What's wrong with getting married young?

[ems_mom]

I am the OP of the original thread. I am still reeling from all the hostility from what I though was a relatively innocent question.

My DH was 24 and I was 19 when we wed. He had already graduated from university, I had only one year of CC. When my daughter was 3, I returned to college and graduated summa cum laude with a 3.9 GPA. Not all young mothers are without intelligence and ambition.

We tried for many years to have more children (multiple IVF's) but it was not to be. So yes, I guess I focus more than most on my one child. But her Daddy and I are still going strong 28 years later. And I think we are good role models for what a committed relationship should be. Maybe she's afraid a man like her Dad is hard to find today and is afraid of choosing the wrong man. But I encourage her that her man is out there...

 

[nathalee81]

I do think that there are some people who are mature enough to marry young. It really depends on the people involved.

I know I wasn't in any way, shape or form prepared for marriage at 18, 19 or even 20. My relationships at that age were, well, not marriage worthy to say the least (the angst, the drama, oh my!!!).

I'm glad that I got some time to live by myself and travel a little before my husband put a ring on it. But, that's me-and just because it was right for me, doesn't mean it is right for everyone else.

As far as having children in my twenties, when, apparently, my body was in "prime" condition-I wasn't ready for kids in my twenties. Just because my body might have been ready, doesn't mean my mind and heart were. I don't think you should have kids in your twenties just because your eggs may not last past thirty.

 

[JennaTX]

I got married at 18. I am now 40.

Do I wish I had gotten a college degree? YES!

Do I wish I had not gotten married so young? NO!

Did we get married because I was pregnant? NO!

I met my DH in High School, started dating when I was in college and he was in the Navy. It was love at first sight, young love, where everything consumes you love, you can beat every odd love. (Most of our family and friends thought we were nuts, but still supported us).

As a rational adult, I can now say the main thing that saved us was that we were stationed 2000 miles away. We had to learn to rely on each other, no one else. There was no running home to parents or friends.

Do I want my DD or DS to marry so young? Not really unless college is still in their plans. I think an education is too important!

But I also think marriage takes commitment, no matter what your age!

 

[Amy&Dan]

I agree with the idea that some people can marry young and be quite happy for life, others simply need more time. Then there are those like my 54 year old sister who cannot seem to make any relationship work no matter her age. Seriously, my 16 year old son could probably make a marriage work better than she could.

My parents married young, thank God my dad died when he was 40. By marrying young, they did at least get 18 years together. I married at 27, dh was 24 and we have been married almost 19 years. I think if I had met him a few years earlier, we would have still been fine to marry and would still be married. Honestly, we were both always mature for our age and could have handled marriage much younger.

I think it just depends on the two people. As in both of them. It can't be that one person is mature and ready, they both have to be.

I am also a member of a fairly conservative church and many of the young people get married young. They seem to do very well but I notice the ones that do get married young for all the right reasons seem to have parents that don't let their kids be kids all through their 20's. I am thinking in particular of one young couple that married about 18 months ago (she is now 21, he is 23). They got engaged but waited until he got out of school and got a job. They then moved out of state and just had a baby. My nephew is now 27, still lives at home and if he got married now, I'd give it a year tops. So even though he's much older than this couple, because his mom has allowed to let him persist with the idea that he is still a youngster that still needs hands on parenting to get thorugh his life, he is nowhere near as mature and ready for marriage, let alone a family.

 

[disfan07]

I am only 21 but I know that I have no desire to get married until I graduate college. I think getting my college degree is the most important thing I can do right now and I don't want anything to possibly interfere with that. I don't believe that I could provide the life for my kids that I would want to without a college degree. I will graduate right before I turn 24 (I am 2 years behind for medical reasons). I don't plan on getting married before that.

My brother is 24 and is engaged. His finace is 20. They are NOT getting married until AFTER she graduates. Her parents won't pay for a wedding if they don't wait and they don't want to do it before that anyways. She graduates in 2 years. Her parents did not go to college and they are very adament that she gets a college degree. She will be 22 when they get married.

