When a family member or spouse ruins a trip to Disney????

[edk35]

Just curious as to how many of US here have gone on a trip or trips and had a family member ruin it or near ruin it or at least take some of the magic away. I have been to WDW 10 times with my dh. I have to say that the past 5 or 6 trips he has made me mad there. He used to say it was because my parents were also on the trip that puts him in a bad mood. But that is not a good excuse anymore because he is still the same on the trips that they don't go on. He has never been a character meal fan and gets totally annoyed at those meals (says you can never eat the 100 buck meal because you are constantly jumping up and down for pixs), the crowds start getting to him and he is always looking for a SPACE where no one is so to speak. He is always way ahead of us when we are walking around the parks (he carries the backpack)....then he looks back and waits til we get close and then he takes off towards where ever we are heading....stops...waits but rarely walks with us. He has done that for years. It is HORRIBLE. I feel like after a few days he is miserable being there. WHY DOES HE EVEN GO???? I told him after this trip....we just got back....that I don't think he needs to go for as long as our trip is. So he tells me last night....that he feels like we are always on mission mode at Disney. Well I had to disagree with that because our last two trips were DVC and we spent a good chunk of time not in a park and at the resort or leisurely strolling through not COMMANDO like in past trips. He has no patience with the kids there after a while too. So I thought I would post here. I get annoyed that he doesn't enjoy THE DISNEY MAGIC as much as the kids and I.

 

[Christine]

Yes, my husband has ticked me off on a few trips as well as my mother.

My husband goes along and then gets mad when he starts getting cranky and he'll snipe or something. Or he'll get annoyed by my parents or he'll get his feelings hurt. Although he does enjoy Disney.

One year when I went with my parents and my kids were about 5 and 9, I REALLY, REALLY wanted to do the Grand Floridian Tea and my mother had some fit over it because it "wasn't fun for the kids." Boy was she wrong. I was mad because she was adamant about not going. It pretty much ruined the trip for me.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

I'm fortunate in that DH is a bigger Disney freak than I am. My immediate family does WDW with no problems and no stress.

We've taken two trips with family and neither one was stellar. Once we went with my MIL and SIL. SIL couldn't be bothered to be up and ready to leave the room before 10:00 and got offended when we left without her and told her to call us and we'd meet her. This happened every day. I'd spend every morning being ticked off and didn't feel the magic like I normally would.

On the other trip, we took my stepsister who happens to be the same age as my son. At the time they were both 11. She wouldn't ride anything. Dumbo was too high, Spaceship Earth was too dark, she might get sick if she goes on the carousel. Why did she want to go then? She wouldn't eat anything. I had to special order plain pasta with no sauce at each restaurant. It was miserable.

We're going on a cruise with my father and his family this August. My fingers are crossed that it will go well.

 

[Chloe'sMom]

There are certain members of our family who alwasy comment they would love to go to Disney with us. There is NO WAY I would go on a trip with them. They would totally ruin the magic for me. They are complainers.

How about on your next trip you schedule a few things just for your husband. Does he like to play golf? The Richard Petty Driving experience? Maybe an illuminations curise so as to cut down on the crowd level. The days he has the events you and the kids can go to the character meals that you love and he doesn't.

~Amanda

 

[MemoryMakers2669]

I'm fortunate in that DH is a bigger Disney freak than I am. My immediate family does WDW with no problems and no stress.

Me too! Mine is only a PITA when he is hungry! As long as he is fed, he is usually good.

 

[MAKmom]

I have a Grand Gathering planned this Christmas & my brother has me nervous. He freaked out on the phone this week that 9 days in Disney will kill him. He thinks an 8 yr old wearing a tiara to a Princess meal is bizarre.

I wish he was not going now.

 

[KristaTX]

Some ideas:

-Go without him (and maybe without the kids). Many married people here do solo trips, or trips with Disney-loving friends or even DISers.

-Split up more often when you are down there. I know my husband needs some "alone time" when we are down there. So do I, actually.

