what was your feeling when you found out ..

[livie1205]

UUUGGGGG my son is 13 and we HAVE had the Talk!!! He has the brain and body of a 16 yr old! No one thinks he is 13! I have custody of him now but for yrs he spent half his time with his dad and saw his dad do things no kid show be seeing...girls every night,porn ect ect ect now he is WAAYYYY ahead of his peers yes he is is therapy....He has his first g friend at school and it scares me to death!! He picked up so many bad things when he was around his dad!!! Maybe he will see his little sister and see how hard it is with 3 kids and think again...
yall may think "oh my kid is only 14 or 14 I have time" you should here what these kids are talking about (i read texts and FB) and these are not poor kids...this is a well off school...but man these kids talk dirty when they think no one is watching!

 

[mhsjax]

Just remind your son also that if he turns 18 before she does that they need to take cold showers until she is also 18!!! Just like a baby he doesn't need that on his record for the rest of his life either!


I'm not sure why but I think it is harder for Moms with their sons than with their Daughters. I have one of each and I know it will be harder when it is my DS than my DD

YOu want to know why I think it is harder. I have both. I worry more about my son because I have known more than a few girls that have tried to pin a pregnancy on a guy that they really like, but maybe only slept with once, knowing full well that the father is someone else. Think Glee. I have seen this in real life. If your DD is pregnant, you pretty much know she is. But is some girls says your DS is the father, then you have no proof until a paternity test is done. I know one poor boy that believed it was his because he wanted to, but after a while of being treated like crap and used for baby supplies he decided to have one done. WASN"T HIS. She admitted she knew all along, she just wanted him to be the father, she actually was already preggers, and went and slept withe him so she could say he was.

Sorry grammar police and spelling police, I am only half a cup of coffee down so far. I can't be held responsible. lol

 

[Sgt Mickey]

He is 15 and I will not be ready for this for another 15 years

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Hopefully, 'the talk' will include respecting your partner and 'no means no, no matter when it comes in the conversation.' Not saying your DH will do this but last weekend, we had dinner with 'friends' and one of the men was saying how 'hot' his son's girlfriend was. Then he said he had told his son, 'while you're in high school, the dumber the better.' WTH? We ALL expressed disgust with this guy's conversation.

Some men are *******s. My high school boyfriends father told him right in front of me that "A hole is a hole son. It doesn't matter if you like what is attached to it it. You get the same pleasure." WTH?? How do you say that in front of a 17 year old girl?

 

[RUDisney]

YOu want to know why I think it is harder. I have both. I worry more about my son because I have known more than a few girls that have tried to pin a pregnancy on a guy that they really like, but maybe only slept with once, knowing full well that the father is someone else. Think Glee. I have seen this in real life. If your DD is pregnant, you pretty much know she is. But is some girls says your DS is the father, then you have no proof until a paternity test is done. I know one poor boy that believed it was his because he wanted to, but after a while of being treated like crap and used for baby supplies he decided to have one done. WASN"T HIS. She admitted she knew all along, she just wanted him to be the father, she actually was already preggers, and went and slept withe him so she could say he was.

Sorry grammar police and spelling police, I am only half a cup of coffee down so far. I can't be held responsible. lol

I had a friend in college that this happened to. The only thing is that she told him she was PG after they broke up. She wanted him either to take her back or pay for her abortion.

The problem: he never had sex with her. She claimed that the heavy petting got her pregnant. He didn't think it was that heavy.

Turns out, her sister ratted her out. She said that if her sister couldn't have him, she wanted a cash payout from their relationship.

Miraculously, after that, she "miscarried" and that was the end of that.

Yes, I fear for my DS getting involved with crazies like that, too.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

I am getting there, I think. My son just turned 16 and he is so full of hormones it's not even right lol!! I tell him that if he does have sex and doesn't use protection he can kiss medical school goodbye cuz he'll be mopping floors at Mickey D's trying to pay for diapers and formula. I try to paint an ugly picture so he knows and I make sure to watch Teen Mom on MTV so they can see the reality!!! I think I am pretty open with my kids and I know it's coming I just hope they are smart about it. The 16 year old keeps telling me he is keeping his "V" (virginity) card and not going to have sex but we all know how that goes! You find a willing girl and a willing boy and ta-dah - it's on like donkey kong!

 

[mjkacmom]

We are not there yet but my friend who has been there had some advice to share I never would have thought about. Just because she says she is on the pill does not mean she is taking it. A nice little nugget for "the talk".

I already told ds12 this!

 

[PaulaSB12]

How come you have different ages of consent in different states? I looked up and in some states its 16 and others its 18 (which seems a bit old). Its 16 in England but 13 in Spain.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

OP: I just have to say that I think it's definitely a step in the right direction that he even *has* protection in his posession.

 

[pilotwife_02]

We aren't there yet (oldest is only 4), but I was thinking of saying something along the lines of "if you do it before you are married IT will fall off".

Seriously though, this is something DH and I have already started discussing amongst the two of us since we will have 3 boys and know we need to start planning NOW on what to say and how to say it.

I do like what some are saying like the BCP thing and raising grandchildren. I'll have to keep that in mind.

 

[Kat77]

I already told ds12 this!

Way to go! You know I never thought about covering the "crazies" before... I've always focused on STD and pregnancy prevention. I'm seeing the need to preach about trickery now two of mine are in middle school.

 

[blanq]

Protection? Really? I laugh when it is called that because it is anything but. If I had a nickle for every person in my job who told me they used "protection" so couldn't possibly be the father, I would be a millionaire and retired from my job in child support.