I just can't imagine being married before college! But I also can't imagine not going to college. So maybe that is where my thought process is. For me, college is probably the biggest part of it.


For the person who mentioned trouble conceiving...I could be married now at 21 and I would probably still have trouble. I have PCOS, endometriosis, plus other medical conditions that we already know will make conceiving difficult for me. My current GYN is an infertility specialist and if I am living here when I get married, she already knows that it will probably be a long road. She discovered some other probable issues when doing a pelvic laparoscopy in december. So for me, as another PP said, difficulty conceiving for many has nothing to do with age but just unfortuante circumstances.

 

[Family Fun Mom]

I got married one month before my 21 birthday. We were young, stupid, broke and completely unprepared for what was ahead of us. But we were committed to each other and determined to get through it together. I'd say after 16 years and 3 kids, we're a success. It has never been easy but nothing worthwhile is.

There are definite disadvantages to waiting to marry until later in life as well. When you live on your own for so long, you depend only on yourself and do not learn how to function in a partnership. It's harder to give yourself to someone, lean on them, trust, ect. When you are young your heart is usually wide open. That can be a bad thing if you are with the wrong person, but when it's right there is nothing better.

I will never regret getting such an early start to marriage and motherhood. I love the way my life has worked out. It defintely worked for me.

 

[NMAmy]

I guess a lot of it has to do with the way you come into marriage. For us it was a forever commitment from the beginning. We'd both lived through divorce as kids and knew that was something that we would not do to ourselves or our kids; no matter what.

I think a lot of posters are getting defensive because they see the life choices of others or their wishes for their children's lives as a condemnation of choices they've made. I get a little irritable over comments like the one above--I married young, it didn't work out, but I certainly didn't go into that marriage thinking that it was not a forever commitment. I hope you never find this out first hand, OP, but sometimes a spouse can do something that can change a person's world in a heartbeat. I never thought it would happen to me--but after 13 years of marriage, I did divorce and it was not something I had ever thought I would do.

As to why I don't want my dd to marry young--well, it has nothing to do with anyone but the experiences of those in my own family and my own experiences. I"ve seen some young women marry at age 18-20 simply because they didn't know what they wanted to do with their lives. They've married and become SAHM's. While there is nothing wrong with that if my dd chooses to become a SAHM, I want her to have a backup plan in case of death or divorce.

I also want my dd to experience taking care of herself and being independent. Although I married young, I had lived on my own before that. When divorce came, I knew I could live on my own because I'd done it before. There is a difference between having to take care of everything yourself and having someone to divide those chores with.

My statement about not wanting my dd to marry young is a personal choice based on my own experiences. It's not a condemnation of anyone else's choices.

 

[Mrs. Sojourner]

Sorry I guess I shouldn't have worded it like that. What I meant was basically what jodifla said.
She just explained it much better then I did.

I understand I just don't think that those things have to be done before you get married. We have experienced those things together.

Living Life:
meeting different people
seeing the world
getting an education
getting your heart broken a couple of times
developing your instincts

We have done all but getting our hearts broken and I'm not at all sad I missed that one.

OP, not everyone who goes through college ends up with a huge mass of debt over their heads. I feel for those that do, but it is not true of everyone.

You are right not everyone does. I'd be interested to know the statistics on that. Of the people I know, the percentage is very high.

I got married just a few months after turning 18. 3 years later, I'm incredibly happy! My DH is 27 and I'm just short of 21 right now. I'm in college and he is a college grad. Most of my friends are all off at college drinking and partying every night. I never wanted to do that. I wanted my future to start a lot earlier. There's not much "living" when you're having hangovers or hours away from your family. DH and I live 30-45 minutes away from our family and we're perfect together. I don't regret a thing!

I love to hear a story like that.