-Let him plan the activities for a trip, even if the activity is relaxation. He might enjoy getting to do what he wants. And he'd probably love to see that you care enough about him to do what he wants even if it's not what you want. And don't whine or pout about it, or you'll ruin it for him.

-Alternate days with each other for picking the activities.

-Go on a trip just with him, without the kids.

 

[ImagineerM]

My sister totally ruined our last trip to WDW (see the trip report in sig)

She went totally werid on us.

Now she insists on ruining our wedding too....good times!

It was pretty bad....I feel bad for her, I know she needs help...she just wont get any

Cheers,
Josh

 

[SamRoc]

My dh doesnt come to Disney that much with us anymore. He is more of the hunting/camping out in the woods upstate type. We went alot together when our kids were little, but he doesnt share that magic that me and my kids do now that they are older. We take Moms & daughters trips every Columbus day. My dh does enjoy Epcot, so him and my son will spend time there together. I have found that breaking up our one big trip a year into 2 or 3 smaller ones makes everyone alot happier, maybe you can try that. My kids and I love Mickeys not so scary Halloween party so we go to that and he stays home. I don't want to be at Disney with anyone who isnt have a great time!

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

DH and I took my mom and little brother to WDW in April. It was the WORST experience EVER. She completely ruined the entire vacation.

DH didn't want her to go, but I didn't listen. I thought she would be fine. Well, she wasn't. There were a few times that she was ok, but the vacation ended with her screaming at DH (who did nothing).

He refuses to have anything to do with her now and I don't blame him at all.

Oh, the biggest problems she had? She didn't like 1.) that we didn't hold hands (we never have, nor does she hold hands with my stepdad) and 2.) that DH wouldn't wait with me while I took pictures (this is because he was instructed, in front of her, to walk ahead to get FP's).

 

[edk35]

It is so frustrating.....I love Disney...right now I am listening to Disney Music that I bought while there. My kids love it too. We are 100% addicted. Whenever I start telling him Dis board stuff or TGM stuff or plans we have for an up and coming trip...he says "I don't need to know all of this....just tell me where to be the morning we get up and that is good enough for me." OH and my dh is a HUGE COFFEE drinker and that affects his moodiness. He can't make it through an afternoon without a coffee or two. Trust me when he needs HIS LIQUID DRUG....you know it.

 

[LisaNJ25]

I think its time to leave hubby home

 

[NMAmy]

My DH is so easygoing--he doesn't care where we go and what we do as long as I plan the entire thing. He never complains and will good naturedly go to character meals and ride anything. He is a pleasure to vacation with.

DD and I have had our share of arguments at WDW but it usually blows over very quickly and doesn't ruin our trip. She's 17 and is looking forward to our next trip as much as I am. She still enjoys going and I love that and hope it lasts for a good long while.

To the OP--have you asked your DH what exactly it is that he perceives as a commando trip? It sounds as though you haven't been doing that but I'm wondering what it is that makes him think this and what he'd rather be doing differently.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

We've been on several WDW trips where my MIL pays for us, and also DBIL's family and we go on the Grand Poobah plan (stay at the Poly, Dluxe meal plan, etc.). Sounds great, but MIL decided she needed another senior companion for her to hang out with (both her sons had young children). So, one year she invited my mother along. I'm sure MIL thought she was doing me a huge favor--my mother never would have gone on her own--but I was against the idea. My mom was legally blind and bipolar--not a good combination, and I was travelling with DD5 and DS3 at the time. I didn't need an adult child to look after, as well, KWIM? But, MIL insisted, so along my mom went. What a disaster! Despite my recommendations, she refused to get into "walking shape" ahead of time. She tried an ECV, but ran people over since she couldn't see (this would have been almost comical had she not been hitting real people--like some bad movie). Then she expected Dh and I to push her in a wheelchair, like we weren't already managing a double stroller. She had problems with the food, the rides, the walking. She kept bursting into tears because she was bringing down the whole trip. My BIL got mad at ME (like it was my idea!) because my mother was more trouble than his three kids put together. My MIL felt my mom was ungrateful and a general downer (um, hello! She's bipolar!). Afterwards, my MIL kept saying, "Your mom is completely delusional!" Yeah, I tried to warn you...

