what would you do?

[scrappingizlife]

We are going to WDW in May. It'll be our first trip as a full family. We went in 2008, but DS2, was only 18months, and DD was only 4 months old so she stayed behind with my mom for the week.
A few years back, my male best friend and I were going to go to Miami together on vacation. he couldn't afford it and we ended up cancelling. This was before I got married and had two more kids. When I told him that were going to Orlando on vacation, I remembered our cancelled trip and asked DH if it would be alright to have him along (on his own expense of course) Well, it started out ok, but now it's kind of becoming annoying. We're driving, and one of the reasons we are driving is so that on the way back we can go visit DH's mom in AL. He's not comfortable with that. So he might fly back home. He told us that it's his vacation, and he wants to be comfortable the whole time. It seems that he's really not trying to spend too much, which is fine. BUT it's kind of an inconvenience to us. We are doing Character meals, and he doesn't want to go. He wants to experience Orlando night life, we're not really partiers. There's no way he would want to get up and be at rope drop if he goes out the night before. I explained to him what we wanted to do, and he asked me "what does that have to do with me" Well I'm sorry, if you're vacationing with us, than we kinda expect you to be with us. and we don't want to go to breakfast at the park, and then have to go back to pick him up (we're staying offsite), let me correct that. WE ARE NOT going to go to breakfast at the park and then going back to pick him up. Before this, he also had an issue with how many days we want to spend at Disney compared to IOA/US. He said he really didn't want to go to Disney. I don't want to be rude to him, or make him feel bad. He's my best friend and my son's Godfather. I thought it would be fun to have him along, but now I just wish that he would just say forget it, and not come at all. How can I explain to him nicely that this doesn't seem to be working out.

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

So this guy said he wanted to go and then said that he doesn't want to do anything you guys are doing Did he not get that this is a family trip and no a "singles" vacation????

I would say that you can just let him come with you and then do whatever he wants. Just don't offer to drive him around, etc. Let him figure out how to get to what he wants to do. If he wants to join you...fine. If not, he can rent a car or take a cab.

 

[scrappingizlife]

that's how I feel. He's a bit on the frugal side though, like he was asking me how much did I expect him to give me for gas on the way there. He's trying to figure this out dollar for dollar, and he told me during one conversation that he's going to try to save up like $500 for the whole trip, gas, flight, food, etc. Justl ike he said. This is MY vacation and I want to be confortable the WHOLE time. I am not going to change my plans or routines for anyone. My kids are up at 6:30 every morning. He better prepare himself for that cuz I'm not keeping them in a room with me while he sleeps on the sofa bed.

 

[livndisney]

Are you staying on property?

If not, I would hand him the Lynx bus schedule and a copy of your plans. Highlight the ones he is welcome to join you on. If he wants to go to a breakfast tell him what time he will need to be ready to walk out the door. If he is not ready, he doesn't go or he takes the bus.


It sounds to me like this is a disaster in the making. Forgive me but he sounds like he is trying to get a free vacation. Does he realize the Orlando nightlife is not located anywhere near WDW? His choices on WDW property will be located at BW. The next closest is going to be Citywalk at Universal followed by Downtown Orlando.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Seems this this is not going to go well I hate to say.

I would have suggested he rent a car when he gets there, but sounds like he won't go for that. And if yo usay we are doing X, Y and Z even if he agrees if yo uget there and he doesn't cooperate it could very well cause you stress (in fact it seems like a guarantee that it will.) Staying on property would help but that may cost more room wise if you need an extra room.

I'd just tell him now that if he wants to go on your vacation in your car, he needs to know now that this is your family vacation and he is going along with what the family is doing, otherwise (and probably a better option) is that he goes with single friends when he can save more for it.

 

[cheshireqt]

Wow... I hate it when a nice gesture turns out to be a big mistake. We've all been there!
I think the last line of your post says it all, you need a nice way to let him know that his idea of fun are really not anywhere in line with yours:
- He wants to sleep in and party at night. You want to be up and outta the room early
- He wants to eat whenever he gets hungry, where you and the family will be eating on a schedule, maximizing the character experience
- He wants to spend more time at IOA/US and less time at Disney
- Even the transportation is not working out, both in the world and getting home!
I think the best way would be to lay out your expectations for the trip, meals, transportation, time at Disney, etc. Explain that you have 4 other people relying on you to make the most of the trip, which includes planning all those things out. Of course he does not have to do everything that you do, but he will need to provide transportation for himself when he deviates from the set plan. Then let him know that you will not be offended if he is not as interested in going as he was when you first brought it up.
Wish I was better at the tactful way of telling someone that things are not working out and could they please hurry up and decide not to come! Maybe someone else will have a better way to put it. Good Luck, I'll be watching this thread to see how it all works out!