I was 20 and DH was 24 when we married. We have been married 22 years We had already dated 5 years, he had graduated from college , had worked as an Accountant for a year, and I had completed 2years of college, 80+credit hours. We were pretty "grounded." Our parents were all still married, no divorces. We had come from similar backgrounds, were very compatible.

I can think of 9 couples that got married in their early 20s, younger than 25, and 7 of those couples are still married.

I think I will be ok with my sons marrying young. I hope they are mature, and compatible with their significant other.

I know some people who never married and i wonder if they regret not marrying young. It seems you have more choices when young.

Now that so many people live together, it is sort of like marrying young.

Thanks for sharing your story as well!

Well for what it's worth - I was married at 19 and my husband was 20. We've been married almost 24 years.

We both have Master's Degrees. We've both traveled. We were never financially supported by our families and have never received any sort of government aid other than Financial Aid for college.

We are financially sound and have good careers. I know people like us ... who made it work. I also know people who were married at the same time and ages and it was a disaster.

I could say the same thing about people who got married at nearly every age.

I want my own children to live their own lives and do what makes them happy and successful. Neither one of them really have a "marriage candidate" so it really isn't an issue. To tell you the truth I'm just as concerned about WHO they marry as I am about their chronological age when it happens. If they meet somebody when they are young, that's fine. If it doesn't happen until the are 36 ... then I sure as heck don't think they should settle at age 22 just so they can get started on the baby-making.

Well said.

I think life is expensive and good jobs are hard to find. If you have the opportunity to get a good education and travel a little before you settle down I think that is a good idea. My nephew is in his 3rd year of college and spending a semester touring Ireland, Italy, Scotland, etc. If he was already married with a baby that opportunity would not be available.

My parents married young and did not have good educations. My mother was a stay at home mom her whole life and my father worked on the railroad. I'm not saying we were POOR, but they could never afford to buy a house or a car.

I'm always amazed when I read these boards and no one seems to have grown up in an apartment We were five people in a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment. My first trip to Disney was my honeymoon.

I think the "live first" means get an education, travel, find a good job, have fun and then settle down. JMHO

eta: they were children of the depression, so maybe their reality would not apply these days

My DH and I have traveled in Asia, Africa & Europe. He has his Masters and I have some college credits, not quite a finsished AA (I have recently considered going back, because I think I finally have an idea of what I would like to study), we both have a career we love working with an NGO overseas. We have lived, we have just done it together. My point is that living life and getting married young are not mutually exclusive.

I don't think I've lived life any less because I never had my heart broken. I met a and starting dating DH when I was 18 and he was 23. We got married when I was 23 and he was 28. I don't think I needed to date a bunch of losers and have my heart broken to have lived my life.

Plus you can see meet different people, see the world, get an education, etc when you are in a serious relationship. I went out of state to college (in a big city), worked in a foreign country, traveled, got an education, made friends from all over the world, all while I was dating DH. He never held me back. Now I don't think I could have done this if I married him at 18, but I see nothing wrong with people getting married once they graduate college as long as they can fully support themselves.

Another great story.

We married relatively young (both 22). We seriously considered getting married at 20, but waited because we knew our families would be "concerned." We had our first child at 24.

We are now pushing 40 and have no complaints. We've never considered marriage and family to have kept us from living life to the fullest. He has seen the world, I don't have a burning desire to cross the ocean. I have 3 degrees. He is a self-educated jack of all trades. We've met new people and made career changes along the way. I don't feel marriage or children got in the way of any of that, but maybe our goals were smaller/more easily attainable than others.

I know many couples, our age and young who married under age 22 and honestly, they are just as happy if not happier than my friends who married at 35+. What I have found with couples who marry young, they grow up together and have shared experiences of building an entire life together. I was 21 and DH was 24. My sisters were 22 and 23 and their DH's were 25 and 23. We've been married 30 years and my sisters 28 and 19 years. There's absolutely nothing wrong with getting married young. There is no rule that says you have to own a house or have $ in the bank to be happy in a marriage. Most of our friends who married around the same time we did, all rented apts for a few years before they saved enough together to buy their first home.

