What would you think?

[mousefan73]

socializing with people of the opposite sex IMO is fine if there are certain boundaries.. My DH meeting an old female friend ( kinda mutual but really his friend) is ok, Me meeting up with some guy friends alone I have had since college, no issue.

Him suddenly meeting a new woman not part of any of our orbits in any degree hmmm??? Unless they had some super wierd thing in common.. Ex. If I happen to meet a guy at the club who was also a huge disney fan, planning at trip, I might meet up to discuss but would definately tell my husband and not hide it.

being secretive is a big RED flag.. Not saying that person automatically has ill intentions.. I know a friend their spouse is so über possesive/jealous even meeting up with anyone of both sexes innocently needs to be done under the radar.. but that is a different situation.

 

[WDWEPCOT]

I can speak from experience here. I wish someone would’ve told me often times people stay out of it depends on what kind of relationship you have with this person if you’re very close and yes, you should say something after that point it’s up to them whether they want to believe it or not, but yes, there’s no reason to hide anything other than the fact that you’re doing something that you know is wrong and you don’t want your significant other to know that what you’re doing is wrong it’s hurtful and you shouldn’t be doing it... Period ! You didn’t say if it was a friend or relative that you’re trying to convince not that it really matters but keep this thoughts in mind. If their spouse is being unfaithful, they are running the risk of introducing life altering STDs at the worst infections at the least to their significant other. If someone stops and thinks about this this isn’t someone being nosy sticking their nose in somebody else’s business, it is actually looking out for the other persons, health and welfare, when you were hiding things nine times out of 10 you’re not being innocent, you’re up to no good I’d rather be on the side of caution and think the worst and be prepared then assume everything’s OK and find out otherwise and receive something I’ll never get rid of.
It’s when you go through things like this that you find out who your real friends are and I can tell you it’s not the ones who knew what was going on. I didn’t say a word to you.

 

[Jingle]

It's a friend that is in this situation. It just disgusts me the way this guy is trying to make her feel like she's the one who is making something out of this. He keeps saying "I didn't do anything wrong"! We just went to lunch. But he doesn't seem to get that this is about him lying and hiding things (that he claims are innocent) on multiple occasions. Once someone lied to me like that I would have a very difficult time believing them again. Especially since he continues to make excuses and won't take responsibility for anything.
I did give my opinion to my friend. Now I'm guess I'm going to have to wait and see what the future brings for them. I don't have a good feeling about this!

 

[kymom99]

It's a friend that is in this situation. It just disgusts me the way this guy is trying to make her feel like she's the one who is making something out of this. He keeps saying "I didn't do anything wrong"! We just went to lunch. But he doesn't seem to get that this is about him lying and hiding things (that he claims are innocent) on multiple occasions. Once someone lied to me like that I would have a very difficult time believing them again. Especially since he continues to make excuses and won't take responsibility for anything.
I did give my opinion to my friend. Now I'm guess I'm going to have to wait and see what the future brings for them. I don't have a good feeling about this!

Red flags all over the place here. Trust me when I say this will not end well.

 

[GAN]

I’m a guy …if I’m going for a non-business drinks or meal with a specific woman that my SO knows nothing about -I’m cheating, no matter I “didn’t do anything wrong.” Not being able to tell your SO beforehand is doing something wrong …why hide it if totally innocent? If you were to bump into an old friend/girlfriend and wanted to have a drink and catch up …I may not say anything. The real issue here is that the SO doesn’t have the ability to confidently communicate something like this …which says a little bit about the person and their relationship. He’s a loser -dump him….

 

[sam_gordon]

I’m a guy …if I’m going for a non-business drinks or meal with a specific woman that my SO knows nothing about -I’m cheating, no matter I “didn’t do anything wrong.” Not being able to tell your SO beforehand is doing something wrong …why hide it if totally innocent? If you were to bump into an old friend/girlfriend and wanted to have a drink and catch up …I may not say anything. The real issue here is that the SO doesn’t have the ability to confidently communicate something like this …which says a little bit about the person and their relationship. He’s a loser -dump him….

I disagree that one needs "prior approval" or they're doing something wrong. But when talking about their day, saying "I went to lunch with Jane Smith" covers things.

 

[GAN]

I disagree that one needs "prior approval" or they're doing something wrong. But when talking about their day, saying "I went to lunch with Jane Smith" covers things.

In the context of not planning on ever telling their SO -it’s wrong. That’s just my opinion, and I’m not one to be found on moral high ground. I could be wrong, but the way I read it was that the whole event was hidden and that the “date” was discovered some other way. If the SO told her afterwards then why not tell them who it was with? Again, that’s a sign in my mind of deeper issues in a relationship.

 

[leebee]

Has he started gaslighting her yet? "I didn't tell you because I knew you'd get upset and since there is nothing going on there's nothing to get upset about- and I didn't want you to get upset so I didn't say anything." To me, this translates into "I am doing something I knew would upset you but I chose to do it anyhow." There isn't too much more to say about this. Good luck to your friend.

 

[ronandannette]

Has he started gaslighting her yet? "I didn't tell you because I knew you'd get upset and since there is nothing going on there's nothing to get upset about- and I didn't want you to get upset so I didn't say anything." To me, this translates into "I am doing something I knew would upset you but I chose to do it anyhow." There isn't too much more to say about this. Good luck to your friend.

As I mentioned in my first post, I think every couple has to set, and then respect their own boundaries, for themselves and one another. Sometimes that will mean sacrifice on the part of one. When you get to the point of “I’m going to do what I want to do, regardless of your feelings”, without renegotiating the boundaries, yeah - that’s a problem - no matter what the specific issue is.

 

[sam_gordon]

In the context of not planning on ever telling their SO -it’s wrong. That’s just my opinion, and I’m not one to be found on moral high ground. I could be wrong, but the way I read it was that the whole event was hidden and that the “date” was discovered some other way. If the SO told her afterwards then why not tell them who it was with? Again, that’s a sign in my mind of deeper issues in a relationship.

OK. I agree with that. I must have read your PP wrong.

 

[MamaMermaid]

Big red flag.

 

[Praying Colonel]

If your significant other has met up with a person of the opposite sex for lunch and/or drinks, hid it from you and will not introduce you to them, or tell the other person about you, what would you think? Of course the person proclaims their innocence and says it is a long time friend.
I think the answer is obvious. I'm trying to convince someone else. I'm prepared to hear both sides!

The bolded would make my spidey sense tingle.