When do you decide its time to step away?

[jrsharp21]

Several months ago I became the president of a youth sports association. It is a 100% volunteer organization. There was a group of members who originally approached me and asked me to accept their nomination for president. After at first hesitating, they talked me into it. Since day 1 it has been nothing but a struggle. The past leadership group is upset that I am in the position. They are still around in the group and doing things, or not doing things at times, to make my life difficult. There is constant complaining to other members to get them to turn on the group who is trying to make improvements. Back when that group was in power, some of the things they are complaining about now, were fine to be left alone. But now they are trying to magnify them and make it seem like I am the cause of the issues. These guys aren't going away anytime soon. Since being elected every day has been waking up to a knot in my stomach wondering what I am going to have to deal with now. I hate looking at my cell phone because I know there is going to be another email of someone complaining or someone calling to complain about the smallest of things. The only time I feel at peace is when I am home and it's after 11pm since I have an excuse of not to check my phone since it is so late. My mind often can't shut off thinking about all this stuff and there has been many nights of tossing and turning.

It is a bunch of petty stuff and never thought grown men would act like this when taking over. My tenure is not supposed to be over until the summer. But the affect this has had on my every day life and my family, I am seriously thinking about stepping down after the fall season wraps up in about a month. My wife complains that since stepping into this position that I do nothing but mope around and that I am filled with negativity. I am taking all of the negative criticism from the guys who don't like me very personal and just can't seem to shake it. I am also a coach in the league and I am pretty sure when I step down that I will some how get black balled from coaching again. It just sucks because a volunteer organization for youth should not be like this.

So now the decision is in my head if I see this through until the Summer since I accepted the nomination or do I step away in a few weeks? I see the good and bad of both and keep swaying back and forth.

Sometimes it is best to get opinions from strangers and are outside of the situation. Also, this helped get some stuff off my mind. Thanks for listening and to the vent.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Several months ago I became the president of a youth sports association. It is a 100% volunteer organization. There was a group of members who originally approached me and asked me to accept their nomination for president. After at first hesitating, they talked me into it. Since day 1 it has been nothing but a struggle. The past leadership group is upset that I am in the position. They are still around in the group and doing things, or not doing things at times, to make my life difficult. There is constant complaining to other members to get them to turn on the group who is trying to make improvements. Back when that group was in power, some of the things they are complaining about now, were fine to be left alone. But now they are trying to magnify them and make it seem like I am the cause of the issues. These guys aren't going away anytime soon. Since being elected every day has been waking up to a knot in my stomach wondering what I am going to have to deal with now. I hate looking at my cell phone because I know there is going to be another email of someone complaining or someone calling to complain about the smallest of things. The only time I feel at peace is when I am home and it's after 11pm since I have an excuse of not to check my phone since it is so late. My mind often can't shut off thinking about all this stuff and there has been many nights of tossing and turning.

It is a bunch of petty stuff and never thought grown men would act like this when taking over. My tenure is not supposed to be over until the summer. But the affect this has had on my every day life and my family, I am seriously thinking about stepping down after the fall season wraps up in about a month. My wife complains that since stepping into this position that I do nothing but mope around and that I am filled with negativity. I am taking all of the negative criticism from the guys who don't like me very personal and just can't seem to shake it. I am also a coach in the league and I am pretty sure when I step down that I will some how get black balled from coaching again. It just sucks because a volunteer organization for youth should not be like this.

So now the decision is in my head if I see this through until the Summer since I accepted the nomination or do I step away in a few weeks? I see the good and bad of both and keep swaying back and forth.

Sometimes it is best to get opinions from strangers and are outside of the situation. Also, this helped get some stuff off my mind. Thanks for listening and to the vent.

Hmmm...do you have a kid in the sport?

 

[rwdavis2]

Walk away and tell them exactly why at the next meeting.

 

[TAX GUY]

Several months ago I became the president of a youth sports association. It is a 100% volunteer organization. There was a group of members who originally approached me and asked me to accept their nomination for president. After at first hesitating, they talked me into it. Since day 1 it has been nothing but a struggle. The past leadership group is upset that I am in the position. They are still around in the group and doing things, or not doing things at times, to make my life difficult. There is constant complaining to other members to get them to turn on the group who is trying to make improvements. Back when that group was in power, some of the things they are complaining about now, were fine to be left alone. But now they are trying to magnify them and make it seem like I am the cause of the issues. These guys aren't going away anytime soon. Since being elected every day has been waking up to a knot in my stomach wondering what I am going to have to deal with now. I hate looking at my cell phone because I know there is going to be another email of someone complaining or someone calling to complain about the smallest of things. The only time I feel at peace is when I am home and it's after 11pm since I have an excuse of not to check my phone since it is so late. My mind often can't shut off thinking about all this stuff and there has been many nights of tossing and turning.

