What would you do? (Teacher/parent question)

[Wishing on a star]

Cindy B

From the descriptions that I have read of your son, and of the teacher, it sounds like as two individuals they are like oil-and-water... or matches-and-fire.... Yes, your son may or may not have any special problems or considerations. ( From what I have previously read about your son, ADD does not sound right... A child who can focus on and complete the things that your son does, just does not sound like ADD??? Of course, I am no specialist and have not ever met your son, but that is just my thought, right away... )

Okay, back to my main point here... Even if your son does have problems or considerations, it is up to the TEACHER to deal with these in a positive and FAIR way. Anything less is jeapordizing your sons education, his self esteem.... And is totally inappropriate!

Do not automatically assume that it may be a bad idea to change your sons teacher. Even if the problem is simply a personality clash, it is clearly affecting your sons classroom experience. As is this teachers apparant inability to promote a positive social atmosphere among the boys... ( Sounds like he is right in there, pointing out every small infraction of the one group in front of all the others???) We are talking about an adult and a second grader here!! Your son is a child, and the teacher is an adult who holds all the power. ( not like an adult handling a difficult person they may encounter. ) These are indeed valid problems, and at his age, your son deserves these problems to be addressed. If that means requesting another teacher, a special program, or whatever else, then so be it! This would teach your son the positive message - NO you do not have to be powerless and subject to your problems, allowing others to treat you unfairly... proactively solve them!!

Do not assume that this teacher is right... Do not assume that he wants you work 'together' with him... for MANY teachers, their classrooms are like hallowed ground!!! Found this out very very early in my parenting experience, when DS was only 2 1/2... His preschool teacher also constantly had negative things to say... All of which I knew for 100% certain were completely false. Even tried to tell me that my son had hearing problems, learning problems (professionals who then evaluated my son found -zero- concerns!!!) problems with aggressive behavior (my son actively RUNS from any confrontation....) etc... etc... etc... etc.... ad nauseum... And, I learned on the very first day of this Mothers Day Out, that even as a mother of a 2 1/2 year old, I was NOT welcome in that classroom, ever.... I eventually wrote this teacher a note about my concerns. I was called to a big meeting with the big-wigs... Who are all like best-friends, including the teacher, having known each other for years. They would not hear one single word that I had to say.... So, when even that did not help, I removed my son from that preschool. (an otherwise excellent pre-school program...)

When a teacher is wrong, they are wrong.

As I said once before, sounds like you are a wonderful mom, really being there for your son to see that he is happy and successful. And I am sure that this teacher will not change that one bit!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ohhhhh,

Know I wrote a really long post, but forgot one other point.

From your descriptions, this teacher does have a majorly innapropriate attitude about parents. Any teacher who can start off the year saying, in effect, I am not going to listen to you, but you must commit the whole parent-teacher time to me, and, then, very proudly and smugly, " I make parents cry ".

This is entirely off the wall... This teacher is showing absolute disregard for the parents of his students. ( My way or the Highway.....) And it shows that he feels the Parent/Teacher relationship is an adversarial one. If I was the principal or a member of the school board, I would definately be concerned about this.

I too suggest that a completely neutral third party ( guidance counselor, student advocate, anybody with due authority....) be present for all discussions. If this teacher prides himself on making parents cry, then he is definately well prepared for your 'intense' husband. A neutral third party sounds like a real must.

Hope all does turn out well !!

 

[Bob NC]

Originally posted by Cindy B

My son does point out that other children exhibit the same behavior and does not get punished like he does.

Case in point: yesterday. There was a fire drill, and Josh (my son), and tow other students were talking. Josh got punished/severly/ no recess.. while the other students got nothing!

Does the treatment other kids get have anything to do with the treatment your kid gets? LOL, it's like when you get a speeding ticket and you ask the cop why he picked you when everyone else was speeding also.

I would direct my contact with the teacher more towards the behavior of your child and not dwell on the 'other children'. This would only serve to put the teacher on the defensive from the get-go.