What would you do if your teen daughter became pregnant???

[NikiM20]

I know we have some posters here that have said they had a baby at 16, 17 or soforth. My question is this, did your parents help you monetary wise? I have a 21 and 19 year old, right now they could not support a child.

I know several grandparents who were not in good financila shape, and then had a grandchild with put them in debt even futher. One of my friends is in this situation. She was divorced when her kids were young, did not receive much support from the ex, about the time she started making headway, her 15 year old became pregnant.

I had my DD at 19 and I got no financial help from anyone.....DH was 29 so he had been working for a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG time LOL And yes i have heard all the gold digger jokes, sugar daddy etc...We were ok with our addition

 

[ryka]

I know we have some posters here that have said they had a baby at 16, 17 or soforth. My question is this, did your parents help you monetary wise? I have a 21 and 19 year old, right now they could not support a child.

No my mother didn't help me with money. I had to get a job and support us. She did let me still live with her but I also had to help with the bills. She gave me the experience I would have with having to pay rent and buy food and all of that but she was still there to make sure that I was being a good mother to my son. There were nights when she would get up with him when he cried and tell me to sleep but I think that she took that time to bond with him too. All the other times it was only me. When I worked I had to pay a babysitter. If I wanted to go out I had to pay a babysitter. She made me see that it wasn't easy to raise a child by yourself and made me realize that I should wait until I was ready to have anymore. I did go back to night school after he was alittle older and finished high school. I think my mother did what was right. It taught me that every action I make has responsibilities and I will be the one that has to deal with them. In the real world you will not get bailed out if you do something wrong or unaccepted. You have to deal with it yourself. I think what she did made me a batter mother to my son and a better person in the long run.

 

[disneynutcase]

My DD,16, and I have had this conversation many times. She had a friend who had a baby last year at the age of 15. Her mother wanted her to have an abortion. The girl wouldn't so the mother kicked her out of the house. She has been living with friends since. I have told Kate that if she became pregnant that between us we would figure out what was best for her and the baby. She's already stated that if she ever did get pregnant at 16 that she would most likely give it up for adoption.

Jean

 

[sha_lyn]

I've thought about this a lot lately as the mom of an almost 17 DS. What would I do if his GF became pregnant Her mom and I have become good friends, and we've discussed this a bit. The GF has been to the Gyn and had the medical "talk" and her mom is very open with her. DS and I have talked at length about teen sex etc.
Still I don't know what I would do. Personally I am pro-life and would not want her to abort. However after talking to her mom, I know that would probably be the action the parents would want to take, and I understand their reasons (mainly due to asthma and other health problems the GF has and the complications indicated by some of her medications). If birth defects, the moms health, etc were not a concern, my first choice would be adoption. However seeing as it would not be my choice, I would support both of them no matter their choice and help educate them in all their choices.

 

[cardaway]

In all seriousness, sexual contact is one expression of intimacy and no offense, but most of my teens have trouble keeping their lockers clean, showing up to class on time and holding down parttime jobs, let alone being in relationships (and some aren't even in relationships, so pregnancies ensue from one night stands - lots of my students have had to deal with this) that involve sexual contact.

Also in all seriousness, how is any of that different than the countless realtionships between the ages of 18 and let's say... 35? IMO none at all.

Serious feelings towards relationships start in the teen years and IMO it's just as dangerous to try and have kids deny it than it is to leave them alone and give them no guidance. IMO the best scenario involves talking to them, giving them BC, and supporting the relationships they decide to start. IMO nothing good ever came from telling little Joe or Nancy that they are forbidden to touch eachother again because you caught them fooling around.

 

[robertsmom]

I would do just what my parents did when my sister got pregnant at 15. They supported her decision to have her baby, bought things for the baby, and helped care for her. My sister, in turn, was required to have an after school and summer job, keep her grades up, and graduate high school. She did all of the above while raising a beautiful daughter. I was, and still am, very proud of her.

PS. She also gave me the gift of the most beuatiful niece in the world!

 

[mushumadness]

when i was in the last year of high school (we leave high school at 16)
there was a girl in the year below (15) who had a 2 yr old daughter, both the girl and her baby were in foster care together as her parents had kicked them out. Seeing her go straight from school to get her daughter from a sitter sure made me think twice about sex etc. She was a eal live walking warning to us.
Now dont get me wrong she always said given the chance again she would not have had sex so young but she would never give her girl away now,

Happily she has now graduated in law, and is supporting her daughter with a guy she met in college, thankfully a happy ending.

