When do you hope your kids will leave the nest?

[1GoldenSun]

As a sister thread to "When did you leave the nest," when do you anticipate/hope that your children will be leaving your home?

I'm kind of torn. I do think it can make good sense to live at home if you are saving money to purchase a home or maybe paying off college loans, or possibly caring for a parent who needs some kind of assistance.

Personally, I hope my kids come back a little during the first couple years of college-- for holidays, and maybe the first summer. After that I expect there will be internships, summer classes, or maybe travel. Preferably, after college they find some other living arrangement, even if it's slightly substandard housing with lots of roommates to keep costs down. I think they and my husband and I would all prefer them to be living on their own while they save for a home. It's my hope that we can manage for my kids not to need any student loans.

I hope to see my kids regularly after they go off to college, but I think our personal "style" would be to not actually share the same household after that except for breaks. I think I'd probably keep their rooms intact until they graduated college.

But who knows what will actually happen?!

 

[ronandannette]

As a sister thread to "When did you leave the nest," when do you anticipate/hope that your children will be leaving your home?

I'm kind of torn. I do think it can good sense to live at home if you are saving money to purchase a home or maybe paying off college loans, or possibly caring for a parent who needs some kind of assistance.

Personally, I hope my kids come back a little during the first couple years of college-- for holidays, and maybe the first summer. After that I expect there will be internships, summer classes, or maybe travel. Preferably, after college they find some other living arrangement, even if it's slightly substandard housing with lots of roommates to keep costs down. I think they and my husband and I would all prefer them to be living on their own while they save for a home. It's my hope that we can manage for my kids not to need any student loans.

I hope to see my kids regularly after they go off to college, but I think our personal "style" would be to not actually share the same household after that except for breaks. I think I'd probably keep their rooms intact until they graduated college.

But who knows what will actually happen?!

Honestly - we always expected he'd be gone by now. At 21, we're becoming a bit anxious that he's "failing to launch". He's always marched to his own tune a bit and we've been willing (so far) to give him that latitude but I'd be lying if I said we're not concerned.

 

[mjkacmom]

Even graduating from a public in state university, and living off campus after sophomore year with a lot of roommates, and us funding $30,000, us paying the interest on her loans, and graduating a semester early, and getting her masters in 1 year, dd22 has about $90,000 in loans to pay back. I was expecting her to come home for a couple of years, but she got a great job offer at an accounting firm by her school, so she won’t be returning. I’m expecting some of the others to come back to pay back loans, a 1 bedroom apartment here is about $1000 a month (dd is paying $500 and has 4 roommates).

 

[dotfurio]

I expect they might have to live at home after college for a while, although I don't think they'll want to get a job and settle here, so who knows.

 

[Summer2018]

My daughter (20) is welcome to stay as long as she pleases. She contributes to our home financially and does her share of the chores. She and I are best friends, and we truly enjoy spending time together. Her friends love my husband and I, and they come to us for advice often. Our home has always been the place where the kids like to sleep over and hang out.

She is a working actress, and there are times when she is working a lot and putting money in the bank, and there are slower times when she needs a safety net. Lately she has been doing well. She paid for her own room and dining plan at the Polynesian on our recent trip. It would be unwise for her to rent an apartment on her own with the ebbs and flows of her income, and her part time retail job isn't enough to support her. So, I expect that she will live at home until she either gets a long-term acting gig or when she gets married. Either way, I'm in no hurry for her to move out.

 

[tcufrog]

Probably when they graduate from college. I hope they’ll come back home during college breaks and maybe even bring a friend or two like I used to.

 

[georgina]

My kids all came home the summer after their first year of college, only one came home for another summer. They worked in other places after that, and all live on their own now. One is married, so she won't be back! The other 2 live far away but they know if anything happens in their lives they are welcome home for a bit.

 

[Hikergirl]

I'm hoping that when my kids graduate college they will be in a position to leave home.
If they aren't I won't say no to them staying but my expectation is that they will be able to support themselves fully by then. Maybe not immediately upon graduation, but I'm going with the assumption that they will be starting their careers and making a salary that allows them too very soon after.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

My daughter (20) is welcome to stay as long as she pleases. She contributes to our home financially and does her share of the chores. She and I are best friends, and we truly enjoy spending time together. Her friends love my husband and I, and they come to us for advice often. Our home has always been the place where the kids like to sleep over and hang out.

She is a working actress, and there are times when she is working a lot and putting money in the bank, and there are slower times when she needs a safety net. Lately she has been doing well. She paid for her own room and dining plan at the Polynesian on our recent trip. It would be unwise for her to rent an apartment on her own with the ebbs and flows of her income, and her part time retail job isn't enough to support her. So, I expect that she will live at home until she either gets a long-term acting gig or when she gets married. Either way, I'm in no hurry for her to move out.

I totally agree! We are in no hurry to get rid of our kids as well. DD(20) and DS(17) are full time students and work full time in the summer and part time during school. They cover all of their own expenses so aside from food do not really cost us much. Their University expenses are/will be paid for by us from an already set up fund so they will not have any debt. So far we have not asked them to contribute to household expenses because they are very good at saving their money for their future and that is really all we want. They are great company and really have never given us any type of serious grief. We hope they will leave only when they get married or get enough saved to purchase their own property but we would not stop them either if they wanted to go before that. They have been told that they will always have a bedroom with us.

Just to add dd and I spent a week in Disney this past June and she insisted on paying all of our food expenses to help out so that was a nice financial help.

 

[kimblebee]

Never

Right now she’s planning on moving three provinces away in November amd I am 100% in denial about it. Plans change so much when you’re 17..but, she’s not flaky like that so I think it’s for real.

