When did you know?

[luvmy3]

When my 3rd baby developed colic I knew we wouldn't be having any more

 

[Pigeon]

Both dh and I came from large families and absolutely did not want that for our kids. We knew we were done at two before we even started.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

I only wanted 2 children- regardless of the sex. ( 2 DD)
Two hands- 2 kids!


Plus the thought of college expenses was always one of the reasons for only wanting 2 kids.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

After DD, I had 2 miscarriages before becoming pregnant with DS. I knew I was done once I was pregnant with him. If it was another miscarriage, I was done with an only child. I couldn't go through it a fourth time. Thankfully, we had DS.

Two hands- 2 kids!

 

[mjkacmom]

When I accidently got pregnant with twins a month before my IUD appointment. Trust me, I felt DONE. Some people say a woman never feels done, but I do, and I'm thankful for my happy accident - no more "what ifs."

 

[mickeyboat]

Our girls were born less than a year apart, and were very difficult babies. When we got them sleeping through the night and potty-trained, and a little more independent, we considered a third. But DH's mom died, and in a way I felt it was wrong to have another grandchild she would never meet. We also started enjoying our family the way it was, and decided that our family was complete.

 

[PollyannaMom]

One-and-done for me. But the decision was initially made for medical reasons (with me) that were discovered while I was pregnant. After DS was born, my doctors advised against risking it again.

Maybe it's just that I want to be happy with what fate handed me, but I really think it turned out to be right for my personality, too. - I do love kids (I'm a substitute teacher - I spend lots of time with them!) But that's structured time. I've noticed that I don't really love the chaos of big families. And I think I would get too stressed at the times when I had to choose between different children's needs. I like that I can afford to do more with one than I could with several, and I just feel like I'm a better mom in the family structure I have than I, personally, would be with more. (Though I know lots of people who are great at it!)

I think everyone's personality is different, and if you know yourself and your own limits (and those of the rest of your family), you'll realize when you're done.

 

[Frantasmic]

I noticed there is quite an age difference between you and your husband.

HE will go through more changes (physically and emotionally) in the next 18 years than you will. I had a son when I was 39. He's 11 now and I am the oldest parent in his 6th grade class.

Yes, age, in many respects is just an idea in your head. But, it does change you physically as well.

Just something to consider. Your husband would be 57-58 when another child you may have graduates high school. 62 when they graduate college. You will hear stories now that I've brought it up about how great older parents are, etc. And it may be true in many cases. But, it is different parenting in your 50s than in your 30s.

I am not as patient with my son as I was my daughter (six years apart). Parenting takes more of a toll on me now than it did with my daughter. He is constantly mistaken for my grandson, etc. I don't hear as well as I did.

Again, just things to consider.

 

[pyrxtc]

Since this is a very family-oriented forum, I thought I'd ask here: when did you know your family was complete? I have three children who are still very young and all about a year apart. After my DD was born, my DH and I put the brakes on and decided to wait a few years to decide if we wanted more. My DD turns 3 this December and although I have my hands full with my three, I still feel like something is missing. I just can't imagine never having another baby. Is this a crazy feeling? I have been planning to go to school once my DD starts kindergarten, but I'm afraid if I do that, I'll never have another baby. DH wants me to do what makes me happy, but I don't know, so how did all of you know when your family was complete?

well my youngest is 9 and both DH and I feel we ran too fast after the last to "Mr Snippy". We both want another one and are going through adoption to get it. I loved being pregnant and would love to have another but it would cost more to go that route than adoption. besides, this way we get to pick the gender. We are also choosing to skip the baby part and go right into toddlerhood. We have done the baby thing 4 times between us and I have nieces and nephews that I am enjoying that through too. I would honestly go for 2 or 3 more and not just one but we'll see how DH feels after this one. Maybe we'll foster.... ????

you'll know when you are done. If you can afford it, then maybe you can play the "let's see what happen's" game and you'll get lucky or realize that you don't want it to happen.

 

[SydSim]

When I was pregnant with my first (and only).

 

[powellrj]

I had the 2 boys, and felt done, but DH always wanted a DD, so we tried a 3rd time and had a DD and the doctor told me I was done! I didn't argue with him!

 

[SLCborn]

When the DR said "No more kids for you. 3 is it. You're done!" and I cried forever which was funny because I HATED being pregnant. Hated every single second of it. Did really well with delivery and I always wanted another one when I was delivering.

My dh got snipped 3 weeks after our 3rd was born and it was great for awhile but then I started regretting it when I realized I'd never have another baby carrier, another baby swing, another baby bathtub. It took me a LONG time to come to terms with it.

