What's your middle-schooler like?

[DisTeach1]

My son is 12 and in 6th grade. I guess I thought this is the year he would branch out, but he hasn't. He hasn't made any new friends this year, and since some friends moved away the last few years. he really only has two friends that he does things with regularly. Most weekends, he's with us, hanging out. Of course, his favorite activities are computer and video games. He seems happy enough and doesn't moan about not having friends. He has pulled away from doing things with us, like playing games, etc. We went to the movies on Friday, just him and I, and I think he was a little embarrassed to be seen with his Mom, when all the kids his age were with other kids. I'm just wondering if he should be doing more with friends, etc. at this age, or if this is typical for a boy this age. He has always been immature for his age, so maybe friends are picking up on this.

 

[tkd lisa]

This sounds like my DS. He's in 7th grade this year, but is only 12 1/2, so he's one of the youngest by far. And he's immature as well.

Over the last couple of years, he has also not really had friends that he hangs out with.

I think it will pass. At least for my son, it does bother him. We recently moved to a different state, and he's said a few times that this is why he doesn't have friends. But he didn't have too many back in Md either, so I just think it's a stage he's going through.

Honestly, when I see how some middle school kids can be in a group, I think I'm happy that my DS isn't in a big group. I think that they can be very easily led into a bad situation at that age, because they really aren't able to think through consequences well.

 

[DisTeach1]

Does he still like to do things with you? I'm trying to get him away from video games, and try and get him to play board games but he's not interested. I guess it's the age!

 

[tkd lisa]

My son is a little different in that he loves to play board games with me. He also asks me to play video games with him. I will for some of them, but I just can't figure out the snowboarding/skateboarding ones, and those are the ones he likes best.

So maybe offer to play a 2 player video game with him? Or maybe a movie night at home (my DS likes that).

 

[disneylizzy]

I have a DS13 in 7th grade. He is the youngest of 4, so I think that is why he is very outgoing. He loves sports and has made new friends through being on different teams. He plays hockey in the fall and winter and lacrosse in the spring. Last year he did basketball, too. I think boys in middle school tend to have "sports" friends along with neighborhood friends.
Middle school is tough because there aren't a lot of activities to join unless you like sports. Much better situation in high school. Anything like band, chorus, drama or community service groups that he might like? I think kids this age don't automatically reach out to make new friends, it's easier for them to get to know somebody thru an activity.

 

[always quiet]

I have 3 kids, 15 (ok...almost 16 - 2 more weeks!! ), 14 and 11. The girls (14 and 11), seem to be more outgoing than my son when he was in 6th grade. In 6th, my son still had the same small group of friends that he had in elementary school. Now, at 15, he is very social with a big group of friends...not as many as his sisters, but I tend to think that girls are far more social creatures than boys (hence, boys are far less dramatic!! ) As long as your son is happy, I wouldn't worry!!

 

[dizagain]

We just moved to a new state at the beginning of the school year. DD (12 next week) is in 6th grade. She has met a nice core group of girls at school and she does go to b'day parties and over to play sometimes. They don't really do the movies/mall thing yet and most friends are not within walking distance. She IM's friends more often than using the phone - that hasn't really started yet. So she's not so social outside of school, but she does participate in a theatre group which she LOVES. She loves to hang out with us and play games, watch movies, etc. still.

I'm perfectly happy that I don't have a kid trying to grow up too fast...not concerned at all.

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

I wouldnt worry too much about it. When I was in middle school I had a small handful of friends. I usually just stayed home with my parents. This was before internet so I used to play board games or computer games. In sophomore year of HS I started hanging out with 3 close friends more and more. That group grew and now that I am 22 I have a large circle of close friends. I was very, very shy in middle school and most of HS. My brother was the same way. And now, you can't keep him home at night because he is a social butterfly. There is nothing wrong with your son. HS is much better than middle school and college is where you grow and meet people with similar interests. If he is having fun being with you (his parents), then I wouldn't worry. He is being a typical kid.

 

[daisyduck123]

My DD11 is in the 7th grade.

She has a close group of friends that she considers her "best" friends. There are about 2 girls in this group that she always wants to do stuff with outside of school, ....but...the others....she would rather be home with her family. When the others call....she asks me to come up with an excuse for her as to why she can't go over to their houses.

I think she just likes being home with us & I'm happy to take that because I know in a few years she will not want to hang out at home with us at all.

