When Do You Stop Wanting to Protect Your Child?

[2girls4me]

I'm 35. My sister is 36 and my brother is 33. My mom and dad would still do anything for us. They don't want to see us hurt at all.

My girls are 3 and 7 months and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them.

It's not something you can turn off.

 

[goofyernmost]

When you're dead.. Seriously..

But once they become adults, you have no choice but to step back and let them make their own decisions - even if you do see a "train wreck coming".. Of course if they ask for advice, then you should be honest in your response, but if they don't, you simply have to let them learn the hard way - as extremely difficult as that is..

Never. I don't want to actually make their decisions for them but I will absolutely weigh in on what I think. If my child can't trust me to always voice what I think is in their best interests who can they trust? I will say what I think stand back and let them choose.

My kids are now 11 & 12 and I absolutely talk to them about the different sorts of people in their world. Good friends, allies, acquaintances, bad friends, manipulative friends, frenemies, abusive relationships, loving relationships... all of it, I say what I see. Still, I always make sure to close with, "I won't tell you who you can or can't be friends with, I trust you. You're a smart person with good judgment." Then they get a kiss and a hug I've been ending these sorts of conversations with my kids like this as far back as I can remember. To my mind, saying what I say gives them back the power. Of course, they always have the power over themselves anyway but I think it's important to acknowledge that I know it and respect it, KWIM

I don't expect to change when they get older, the problems will change but the conversations probably won't. Good luck, parenting is a really hard job

I agree, but disagree. I think most of us are talking about adult or nearly adult children. 11 and 12 year olds do not have the background and experience necessary to always make informed, sensible decisions. It's our job as a parent to PROTECT them from themselves. If it's not live altering, OK, but anything that can be severe needs to be interfered with. After they have reached the recognized age of majority, then we must stand aside and let them live their lives. If you have had a good relationship with them at an early age, the chances are they will seek advise for any new situations that they come up against. I know my girls still talk to me about things and seek my advice and they are 34 and 36 year olds with husbands and children.

After all, if you cannot trust your parents to be concerned about your well being, who can you trust?