I do get really tired of people saying that someone was too young to get married because they were only 18 or 20 or whatever. My parents were 20 and have been married 52 years happily. They too built everything they have together.

Something else I've found is being able to have children. DH and I were 23 and 25 and 24 and 27 when we had our 2 boys. I got pregnant easily with no hand wringing, intervention, etc. We now live in a neighborhood where couples chose to have the big house, nice cars, etc. before they had kids and all but one or two of my neighbors had major problems conceiving, all over 35. People don't like to believe it, but fertility really drops after 30.

I agree.

I don't think there is one blessed thing wrong with getting married young. I was 2 days over 21 and DH was 24 when we married twentysomething years ago.

We are still together and we are still happy. We knew we wanted to live the rest of our lives together, so we got married. 20+ years on, we still know it. My parents got married at about the same ages we did, for the same reason; 60 years later, they are still together as well.

I also don't get this whole "you have to live first" I've lived plenty and so has DH and it was better, I think, because we knew we had each other's backs, had each other to rely on completely and totally.

Yes, I married the first man to capture my heart, and honestly, I don't see how going thru two or three guys just for the sake of the experience would've made my life better.

I am loving all these great stories.

I got married at 20, dh had just turned 25. If I had not had kids young, I would not have kids. That is a fact. At 28, I could no longer carry a pregnancy. I certainly don't advocate teenagers having babies , but 20 somethings, absolutely! I know several women who waited and are childless. I don't understand what is wrong with bringing up the fertility issue! Oh dh and I will be celebrating 19 years in a few months and we were talking about going to Italy for our big 20 year anniversary!

20 years! Congrats!

Married at 18. Married 41 years now. No kids (maybe that is why we lasted) No regrets on being married at 18. We grew up together, with a life full of love

Exactly.

Yeah, this. "Childhood" now extends well into the early 20s, with most kids that age still living at home or in a dorm, partly or wholly supported by parents, and not ready/willing to take on being entirely responsible for themselves much less for someone else as well. And I think the more emphasis we as a culture place on "me time" (traveling, partying, generally only thinking of one's self) before marriage, the more young adults come to enjoy that lifestyle to a degree that interferes with the selfless tendencies required for successful marriage and parenting.

I married at 22. DH & I partied together, travel together, bought our dream house/money pit together, and have basically gotten set in our ways together. We started out in a one-bedroom pit of an apartment, moved up to a "manufactured" home on a postage stamp lot, then to a tiny 3 bedroom cottage and now our historic "forever" home. We've been broke and not knowing how we'd pay the bills, and we've built a business together that has made it so that we can travel and spend time with our kids because we're not punching a clock. Both of us went to college before we met and neither of us wants anything to do with the careers we chose at 17, but I don't think either of us would have struck out on the path we've made without the support/encouragement/faith of the other.

And as others have said, age does matter when it comes to having kids. Our third and last child was born when I was 29 after a long road of miscarriages and thinking we'd never have her, and I thank my stars every day that I had the kids young because those problems are only likely to get worse as I get older.

Bingo. And, I love your story.

Lol, I have seen the opposite. I got married at 29, but all but 2 of the early marriages from my highschool years are still sound. Of the crew who got married around our time the numbers are more lime the 50/50 avg.

My only concern for someone like the op is that sometimes things dont work out and her skillset would make life difficult.

I understand this concern, as it has been that of my family for a long time. Over the last two years, though I have still predomintely been a SAHM, both my DH and I have worked for an NGO overseas and I love it. I would continue this even if something were to happen to my DH and I would be able to support myself and my children. I have also been considering taking some more college classes now that I know what I would enjoy.

I am the OP of the original thread. I am still reeling from all the hostility from what I though was a relatively innocent question.