You said your son has a few friends & that seems fine for him.
I'm not sure I would worry about that.

 

[In a hurry]

For a boy to have a couple of true blue friends is enough. In general, they don't have a need to run with a "pack", like girls.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

My 12yo is an interesting creature. He's in 7th grade--a September birthday so one of the young kids. He used to stick close to home, never going off our cul-de-sac. He didn't socialize much and was shy. When he started 6th grade things started to change. He's still shy, but is always out and about with different friends, playing basketball and football with neighbor kids who he didn't even know existed when he was younger. He's on IM a lot and now talk on the phone. His pleasant personality seems to have disappeared even though it does make brief appearances, more as a teaser than anything else. His grades are still very good, but he doesn't want recognition for them because he doesn't want to stand out for that, like it's a geeky thing. He's moody, which was never the case when he was younger. Still a "good kid", but certainly changed from how he used to be.

 

[wilderness01]

I don't know if I would be so upset if he wanted to hang around the house.......safer you know? My son is pretty outgoing, with quiet spells. Anyway, he had this "group" last summer with the leader of the pack being a nasty girl a year older. She was nothing but trouble and had a mouth like a truck driver. She taught them words that would make an adult blush. Once we found that out, the friendship was severed. I do not want my son growing up any quicker than need be so keeping him home more often is now what we do. At first it seemed great that he had made so many "new friends" but in hindsight that group was the worst thing that happened to him. Thank God we caught on before any true damage was done. But it kept us in check to not let go of the hold on him anytime too soon.

 

[wilderness01]

For a boy to have a couple of true blue friends is enough. In general, they don't have a need to run with a "pack", like girls.

I TOTALLY agree with this. My son did the "pack" thing for about 2 months last summer and it turned into a nightmare.



My 12yo is an interesting creature. He used to stick close to home, never going off our cul-de-sac. He didn't socialize much and was shy. When he started 6th grade things started to change. He's still shy, but is always out and about with different friends, playing basketball and football with neighbor kids who he didn't even know existed when he was younger. His pleasant personality seems to have disappeared even though it does make brief appearances, more as a teaser than anything else. His grades are still very good, but he doesn't want recognition for them because he doesn't want to stand out for that, like it's a geeky thing. He's moody, which was never the case when he was younger. Still a "good kid", but certainly changed from how he used to be.

I didn't know I had given birth to twins! My son is the EXACT same way.

 

[Nite0wl71]

My DD12 has some really good friends, they all usually come here. She still does things with us and her and I watch a few shows together like LOST and The Bachelor. It is our time and the friends go home.

I am perfectly happy having her and her friends hang around the house even though it does get crazy at times.

 

[TheRatPack]

My son (11) is in 6th and he's changing a lot too. He's got more mouthy lately, but then at the same time you can tell he's maturing. I think he's pulled between still being a family kid like he's used to and being like his friends at school who seem to have been cut from the family tree this year?

I've seen so many of his friends from last year in 5th, that were under momma's wing all year and now they are walking home or going to the movies by themselves....etc. It's like a lot of parents seem to think that 6th grade is a time to cut loose from the young.

I on the other hand am torn between still treating him as I do his 4th grade 10 year old sister or giving him a little more space and responsibility. I know that I'm not going to let him do as much as his friends seem to be doing, but then again he did turn me down on taking some valentines candy in to school this year LOL

 

[wilderness01]

I agree that it seems like alot of parents think that now the kid is in 6th grade and its time for freedom. My son is one of the only ones that is not allowed to go to the movies by himself/with his friends. His friend was just saying the other day how fun it was to go to the movies with his friends, sit a few rows apart and whip skittles at each other. I thought to myself my favorite phrase that my kids hate for me to say: "it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt". What if a kid gets hit in the eye? I also thought to myself, see this is why you need an adult chaperone. These kids are only 11/12 years old for heaven sakes, why do they have to go to the show alone?

 

[MUFFYCAT]

My 6th grade DD has her few close friends. But on weekends she doesn't
feel the need to hang with them all the time. She's satisfied with the interaction at school and the computer.
Unlike my 14 DD who always had to have someone to be with!

 

[DisTeach1]

Thanks for all your replies. And it sounds like I really shouldn't worry. He is on a swim team which keeps him busy 5 days a week-We're in a lull on that right now-it starts back up in April. Also, he goes to youth group on Tuesdays and golf once a week, so he's not isolating himself. And, I am enjoying this time, so....no worries!