bread, youll keep going right up until the point where you stomach is completly full and bloated

and then you will feel bad

ive been there a thousand times

i know

i hope at least something ive typed helps

cheers

 

[Rose&Mike]

In my opinion, it sounds like a great idea to shop the perimeter, and that is what I do now. But the reality is, that sometimes when you are trying to break the bad food/sugar/starch/carbs/white flour habit, you need to be away from the temptations at least for a short period of time. Does this mean you never can go to the grocery store again? Of course not. It just means at that moment in time you need to not be exposed to so many choices. You can make a fabulous meal plan, know in your head exactly what you want to buy and then go to the store and make crappy choices. And I don't believe it's a matter of willpower. I believe that sometimes you just need to be off the garbage food for a while before you can resist it. Might not make sense to some people, but I think to other folks it will be perfectly rational.

I do like the idea of buying nothing that is not on the list, period.

Really this is all about setting new habits. Sometimes it takes some short term drastic measures, in my opinion, to get some of those new habits in place.

 

[CoachJason]

Wow, I've been there.

I really had to find a reason, my "why". I used to tell myself it was to get in shape for sports. Well guess what? I never did. I drank, ate bad and the roller coaster continued.

My "why" became helping others lose weight and change their life, so I became a coach for Beachbody. I enjoy every friggin minute of it and guess what? I am now the healthiest I have ever been in my life.

What is your "why"? Do you have kids? Do you want them to eat the same junk you do? Because they will. Maybe your afraid of losing a loved one because they are overweight too. Get with them and commit to helping each other lose weight.

It's not easy but nothing worth doing is. You can choose to end this cycle. I would be more than happy to answer any questions you have too.

What are your dreams? Goals in life? Being overweight is not always caused by "I like junk food", sometimes there's an underlying problem. How's your self esteem? When you look in the mirror, how do you feel?

You HAVE to do this, for yourself and your family. PUT DOWN the crap food that is literally KILLING you. You can eat healthy and be satisfied, I guarantee it. I have done it myself. I used to eat a whole bag of chips, a tub of ice cream. What was I doing to myself? Killing myself.

You can change and now is the time, not tomorrow or Monday. Decide now to change.

 

[cewait]

In my opinion, it sounds like a great idea to shop the perimeter, and that is what I do now. But the reality is, that sometimes when you are trying to break the bad food/sugar/starch/carbs/white flour habit, you need to be away from the temptations at least for a short period of time. Does this mean you never can go to the grocery store again? Of course not. It just means at that moment in time you need to not be exposed to so many choices. You can make a fabulous meal plan, know in your head exactly what you want to buy and then go to the store and make crappy choices. And I don't believe it's a matter of willpower. I believe that sometimes you just need to be off the garbage food for a while before you can resist it. Might not make sense to some people, but I think to other folks it will be perfectly rational.

I do like the idea of buying nothing that is not on the list, period.

Really this is all about setting new habits. Sometimes it takes some short term drastic measures, in my opinion, to get some of those new habits in place.

I agree and disagree, but really think that if the food junky does not go through the pain of learning initially (i.e. depending on a spouse to make the initial hard choices) you are essentially enabling the process food junky even longer. Obviously, my way is only one way. Ideally,, both partners of the relationship would go to the store as you have a much higher possibility of one saying no. I can see the way you described, also.

I actually missed a serious point in my original post. If one is wanting to break the habit, they FIRST need to clean out the pantry and freezer of all the above. We all will default to and hoard the bad stuff during the initial phases. One really needs to create the commitment at home first. So a trip into the pantry and freezer with a trashcan is in order. I am betting that most anyone who struggles with making healthy choices has a pantry full of bad ones. The badly filled pantry creates an enabling device by allowing the person trying to change to buy more xxx because they are out.

Finally, I am a big believer in getting professional help. Purchasing a few trips to a dietitian is very helpful. Many will go to the store with you to demonstrate what a trip should be and feel like.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Hi Brenda,

Been there, done that, MANY A TIME!!!!! I have gone and binged and then hid it all before DH got home. Who was I kidding, clearly my mid section tells the tale of what I've been doing.

Having been where you are, the only advice I can offer you is to pick one item out of all of the wants. chips, cookies, chocolate... whatever you are craving, pick only 1. Enjoy that. I don't know about you, but going cold turkey just didn't work for me, I OBSESSED about what I couldn't have.

I changed my thinking to what I CAN have and what I CAN do for me. That is another piece. I know you mentioned you are reading my journal. hope that it can help you see that even though I am making small steps, I am still going in the right direction. I didn't start out limiting myself, but rather trying to fit in good choices. PLEASE try that. It helps, I do feel better if at least I make 1 good choice daily.

and remember THERE IS NO BAD BRENDA!!!! There is a Brenda with a good and caring heart that would do anything for a friend. Be your own friend Brenda, love yourself.... You are so worth it!