My DH was 24 and I was 19 when we wed. He had already graduated from university, I had only one year of CC. When my daughter was 3, I returned to college and graduated summa cum laude with a 3.9 GPA. Not all young mothers are without intelligence and ambition.

We tried for many years to have more children (multiple IVF's) but it was not to be. So yes, I guess I focus more than most on my one child. But her Daddy and I are still going strong 28 years later. And I think we are good role models for what a committed relationship should be. Maybe she's afraid a man like her Dad is hard to find today and is afraid of choosing the wrong man. But I encourage her that her man is out there...

Sorry about that; it seems things get hostile quickly around here! Thanks for sharing your story!

I got married one month before my 21 birthday. We were young, stupid, broke and completely unprepared for what was ahead of us. But we were committed to each other and determined to get through it together. I'd say after 16 years and 3 kids, we're a success. It has never been easy but nothing worthwhile is.There are definite disadvantages to waiting to marry until later in life as well. When you live on your own for so long, you depend only on yourself and do not learn how to function in a partnership. It's harder to give yourself to someone, lean on them, trust, ect. When you are young your heart is usually wide open. That can be a bad thing if you are with the wrong person, but when it's right there is nothing better.

I will never regret getting such an early start to marriage and motherhood. I love the way my life has worked out. It defintely worked for me.

So true! Thanks for sharing your story; love it!

I think a lot of posters are getting defensive because they see the life choices of others or their wishes for their children's lives as a condemnation of choices they've made. I get a little irritable over comments like the one above--I married young, it didn't work out, but I certainly didn't go into that marriage thinking that it was not a forever commitment. I hope you never find this out first hand, OP, but sometimes a spouse can do something that can change a person's world in a heartbeat. I never thought it would happen to me--but after 13 years of marriage, I did divorce and it was not something I had ever thought I would do.

As to why I don't want my dd to marry young--well, it has nothing to do with anyone but the experiences of those in my own family and my own experiences. I"ve seen some young women marry at age 18-20 simply because they didn't know what they wanted to do with their lives. They've married and become SAHM's. While there is nothing wrong with that if my dd chooses to become a SAHM, I want her to have a backup plan in case of death or divorce.

I also want my dd to experience taking care of herself and being independent. Although I married young, I had lived on my own before that. When divorce came, I knew I could live on my own because I'd done it before. There is a difference between having to take care of everything yourself and having someone to divide those chores with.

My statement about not wanting my dd to marry young is a personal choice based on my own experiences. It's not a condemnation of anyone else's choices.

I am sorry for irritating/offending you with my comment. I do not know your personal experience. Generally speaking (there are always exceptions to the rule) I do believe that in Western culture marriage is not really looked at as forever anymore. Just look at the many wide-ranged reasons for divorce given. Personally, for me, not anything I hold anyone else to, forever is forever no matter what. I know that I am probably the exception and will probably be flamed for this. I have seen marriages where they ended because of infidelity or other such things that are widely excepted for divorce. I have also seen those smae type situations where there was forgiveness and reconcilitaion. Again, this is not something I hold everyone to. But, I hope and pray that I can be the later if, God forbid, something like that were to happen in my marriage.

 

[5lilfish]

There is nothing wrong with getting married young, to each their own. The female body is built to carry and bear children most efficiently when she is YOUNG.

I see so many couples getting married in their late 30s or 40s and wondering why they are having trouble conceiving. I see lots of infertility problems in this group's futures.

I agree that the female body is meant to have children young. I have a few friends from high school that got married in their 30's and went through lots of fertility issues. I've heard of so many people that either got married very late or waited to build a career first and then could not conceive.

I'm not saying that I necessarily think that getting married at 18 is a great idea, but purposely (obviously not every that gets married late chooses to)waiting to have children until your mid 30's isn't the best idea either.

