What Would You Do and How should my friend handle this?

[Rumpus]

I'd let it go...and no way would I listen to a 4 minute conversation without letting the other person know I was still there.

If someone puts a cell phone down, I am not sure how you would let them know that you are "still there". I doubt that I would let it go when if it were a four minute rant about me. I don't think many people would. How do you remain friends with someone who holds you in such disdain?

 

[Eliza32]

I too had an experience some years ago where someone who had been my 'best friend' for 20 years let me down badly. I would have forgiven her anything, but it made me take a good look at our friendship, and I realised that I had done all of the phoning, organising etc over the years, and that she had just gone along with it. I gradually slowed down on the contact to see if she would make an effort, but she didn't and I now haven't seen her for years. Some of you will disagree with me I know, but I figured that if she couldn't make any effort, then maybe the friendship wasn't what I thought it was in the first place.

 

[Polyluvr]

I'd drop that friendship quick.

There is a saying about eavesdropping~ can't remember it exactly; but the jist is you never hear something good.

Good riddance to a friend that calls me a B

 

[sparklynails23]

"Z" sounds kind of needy. She needs to call her buddy at work to complain about anxiety. She needs her friend to sit with her at a reunion-- a reunion is all about seeing people you haven't seen for awhile. Maybe "P" had a point.

 

[Rumpus]

"Z" sounds kind of needy. She needs to call her buddy at work to complain about anxiety. She needs her friend to sit with her at a reunion-- a reunion is all about seeing people you haven't seen for awhile. Maybe "P" had a point.

She is the last person I would ever describe as needy. She didn't "need" to call her friend at work. They talk three or so mornings per week at that time. Either the friend calls her or visa versa. A reunion is about seeing people you haven't seen in a while, not seeing people you have NEVER seen. She moved from out of state to that particular high school in her senior year and knew no one that was at the reunion. She had no interest in attending the event but P prodded her into coming, so she went. I think that there are a lot of people who have some concerns about their first day at a new job and what to expect. Anxiety is not a word that would apply to her.
Friends share the good and the bad. I am sure you have had friends whose eyes glaze over when you mention Disney, but they know you like it and they listen. Hopefully they don't hang up the phone, roll their eyes and rant to the nearest person next to them about your choice in vacations. I am using the word "you" hypothetically", but it makes the point.

 

[MichelleVW]

If someone puts a cell phone down, I am not sure how you would let them know that you are "still there". I doubt that I would let it go when if it were a four minute rant about me. I don't think many people would. How do you remain friends with someone who holds you in such disdain?

It's pretty easy to say "Hello Hello" loudly and they can hear you...

 

[tasha99]

B as a verb (complain, complain, complain) isn't the same as b used as a noun. It isn't nice to talk about people behind their backs, but it doesn't sound like what the other person said is as horrible as some are imagining it to be.

 

[Carly_Roach]

When you eavesdrop, you shouldn't complain about what you hear. I agree that the person doing the eavesdropping was in the wrong. Having said that, and since that horse is out of the barn already, this is a golden opportunity to see if that friendship is as nurturing to the hurt friend as she believes it to be.

IMO, friendships are relationships where both parties are connected because they complement each other. Each gives something to the other that satisfies a need in their lives whether it's companionship, sounding boards, loneliness, etc. If your friend can go a week without a conversation to her friend when they've been talking three times or more a week for awhile, perhaps they've grown in different ways and this is a friendship that needs to end regardless of how long it's been going on. There IS such a thing as being in a rut, you know.

I wasn't there and don't know what all was said, but if this had happened to me I think I'd be seriously considering backing off on or ending the relationship completely. I have little tolerance for those who would talk about me behind my back. It would make me wonder what else they're revealing for the sake of small talk (or venting) that I would have wanted to be kept in confidence.