I was glad that my mom did get to go to WDW once in her life. She was able to see why I love taking my kids there so much. She died last year, and we spent the inheritance on DVC. Overall, I'm not sorry she got to go, but it was a pretty miserable trip.

 

[edk35]

My DH is so easygoing--he doesn't care where we go and what we do as long as I plan the entire thing. He never complains and will good naturedly go to character meals and ride anything. He is a pleasure to vacation with.

DD and I have had our share of arguments at WDW but it usually blows over very quickly and doesn't ruin our trip. She's 17 and is looking forward to our next trip as much as I am. She still enjoys going and I love that and hope it lasts for a good long while.

To the OP--have you asked your DH what exactly it is that he perceives as a commando trip? It sounds as though you haven't been doing that but I'm wondering what it is that makes him think this and what he'd rather be doing differently.

You are lucky. Well my dh told me on this trip "my world does not stop just because I am at Disney". I was mad because he stayed in the room to watch t.v. the 3rd night we were there when I took the boys to the pool. He is not going to change his routines at Disney basically. He is the type person that is a big time creature of habit. He is in heaven to be in front of the t.v. so every morning he expects his 45 min. of t.v. before going anywhere because he does that before work every day. He wants to watch t.v. every night when we get back from a park...so he hates staying late at a park. He is not getting up any earlier at Disney to add t.v. time in. So if I want to head to the busses at 8:15 or so...he is the last one rushing around in the morning and we are always waiting on him. All he has to do is get dressed and put waters in the back pack. I however get up, get the kids up, something for breakfast, maybe wash or dry/fold some l laundry. SO it is soooo frustrating. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I told him last night he just needs to meet us at the park when he is ready. If he never rides a ride because he isn't there when park opens during busy times....oh well. He just brings me down anymore at Disney. He is not a disney freak like me. However he was all for becoming members at DVC this past Jan. We bought 300 points. I think he would prefer to sleep in every day, get up leisurely and just chill most of the time.

 

[klmall]

Just curious as to how many of US here have gone on a trip or trips and had a family member ruin it or near ruin it or at least take some of the magic away. I have been to WDW 10 times with my dh. I have to say that the past 5 or 6 trips he has made me mad there.........He has done that for years. It is HORRIBLE. I feel like after a few days he is miserable being there. WHY DOES HE EVEN GO????

My DH also acted in a similar way on some of our trips. It bothered me and it also really "hurt" me to see him miserable and not part of our family vacation. Yes, he does have some health issues that hinder walking etc. but he was so grumpy the whole time!

Why does he go? I think that's important for you to figure out; it may help you fix the situation a little. It took me awhile but my DH finally told me that he comes to WDW to be with us but our park activities are too much for him most of the time. He wants to be on vacation, relax, read and enjoy some of the meals (not character!) and he told me that he comes to WDW to see us having a good time. This is not his favorite type of vacation (not sure what actually is) and he needs to be left on his own sometimes.

So, after many trips we have come to the point where he relaxes in the room or resort and meets us for meals and a few rides/shows. I know now not to make him feel pressured to do something even if it's just asking him why he isn't going to a park that day. And I make sure to include any special activity he chooses after I give him a list of things he might enjoy. Basically we now travel as a family; he knows I love Disney and he chooses what parts of the day to participate in. It has taken us a long time to figure all this out and we have been married 37 years. He loves me and the family but he doesn't love Disney.

And I have taken a solo trip and wouldn't hesitate to do it again.