 

[ozarkmom]

Just remind your son also that if he turns 18 before she does that they need to take cold showers until she is also 18!!! Just like a baby he doesn't need that on his record for the rest of his life either!


I'm not sure why but I think it is harder for Moms with their sons than with their Daughters. I have one of each and I know it will be harder when it is my DS than my DD

That varies in different states. It's interesting to see the different age of sexual consents laws.

 

[princesspiglet]

My dd8 already knows more about sex than most 16 year olds do. She has already decided she is not having sex until she is at least 25 and is never having kids. I think her watching my 36 hour labor and horrible/painful birthing video has swayed her a little!

Seriously though, we have discussed sex with her ad nausum since she was about 5. Discussed consequences, ramifications, protection, stds, etc. until we can't discuss any more. My parents never talked to me about it and I ended up pregnant at 18. My parents still don't talk about it!

I want DD to be prepared and knowledgeable so the more talking the better.

 

[princessmom29]

Protection? Really? I laugh when it is called that because it is anything but. If I had a nickle for every person in my job who told me they used "protection" so couldn't possibly be the father, I would be a millionaire and retired from my job in child support.

The key is WHEN USED PROPERLY. If it is used properly it is effective protection 97% of the time. I like those odds over unprotected any day.

 

[mamacatnv]

The key is WHEN USED PROPERLY. If it is used properly it is effective protection 97% of the time. I like those odds over unprotected any day.

 

[RUDisney]

Thank you to everyone who posted about girls lying to guys about BC.

I took my DS to buy a suit yesterday for his semi-formal that is coming up soon. We had a lot of time to talk. I mentioned that I was online reading about how to protect yourself against unwanted pregnancy and I mentioned that even if a girl says she's on BC pills, it doesn't mean that she really is, or that she's taking them.

He said, "hmm, I never thought about that." We talked about girls trying to trap guys, and about how teenage fathers aren't the ones living with their child but still have to pay for that child. My DS is adopted and that's one thing he doesn't want for his children... is to lose them or not have a hands on say in their lives.

The discussion shall continue.

 

[barkley]

Lalalalalalalalalala - I don't want to hear it!

DDs are only 10 & 11 so I hope it is a good long while until I have to worry about this. OP you are handling this well.

(In case you were concerned, I Have been talking to DDs in an age-appropriate fashion about sex for a long time)

make sure that age appropriate stuff includes how conception works.

you do not want to know the number of welfare cases i handled that had moms who were as young as 11 and 12

the common factor in all of them was their parent (or guardian) thinking that conception did'nt have to be discussed until after the girls started their periods. what they did'nt consider was that a period is just the sign that conception has not occured, so if a girl is sexualy active prior to having her first period-when she starts ovulating she can get pregnant so her first period will be after the baby is born


based on dh and my experiences with social services, we find it much scarier on this subject for our son. boys are in for a nightmare if a girl so much as claims he's impregnated her. in far too many situations it's 9 months of not knowing for sure if the baby is or is not his. too many girls trying to cement a relationship with a baby... we've told ds and dd that they should'nt consider having sex (even with the best protection on the market) with anyone they would'nt want to be the parent of their child/have to interact with for the rest of their lives.

i wish there were some episodes of '16 and pregnant' where they show a decent guy getting put through the hell some manipulative girls can create with a planned "accidental" pregnancy (cuz the existing episodes along with 'teen mom' have REALY educated dd on the realities of being sexualy active). now there needs to be some kind of shows where they explore the concept of how an std can forever change your life.

 

[barkley]

I think it has to do with control. If our DD's get pregnant we have some say or influence in what occurs going forward. If our sons get a girl pregnant his fate is in her hands and completely out of our control.

Most states do have a Romeo & Juliette law which allows a certain age spread legally. Here in NV when DS was 18, his girly was 17, HE called the local Sheriff to make sure of the law. If she is 16 and he is 18 then they are within the accepted range. I think the consensual age here is 16. However, we had several friends whose kids turned 18 and their girlys were 15, now that was a problem and one those parents stayed on top of. Thankfully both of those relationships did not last once the boys graduated and the girls were still far behind in high school, but that was really scary for those parents although in both cases the boys said nothing was going on, I know the boys and tend to believe them but that was a big risk.

even if a state law allows for it, it can still cause a nightmare for the 18 year old while it's being investigated.

in my former state if a pregnant teen (or a teen mom) applied for public assistance they had to name the father of their unborn/child (or every possible candidate). if mom was a minor it automaticaly triggered a referal to the da's office to explore if daddy was an adult. even though we had some 'romeo and juliet' laws the dad and his parents still had to provide the information that would show no law had been broken (and it got close sometimes b/c depending on how birthdays fell and weather kids had been sexualy active longer than their parents realized). it was something i would not wish anyone to have to go through.

the thing is, allot of people think that they would never have to deal with this b/c of their/the son's gf's parent's standard of living (read "not the type to have to/ever would be willing to go on welfare"), but most of the cases came through the door because of applications for medicaid. the parents of the pregnant girl found out pretty quick that most health insurance policies don't cover dependant's pregnancies so when it came to either putting up tens of thousands for prenatal care or sucking it up to go and apply for one of the no cost/low cost medicaid programs-most sucked it up and applied.

 

[mamacatnv]

DS lives on campus at his University - I am off to meet him for dinner and can't wait to bring up this thread hehe.......never pass up an opportunity to remind and discuss how to remain responsible, safe and to play it smart!