Im 24 now and still couldnt say I am emotionally ready to raise a child,

 

[disneymom3]

I would love her, get her to a Dr. for good medical care, not encourage her to get married (it will never last), talk to her about her options and support her in her final decision.

I have not read the whole thread yet ( I will and promise to respond more then.) But I just wanted to say that my sis and her DH got married when she was 19 and he was 16 and they are celebrating their 27th anniversary this year. They are one of the most awesome, committed and happily married couples I know.

 

[chobie]

I
The question is sort of funny to me because if my teen DD was pregnant, I would not feel the choice was mine anyways..."so what would I do?", is sort of irrelevant. I would obviously discuss, in depth, the different decisions with her, but the choice would be ultimately hers to make.

If your daughter was underage, then technically you would have to do something. Whether it was to relinquish your parental rights and give her over to foster care, sign papers for an abortion if it was a parental notification state and/or then watch over if she did have an abortion to make sure there were no complications(or you might be guilty of failure to act under a negligence statute), or see to that if she does have the baby that you insurance covers it, sign the hospital consent papers etc.

"What would you do?" does not just mean making her choice for her. In fact very people said they would even attempt that, though many of us said we would give our recommendation because of a parent of a minor daugther some of us do feel it would be our duty to do something.

And by discussing the matter with your daughter, you are doing something. Now if the question was "what would you make your daughter do if she was pregnant" then you point would be relevant.

 

[disneymom3]

Okay. Lots of interesting replies on this thread. I know for sure I would cry. Probably in front of her and then a heck of a lot more when she wasn't around. More in disappointment for her than anything else. I am one of those old fashioned folks who is hoping and praying that my kids wait for marriage before sex. I simply believe that is the best order for things to happen in.

Then, I would chin up and deal with what we needed to deal with. I would encourage adoption and strongly discourage abortion. (Don't believe in it and that is it's own thread and I am simply stating where I am at.) If she decided to keep the baby, I would do whatever I could to support her and provide what she needed both emotionally and financially. If she kept the baby--well, even if she didn't--I know I would love that little child with all of my heart.

 

[taeja71]

I'd have her checked for Oral and venerial diseases! Who knows if this was her 'first time'.

 

[goofygirl]

I'd hate for my kids to be afraid to tell me because they thought I'd react this harshly. It's easy to have these black-and-white boundaries when you aren't actually faced with the reality of an unplanned pregnancy. I would hope that my kids understand that whatever happens--trouble with the law, suicidal thoughts, depression, or even pregnancy--that mom and dad have got their back. That doesn't mean I'd step in and raise the kid for them. But I would support them, make sure they had medical care, and help them stay on track for the future. It's just a baby. It's not the end of the world.

My mother worried herself to death that I would become pregnant. It really colored our whole relationship--she kept tabs on the calendar constantly and threatened me within an inch of my life. I was more motivated to just get out of that house than anything else. Thankfully, I discovered college. For me, getting pregnant in high school would have been a disaster because I knew my mother would never let me live it down. I'd hear about it every day for the rest of my life.

I don't want to be that kind of mother.

Your mother sounds like she was a bit more extreme than mine. My mother never kept tabs on the calendar or anything.
My mother kept me in line, and I am grateful for that. She also laid down the law about going to college: "You are going to college, period. No ifs about it." And I did go, and I am the person I am today because of her.

As for it being "just a baby and not the end of the world", I beg to differ. A baby can turn your life upside down and ruin your future. Yes, I know some teen moms go on to complete degrees and get jobs, but its much, much harder to do when you have a child. And not everyone can cope with that, even with support.

 

[ryka]

If your daughter was underage, then technically you would have to do something. Whether it was to relinquish your parental rights and give her over to foster care, sign papers for an abortion if it was a parental notification state and/or then watch over if she did have an abortion to make sure there were no complications(or you might be guilty of failure to act under a negligence statute), or see to that if she does have the baby that you insurance covers it, sign the hospital consent papers etc.

Actually when I became pregnant at 16 I was told that makes me emancipated. I had to get on welfare at first so I could have insurance so I could have the baby. Basically because I was pregnant I was an adult in the laws eyes so I had to do the adult thing. I had to make my own doctor's appointments and sign all my own papers. I don't know if it is like that everywhere but for me it was. The cops even told my parents this.

