what was your feeling when you found out ..

[HOGFAN]

that your kids had(clearing throat) become 'active'? He is 17 and a senior in high school. DD23 told me and then I found a box of 'protection' while I was dusting his room. I am glad that he is taking precautions but still think of him as my little boy.. Im gonna have his dad give him The Talk again this weekend.

 

[tasha99]

Be proud of him for getting the protection!

My son at that age (now 20) was obviously active, but I didn't think he was being "safe." He was mortified, but I bought him a box of condoms and gave him "the talk" about responsibility. I felt he was too young for what he was doing, but stds aside, I didn't want to become a grandmother.

 

[shortbun]

that your kids had(clearing throat) become 'active'? He is 17 and a senior in high school. DD23 told me and then I found a box of 'protection' while I was dusting his room. I am glad that he is taking precautions but still think of him as my little boy.. Im gonna have his dad give him The Talk again this weekend.

Hopefully, 'the talk' will include respecting your partner and 'no means no, no matter when it comes in the conversation.' Not saying your DH will do this but last weekend, we had dinner with 'friends' and one of the men was saying how 'hot' his son's girlfriend was. Then he said he had told his son, 'while you're in high school, the dumber the better.' WTH? We ALL expressed disgust with this guy's conversation.

 

[mamacatnv]

Oh I remember that day well

I had a chat with DS and his girlyfriend, reminding them of their responsibilities along with some ground rules regarding my house because DD was only 9 at the time.

I also reminded DS of his responsibilities and then I made sure that the issue of birth control had been discussed and I paid for said birth control for many months until he went off to college and they eventually broke up.

 

[Kat77]

We are not there yet but my friend who has been there had some advice to share I never would have thought about. Just because she says she is on the pill does not mean she is taking it. A nice little nugget for "the talk".

 

[LiberalPrincess]

Be proud of him for getting the protection!

My son at that age (now 20) was obviously active, but I didn't think he was being "safe." He was mortified, but I bought him a box of condoms and gave him "the talk" about responsibility. I felt he was too young for what he was doing, but stds aside, I didn't want to become a grandmother.

So true. No matter how uncomfortable the talk can be, the flip side of not having the talk would be so much worse. I am SO not ready to be called granny/gram/nana or anything close. My son is still not there yet (I think), and I already start sweating thinking about it.

 

[mamacatnv]

We are not there yet but my friend who has been there had some advice to share I never would have thought about. Just because she says she is on the pill does not mean she is taking it. A nice little nugget for "the talk".

Oh man did we ever pound that into DS's head. We spent a lot of time talking about no matter what, even when I was buying the BC that condoms were ALWAYS used as a backup. It lowers the risk of STD's and adds a nice layer of protection.

Honestly, we had several talks with DS about girls and using a baby as a way to hold onto their guy or the general attitude amongst teens that babies are cute, or cool or geee I want one.
I think we started these discussions when DS was ohhhh about 5 but seriously, we did address the no matter what wrap it up concept a lot and often, heck I still do.
He now has a friend or 2 who due to lack of personal protection is now a daddy and he has a couple of high school friends with babies and toddlers.

 

[RUDisney]

A friend of mine has a talk about the fastest way to poverty is a teenage pregnancy. Her girls have been raised in a very comfortable manner and they know that they will lose Mom and Dad's financial support if they find themselves in a family way. "Dad and I raised you. We are not obligated to raise your children."

So far, that talk and I'm sure among other things has kept them out of trouble. Their Aunt is an OB-Gyn, so knowing they can go to her with questions is probably a load off their shoulders, too.

 

[mickeyboat]

Lalalalalalalalalala - I don't want to hear it!

DDs are only 10 & 11 so I hope it is a good long while until I have to worry about this. OP you are handling this well.

(In case you were concerned, I Have been talking to DDs in an age-appropriate fashion about sex for a long time)

 

[HOGFAN]

I have stressed to both kids that they will NOT bring a grandchild in my house to raise. I have beat this drum since they were younger.
Ive raised mine, Im not raising theirs..

 

[JoiseyMom]

The best form of birth control advice we gave to our 2 older DS's was their baby sister. They were 12 and 11 when she was born. DS26 still doesn't want kids .

I have to say, I just recently found out how ummm...young my eldest was and I was shocked to say the least. I knew I didn't like that girl

I have to say I was rather shocked at how forward some of the teenage girls were when my older DS's were growing up.

DD14 and I have had LOTS and LOTS of talks about sex etc. She also isn't allowed to date yet. But scary times ahead.

 

[jenrose66]

Mine are still way too young for that (still babies and toddlers). I will say I actually tried to talk to my mom about sex. I wanted to go on the pill so I tried to have a round about conversation with her about it. She completely shut me down so I just went on my own and got on the pill, I was 19. She went in my purse and found my pills a few months later and took it very hard, she then said she was going to call my dad (my parents are divorced) and discuss it with him (which she never did)...

Ahh memories...it was a huge mess. At that point I was living in college so I only came home to visit on breaks. It was one day of drama and that was it...Now even though I'm on my 3rd kid I think she has convinced herself that they were all immaculate conceptions.

I should add that I love my mom. We live 5 minutes away from each other and talk at least once a day. We have a great relationship...we just don't discuss sexual things.

 

[mrsltg]

Lalalalalalalalalala - I don't want to hear it!

DDs are only 10 & 11 so I hope it is a good long while until I have to worry about this. OP you are handling this well.

(In case you were concerned, I Have been talking to DDs in an age-appropriate fashion about sex for a long time)

SING LOUDER PLEASE!!!! I can still hear the horrible voices reminding me that this will one day be me.....