It is a bunch of petty stuff and never thought grown men would act like this when taking over. My tenure is not supposed to be over until the summer. But the affect this has had on my every day life and my family, I am seriously thinking about stepping down after the fall season wraps up in about a month. My wife complains that since stepping into this position that I do nothing but mope around and that I am filled with negativity. I am taking all of the negative criticism from the guys who don't like me very personal and just can't seem to shake it. I am also a coach in the league and I am pretty sure when I step down that I will some how get black balled from coaching again. It just sucks because a volunteer organization for youth should not be like this.

So now the decision is in my head if I see this through until the Summer since I accepted the nomination or do I step away in a few weeks? I see the good and bad of both and keep swaying back and forth.

Sometimes it is best to get opinions from strangers and are outside of the situation. Also, this helped get some stuff off my mind. Thanks for listening and to the vent.

I was almost in your situation. We just had our annual election and some were trying to get me to fill a key position on the board. I thought about it and was asking more questions BEFORE I accepted or declined the nomination. I had already told myself that if I accepted, it would be for the fiscal year, good, bad or indifferent. That's what the term called for, that's what I could commit to. I have since decided to decline it (for the many reasons you listed above).

Now, may I suggest, as the league president to call an "executive session" meeting? You can still have the general meetings with other board members and "regular" members in attendance but then you can hold executive sessions for ONLY executive board members. That way you can limit the static being caused by those PO'd they lost their seat. Defer all other static to be addressed at the next monthly meeting as long as it was addressed under new business (or old business if that's the case). Just remember that we volunteer for the better of the league (and the kids it serves). Don't let a few spoil that. Serve out your term, then don't seek reelection. Good luck. The pettiness from some of these "adults" is surprising.

 

[TAX GUY]

Walk away and tell them exactly why at the next meeting.

The only issue with this, is there are certain positions that MUST be maintained in order for these leagues to maintain their charter.

 

[ready123go]

My guess is that they can't get anyone to fill the position. Considering you had to be talked into it, I suspect other people had an idea how unpleasant the dynamic was.

Your first obligation is to your wife, your family and yourself. If they are suffering due to this, then it's time. It is a voluntary, not mandatory activity (this isn't paying your bills). As such, it's your choice how long you put up with the stress. Discuss with your wife and see what she says.

If and when you step down, take a cue from politicians and business leaders and say something like, "I have decided to spend more time with my family." DON'T say, "You people are impossible."

 

[jrsharp21]

Thanks all for the responses. Tax Guy, it sounds like you are familiar with the happenings and organization. The hard part is that some of the parties causing the heartache are part of the EC. One of the reasons they are trying to cause headaches for me is that they had a person they wanted in the president role. When my nomination came up they made arguments for me to not be in the position. They don't like that instead of ruling with a iron fist I run things with a softer touch. Instead of being a dictatorship, I try to respect all parties opinions and arguments in situations. So they come back and use that as I am soft and can't make decisions and don't have control. Also I have some beliefs about subjects that they don't agree with. So right now all this is due to me getting the position instead of the person they wanted there, who actually would probably fill the position if I resign.

I have been considering going back to school to get my educational requirements so that I can take the CPA exam. It would probably be a full year to a year and a half of classes I have to take, so I am also thinking about starting classes in the Spring. I guess I could spin it as one of the reasons why I need to step down. I would definitely try to not ruffle any feathers or offend anyone if I did. I do have a child in the program. I would hate for anything to be held against him for all of this.

 

[TAX GUY]

Thanks all for the responses. Tax Guy, it sounds like you are familiar with the happenings and organization. The hard part is that some of the parties causing the heartache are part of the EC. One of the reasons they are trying to cause headaches for me is that they had a person they wanted in the president role. When my nomination came up they made arguments for me to not be in the position. They don't like that instead of ruling with a iron fist I run things with a softer touch. Instead of being a dictatorship, I try to respect all parties opinions and arguments in situations. So they come back and use that as I am soft and can't make decisions and don't have control. Also I have some beliefs about subjects that they don't agree with. So right now all this is due to me getting the position instead of the person they wanted there, who actually would probably fill the position if I resign.

I have been considering going back to school to get my educational requirements so that I can take the CPA exam. It would probably be a full year to a year and a half of classes I have to take, so I am also thinking about starting classes in the Spring. I guess I could spin it as one of the reasons why I need to step down. I would definitely try to not ruffle any feathers or offend anyone if I did. I do have a child in the program. I would hate for anything to be held against him for all of this.

If the position would be filled by an acting president, and if that is your decision, make it happen. Its unfortunate the other members don't see it was (or should have been) a majority vote. The majority spoke and wanted new leadership, not what they were used to.