 

[darlene9947]

Well, according to my kids it me!! Only cuz I want them to run to Soarin' to get FPs and they just love to see the look on my face when they take their time strolling leisurely. I say it's my DH. He only goes with us for one trip every other year. That's all we can take with him. And even then, after about 4 days, he stays in the room and watches TV. Complains about everything especially the money!!! So, I go without him!!! Way more fun for me!

We leave in 2 weeks for 9 days. Thank God we're staying at SSR. He will feel like he hasn't left home!! We can come and go as we please and he can come out when he feels like it!

 

[edk35]

Well, according to my kids it me!! Only cuz I want them to run to Soarin' to get FPs and they just love to see the look on my face when they take their time strolling leisurely. I say it's my DH. He only goes with us for one trip every other year. That's all we can take with him. And even then, after about 4 days, he stays in the room and watches TV. Complains about everything especially the money!!! So, I go without him!!! Way more fun for me!

We leave in 2 weeks for 9 days. Thank God we're staying at SSR. He will feel like he hasn't left home!! We can come and go as we please and he can come out when he feels like it!

Well my dh is the fast pass person too but he actually seems to enjoy that. LOL He doesn't mind going ahead of us because that is what HE DOES MOST TRIPS ANYWAY. I guess everyone on here is correct in that I do need to figure out what he wants his Disney Vacation to be and then just do our own thing so to speak and when he feels like being with us for whatever he can. The kids and I are going in Jan. with my parents so that will be the first trip ever without him. He will be out of the country for 3 months so that is why he is not going to be there.

 

[lg3]

Sending a big hug to the OP. I really do understand, and can tell how frustrated and disappointed you are by it all. My dh didn't grow up with the Magic of Disney and while he isn't a downer at the parks, he just doesn't get as excited as I do and dd does. I've tried to not let it bother me. What really helped was that we went on our first Disney Cruise a few months ago - FANTASTIC! He loved it and I think it really helped him to relax, not have to run around so much and enjoy the special magic that only Disney can make. Do you think your dh might be up for that?

 

[vettechick99]

Wow, he bought 300 pts and feels that way about WDW? DH is not a freak like me, but he does like it - he just hasn't wanted to board the DVC train just yet.

Anyway, I'm sorry that he's a downer. It really stinks when they don't get it like we do. I am like you, listening to WDW music (daily!) and reading old guide books for pleasure. I just bought three 2006 travel books just to read in the bathtub. I don't care that they are out of date!

Anyway, so is he like this at other places? Places he normally likes, other vacations? WDW can really test your patience, even for us mouse lovers, but answering this will say a lot - is it more him or WDW?

You have two choices - sacrifice to make the vacation a little more to his liking or leave him behind. But really I say you two need a good heart-to-heart. What can he handle, what can you sacrifice. And get a good solid answer on what bothers him so much. He said the commando touring, but last time you didn't, right? So what was the problem there? Or maybe his idea of commando touring is different than yours? Like commando to me is all day and all night whereas someone else might think that more than a few hours in the park is commando. ? He might be in the latter camp.

I've had to change my touring a bit since going with DH. I've never really commando'd so I like a good afternoon break. But I don't need an afternoon nap. I'm happy to sit by the pool or go to a water park. A change of scenery is nice. But DH needs a nap! A be-quiet-close-the-drapes-shut-up-for-two-hours-and-sleep nap! So I've adjusted to that and we make it work. I still don't sleep but I can do laundry, take a bath or decompress another way.

Can you two work out a compromise? Maybe some mornings you take the kids and leave him at the resort. He can go play golf, watch tv, or whatever guy things there are to do. If he likes sports, you take the kids to the pool and he can hit the ESPN Club to watch some football.

And when do you go? If you go at peak times, then stop. I refuse to go during the summer or other busy times. Extreme heat and too many commoners ruin WDW for me - and I love WDW! So we travel during the off season, and will continue to when DD is in school, even if we have to take her out. Sorry teachers!

One last thing. You have 300 pts so get a 1 or 2-bedroom. Then you can do your thing with the kids in the living room and he can so his thing.

Good luck!