We have had the talk with the oldest dd about teenage pregnancy. Our nephew is adopted from a teen couple. His birth mother waited at the hospital for SIL to arrive, handed her the baby, and left, empty handed, hours after giving birth. That is an awful feeling I don't want any of my girls to experience. I also don't want to be raising anymore babies, so, the talk is ongoing and continuous...

OP - Be proud your son knows enough to have protection. Talk to him to make sure he uses it, EVERYTIME.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

that your kids had(clearing throat) become 'active'? He is 17 and a senior in high school. DD23 told me and then I found a box of 'protection' while I was dusting his room. I am glad that he is taking precautions but still think of him as my little boy.. Im gonna have his dad give him The Talk again this weekend.

Oh yes... DS was 18 and it was his first steady girlfriend. I casually mentioned he should always use protection and his reply was " I know... don't be a fool, wrap your tool"

So we've had the talk about girls that say they are on the pill but don't ever take their word for it. The only discussion his dad had with him was when I found, um "evidence" in his bedroom garbage can I had his Dad let him know that it was not cool for his mom to find that!

 

[PatsGirl]

DS was 17 and junior in high school dating a cute young girl who I had met a few times when I got a phone call from her foster mother asking if I knew that they were "doing the deed" I was dumbfounded. He was home nearly all weekends until probably two months before that and I had met this girl I think maybe three times. I had asked him about her a little and had just gotten the news that they were an "item".

I spent many years talking to DS about sex, the fun and the ramifications and most importantly HIS, yes HIS, responsibility. I emphasized how girls say "NO" using body language not necessarily verbal, how he was 100 percent responsible for birth control and if she felt the same way, great! they were double-covered, and most importantly that he should exercise restraint and show girls/women/prospects respect.

It went downhill quickly. Long story short, he was her knight in shining armor (obviously something he needed for his lack of self esteem as well, I'm not kidding myself here).

** I typed out a lengthy description of their past together (its been over for two years now) but realized that was for another thread. Let's just say, he's doing great, she's not.

 

[pigletgirl]

Good thing you found protection! I'm sure it was hard though, knowing your 'little boy' is now a man.

But honestly don't be surprised...

 

[Hannathy]

Just remind your son also that if he turns 18 before she does that they need to take cold showers until she is also 18!!! Just like a baby he doesn't need that on his record for the rest of his life either!


I'm not sure why but I think it is harder for Moms with their sons than with their Daughters. I have one of each and I know it will be harder when it is my DS than my DD

 

[mamacatnv]

I have stressed to both kids that they will NOT bring a grandchild in my house to raise. I have beat this drum since they were younger.
Ive raised mine, Im not raising theirs..

same here

The best form of birth control advice we gave to our 2 older DS's was their baby sister. They were 12 and 11 when she was born. DS26 still doesn't want kids .

I have to say, I just recently found out how ummm...young my eldest was and I was shocked to say the least. I knew I didn't like that girl

I have to say I was rather shocked at how forward some of the teenage girls were when my older DS's were growing up.

DD14 and I have had LOTS and LOTS of talks about sex etc. She also isn't allowed to date yet. But scary times ahead.

Our kids are 10 years apart, I think you make a valid point. DS remembers his toddler sister
Girls are way more aggressive than we were and nothing is taboo, anything goes and that is a bit scary to me. No inhabitions is not necessarily a good thing.

Oh yes... DS was 18 and it was his first steady girlfriend. I casually mentioned he should always use protection and his reply was " I know... don't be a fool, wrap your tool"

So we've had the talk about girls that say they are on the pill but don't ever take their word for it. The only discussion his dad had with him was when I found, um "evidence" in his bedroom garbage can I had his Dad let him know that it was not cool for his mom to find that!

sooo in our house it was the opposite, Dad was having a hard time accepting the activities that were going on.
One day DS calls me, "ummm Mom, are you driving Dad's car by any chance?" it was right after DS's car was stolen and we were car juggling between the 3 of us. I said "no, why" DS says well...."girly and I were at the clinic getting her BC and condoms are free so I got a bag........I forgot them in Dad's car" to which I DS was not amused.....
A few hours later I get a call from DH "sweetie, did you have plans for later?" he says with that wistfulness that DH's can get (wink wink nudge nudge) So, I had to burst his bubble....... "oh so thats where they were, DS was looking for those!"
I'm so mean

 

[mamacatnv]

Just remind your son also that if he turns 18 before she does that they need to take cold showers until she is also 18!!! Just like a baby he doesn't need that on his record for the rest of his life either!


I'm not sure why but I think it is harder for Moms with their sons than with their Daughters. I have one of each and I know it will be harder when it is my DS than my DD

I think it has to do with control. If our DD's get pregnant we have some say or influence in what occurs going forward. If our sons get a girl pregnant his fate is in her hands and completely out of our control.

Most states do have a Romeo & Juliette law which allows a certain age spread legally. Here in NV when DS was 18, his girly was 17, HE called the local Sheriff to make sure of the law. If she is 16 and he is 18 then they are within the accepted range. I think the consensual age here is 16. However, we had several friends whose kids turned 18 and their girlys were 15, now that was a problem and one those parents stayed on top of. Thankfully both of those relationships did not last once the boys graduated and the girls were still far behind in high school, but that was really scary for those parents although in both cases the boys said nothing was going on, I know the boys and tend to believe them but that was a big risk.

 

[Lassie Lynne]

I am so proud of parents who can have such open talk with their children, good for you!!! I am 42 and still have not told my parents, and we have been married for 10 years.....although I "think" they might have figured it out .