Whatever happened to social etiquette? B'day Party.

[Leajess99]

I am so sorry that you have to deal with that. We honestly gave up on parties and let the birthday kid choose a trip or outing rather than a party with schoolmates. It really has worked out so much better for us. I do admit that I do not always remember to call and say my child is not coming but if I do not RSVP my kids are going than we are not going.

ETA: I also do not just drop my child off unless I know the parent and then I am there on time to pick them up.

 

[tobylars]

Rude!! It is everywhere. I think the RSVP meaning has been lost over the years. I hear many people say, "Well, I thought if I was coming, I didn't have to call" The others say, "I wasn't coming, so I didn't think I had to call". I blame their parents (the grandparents) who didn't teach their "kids" what RSVP really means.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

We had my daughter's graduation party this past Sunday. The invitation was RSVP regrets only. I realize it was Father's Day (but it really was the only day we could do it for numerous reasons) and I expected a lot of people not to be able to come. I had about 15 families not come or RSVP. These were whole families I invited, so it was the parents who did not RSVP. I even included my e-mail address (which most of them have anyway). I even had 4 families not show up who told me they were coming. So glad I am done with birthday and graduation parties.

 

[emma'smom]

We will often set the RSVP dates really early (like 2 weeks ahead) so that we can call/track people down if we don't hear from them. For dd's last party, the mom (who is my friend) told me the night before the party that the little brother was coming too. This would have been fine, but I didn't have time to get a party bag together for him and I felt bad about it. Finally, I just told her that it was great that he wanted to come and we had plenty of pizza and cake, but I was sorry that I didn't have any extra favors. I had figured a few kids wouldn't be able to come--thus giving me extras...but in the end they all came. She was completely understanding, but I still felt a little bad.

 

[Cooky]

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[auralia]

we dont' do parties we save the money we would have "wasted" on the headache of a party and take a weekend family trip to a local fun area... for us it is usually myrtle beach and since the birthdays are in the off season we can get a 1 bedroom ocean front at a hotel w/ a small indoor water park for about 50-75$ a night and then we go to broadway at the beach and do magiquest or something like that. It is a nice family memory and my daughter doesn't feel like she is missing out anything.

 

[Duckkie]

I definitely feel your agony! We don't have traditional parties any longer. I let the kids invite along a couple friends to an event (magic mountain, disneyland, knotts, paint-a-dream, lazer tag, etc) instead of having a party. This is always less expensive and less frustrating for me. It also saves on hurt feelings for my kids when people no-show on them. Ugh, rudeness!

This isn't just a kid party issue though. My oldest daughter got married November 2008 and we arranged a small wedding as the kids were both deploying and didn't want a huge bash - we invited 75 people. 48 RSVP'd as yes the rest we didn't hear from at all, ever. Guess, what, 32, yes 32 (!!) actually showed up. That is 16 people that no-showed a WEDDING. Yes, we did have to pay for those 16 extra dinners and the extra layer of cake.

I'm also a Girl Scout leader and we use cookie/nut sale funds to pay for a lot of our out-of-meeting events. Parents RSVP then don't show (after things have been paid for) or don't both to RSVP then show up and get ticked when we don't have seats for travel or enough placed booked. It's frustrating.

 

[semo233]

I have noticed that it is getting worse. Now that my DD13 is getting older, they don't even hand out invitations and not always even an e-vite. I have called parents to make sure that there IS a party and that they will be in attendance. I can't stand it when she comes home and says there's a party for so-and-so and wants to go, but no invite!
When she was younger, I always brought her to parties and stayed and helped out. There were many parties where no other parents were there except the host and I.
We love to through parties and have been known to make up excuses for having parties....at least I know where the kids are and what they are doing! I also never turn down help from other parents.

 

[irish dancer]

Wow! I'm just amazed at all these stories. I can't imagine even asking to have a sibling attend a party they weren't invited to! Not that they haven't asked but I always tell them no. Thankfully it doesn't seem to be a trend in my area.

I do confess though that I haven't had a friend birthday party for my kids in a long while so maybe I just haven't experienced it. Two of them are summer birthdays so it's much easier to just have a family party and they have lots of cousins their age in the area so it's a pretty big party even without friends.