 

[disykat]

I prefer them home for MOST holidays during college and maybe some summers. I too want them to have internships, etc. some of those summers so they aren't home every summer. (Boring! I worked at a National Park for two summers during college.)

One of my sons moved home after college and it's been a Godsend. (Explained on other thread) In general, I think living off on their own is best but every circumstance is different. In addition to the family trama that hit around the time he graduated, our younger son's job training period is weird so it just made sense to stay where housing was free for a while. The job application process was about 6 months so it made sense to come back to a previous part time job, early training was well paid but only lasted about 6 months, school (living at the police academy) 6 months and THEN he'll get a placement. It didn't make sense to be paying rent during the application process or academy and moving for the short training period didn't make sense either.

For "kids" who don't have jobs yet, living at home just plain makes sense financially. I think it's pretty normal to spend a while at home if you haven't secured a job yet unless you're basing your job hunt from an inexpensive shared apartment that you're already in. I think if the dream job search goes on too long, then it's time to get any old job you can get and a cheap living situation with other young people and continue your big job hunt away from the comfort of home. It's when kids don't consider it a temporary arrangement that trouble starts.

 

[Marchand63]

Mine is long gone but he did it on his own timeline. I was in no particular hurry just wanted him to be in a good position to flourish & not fail.

So he left at 22, college done, DIL found, house ready & baby on the way. 14 years later - 2 dating, married 12, healthy DGD they are doing great.

 

[mamamary]

No set time when I hope they leave. As of now they have 2/3 more years of being away at college. I can see my DD leaving before my DS. Neither ever mentions moving out, etc. so we'll see what happens in a few years.

 

[tvguy]

We never had a time table for our kids. When they are ready both emotionally and financially.

DS moved out and in with his girlfriend at age 25. In hindsight maybe a little earlier than he should have, but 6 years later they're married now and they are doing okay. A few speed bumps financially because of their lifestyle, but they are learning. They bought a house last year and have benefited from the tax advantages of home ownership and building equity.

DD is 27 and this was the year she was going to buy a house and move out. But the housing market went nuts, (houses selling for 20% over listing price) and despite having enough money in the bank for a 20% down payment, her lack of credit history was going to force her into high mortgage rates. So she sought financial advice, and decided to buy a car on credit to establish her credit (she did not need a new car). Even THAT loan was a challenge even though she had the money to pay cash. So it is costing her money now for the auto loan, but it should save her thousands over a 30 year mortgage when she has established credit. Hopefully she got good advice. She was told she had to have the loan on the books 8 months for it to count. To be safe she is going to keep the loan for 10 months before paying off the car.
And the good news, houses are starting to sell for below asking price again. Rents, however, are still nuts. So renting still makes no sense.

 

[bigbabyblues]

Our oldest will be a HS senior this year, and he will not be going to college close enough to home to commute--our requirement. We want our kids to see that there is life outside of this area because there is no opportunity here, and he knows it. I seriously doubt he will want to return to this area after he graduates from college, and if he does, he will have a hard time finding work in his chosen field around here.

Either of our sons (youngest is only 15) are welcome to live here as long as they need to to get on their own feet, with certain expectations. They will need to be working, even if it is a job they don't love while they look for something better. They will need to help out around the house and clean up after themselves, things like that.

I knew people in high school who were pushed out when the turned 18, and I can't imagine doing that.

 

[lorimay]

Our daughter lived with us a while after she got married, so they could save money. They were able to purchase their first home by 25/26.
Our son and his wife are here now with their 6 month old son saving, so I figure another couple years at most.
I will be sad when they go, but also looking forward to our next chapter.

 

[marcyleecorgan]

I was in no particular hurry just wanted him to be in a good position to flourish & not fail.

That's how I feel... and I have plenty of time for DD to grow up still!

 

[aprilchem]

I'd expect my kids to come home for holidays, if they want, after they graduate high school and go to college. But I don't really imagine them living at home much after that. Neither DH nor I did - in fact, his parents moved away from their town just prior to his senior year of high school and he stayed behind to finish HS, so he was on his own at 16. I commented on the other thread that we've already told them that we plan to sell our house and move from where we currently live (east coast of the US) to Hawaii when our youngest graduates.

 

[lovin'fl]

DS-21.5 and has been out of nest for a year now. Working full time and taking classes and living in an apartment about 25 minutes from us. We were cool with him staying with us and saving some money which I pressed him to do but he wanted to go. Twin DDs-19.5 are on campus at college 9 hours away from us...boo. They come home for summer and winter breaks. But likely will get an apartment off campus next year so we'll probably rent that in May. Not sure what they'll do after college...come home or stay off in an apartment on their own. I think the latter. If any of them wanted to stay a year or 2 after college, I'd be fine with that. Don't want them much past that though. I am a very 'shove the baby birds from the nest and let them fly on their own' type person.

I didn't answer in the other thread about when we flew the coup. But DH and I met in college and married not long after graduation at age 23. So I was home, with my parents, about a year after graduation and then got married. DH never went home after college and had an apartment. My brother never came home either.

 

[jt'smom]

My son is graduating college this May, and will go straight from college to moving in with his girlfriend, who by then will likely be his fiancee. Obviously, he doesn't have his post-college job lined up, but he's got enough money in savings to cover what he will need to lease an apartment, and get utilities set up. He also has a job offer from the pest control company that he's worked for the past two summers to work at any of their branches, as a back up if he doesn't have his "real" job secured by graduation. I could not be more thrilled, lol. His dad and I are looking forward to moving into our dream living situation, that can't be done with him living at home! I love him to death, but I'm equally excited for him to start his own life!