As to the fact that girls can get pregnant at 13/14 so should they...I don't know what that has to do with the fact that it is better to try and have children before you reach an age that it is harder to conceive. I'm pretty sure its basic math that waiting until say 22 to have a child still gives you 13 yrs before you hit 35. I certainly don't see how your post was suggesting that young teens get pregnant simply because they can.


Jess

 

[Mom of 3 Princesses]

Because I believe young people should experience a bit of life, travel and such, finish college, and have several years of work experience before they start having children.

OP, are you even 30 yet? Things can look a lot different at 50. I'm glad it's working out for you, and you live in another country where the culture might be different.

None of my friends who married before they were 20 are still married 30 years later.

Perfectly said.

I got married at 19 had my first at 20.

Experienced having to work full time cause I didn't have an education.
Grew up between 20-25 and realized I was not the same person as I was when I was young.
Didn't travel and think I am still ignorant of the world 16 years later (although the past few years have blessed me with travel)
Missed staying at home with my children because I was too poor to pay for anything and had to work 2 jobs.
Realized that there was a big difference between love and puppy love.

And most especially, I was young, immature, had a lot of growing up to do, made horrible choices because of my inexpeirence and lack of knowledge.

I have been divorced, in poverty, unemployed, homeless and uneducated.

If I had waited, learned more, done more, opened my mind more.... I would not have had to struggle so hard to get where I am now. The lessons would not have hurt me or my children as much as they did.

My life is beautiful now. I have remarried now, have a good profession, an education and 3 beautiful amazing perfect daughters. Sometimes I look at the daughter from my second marriage (now married 8 years) and then look at my older two daughter (especially the oldest because she remembers more) and it breaks my heart to know that I stole some wonderful years from my older girls, as well as wonderful times with me as well. I see how happy and easy and calm and laid back everything is now, and feel guilty everyday because I was a stupid immature little girl who thought I knew what love was at 19... I had no clue... NOT at all.

I remind my girls of this constantly. Mommy worked hard to get where I am now. It was a struggle that I did not have to go through. Grow up, see the world, get your education, take your time, meet the right person... become the strong woman you are inside, before you allow someone into your life. Know you are complete before thinking you need someone else to complete you.

I am not against marriage, I am married now.., I love my life, I created my world, I worked hard for my life and if I had waited, if I had grown up.... there is so much pain that I could have prevented.

So, I wish I had waited, and I think that we give kids too much credit when it comes to maturity these days... 18 is young.. too young.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Perfectly said.

I got married at 19 had my first at 20.

Experienced having to work full time cause I didn't have an education.
Grew up between 20-25 and realized I was not the same person as I was when I was young.
Didn't travel and think I am still ignorant of the world 16 years later (although the past few years have blessed me with travel)
Missed staying at home with my children because I was too poor to pay for anything and had to work 2 jobs.
Realized that there was a big difference between love and puppy love.

And most especially, I was young, immature, had a lot of growing up to do, made horrible choices because of my inexpeirence and lack of knowledge.

I have been divorced, in poverty, unemployed, homeless and uneducated.

If I had waited, learned more, done more, opened my mind more.... I would not have had to struggle so hard to get where I am now. The lessons would not have hurt me or my children as much as they did.

My life is beautiful now. I have remarried now, have a good profession, an education and 3 beautiful amazing perfect daughters. Sometimes I look at the daughter from my second marriage (now married 8 years) and then look at my older two daughter (especially the oldest because she remembers more) and it breaks my heart to know that I stole some wonderful years from my older girls, as well as wonderful times with me as well. I see how happy and easy and calm and laid back everything is now, and feel guilty everyday because I was a stupid immature little girl who thought I knew what love was at 19... I had no clue... NOT at all.

I remind my girls of this constantly. Mommy worked hard to get where I am now. It was a struggle that I did not have to go through. Grow up, see the world, get your education, take your time, meet the right person... become the strong woman you are inside, before you allow someone into your life. Know you are complete before thinking you need someone else to complete you.

I am not against marriage, I am married now.., I love my life, I created my world, I worked hard for my life and if I had waited, if I had grown up.... there is so much pain that I could have prevented.