Online Evites have become very popular around here, what's great is that you can RSVP right then and there and also see that you've done it so you don't have to worry whether you RSVP'd or not. Another trend here is for the invite to be no gifts, they collect items for a charity (canned food for a food pantry, toiletries for an outreach facility, dog treats/toys for a dog shelter, etc).

 

[bigmama67]

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear all this.

I guess I've been pretty lucky mostly (except for DS' fifth birthday when we shelled out for The Little Gym and only 6 kids came...most of his class did not bother to respond after an invitation, a follow-up note, and asking the teacher to encourage them to reply!)

We're just beginning to think about a little 2nd b'day party for DD but here's our experience with DS last fall:

We just moved to our town last August and for DS' 7th birthday we invited his whole class because we want him to get to know people. A few parents stayed but most dropped the kids off, which was fine either way. We had a birthday brunch (waffles, quiche, bagels, turkey bacon, fruit)...so there was food for both sets of appetites.

I did have to call about 2/3 of the classmates to find out whether or not they were coming...but I don't actually mind making one call, and nobody was a no-show (except my SIL, but that's another story...) We ended up with about 8 classmates and 8 other friends and that was really great. We just had games and a movie in the basement, and then cake. After that everyone cleared out except five close friends (including 2 sets of sibs) and their parents and we chilled out while DS opened his gifts. It was lovely.

We debated having a party at the local zoo this year but DS has a December birthday so the weather will be iffy, we would have to pay admission for the adults as well...so we will just be doing make-your-own sundaes and cake at the house (2 p.m. on) I don't mind how many kids he invites if we don't have to pay per head! I expect to have to make some calls again, but not more than that, I hope...I guess we shall see!

 

[mrs.beast]

I had a party for my daughter's 5th birthday yesterday, and everyone invited rsvped (on time). I even had a girl who could not make it, send a gift. no one was dropped early, and not one parent was late. I even had two moms stay and hang out. There were 15 4/5 year old kids here. So, do not give up. There are still some people out there with manners

 

[Mrs D]

My little ones are 4 (almost 5) and just turned 3. We are just entering the land of bday parties. This year DS4 was invited to 2 bday parties at "bounce zone" places where they all kinds of bouncy things. We were not able to make it to either (I was almost relieved). But last year he was invited at a bday party at a home - DD stayed at home with Dad while I took my DS (not quite 4) to the friends house. I was the ONLY parent who stayed. I didn't realize that 3 & 4 year olds had drop off parties!?!?!
DS was still working on potty training, there was no end time to this party - he would have for sure had an accident (it was the mom, dad, an aunt - and 15 kids - no way they would have asked him if he need to go).

We are still doing family parties, but I think I'll ask 2 of DS's friends to come bowling with us for his 5th. I'm close with the Moms - they both said hubby's would watch the siblings so Moms could come to help the boys bowl.

I love the idea of doing a 'special outing' with a friend or two versus a kid party. And quite frankly I do not feel to the need to invite the entire class. That seems like such a waste of money to me.

Now can I rant about our block party this year?
One neighbor must have too much time on her hands. I got a call today telling me she has rented a bounce house and bounce obstacle course (whatever that is) , kids are doing a sack race, a 3 leg race, ice cream and donut eating contest , water balloon toss, piñatas and more. She wants $30 from each family to foot the bill. Granted that's probably a drop in the bucket compared to what she's spending, but isn't a slip & slide and bikes on the closed down street good enough??? And her kids are only 5 and 6 - do these kids really need this much STUFF to entertain them?

Ok, thank you for letting me take it off topic.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

Haven't read thru all of these, but DD will start K in the fall, she has not gone to preschool so this is her first school experience. Her last 5 birthdays have just been family (we have 3 young cousins, one actually was born 10 days before her so her last 2 birthdays have been co-parties with him). And now, after reading all this, all I have to say is....
is this REALLY what I have to look forward to?
Ugh, maybe she will be happy if I take her and her 3 cousins to build a bear instead, she loves that place.

 

[santadog]

Last year for DD's 4th birthday, I sent invitations to all 20 kids at my daughter's preschool. I had planned on having the party at a local restaurant (kind of like Chuck-e-Cheese, but nicer). It was gonna cost about $100 for 20 kids. When only 5 RSVP'd, I decided to switch it to a local amusement park. I figured instead of spending $5 each on 20 kids, I'd spend $20 each on 5 kids. Same budget, better party.
Of course, I only bothered to tell the people who RSVP'd about the change in venue.