 

[keri125]

I can totally relate - and I don't think people understand the difficulty who don't have a true addiction to junk food. I have lost 50 pounds and only have about 10 pounds to go towards my goal weight, so I am mastering my addiction, but it is a struggle every day, and sometimes I am so tired of fighting it. I used to smoke, too, and honestly when I am fighting a craving for junk food it feels exactly like when I was fighting a nicotine craving. Unfortunatly there isn't a patch for junk food! People who say, "Just shop the perimeter, just go by the list, etc" don't truly understand what it is like to have an addiction. (No offense to anyone, those are good suggestions if you are not dealing with an addiction.) There are times I wake up in the morning, review what my food intake was the day before, and feel fairly proud of how I did. Then I go out to the kitchen and spot the evidence of a binge the night before - often I don't even remember driving to the store to buy the particular item. It does make you feel crazy. I am evidence that it can be mastered, but it is truly a struggle EVERY SINGLE DAY, and one that I've resigned myself to battling for the rest of my life. I have a young son, and my love for him helps, as I know I am an example for him and I want him to see me "eating to live, not living to eat." Also, I found a WONDERFUL bootcamp trainer who holds me accountable weekly, and that helps. I just completed my first 10K and totally got bit by the bug and have signed up for another in October, so that is helping too. It's just a matter of finding what works for you - but I just wanted to say that I REALLY understand the struggle that is food addiction. I am totally envious of my co-workers that can have one cookie at lunch and walk away from the plate in the kitchen... I may walk away, but for the rest of the afternoon I cannot concentrate on my work b/c I'm mentally battling my urge to go pick up "just one more cookie," which of course turns into 3, 4, or 5 more! I just discovered this portion of the DISboards and am so excited as I feel this will be another item in my list of supports! So count me in for support for all of you! We'll do it together!

 

[OregonGirl]

Hi Brenda -

I used to be a fast food junkie, but I have started to eat healthier within the past year and a half and thought maybe I could offer a little "food for thought".

1) About two years ago a completely swore off soda. Actually, carbonated beverages completely. I wanted to see what I would feel like if I drank nothing but tea, coffee and water. I LOVED IT. Nowadays, I also allow myself these very cool and new Crystal Ice drinks that have 0 calories and are carbonated water with juice flavor and splenda, basically, and they are also very yummy. That and coffee and water and I am good to go.

2) I started a garden out back two summers ago. I really liked the process of growing, caring for, and nurturing a garden. It's my spot to go when I need some quiet time, or want to be in the sun, or want to watch the butterflies. Then suddenly these fruits and veggies started getting ripe, and I was up to my ears in squash, and tomatoes, and greens. I planted way to much and I had no idea what I was doing. But I did not want to put all the food to waste. So two years ago (my first growing a garden) I harvested all the produce and spent practically 2 whole days in the kitchen making tomato sauce to freeze and squash soup to freeze. Know what I discovered? A) OMG was my organically grown, fresh from the Earth veggies more flavorful then anything I had ever eaten at the store, and B) I REALLY ENJOYED COOKING.

3) I caught the cooking bug. I wanted to cook more, and to grow more. This, without me really meaning to, suddenly meant that I was buying proteins at the store to cook with my veggies, which suddenly meant no more need to go by a hamburger when I could make something better, tastier, cheaper and healthier. I saved up and bought a mixer with an ice cream maker attachment, a pasta attachment, a meat grinder, a grater and a slicer. I made my own blackberry ice cream from blackberries I grew from seeds and harvested myself. WOW. I made strawberry rhubarb pies with my very own dough that I made from scratch, with rhubarb and strawberries that I grew. I used real sugar (what the heck) and started to realize that I had been missing out on what food is actually supposed to taste like. I started using less and less salt so I could actually taste the other flavors from my garden. Did you know that there are more flavors out there then just sugar and salt? I think for awhile I forgot.

4) Once I got my tastebuds back and fixing all my food at home, I realized how much time has to go in to home cooked meals 2 times a day. And that garden to boot. Not a lot of time to sit in front of a TV and eat snacks. I haven't turned on the TV in months. My honey and I do netflix sometimes, and we play XBox games together, and we read together. We barely have time for the grocery store now, and when I go I don't even want to look at stuff that is ready for me to open and eat. I want to look at ingredients to make things with. I don't even by potato chips anymore because my grilled potato wedges are way better. And yeah, I still use oil and butter and things when needed. I have way more dishes to do then before, but I don't mind because it keeps me busy and I can always keep the kitchen clean that way.

