What would you do?? Fight back for defense?

[*Fantasia*]

I know huh? Out of nowhere, I just come popping back in here.. Here is the dilemma. Two boys who are bullies threatens my son. His uncle (my late husband's brother) is going to take care of that matter. He is going to speak with the principal today. Please don't ask why I'm not taking care of this. I already broke down because of other reasons and as a single mother, I felt that his uncle can handle it better.

His uncle was at our house last night and spoke with my son's grades and found out that there are these two bullies. So he told him that he will take care of that and to just take care of the studies. He said that my son will be put in an uncomfortable/not good situation because he knows that those two bullies might come after him.. But he told him that if they do lay a hand on him.. that there will be a consequences and they don't know what's coming to them.. I they start a fight, he said that there will be parents meeting. He reassured him that he will take care of that and that he shouldn't have to be afraid to be in school or be harrassed..

After he left, he told me that he is scared. I told him what will you do when they do fight you. He said that he will fight back.. And I told him do so. Fight them.. and you are only doing this for self defense. I don't want you to just sit there and take the punches.. FIGHT THEM IF YOU HAVE TO! I also told him.. that if you want just call 911. This is assult and battery!!!! No one should lay their hands on anyone! This is a reasonable reason to call 911..don't you think?! I mean if anyone lays a hand on you.. wouldn't you fight back for your self defense.. wouldn't you call the police and file charges? This is a serious matter.. NO ONE.. I mean NO ONE should lay a hand on ANYBODY!! THIS IS WRONG..

Please share you thoughts on this one.. This is not a debate.. I just want you to share your views or any suggestions..

I don't ask much on this board.. but this time.. I ask for some prayers that I hope it doesn't get to that point. My son is a good person. He is quiet and doesn't start any trouble and stays away from it.. He doesn't deserve this.. nor anyone for that matter.. Please pray for him.. Thank you.

Telly

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I agree with calling 911. I don't know how that will be logistically possible if he happens to get beat up.

I'm so sick of all this fight crap and wish folks would take a stand.

Is your son being threatened? If he is that scared, I might consider filing a police report on the threats alone so that you have it documented.

And yes--I would certainly press charges if they assault him.

Boys will be boys--hogwash!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

 

[*Fantasia*]

The bullies have called him mutt.. He is half Filipino and half African-American. And one time, they took his lunch. He didn't want to tell the prinicpal because he is afraid that this two bullies will hurt him. It's been happening for a while now.. and I think this is why it's affecting his studies. He is in 7th grade.. This is his second year to that school.. He came from Catholic school.

 

[Pixiedust34]

I am so sorry your ds is going through this.

Yes, I think he should call 911 if needed. Hopefully he'll never have to make the call.

I hope that the meeting with the principal goes well.

 

[DizBelle]

I'm sorry your son is dealing with this.

Tell him he should be proud to be a "mutt". That is what America is about. We're a melting pot after all.

If he can find a way to not let their taunts bother him, they will not find him an interesting target anymore.

Best of luck.

 

[SC Minnie]

I am sorry your son is going through this. I agree document everything with the principal at the school as well as the schools resource officer.

 

[diznygirl]

The bullies have called him mutt.. He is half Filipino and half African-American. And one time, they took his lunch. He didn't want to tell the prinicpal because he is afraid that this two bullies will hurt him. It's been happening for a while now.. and I think this is why it's affecting his studies. He is in 7th grade.. This is his second year to that school.. He came from Catholic school.

We are all mutts - and the bullies probably are too. Tell him not to worry about that. Make sure the principal knows exactly what is going on - you mentioned that the Uncle will take care of that. Some school administrations are very responsive - hopefully yours is.

 

[DVC Sadie]

The bullies have called him mutt.. He is half Filipino and half African-American. And one time, they took his lunch. He didn't want to tell the prinicpal because he is afraid that this two bullies will hurt him. It's been happening for a while now.. and I think this is why it's affecting his studies. He is in 7th grade.. This is his second year to that school.. He came from Catholic school.

Fantasia, I feel for you and your son.

I had the same problems when I went to school because I was half Korean and half American. The taunts, ridicule and name calling was devastating to my self-esteem. I remember asking my mother for plastic surgery for my birthday so I could get my eyes fixed to look like everyone else. My mother sent me to see a psychologist who specialized in children and let me just say that is what ulimately helped me learn to heal and allowed me to be content with myself. My parents also sent me back to a private school (Catholic) which helped a lot.

Please consider getting your beautiful son some counseling and if the bullying continues I would press charges. If the bullying is occuring in school and no one is doing anything to protect your son I would seriously consider a lawsuit.

 

[Heidict]

So sorry you and your son are going through this. He should not hesitate to call 911 if they lay a hand on him. I hope everything works out good for him.

Oh, and you have nothing to apologize for, with your BIL being the one to speak to the school. He is your sons uncle and i'm sure a wonderful male influence in his life. Lean on him and allow him to help you through this, as a single mother it can't be easy to try and to everything yourself.

 

[*Fantasia*]

Thank you everyone for your kind words.. It's comforting that I am telling my son the right things. I know he is scared, and I wish if I could only protect my children 24/7 from this sometimes cruel world I would.. He has a cell phone.. so I told him if you can call 911 do so. But I do hope that it won't come to this.

I thought about sending him back to Catholic school.. however, I am not going to back down. I'm going to fight for what is right. Sorry it's cliche' but that's the truth. Our responsibility is to make it right.. to make the system right. I don't believe in both parties getting the punishment. I don't get that? You're the one who is already in the hospital and would still get a punishment? Just an example.. Someone is already trying to murder you and you try to fight back and at the end, you still get charged for fighting for own defense??

Thanks so much for responding, it helps ease my emotions... Anymore thoughts are welcome.