Now I'm in my 40's and so glad we stopped just before I turned 30. My youngest is almost in high school, my oldest is in college and I'm a single parent.

 

[Pigeon]

My dh got snipped 3 weeks after our 3rd was born and it was great for awhile but then I started regretting it when I realized I'd never have another baby carrier, another baby swing, another baby bathtub. It took me a LONG time to come to terms with it.

That realization made me do the happy dance. I hated all the baby gear, and the 30 minutes of packing to run a simple errand.

 

[luvsJack]

I always knew after my first two that I wanted another baby. I didn't think it was going to happen though. But, the feeling of wanting didn't go away. Loved looking at baby clothes, picking out baby names etc. (no obsessively but just sometimes).

Finally when younger ds was 14, I got pregnant with dd. TOTAL shock and surprise.

I honestly thought that after she got out of the baby stage I would want another baby. I just thought that was part of me, loving the baby stages so much (I love the getting up at night and cuddling in the rocking chair, baby baths, all that stuff). But it all went away. I still love babies but I just felt like I was "complete" after she came along and no longer longed for the late night rocking sessions.

 

[mom2boys77]

We had our oldest ds when we were 18. Being so young, we thought we would never want anymore kids. But 7 years later we had our 2nd ds. My dh decided that's all he wanted and when ds was 6 weeks old, had a vasectomy. I was very upset but that is what we agreed on. The feeling that someone was missing never went away. My dh and I decided to have it reversed. That was in 2007. Nothing happened. We eventually gave up and tried to move on. Imagine our complete surprise when this March out of the clear blue, I got pregnant. I'm due in about 6.5 weeks with our little girl. We really couldn't be happier. I feel like we are done now but surprisingly my dh wants 1 more. We'll see about that. Our older kids are 17 and 10 and being 35, I just feel like this will be it.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

After our first child was about three and our second child was just born, I had decided I was going to be good with two.

 

[helloirishkitty]

I know that I am not done. I want nothing more than another child, we are just having issues conceiving right now. (I have one DS, he is 3) I am an only and suffer from depression from being the only child to elderly parents. I do not wish that on my son.

 

[Minnesota!]

During my pregnancy with my second. My girls are only 11 months apart, and I had a very difficult delivery with the first, and a planned C Section with the second because of the difficulties less than a year before. I had even more problems with the second, and we both felt that our family was complete. I am almost 10 years older than my DH as well, and these kids run me ragged!

One of the reasons my DH was happy with 2 is that we love to travel, and this way we will fit into a single hotel room. That may seem strange to a lot of people, but that is something that did influence our decision.

I was one of 2 and hated it...wanted more siblings. Dh is one of 4 and thought it was great.

We had planned on at least 3. #1 took 3 years, 3 m/c and a long labor. #2 took another m/c and a delivery that just about killed me and DS.

DH put his foot down that we were DONE with biological babies. He wasn't going to risk my life...

We have talked off and on about adoption. But honestly, I am really content with my family of 4. It's easier to travel, it's easier to afford, etc. Right now, it's perfect for us.

We had decided to really pursue adoption when DS#2 was in kindergarten and now he is and.....I am just not feeling it at this point.

We will see what the future holds...

 

[MomofKatie]

I knew we were complete as a family when I miscarried baby #2. DD was 3 when I became pregnant. It took us 2 years to conceive the first time, and we had not been doing anything to prevent another pregnancy- I had always thought we "should" have 2 children (American picture perfect family and all that...). When I found out, I didn't feel the way I did when I found out about DD at all. I wasn't thrilled- more shocked and unsure about the whole thing.

Only a few days after the Dr confirmed the pregnancy, I miscarried at about 6 weeks. I cried a little at the follow up appointment, when the Dr sat me down and told me the baby wasn't there anymore, but overall, I felt more relief than anything else. I'm sure that if I had delivered the baby, I would love him/her and be grateful... but I have never felt that twinge of "what if" and regret when I think of it all these years later.

I just knew after that experience that our little family of 3 was the way it was meant to be. DD is a freshman in HS now and we are all happy with our choice to stop with one. I still looooove babies, but I am happy to cuddle friends' kids or grands for a while and then give 'em back.

 

[Andtototoo]

Well, we were told it would take a miracle for us to have a baby naturally. A miracle happened. We knew we were incredibly lucky to have one child. We know that lightning doesn't strike twice, so we knew the instant we got pregnant, that we were done. We chose to be happy about what we did have rather than focusing on what we did not have. There is nothing like being denied something to reorient your perspective.