So, I wish I had waited, and I think that we give kids too much credit when it comes to maturity these days... 18 is young.. too young.

You wouldn't have the girls you do had you not experienced the life you did. While your experience was difficult due to your choices, I think it is a bit short sighted to broadbrush it across the experience of others.

 

[FredinFL]

I wouldn't want my girls to marry young. Too much to do, see, experience. You get married, usually you start having kids. You have kids, lots of stuff gets put on hold.

Live it! Do it! You can get married later. Travel, finish school, get your own apartment. Experience life on your own a while. Learn how to count on JUST YOU before you go pairing up with someone. Stretch your independent self for a bit. Enjoy YOU.

Early marriage isn't the worst thing in the world, but I think it's wise to be able to count on yourself for a while before incorporating a life mate.

 

[Mom of 3 Princesses]

You wouldn't have the girls you do had you not experienced the life you did. While your experience was difficult due to your choices, I think it is a bit short sighted to broadbrush it across the experience of others.

Although the OP asked What's wrong with getting married young. To which I answered with my expierence and opinion. So broadbrushing is valid, just as others talk about how they support being married young. Short-sighted, I think not. Basing my life and telling of my opinion based on the life I lived and the advice I give to my children.. yes.

Just as the OP painted the picture of what life would have been life had she chose to wait, so have I.

I am also not ignorant of the the fact that I would not have had the daughters that I have today, I think that is a bit of a short-sighted arguement, as I would never encourage my children to get married and have children young, in case of the children they may not have if they don't

 

[MrsPete]

Speaking only for myself, I am very, very thankful that I didn't marry at 18. When I was 18, I WAS CERTAIN I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life: I was going to go to college, then marry my wonderful high school boyfriend (whom I'd dated a little more than a year -- I figured we'd have been together 5 years by the time we finished college). I was going to work 2-3 years to build up savings and buy a house, then I was going to stay home with our children a couple years and go back to work when the youngest was in 2nd or 3rd grade.

Know how much of that I actually DID? I graduated from college. Not even in the major I began.

Like most 18-year olds, I was more idealistic than realistic.

I don't buy into the "you've gotta live or you'll be unhappy in marriage" concept. I think, instead, you've gotta be ready and willing to make the sacrafices that are necessary for marriage -- because while marriage is wonderful and means giving/receiving love, security, and companionship for a lifetime . . . it also means giving up some freedom and agreeing to compromise on many things so that you can live in harmony with your spouse. And at 18, most people don't yet grasp that they must give as well as receive. They don't yet grasp that to get the benefits of marriage, you must be ready to give up some things. (To give an example, my circumstances tie me to our state, and my husband has passed up some very good job offers that would've been good for him career-wise -- but together we determined that it wasn't in the best interest of our family.)

If I could lay out a perfect path for my girls, I'd have them find a perfect man and marry around 24 -- of course, I may think that's perfect because it's when I married. It's a good timeframe because you've had time to finish college, to begin your first job . . . yet you aren't yet "set" in your adult lifestyle, so you and your spouse can grow together and intertwine your lives. And marrying at that age it's possible to work a few years for financial security and still have your children by 30, meaning that you have the best odds of conceiving/having a healthy pregnancy, and the age works out well with having kids/a career -- your kids'll graduate from college before you're ready to retire.

Will that happen for my girls? Who knows, but if I could lay out a path to offer them the best chance for success in marriage, that age/timeframe would be part of it.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I think anyone who says they are happy they got married young only proves more why you shouldn't.
I hope DD marries later than even me at 26. If only so that she can live her life and have fun. Does that mean not having a relationship, no but I hope she waits and doesn't make a foolish mistake.

