What would you do?

[cluvsdisney]

I would go to the wedding but ask not be in the wedding as a way to cut costs.

 

[kirstenb1]

Three months notice of a destination wedding is not very reasonable or respectful the guests. Depending on the family dynamis, I'd either decline the invitation and send a nice gift, or send dh alone to represent the family.

Exactly. If it were a priority for the bride to have everyone there, she would have given much more time to save up the $$$.

 

[kirstenb1]

If you are driving, and only staying 2 nights, why is it so expensive????

Are you addding the cost of all the clothes and tux rentals?

I didn't see where she said they were driving.

 

[mjkacmom]

Just send your DH. My DH attended his step-niece's wedding alone, since flights alone were over $500. It wasn't a destination wedding, but both sides of the family all had to travel. I can't imagine missing a sibling's wedding.

 

[Swan4Me]

I didn't see where she said they were driving.

Now my SIL has decided to get married at a destination wedding. She wants my DH and I, and 4 kids to be in the wedding. She wants to have it the same weekend as my kids tournament in May. The total cost for us to travel there, stay two nights and come home would be a minimum of $2500. That is assuming gas prices don't continue to rise.

So its a "destination wedding"-but to somewhere you drive to (not 6 flights to a tropical island)

 

[Colleen27]

The way I see it, when a couple decides to have a destination wedding they are deciding that where they get married is more important than who is there to witness the event. It is totally a matter of personal priorities and I am in no way passing judgement, just stating the realities of the matter - when you choose to get married in a place that requires your friends and family travel and incur significant expense to be there you're bound to have people who cannot or will not make the trip for a variety of reasons - limited vacation time, finances, other obligations, etc.

If your DH wants to go to be there for his sister that's great. I don't see anything wrong with politely declining when it comes to bringing the whole family, though, especially since she didn't give you much notice to plan for such a sizable expense.

 

[ryem's mom]

Almost my whole family lives in Michigan. My neice lives in Florida. When she got married last year, most of the family travelled down for the wedding. She gave us a year and a half notice so we could save up. Not all the relatives could go, and she understood that.

I say send your husband, if he really wants to go, but if not, just tell your SIL that you wish her luck, and you still love her.

 

[Colleen27]

Now my SIL has decided to get married at a destination wedding. She wants my DH and I, and 4 kids to be in the wedding. She wants to have it the same weekend as my kids tournament in May. The total cost for us to travel there, stay two nights and come home would be a minimum of $2500. That is assuming gas prices don't continue to rise.

So its a "destination wedding"-but to somewhere you drive to (not 6 flights to a tropical island)

That can still be very expensive, though, depending on the location. A family of 6 needs 2 rooms at most resorts, and weekends in May are high season in many of the places popular for destination weddings because the weather is more pleasant than the heat of summer and weekend travelers keep things busy.

We were invited to one such wedding where a room at the secluded resort where the event was taking place would have cost us $800 for two nights (for our family of (then) 4 - now we'd have to double that, just as the OP would, because those $400/night rooms only sleep 4), and this wasn't anywhere glamorous, just a beach resort on the Atlantic Coast. Throw in several hundred dollars for gas, because with 6 people in her family it is unlikely that the OP is driving something that gets excellent fuel economy, and the other expenses of travel and it adds up fast.

 

[kirstenb1]

Now my SIL has decided to get married at a destination wedding. She wants my DH and I, and 4 kids to be in the wedding. She wants to have it the same weekend as my kids tournament in May. The total cost for us to travel there, stay two nights and come home would be a minimum of $2500. That is assuming gas prices don't continue to rise.

So its a "destination wedding"-but to somewhere you drive to (not 6 flights to a tropical island)

Don't gas prices affect air travel too?

 

[love__goofy]

Op here...so for those that want to know..here is my cost break down.

About $800 in gas...we drive a Suburban gas guzzler.

It's an 18-20 hour drive so we wil need to split that in two days. So going down, about $200 for hotels, we need 2 rooms, and coming back the same. That's a total of $400.

2 nights while we are down there. The rooms are $200 per room, per a night. So $400 per night, before taxes. So add $800 more.

Add about $75 per day for food, and that is probably McDonald's for our family. And for 6 days total, that is $450. I would be vomiting after a day or so on that diet

Grand total $2450...that is without any incidentals.

Now to be in the wedding...that will cost us another $500 or so.

 

[angierae]

Now my SIL has decided to get married at a destination wedding. She wants my DH and I, and 4 kids to be in the wedding. She wants to have it the same weekend as my kids tournament in May. The total cost for us to travel there, stay two nights and come home would be a minimum of $2500. That is assuming gas prices don't continue to rise.

So its a "destination wedding"-but to somewhere you drive to (not 6 flights to a tropical island)

The cost of gas also affects flight costs. Which is why it's so much more to fly right now than it was two years ago.

 

[Swan4Me]

OP-thanks for the update
Yikes-that is a LOT of $$ and traveling-does your SIL realize what she is putting guests thru?

I'd say "sorry", send a gift, and skip it

 

[love__goofy]

Op again

Thanks so much for all of the support. At this point, we are going to tell SIL that we just can't make it. If we can get someone to take our oldest to the tournament, then my DH will fly, if we can get a great rate.