 

[MEK]

I think you really need to talk with your friend and explain that your priorities for the trip are different now that you have kids. He's got to realize that. I really don't think this is the right vacation for him. It's not like you are renting a beach house and he can just come and go as he pleases. You are off-site, with limited transportation options, and he doesn't want to get up first thing in the morning. And that's understandable because he is an adult and is more interested in the night life. But kids get up early.

I have to agree with the OP's.....this is a disaster trip in the making. If I were you I would build some late mornings into your schedule, but definately stick with your plans to hit the parks early for the character breakfasts.

The other thing is $500 is an unrealistic budget, especially if he plans to purchase a park ticket. I think you need to educate him a bit on what certain things cost.

I know this is going to be hard for you, but I really think you have to have a heart to heart before this trip starts.

 

[DarlingDis]

It does not appear to me that your friend is looking forward to spending a family vacation. Also, a lot of friendships do not survive vacations.

If you value the friendship, I would definitely reconsider having your friend accompany your family on this trip.

Explain to him in detail what your itinerary will be and how you do not want his trip spoiled as you do not want yours spoiled. A vacation is to be RELAXING. I don't think you will be relaxed or able to enjoy yourself or your family if he goes along.

Good luck with your discussion. But whatever you decide or however it goes, try to make the best of it.

 

[PiperPizzaz]

I think it was a mistake to ask and I think it was a mistake for him to agree. Of course he doesn't want to do any of those things!
Maybe explain that you didn't realize how different your life had become since your old single days and unless he would be really upset you think it would be better for him to not to have to sit through all the kiddie stuff. Maybe you could offer to help him plan his own trip and do a few meet ups while you are both there at the same time. Also, refer him to the disboards single boards.
GL!

 

[JESW]

You may be friends going down, but you may NOT be friends coming back! It doesn't sound like a good match and I think you will all be miserable if he tags along. Re-think your FAMILY plans before you let this guy tag along...

Just another opinion..

 

[babyrich]

If this is really your best friend, I would tell him you changed your mind and decided it would not be a good idea for him to join you. Sounds like he is just looking for a ride and a place to crash. You may have intended him to join you on your family vacation; but it sounds like he does not want to be part of it.

 

[badblackpug]

I would tell him this is a kid-centered vacation and tell him exactly what your plans are. Ask him for what things and what times he would like to join you. Explain to him that he will need to arrange his own transportation to and from the parks if he plans on different hours from you. Also warn him that your kids are early risers! He may just decide on his own that this trip is not for him!

 

[scrappingizlife]

thanks for the advice. I am going to talk to him and outline my expectations of this trip. I will let him know that if he's not comfortalbe with them, then I think it's best for him not to come on our family vacation.

 

[rodeo65]

Good luck with your discussion. It's hard on friendships when your lives go in different directions. Whether it's the same or opposite gender, when one gets married and has children lifestyles obviously change from when you were single and hanging out together.

I too had a best male friend in High School / University days and it was he who got married and had children first. I was lucky in that his wife was super nice and very understanding, although he told me she did have an issue until she got to know me on her own, with thinking that we had to be more than friends. Even at that, with she and I forming our own friendship, we just naturally grew apart over time.

Job changes, both of us married with kids - his several enough years older to make it unlikely they would be friends, moves. We exchange Christmas cards now, but as roommates back in the day would stay up half the night talking, went everywhere together, saw each other through all kids of relationship disasters. It's sad, but I do look at the good memories we shared. Hopefully you and your friend can come to an understanding over this trip and maintain your friendship with no damage.

 

[bumbershoot]

Kind of a different perspective...


One of the most important things for joined-up vacations, many people say, is being relaxed and not forcing everyone to do the same thing at the same time. I'm planning, with the help of my cousin, a big extended family trip this year. And from reading all the other "big extended family" trip reports, it's the groups that make everyone do everything that end up with the highly amusing trip reports, but the miserable times at the parks.

He couldn't afford the Miami trip. Sounds like he can't really afford this trip. You've known him for years, I assume...this can't be that out of character for him, can it? I was broke for a good long time, and people still expect that from me, because it was well known that I wouldn't be doing everything that the others were!

If you don't want to make things horrible by telling him he can't go, why not just choose a couple things you want to do as a big group, and enjoy those things? Make sure he knows that you'll only have one car (unless he rents one), and your kids get up early and you *will* be up and out early, so he's going to have to figure out how to get to and fro. And other than that, just be happy for the times you guys all spend together, and be happy that he is having a nice vacation.

Depending on what you know of his personality, you might want to make some groundrules for guests at the rental house...I didn't know such groundrules would be needed for a big group of *married* women, but lo and behold, the longest married of them all brought a guy home to a rental condo, twice, on a big trip she arranged in '08. There were no kids there, but still, hello awkwardness (and disappointment).


Of course, it also seems that he might cancel on his own...