 

[Mom of 3 Princesses]

Speaking only for myself, I am very, very thankful that I didn't marry at 18. When I was 18, I WAS CERTAIN I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life: I was going to go to college, then marry my wonderful high school boyfriend (whom I'd dated a little more than a year -- I figured we'd have been together 5 years by the time we finished college). I was going to work 2-3 years to build up savings and buy a house, then I was going to stay home with our children a couple years and go back to work when the youngest was in 2nd or 3rd grade.

Know how much of that I actually DID? I graduated from college. Not even in the major I began.

Like most 18-year olds, I was more idealistic than realistic.

I don't buy into the "you've gotta live or you'll be unhappy in marriage" concept. I think, instead, you've gotta be ready and willing to make the sacrafices that are necessary for marriage -- because while marriage is wonderful and means giving/receiving love, security, and companionship for a lifetime . . . it also means giving up some freedom and agreeing to compromise on many things so that you can live in harmony with your spouse. And at 18, most people don't yet grasp that they must give as well as receive. They don't yet grasp that to get the benefits of marriage, you must be ready to give up some things. (To give an example, my circumstances tie me to our state, and my husband has passed up some very good job offers that would've been good for him career-wise -- but together we determined that it wasn't in the best interest of our family.)

If I could lay out a perfect path for my girls, I'd have them find a perfect man and marry around 24 -- of course, I may think that's perfect because it's when I married. It's a good timeframe because you've had time to finish college, to begin your first job . . . yet you aren't yet "set" in your adult lifestyle, so you and your spouse can grow together and intertwine your lives. And marrying at that age it's possible to work a few years for financial security and still have your children by 30, meaning that you have the best odds of conceiving/having a healthy pregnancy, and the age works out well with having kids/a career -- your kids'll graduate from college before you're ready to retire.

Will that happen for my girls? Who knows, but if I could lay out a path to offer them the best chance for success in marriage, that age/timeframe would be part of it.

Well said Mrs. Pete

 

[punkin]

I think everyone on this thread has a different idea of what "young" means. Is it 16, 18, 24?

It seems that young means at the age the poster got married or younger as long as it's under 35.

 

[cm8]

I got married at 18. I am now 40.

Do I wish I had gotten a college degree? YES!

Do I wish I had not gotten married so young? NO!

Did we get married because I was pregnant? NO!

I met my DH in High School, started dating when I was in college and he was in the Navy. It was love at first sight, young love, where everything consumes you love, you can beat every odd love. (Most of our family and friends thought we were nuts, but still supported us).

As a rational adult, I can now say the main thing that saved us was that we were stationed 2000 miles away. We had to learn to rely on each other, no one else. There was no running home to parents or friends.

Do I want my DD or DS to marry so young? Not really unless college is still in their plans. I think an education is too important!

But I also think marriage takes commitment, no matter what your age!

Truer words were never spoken

age 14 does not necessarily mean immature, young and dumb. Age 40 does not mean mature, polished and wise

 

[mjkacmom]

There are periods in my life that I remember as being particularly awesome. One of those periods was the 4 years I went away to college. Another time was when I was out of college, and in my own apartment, working and having fun (and I was actually dating DH at the time). It was a wonderful time, the only person I was responsible for was myself. I don't think I have ever felt that kind of freedom, before or after. DH and I dated for about 6 years, and looking back, it was so nice to say "hey, they weather looks great for this weekend, how about going away to _______."

We married at 28, and had our first child at 29, and I'm very happy, but I'm glad I got to experience all that I did before we got married. My mom married at 23, had me at 24, and her advice to me was to make sure I got out on my own before getting married.

 

[GinnyEmma]

I think anyone who says they are happy they got married young only proves more why you shouldn't.
I hope DD marries later than even me at 26. If only so that she can live her life and have fun. Does that mean not having a relationship, no but I hope she waits and doesn't make a foolish mistake.

Lol, poppycock. I think anyone who says stuff like this only proves a narrow mind and the inabililty to think past your own little world. Just because you are happy with your choices doesn't negate the experiences of others. Calling others ignorant because they chose/choose different paths is ignorant.