We feel terrible, but there is just not anyway for us to make it w/o putting us in a major crunch.

My DH's DSIS and DF are going to hit the fan. They are going to be so angry.

 

[Judique]

Op here...so for those that want to know..here is my cost break down.

About $800 in gas...we drive a Suburban gas guzzler.

It's an 18-20 hour drive so we wil need to split that in two days. So going down, about $200 for hotels, we need 2 rooms, and coming back the same. That's a total of $400.

2 nights while we are down there. The rooms are $200 per room, per a night. So $400 per night, before taxes. So add $800 more.

Add about $75 per day for food, and that is probably McDonald's for our family. And for 6 days total, that is $450. I would be vomiting after a day or so on that diet

Grand total $2450...that is without any incidentals.

Now to be in the wedding...that will cost us another $500 or so.

OP...I am in almost the same boat as you!

Except I'm the out of towner....the happy couple are getting married in their home town and I want to be there.

My estimated costs including gift are approximately $4000.

I booked the rooms already but haven't decided whether we will go or not.

I think I'll be going, but there are many second thoughts.

In my case we will turn this into a summer vacation if we go and the wedding will be one day of it.

I also have had plenty of heads up time. Unlike your family. For your family I would lean towards husband going and otherwise, let him make a final decision since it's his family.

 

[hsmamato2]

I do agree that 3 months,6 people,massive trip expected of you that will likely cost more $$$ than you have....that's TOO MUCH!
I would advise not going,and sending your DH on a flight if possible,(start searching now,you'll find a deal) and send a card and gift. The problem seems to be the SIL who will have a tantrum if you don't all go(?) REALLY? that is shocking,and in very bad taste! It should reveal to you just who that person really is,too. and it doesn't sound flattering.
Last fall,our family had to put forth considerable time and expense for my SIL wedding(they live 1500 miles away) but my DH wouldn't have missed it for the world,and I wanted to go too! SIL could afford it her own local wedding,this wasn't a silly destination wedding......
It was worth it, we really love our family, but it was a lot of $$$ to spend ,and we're still recovering.....
BUT...my SIL made it clear how much she wanted us there, but would NEVER have held it against us if we couldn't have made it!!! I think that makes all the difference in the world..... There is no way I would have bothered for a tantruming bridezilla.....(are those even real words?)

 

[antmaril]

Op again


My DH's DSIS and DF are going to hit the fan. They are going to be so angry.

They have no right to be angry. Disappointed that you can't make it? Yes, of course, but angry - definitely not. This is their choice. When a couple decides to have a destination wedding, they know that many people, including immediate family, may not be able to attend.

I think your husband should talk to his sister.

 

[wide awake]

SIL will throw a tantrum because you're not spending a significant amount of money and time on short notice? Don't worry, there will be other weddings for this charmer, maybe she'll plan something cheaper the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc...time around.

 

[crisi]

I wouldn't have my kid in travelling soccer to start with. And then I probably wouldn't go to the wedding either. Both involve someone else telling me how I'm going to spend my vacation time and dollars.

But I sure as heck wouldn't use the "we've already spent $600 non-refundable for one weekend worth of soccer tournaments" as your excuse on why you aren't going to the wedding. Just an "I'm sorry, we won't be able to come" will do.

 

[Marionnette]

Op again

Thanks so much for all of the support. At this point, we are going to tell SIL that we just can't make it. If we can get someone to take our oldest to the tournament, then my DH will fly, if we can get a great rate.


We feel terrible, but there is just not anyway for us to make it w/o putting us in a major crunch.

My DH's DSIS and DF are going to hit the fan. They are going to be so angry.

I'm not a big fan of destination weddings for this very reason. Too many hurt feelings when your loved ones don't see your special day as their number one financial goal.

Just don't be surprised if the whole thing gets revisited when you go to Disney in 9 months. There will certainly be a few raised eyebrows over the fact that you couldn't afford to go their wedding in May but you could swing a Disney vacation in November.

 

[North of Mouse]

Op again

Thanks so much for all of the support. At this point, we are going to tell SIL that we just can't make it. If we can get someone to take our oldest to the tournament, then my DH will fly, if we can get a great rate.


We feel terrible, but there is just not anyway for us to make it w/o putting us in a major crunch.

My DH's DSIS and DF are going to hit the fan. They are going to be so angry.

Well, la-de-da, so they'll be angry - they can get glad in the same clothes they got mad in -just MHO. I can't imagine anyone I know doing such a thing, and then getting mad because you can't afford it - What a bunch of jerks, family or not. They had to know the position they were putting family in and should graciously accept the "Sorry, would love to make it, but can't" ones. To me, if you go when you so clearly can't afford it, it will just make their next demands (yes demands) that much more ridiculous, and would show poor judgement on your part. And no, I would not feel terrible about not going and "putting yourselves in a major crunch". They will learn soon enough what "money crunches" are - doesn't sound like she's had to learn much of anything yet about supporting her own self. Sounds harsh, maybe to some, but sorry, not to me - she put herself in this position.