When a man has an affair?

[ZachnElli]

I have asked the same question many times. where do you find the time to cheat? I have gotten answers like the one above and my response is always the same. Where do you find someone with whom to cheat who will live this kind of life. Inevitably the person the married person is having the affair with will have emotiaonal attachments and want to move the relationship forward such that it will effect the other person in the marraige. Short of paying for the sex where do you find these "non emotional hookups" that will not eventually effect the marraige.

Alot of people travel for work and cheat on the road. Whether it's a once a year conference, or monthly trips, they find ways. Did you see the movie "Up in the Air"? My DH use to travel alot and said the movie was very true, he saw coworkers cheating all the time. Most of these coworkers just picked someone up at an airport bar, not kidding. I even worked with a woman who went to one of those once a year "sales meetings" and came back and told us how she slept with 3 different men and 2 were wearing wedding rings. She didn't ask because she didn't care.

 

[DisTeach1]

Alot of people travel for work and cheat on the road. Whether it's a once a year conference, or monthly trips, they find ways. Did you see the movie "Up in the Air"? My DH use to travel alot and said the movie was very true, he saw coworkers cheating all the time. Most of these coworkers just picked someone up at an airport bar, not kidding. I even worked with a woman who went to one of those once a year "sales meetings" and came back and told us how she slept with 3 different men and 2 were wearing wedding rings. She didn't ask because she didn't care.

This is what a lot of the Principals in our district do...they go to their seminars, and it is like open hunting season for them. They will sleep with anyone, any teacher, or whomever.

 

[cm8]

OP, yes it is possible someone who is happy at home will still cheat. Every time someone cheats (man or woman) it isn't necessarily because they are missing something. Sometimes it is just about opportunity. It is short-sighted and selfish but not necessarily a cry for something physical or emotional. Even an affair might be more about the thrill then anything else. I'm not condoning it but it happens.

People often forget that sex and love are very different things. Any person who is in a committed relationship will be physically attracted to other people. If they claim they are not they are lying, at least to themselves. Some people have the self control to leave it at that and some don't. It makes them bad husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancées, or whatever else but not necessarily terrible people.

In the end does it really matter? If someone cheats on me I don't care why, they did it and no matter what the circumstances the relationship is over instantly. I don't give second chances for that.

, I totally agree....I deserve better...

 

[LiberalPrincess]

I just had to post to thank the many ANONYMOUS posters in this thread. You've given at least one "black and white" thinker some food for thought. Every instance of cheating I've known of personally involved one selfish person who was taking advantage of their spouses' trust and the pain and struggle those families went through was painful to watch. But, I do really feel for those of you who are in these "grey" circumstances.

Some of the anonymous posters I get, and some I don't. For those happy with their husbands' "arrangements" why not say it in their own name? Unless they are not as thrilled with the situation as they say.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Some of the anonymous posters I get, and some I don't. For those happy with their husbands' "arrangements" why not say it in their own name? Unless they are not as thrilled with the situation as they say.

Because others (like yourself) will think poorly of them for being okay with such arrangements. This being the DIS they could be raked over the coals for it on this thread and it could be brought up on all kinds of unrelated threads as a reason not to trust anything the poster says, or to say "you deserve it" (no matter what "it" is) when the poster needs advice about a problem, etc. Surely you have noticed that people's whose beliefs and/or lifestyles fall out of the cultural norm are ridiculed here quite regularly

 

[cteddiesgirl]

Because others (like yourself) will think poorly of them for being okay with such arrangements. This being the DIS they could be raked over the coals for it on this thread and it could be brought up on all kinds of unrelated threads as a reason not to trust anything the poster says, or to say "you deserve it" (no matter what "it" is) when the poster needs advice about a problem, etc. Surely you have noticed that people's whose beliefs and/or lifestyles fall out of the cultural norm are ridiculed here quite regularly

It's such a shame that people have to belittle others decisions just so they feel better about themselves.