I was wondering if I could do a little rant/evil confession here...
No one objects? Okay then, here I go!!
I have a friend who I was quite close to about two years ago and then (loooooong story) the friendship began to fall apart. She has behaviour that tests my patience that (after a ladies trip out of town where we were roomies) got to the point where my coping skills with said behaviour went right out the window and I couldn't stand to be around her.
I've had a very long vacation from close contact with her

and am finally getting to the point where I'm not moved to violence every time she opens her mouth. (Okay, I never actually DID anything violent but I would sometimes fantasize about it...

)
Anyway, we're not besties or anything but we can be friendly once again and it's not too painful for me.

She recently confided in me that she is expecting her fourth baby which she suspects might be twins because she used fertility medication this time around and there's a 10% chance of twins.
Can I just roll my eyes here.

10% chance to her equals almost certainty and she's eagerly anticipating her first ultrasound so she can find out.
She's eight weeks pregnant (gets the ultrasound at 10 weeks) and just started wearing maternity clothes. She is NOT showing yet and did this with the last pregnancy too...for attention. At least, that's my theory. She wasn't showing then either. Can I roll my eyes again?

Whatever, she obviously needs the attention.
She is 5'3" and fairly petite in terms of bone structure so she doesn't carry weight too well. She's in the 150's and would like to lose around 25 or 30 pounds. (Although with the baby thing, I guess that's off for a while.)
Okay, so when the friendship fell apart we had both been working on weight loss and having a fair amount of success. She's a quitter...she quits EVERYTHING she attempts so she went from 161 to 146, quit her regime and went back up to 158.
I lost 54 pounds, kept it off for a while and then put most of it back on again. When I started gaining again...she commented (she seriously has no tact...hence the violent thoughts on my part). I kept my mouth shut. I lost a lot more than she did and kept it off for longer but I had a lot more to lose so there really was no contest there.
Still, at the beginning of this year I was working at taking it off again (as was she) and she was so dang smug about her SIX pounds (I was down nearly twenty at the time) that I just felt like punching her in the face. Having the history that we do, I often know what she's thinking. She didn't SAY anything offensive (for once) but I could tell that she was thinking, "no matter what you lose, I'll always weigh less than you."
She doesn't feel successful unless she has someone else to compare herself to...she's admitted that to me many times. Her mom (who had historically always outweighed my friend by about 20 pounds) lost weight last year and got down to the 130's and she was depressed for a month!! She was also jealous of her husband's success...he lost 40 pounds and it was killing her!! Wait...I've got to roll my eyes again.
So, I'm going to confess a deep dark secret...
It's going to make me sound petty and small, but it MUST be confessed!!
Now that she's pregnant and gaining and I'm dieting and losing...I'm secretly hoping that we meet somewhere in the middle and it FREAKS HER OUT!! I will take fiendish pleasure the day I find out (and it WILL happen) that I weigh the same as she does.
And then, my friends...the race will be on!!
Alright...now you know. I am a monster.

Revenge is a dish best served cold my friends, and THIS will vindicate me for all the SMUG I've endured for the last TWO YEARS!!
Muhahahahaha!!
Was the evil laugh to over the top? I can never tell!!