The people who didn't RSVP, and showed up at the restaurant were pretty surprised!

 

[Mickeyorbust]

I always RSVP. Last b-day party DD8 went to, the Mom thanked me over and over when I called to let her know DD8 would be coming. Day of the party the Mom told me I was the only Mom that actually RSVP'd. There were 14 kids there. She had to send her DD17 to the store to get more food and a larger cake.

 

[3girlsfun]

We have always gone all out for b-day parties! My parents never made a big deal about them, so, I really wanted bdays to be special. We do a theme, decorate, serve a meal, etc. Normally spend between $300-500.

My 5 year old had a "Mexican Fiesta" this year at a local park. I knew pretty much who was coming, mainly family, 3 girls from DD's class (only 10 in her class, and half are boys). Parents stayed, mostly everyone RSVPed. The only problem is people are often late. So, when serving a meal it makes it a little harder, but, we planned for it. We served soft tacos, home made gucomole dip, beans, salsa, tons of water and Cokes, and a really cute cake. We had decorations, a pinata hanging in a seperate area in an "EZ up" and our DD had on a special outfit. I had treat bags for the kids that were empty so they could load up from the pinata.

I agree with some of these posts, people get tons of invites, so, that is understandable. I think if you really want people to take a party seriously, then, it takes time and a track record. If they know you throw awesome parties, they will keep coming back! We also do really nice invitations, it gives the party a "tone" when they see the invite. For example, my DD went to a pirate themed party, the invites were the message in a bottle invites.....she was excited about the party the second she got that invitation! Make the invite something that catches the kids' eyes!

I am a middle school teacher, one of the coolest party ideas I saw for this age was a scavenger hunt. The mother put a lot of work into this, but, she wanted it to be special since her DD was turning 13. The hunt went all over the little town. She had "employed" a few other parents as drivers. She had really great prizes waiting for the winning team. (Think Itunes gift cards for $5, school merchandise, etc.)

 

[Cruise]

Social Etiquette and Common Courtesy are hanging out in a dark room somewhere having a shot of whiskey and laughing at us all.

I'm pretty sure.

 

[mombare]

We have also had good luck with birthday parties! My kids get invited to an insane number of parties (apparently they are just big around here), so I try really hard to RSVP right away. As for the parties we have hosted, every parent has RSVP'd and shown up when saying they would. The only exception was last Fall for DD's party, one of her friends ended up sick the day of the party.

I will admit I am not that great about RSVP'ing to other things. Our schedule is insane and my husband is self-employed. Many times I really don't know if we will be able to attend, so I just wait until I know more. On the flip side, it doesn't bother me if people don't RSVP for my parties. I typically plan for everyone to attend....which just leaves us with leftovers for the next day.

 

[indimom]

There are some pretty amazing "parents" out there...
I don't know why I'm still surprised by this behavior. I run a licensed home day care and people will call about child care and will want to sign their child up over the phone! (And these aren't even referral calls, just strangers who found my name on a state website.) No walk through, no face to face meeting, no opportunity to read through my contract or discipline policy, no questions asked. It's amazing. Apparently, they assume they can just call and dump their child on the first provider on the list without any paperwork or preparation?? These parents would be surprised to know I actually have standards of my own and may or may not accept a family based on a home visit.
We've done the party thing also with varying degrees of success. Parents were better about RSVPing when it was at a venue (like the bowling alley) than when the party was at home. And I've also had parents who have never met our family just drop their child at the curb and drive off (didn't even stay long enough to make sure they were at the right place/the date and time were correct/ and the child got in the front door??) I guess I'm old fashioned, but I like to at least speak with the parents and trade contact numbers in case something comes up during the party??

 

[acomasdiaz]

This is truly a pet peeve of mine. I truly feel that social etiquette is lost on most people nowadays in our neck of the woods.

In April, my DD had a b.day party where we invited her class of 18. We had one girl rsvp yes on time, one boy who returned the invitation because his mom doesn't like parties, and one girl who rsvp'd yes 2 days before the party. The other 15 nothing.

Now, my kids are getting baptized in 2 weeks and I sent out 12 invitations to family and friends. I have not heard from any one of them. So, it's definitely not just for kid's parties that there seems to be a problem.