What would you do if you were going with an autistic child who was not your own?

[IvyandLace]

My husband and I (definitely WDW-aholics) were recently invited to share a 2 bedroom condo (Marriott's Harbour Lake) in Orlando with my husband's brother, his wife and their 2-year-old autistic son (our nephew whom we dote upon!) for an upcoming trip in December 2009 or January 2010. (We went to WDW with them (sans child) in 2003 before they were even married where we were on-site and were in a larger group.) I really love my sister-in-law as she truly "gets" Disney; however, my brother-in-law tends to be more of a...dragging-his-feet, c'est la vie-kind of fellow. He does not like to really follow touring plans or schedules on vacation. They went to WDW this March 2009 with our nephew for his very first trip and said that he absolutely loved it (But of course!!) They went in very early March 2009 and were able to walk in to Liberty Tree Tavern twice during the trip so it did not sound like they ran into many crowds. During this trip, they stayed off-site and visted MK, Epcot and AK.

Now to this [pending] upcoming trip-they have offered to pay for our accommodations to help us with costs. They are looking at going either 12/17/09-12/24/09 or 1/1/10-1/8/10. My sister-in-law stated that they are not planning on doing Disney every day but are "very very flexible" particulary because they always have to "take clues" from our autistic nephew. She stated that they are planning on "strolling around the parks, riding some rides and having a good time with [our nephew]."

Obviously, I'm a little worried as I like to plan...probably not as extensively as I did in the past, but I always like to have a plan of which park, ADR's, etc. I have been known to subscribe to TourGuideMike and am interested in Ride Max. Will these two touring styles clash too much? Or should I just relax and follow their lead to enjoy this trip with the nephew as they were the ones to invite us? I don't think that they will mind us going off on our own, but I'm having a hard time biting my lip about the whole "strolling around the parks" especially if we do decide to go to WDW in December 2009. All I keep thinking about is, "What about the crowds?!" Both families will have their own cars which will help with transportation.

I have never gone at either of these times of year and would like some opinions and tips on how to plan this trip and keep peace.

Thanks! IVY

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I would have a chat with them soon about the trip. It seems like they already know your touring style so it shouldn't be a surprise to them that you're already thinking about the details.

Discuss how you can best balance the trip so that you get to do most of what you want while meeting your nephew's needs as well. If they don't mind separating sometimes, let them know that you will be planning to do that once in a while. Perhaps you can agree on some restaurants that would be good for your nephew (buffets would probably work best). Then plan a few meals together and make the ADRs. If you think they would be OK with it, you can even put together your schedule for parks days, etc. and see if any of it works for them. For example, perhaps you make a lunch ADR at Crystal Palace. Maybe they'd like to join you for the morning at MK, have lunch and then take nephew for his nap. You guys can go at their pace in the morning (while discreetly grabbing Fast Passes to use later). Then you can use a more commando pace in the afternoon.

I think it will be about compromise and doing what works best for your nephew. But that doesn't mean you can't spend time doing things your way too.

 

[IvyandLace]

Luv Bunnies, thank you so much for the suggestions on compromising. As basic as it seems, I have been really struggling with finding the right compromise and plan to discuss this with those in my party. Thanks again!

IVY

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Luv Bunnies, thank you so much for the suggestions on compromising. As basic as it seems, I have been really struggling with finding the right compromise and plan to discuss this with those in my party. Thanks again!

IVY

I see what you mean. Here's another thought - as a parent of a special needs child (Asperger's Syndrome), I never wanted to hold anyone back or make them conform to what I needed to do for my son. If we were at a restaurant with the whole family (grandparents, aunt, uncle, etc.) and my son got fussy, my husband or I would take him outside. We didn't want everyone else to be uncomfortable because our table had the screaming kid. We also didn't want anyone to give up their meal time. He's our kid and our responsibility. Also, if there were any activities that we thought he couldn't handle, one or both of us would stay behind with him and tell everyone else to go and have fun. It's gotten much easier now that he's older - he just turned 14 last week. He still has his challenges but he can do almost anything that we do.