 

[Brier Rose]

I know we have some posters here that have said they had a baby at 16, 17 or soforth. My question is this, did your parents help you monetary wise? I have a 21 and 19 year old, right now they could not support a child.

My DD was the first grandchild, so naturally everyone was forth coming with things like clothes and toys for her. Which we REALLY appreciated BTW!

As far as actual support, maybe every now and then, but certainly not on a regular basis. DH worked 7 days a week for a long time. He had a job working two 12 hour shifts on the weekends, and during the week he worked on building his own trucking/transportation business.

DD had cancer, and was in the hospital for pretty much the entire first year, so there was no way I could have worked anyway, but from the very beginning DH didn't want me to. His main goal has always been to take care of us, and he has done so well!

And you know what??? The hospital DD was in was an hour away from our house, and even though he worked 7 l-o-n-g days a week, he spent EVERY night at the hospital with us!

Eventually DD got well, and the business grew, so he quit his weekend job, and me going to work was never an issue. To say I've had it easy would be an understatment!

Like I said before, if you knew how we started you would never had believed we'd make it though all this..married so young and with a baby with a terminal illness! I think our saving grace was the fact that we decided in the beginning that our family came first no matter what.
No more parties, no more friends...time to grow up!

In 2000, our small town honored DH with the father of the year award!

 

[poohandwendy]

If your daughter was underage, then technically you would have to do something. Whether it was to relinquish your parental rights and give her over to foster care, sign papers for an abortion if it was a parental notification state and/or then watch over if she did have an abortion to make sure there were no complications(or you might be guilty of failure to act under a negligence statute), or see to that if she does have the baby that you insurance covers it, sign the hospital consent papers etc.

"What would you do?" does not just mean making her choice for her. In fact very people said they would even attempt that, though many of us said we would give our recommendation because of a parent of a minor daugther some of us do feel it would be our duty to do something.

And by discussing the matter with your daughter, you are doing something. Now if the question was "what would you make your daughter do if she was pregnant" then you point would be relevant.

Wow, way to overanalyze the meaning of my post!

If you read the total of my post, I said that whatever her choice, I would discuss all options and love and support her an do whatever I could to help her.

I did not realize I was required to be specific about what that would entail.

The point of 'whose choice it is' is entirely relevant to me when it comes to my daughter or son.

My post was not aimed at any other persons respons, just my personal response to the question.

 

[poohandwendy]

Originally Posted by Michie
I know we have some posters here that have said they had a baby at 16, 17 or soforth. My question is this, did your parents help you monetary wise? I have a 21 and 19 year old, right now they could not support a child.

My DH and I were 19 when I became pregnant and I was on my own already. No, my parents did not assist us monetarily in any way. Although, they did pay for our small wedding, but they would have done so even if I were not pregnant. We just did what we needed to do to make ends meet and we put all of our efforts into our long term plans (at the time) of buying a house. Which we accomplished when we were 22.

However, I have no doubt my parents would have helped us if we were in dire straits. As I would if my children needed my help. I would not have asked unless it was a matter of becoming homeless or something equally bad.

 

[chobie]

Wow, way to overanalyze the meaning of my post!

If you read the total of my post, I said that whatever her choice, I would discuss all options and love and support her an do whatever I could to help her.

I did not realize I was required to be specific about what that would entail.

The point of 'whose choice it is' is entirely relevant to me when it comes to my daughter or son.

My post was not aimed at any other persons respons, just my personal response to the question.

You said the question of "what would I do" was irrelevant because your daughter would make the choice.

 

[poohandwendy]

You said the question of "what would I do" was irrelevant because your daughter would make the choice.

I didn't mean the question was irrelevant, I meant my emotional response (ie, 'what would you do?) to her pregnancy would be irrelevant. Because ultimately the choice would be hers.

 

[chobie]

Actually when I became pregnant at 16 I was told that makes me emancipated. I had to get on welfare at first so I could have insurance so I could have the baby. Basically because I was pregnant I was an adult in the laws eyes so I had to do the adult thing. I had to make my own doctor's appointments and sign all my own papers. I don't know if it is like that everywhere but for me it was. The cops even told my parents this.

Really, is there a certain age for that? If a 13 year old got pregnant they would automatically be emnancipated? If my DD gets pregnant according to the law I'm no longer responsible for her?

 

[chobie]

I didn't mean the question was irrelevant, I meant my emotional response (ie, 'what would you do?) to her pregnancy would be irrelevant. Because ultimately the choice would be hers.

That was not the OP's question.