At my heaviest I was 225 pounds, size 18, borderline high blood pressure and heart rate of about 80 beats per minute.

I am turning 31 this Sunday and I am now 140 pounds, size 6, normal blood pressure, resting heart rate of 60 beats per minute. The best shape of my life. Ever.

I run 5-8 miles nearly every other day. I love running. When I started about a year and a half ago, I couldn't run for more then 30 seconds and my muscles twitched after a 1/2 mile walk. Next month, I am running my first 13 mile half marathon. I am in the best shape of my life, and I now hate junk food. I think I tried some fast food hamburger a few months ago because I was traveling and options were limited, and I had the runs after. Never again.

I only say these things because with a little commitment to change, you can do it. You have to want it, but you can do it. Want the long term benefits more than the short term satisfaction, and you can do it.

- Carey

 

[Rose&Mike]

Great post Carey. Thanks for sharing.

 

[MaggieMollyMom]

Hi Brenda -

I used to be a fast food junkie, but I have started to eat healthier within the past year and a half and thought maybe I could offer a little "food for thought".

1) About two years ago a completely swore off soda. Actually, carbonated beverages completely. I wanted to see what I would feel like if I drank nothing but tea, coffee and water. I LOVED IT. Nowadays, I also allow myself these very cool and new Crystal Ice drinks that have 0 calories and are carbonated water with juice flavor and splenda, basically, and they are also very yummy. That and coffee and water and I am good to go.

2) I started a garden out back two summers ago. I really liked the process of growing, caring for, and nurturing a garden. It's my spot to go when I need some quiet time, or want to be in the sun, or want to watch the butterflies. Then suddenly these fruits and veggies started getting ripe, and I was up to my ears in squash, and tomatoes, and greens. I planted way to much and I had no idea what I was doing. But I did not want to put all the food to waste. So two years ago (my first growing a garden) I harvested all the produce and spent practically 2 whole days in the kitchen making tomato sauce to freeze and squash soup to freeze. Know what I discovered? A) OMG was my organically grown, fresh from the Earth veggies more flavorful then anything I had ever eaten at the store, and B) I REALLY ENJOYED COOKING.

3) I caught the cooking bug. I wanted to cook more, and to grow more. This, without me really meaning to, suddenly meant that I was buying proteins at the store to cook with my veggies, which suddenly meant no more need to go by a hamburger when I could make something better, tastier, cheaper and healthier. I saved up and bought a mixer with an ice cream maker attachment, a pasta attachment, a meat grinder, a grater and a slicer. I made my own blackberry ice cream from blackberries I grew from seeds and harvested myself. WOW. I made strawberry rhubarb pies with my very own dough that I made from scratch, with rhubarb and strawberries that I grew. I used real sugar (what the heck) and started to realize that I had been missing out on what food is actually supposed to taste like. I started using less and less salt so I could actually taste the other flavors from my garden. Did you know that there are more flavors out there then just sugar and salt? I think for awhile I forgot.

4) Once I got my tastebuds back and fixing all my food at home, I realized how much time has to go in to home cooked meals 2 times a day. And that garden to boot. Not a lot of time to sit in front of a TV and eat snacks. I haven't turned on the TV in months. My honey and I do netflix sometimes, and we play XBox games together, and we read together. We barely have time for the grocery store now, and when I go I don't even want to look at stuff that is ready for me to open and eat. I want to look at ingredients to make things with. I don't even by potato chips anymore because my grilled potato wedges are way better. And yeah, I still use oil and butter and things when needed. I have way more dishes to do then before, but I don't mind because it keeps me busy and I can always keep the kitchen clean that way.

At my heaviest I was 225 pounds, size 18, borderline high blood pressure and heart rate of about 80 beats per minute.

I am turning 31 this Sunday and I am now 140 pounds, size 6, normal blood pressure, resting heart rate of 60 beats per minute. The best shape of my life. Ever.

I run 5-8 miles nearly every other day. I love running. When I started about a year and a half ago, I couldn't run for more then 30 seconds and my muscles twitched after a 1/2 mile walk. Next month, I am running my first 13 mile half marathon. I am in the best shape of my life, and I now hate junk food. I think I tried some fast food hamburger a few months ago because I was traveling and options were limited, and I had the runs after. Never again.

I only say these things because with a little commitment to change, you can do it. You have to want it, but you can do it. Want the long term benefits more than the short term satisfaction, and you can do it.

- Carey

That really is a great post! I am inspired to cook more now! I always have an excuse....I need to stop that! Not just for me, but for me kids

thanks!