What would you do????????

[rbuzzotta]

DD (almost 13) went to a sleepover birthday party Sunday night. I just found out that the mom of the girl having the party allowed them to go to the local convenient store at 11:30 PM.!!!

DD did not tell me as she knew I would be bull...........I am furious right now.........not at DD so much but at the mom. DH wants to call the mom and ask what she was thinking of letting these girls go to the store at that hour. The store is not in sight of the home and they did have to travelll down a few side streets. Also, this store iis a local hangout for high school kids!!!!!

I say, let it be, it's over, but DD will never go over that house again!!!

I don't even know what time the girls returned home!! Can't wait to pick DD up at school today..................just have to calm down first!!!!!


What would you do?????????

 

[rbuzzotta]

OOOPPPSSSSS!! Forgot what board I was on, meant to post this on the CB!! Moderators, could you please move this???

Thanks

 

[Beca]

Well, wrong board, but before it gets moved, here's my 2 cents.

I am the artistic director of a children's theatre. We have many WONDERFUL parents, and many kooky ones. IMO, you cannot change the minds of kooky ones...they are "off", and no amount of yelling or screaming is going to get them on the right track!!! You just have to live and learn. From what I have seen (in similar situations), telling the parent as a very calm, "by the way, my daughter won't be spending the night with you again because of XXXX, how was your last vacation, I heard it was really nice", confuses them into really listening, and throws them tremendously!! Why??? These people are usually easy to push around and they do not like confrontation (otherwise, they would tell teenagers "No"). Therefore, if you scream, they shut down. However, most of them have a "strong" desire to be liked, so if you mention a REALLY strong statement, nicely in conversation where you are asking them to talk about themselves...it is the equivalent of slapping them in the face!! Trust me, I have SOOO many encounters like this...this approach works really well...not to mention how it puts you "above" screaming, which also places you as an authority figure in their minds...something which terrifies them. It may sound weird, but it works. Call up this parent, and "rave" about something...how much fun the party was, her new haircut, how your daughter LOVES her beautiful home, etc. Then, nicely say the bombshell, and change the subject again...plans for your next vacation, how excited you are about summer, whatever. Your "niceness" and "unpredictability" will 1) allow your comment to actually be heard, and 2) make her very scared of you...she won't know from where you are coming.

I know this is really odd advice...but, I guarantee...it works SO well!!!



Beca

 

[CarolMN]

Two comments:

One, I'd be upset with my daughter, too. 13 is old enough to know what parents approve of and what they do not. I'd tell her that she will not be doing any sleepovers again until you can be sure something like that will not happen again. I know it is hard to say or do things contrary to your friends, but learning how to do what you know is right is part of growing up

Two - I probably would not call the other girl's parents either. However, in the future, if I allowed my daughter to stay at a friend's house, I'd call the parents and among other things, ask them if they will be present during the entire evening/night and also if they planned to allow the girls to leave the house without adult supervision. I'd explain that on a previous occasion this happened and that you did not approve. If the answers were not satisfactory, I would thank them for the invitation and say that my daughter would either not come at all or that I would pick her up at (whatever time I thought right if that was an option).

Best wishes -