Good luck on the exam. I never sat for the CPA but did the EA exam. I struggled with it years ago and just left well enough alone. A few years ago I decided to try it again. I spent an entire summer (slow season) studying and passed all 3 sections, first try.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Time for a "come to Jesus" meeting with everyone. I've been President of several volunteer groups with varying results. I had to give the "put up or shut up" speech more than once.

 

[Disneychix]

Would your decision to step down affect the kids in any way? Please think of the kids 1st. That is the reason why all of you are there. What would this mean for you as a coach, and to your team?
Sometimes leaders who just watch the implosion are as annoying as the iron fist kind.

Are there any other leagues in your area? Maybe you can have a discussion with another president or one of the past presidents from your league?

 

[tvguy]

I was on a Little League Board for 6 years, and President 1 year. The adults can get you down. I was able to offset that by just looking at the kids on the fields playing baseball. The kids always appreciated what I was doing. But in my case, the President had no real power, you just followed the directives that the board approved. The only real power the President had was to point out when the board was attempted to do something that violated Little League rules.

 

[jrsharp21]

I was on a Little League Board for 6 years, and President 1 year. The adults can get you down. I was able to offset that by just looking at the kids on the fields playing baseball. The kids always appreciated what I was doing. But in my case, the President had no real power, you just followed the directives that the board approved. The only real power the President had was to point out when the board was attempted to do something that violated Little League rules.

You are correct. I really don't have any power. I get no votes in anything, the board does all the voting. I can suggest things, bring things to light, offer counter arguments, but ultimately the board vote is what is done.

 

[jrsharp21]

Would your decision to step down affect the kids in any way? Please think of the kids 1st. That is the reason why all of you are there. What would this mean for you as a coach, and to your team?
Sometimes leaders who just watch the implosion are as annoying as the iron fist kind.

Are there any other leagues in your area? Maybe you can have a discussion with another president or one of the past presidents from your league?

I don't think it would affect my team in anyway and kids move to different teams and different coaches when it starts back up again. The season would be over. And I definitely agree on kids first. That is how it should be. I would keep on working and trying to move forward to the very end. But like my good buddy told me in a conversation we had about this "if someone was punching you in the face over and over again would you just stand there or would you eventually move and get out of the way". That is what really got me thinking.

I appreciate everyone's thoughts and feedback. When you need good, sound advice, where else do you turn but to Disney people!

 

[jrmasm]

If your child wanted to quit before the season was over would you allow that? I realize that's not exactly the same thing. But it kind of is.

 

[Pakey]

I was league president for a large youth sports organization for many years. I worked full time and then did this full time every night. My family would time the space in between phone calls and it was rarely more than a minute; I would get home from work every day to a full answering machine and I would unplug my phone at 1am because they would just keep calling. This went on all year as different level clubs played at different times of the year. After four years, I was so beat down that I wasn't having fun and I felt the league was suffering because my heart wasn't in it. With 750 youth, I couldn't find one parent to step up and I stuck with it another three years because I didn't want to disappoint the kids in the program. With parents filing complaints/protests about coaches, referees, the board members, dealing with criminal charges on a board member, etc, I just couldn't stand doing it any longer, even for the kids. After 7 years as president (10 total on the board) I gave my notice, stuck to it and walked away. I never was involved again. I heard that another long-time board member assumed the role and the league went on as I knew it would. If you aren't enjoying it, get out while you still can!!!

 

[usnuzuloose]

The one thing I will ask is why did not one of these other people not take the position? I would let them know they are not to call the phone unless it is an emergency. You have a family that comes first. And one by one for the ones complaining I would ask them why are they complaining? And why are they not in the president position. Not trying to be mean , just letting you know this is how I would handle them.

 

[Pumbaa_]

your health is not worth it. the stress is obviously impacting you, and probably more than you realize. Time for an exit strategy

 

[marlynnp]

I think you need to lose the 'soft touch' and grow a set. There is absolutely no reason why you should be available 24/7. You need to set some boundaries.

Create a separate email address dedicated only for association issues. You set specific times when you will check and reply to messages. Unless there is a fire or death everyone should use email and add other specific times they can call, for example games days if there is a problem at a field, missing officials, etc.

Additionally, you should designate some other board members to assist in handling issues that have to do with their position. If you get an email about fundraising, you reply that you are forwarding the email to the treasurer and cc the treasurer in the response so you create a trail. Print (or 'file' to another folder) the email and then follow up with board members at your next meeting.

And I'd certainly tell anyone that complains that you expect to see them at the next meeting and they will be assign to the committee for ___________ (whatever their issue is). I'd also have a few choice words for those complaining about something they decided to ignore when they were in charge.