If you do have a talk with your family, you might find that they want you to be able to do whatever you want. They probably don't want you to be held back becasue of their son's schedule or needs. They may very well tell you to go ahead and plan whatever you want to do and they'll go at their son's pace. You can also offer to help them out here and there. For example, if they really want to ride Space Mountain together, you can offer to stay with your nephew while they ride. Little things like that help special needs parents so much and go a long way toward keeping them happy and sane.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck!

 

[Andyjo0930]

Coming from a mother of an austic child, plans don't always work. On our first trip, we planned extensively with reservations and how we were going to go back for a rest during the day, and get up at this time and so forth and so on, and unfortunately, Andrew had his own plans. Our plans did not include going on Small World five times, but his did. He was fixated on it. He also didn't wait well for parades and it was a nightmare. Don't try to over plan with an autistic child. You may want to go off on your own, but if you plan to stay with your family, be prepared for the unexpected. We never know what will set our son off, or when it will happen. I hope you enjoy your trip and that your nephew has a magical time.

 

[Gabrielsbigtrip]

We took our son, who has Autism, when he was 5. I am glad it was just me, hubby and him. We had no idea how he was going to do.

We found out very soon that plans (for the most part) were not going to happen. I think we rode Winnie the Pooh 100 times....I am not kidding. He loved it. We did get to do different things but it was all at his pace. We always buy Park Hoppers because we just never know and I wouldn't ask anyone else to tour with us just for that reason. Maybe you could just plan what parks you would like to do on each day and then go your own way once you are there. You could meet up to eat if that would be possible.

There were many things we could not do because of our son. I can tell you it would probably help them out if you did tour with them because they would be able to ride/enjoy some of the rides that they couldn't do with their son.

We took him last year and will take him this September. Every year he does try newer things. For instance the first year, the shows, parades and Fireworks were out of the question. Last year I finally was able to watch Wishes.

It can be very hard to tour with a special needs child but......... it can also be the most heart warming adventure you will ever have

My son LOVED Crystal Palace.....at least try to get some ADR's because you probably won't be able to walk right in during that time.

 

[robin09]

As a mom of a 10dd with Aspergers, I would definitely say you need to talk to SIL. touring plans do not work with these children.

I know I need to go on her pace, determining her needs. If her needs are not met, then noone is happy. By needs I mean, sound might be too much, light.. it might be too dark, different things set jenn off on different days. We can ride one ride over and over (or as Jenn says... again, again), or not go on any rides that day because the stimulation is too much.

Character meals are also very good, so your DN can get to see his favorites without lines. Disney is so magical for everyone, but even more so with special children. Disney is the first place jenn had a conversation or let someone "new" touch her.

A day in the pool (or an hour) helps relax her and get her ready for more. The different styles of transportation has always made her happy.. the monorail, the boats. There is sooo much to Disney that sometimes Touring plans can be too much of a weight for the special child... Either way.. ENjoy... it's Disney!

 

[mamacate]

This isn't really relevant for a 2 year old, but in case anyone out there lurking is interested, for the first couple of times we took my AS son (ages 5, 6, 7 so far), he really found the planning helpful. This last time I even got RideMax and made up schedules using that and then pulled small icons off the web for each ride and activity. I copied and pasted both the ridemax schedules (which I adjusted) into a spreadsheet and then added the photos. This was good for him because picture schedules really reduce his anxiety level.

That said, I don't think there was one single day that we did what was on the schedule. It was almost like I was giving him a proposal as to what we COULD do. But being too hot, too cold, too tired, disappointed about something, obsessed with something (Tom Sawyer's Island and BTMRR anyone?) jettisoned our plans most days. It was NOT a bad thing though, and though I'm not sure this will make sense to anyone but someone who lives with ASD every day, both things were actually necessary: meticulous, detailed, careful planning AND a complete willingness to throw the entire plan out the window and start over.

Also, expect to do about 1/3 of what you would do otherwise. It's just a different time frame. Having those plans though, can help to build plans around ADRs. That was the only "less-negotiable" part of our plan. I can't say I didn't leave a fair number of ADRs hanging last time, though, so there's no such thing as "non-negotiable!"

Also, afternoon break? Non-negotiable! Ask me how I know!

Have a great trip!

Cate