 

[Nik's Mom]

The bullies have called him mutt.. He is half Filipino and half African-American. And one time, they took his lunch. He didn't want to tell the prinicpal because he is afraid that this two bullies will hurt him. It's been happening for a while now.. and I think this is why it's affecting his studies. He is in 7th grade.. This is his second year to that school.. He came from Catholic school.

I was going to ask if he was being picked on because of his ethnic background. This happens more than people want to admit. I'm part hispanic and part caucasian, so I experienced this when I was a kid. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'd definitely talk to the school. It sounds like your son's uncle is going to do that. The school should have a policy on bullying.

I'll say a prayer for your son. Middle school is such a difficult time. This type of situation only makes it worse.

 

[mjkacmom]

I remember this starting in middle school, and I'm female! You were summoned to church hill, and all the kids would go. According to my dd13, it's still the same. I've told my ds11 that if he hits someone, he is in trouble, no matter what the kid said. However, he has my (and DH's) permission to hit back if someone assaults him, or his friends.

 

[brockash]

I agree with calling 911. I don't know how that will be logistically possible if he happens to get beat up.

I'm so sick of all this fight crap and wish folks would take a stand.

Is your son being threatened? If he is that scared, I might consider filing a police report on the threats alone so that you have it documented.

And yes--I would certainly press charges if they assault him.

Boys will be boys--hogwash!

ITA. It's total crap that there are parents that brush things like this under the rug. OP you stated it perfectly, if you as an adult got assaulted, wouldn't you make a report and press charges?? I would certainly hope so, and I don't get why ppl. think it should be different for kids. They need to learn young, that this type of behavoir is NOT acceptable. It's not some kind of phase for kids, it's a mentality that kids should be taught that it's NOT okay to bully ppl. and certainly NOT okay to harm another. Even if it were my kid that assaulted another kid and the parents pressed charges, honestly, yes it would be frustrating, but the bottom line, it's the right thing to do, and I would have no one to blame but my son and myself. It's disgusting that parents don't take a stand and teach their own kids right from wrong.

 

[brockash]

Thank you everyone for your kind words.. It's comforting that I am telling my son the right things. I know he is scared, and I wish if I could only protect my children 24/7 from this sometimes cruel world I would.. He has a cell phone.. so I told him if you can call 911 do so. But I do hope that it won't come to this.

I thought about sending him back to Catholic school.. however, I am not going to back down. I'm going to fight for what is right. Sorry it's cliche' but that's the truth. Our responsibility is to make it right.. to make the system right. I don't believe in both parties getting the punishment. I don't get that? You're the one who is already in the hospital and would still get a punishment? Just an example.. Someone is already trying to murder you and you try to fight back and at the end, you still get charged for fighting for own defense??

Thanks so much for responding, it helps ease my emotions... Anymore thoughts are welcome.

Again, ITA. In the real world, this is called self-defense and the person defending themself would not be prosecuted. Why is it, that schools can't get that. There's a lot of things are legal system doesn't get right, but in this situation, for the most part, the legal system uses common sense, I don't get why schools can't figure that out. As far as the cliche about fighting for what's right, in the D.A.'s office we use fighting the good fight.

 

[Shmily1]

ITA with what you have told your DS. I always told DS19 and DD18 not to start a fight, but not to let someone hit you without you defending themselves. Evidently, I didn't explain it well enough to them.... someone was bullying DS and hit him.... DD got them good!!

I'm sorry your family is going through this but stay strong in your beliefs. It's awesome that his uncle is concerned enough to handle this with the school for you. Not alot of families are that close and sometimes you just need that extra help.

Good luck.

 

[TanyaLovesPooh]

Telly, you and your son will certainly be in my prayers.

Our son dealt with bullies too. We always encouraged him to defend himself if it came to that, to never start a fight but to definitely hit back if he had too. Thankfully, it never came to that.

This was about 3 years ago, he was in the 7th grade. At the time our son asked if he could start taking karate. We checked out some classes and ended up enrolling him. Both he and his sister have been in karate since then. It really has done so much for his confidence, he felt like he could take care of himself if he had too and hold his own. Which really helped dissolve a lot of his fear. They teach that karate is for self-defense only and not to go using it on someone just because they know it. They also learn a great deal about respect and honor.

Anyway that is what worked for us.

 

[liamsaunt]

I was coming on to suggest karate or self defense classes also. It can be really empowering to know that you have the practiced tools to defend yourself if someone starts a fight with you.

I am sorry that your son is being bullied. That is awful. Hopefully when his uncle talks with the principal the school will get involved and help to put a stop to it.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

ITA that the zero tolerance policies that punish the victim are ridiculous.

Fighting defensively is so that you can attempt to protect yourself from injuries or more serious injuries than if you did nothing at all. Even if all you are do is blocking hits/punches.

On some planet that has to be unconstitutional--but I think that many fights in school both parties are at fault so the zero tolerance policy is to discourage those types of fights.

However, it punishes the victims of bullying who often will not do anything to save themselves to avoid ISS or OSS. But never fear--they can end up in the ICU. What away to victimize the student twice.


I see that someone suggested karate--that or any other martial arts would be an excellent thing to do. It is a great self esteem booster and the children are tought not to go out and seek trouble. The skills they learn can help them protect themselves in the event of an assault.

 

[dismom2]

I'm so sorry your son has to deal with bullies. I do think it's OK if he calls for help if they hurt him, or even put him in a threatening situation where he is scared. I would definately take this up with the school and not back down. Sometimes, when you don't keep after the school (to keep the bullies in line) they don't do anything. The same goes for the bullies---if nothing is done to stop them, they will continue---and sometimes get worse. Good luck. Your son sounds like a great kid.