What to give for a bat mitzvah?

[littlele]

Need any and all help here-my DD11 has been invited to a fairly elaborate party (it's actually a two part party) and I haven't a clue as to what to give as a gift.

Mind you they are not close family friends or anything, just a friend of hers from school.

So what would be a reasonable gift?

 

[Cindy B]

My daughter is in the throes of her bar/bat mitzvah year (7th grade) and my son has already passed it.

First, remember the rule of multiples of 18-- that apparently is a sign of good luck and shows that you are aware of the culture/significance. I do cash in multiples of 18 (but not $18) in a bar/bat mitzvah card. I live in the NE, and when I understand the "cover your plate" concept== I can't do it in fro bar/bat mitzvahs- some are very elaborate

Some invitations specify that gifts go to a charity instead of the person. In that case, we would do a donation and a small gift for the child --like an Itunes card, gc..

I have Jewish friends/neighbors/coworkers. Some say it doesn't matter what you bring-- just enough to acknowledge the person. One person even said don't give an elaborate amount of money to the person-- since it is a religiously based event. This person didn't want their child to get such a large amount of money as gifts and well "cheapen" --(thats the word they used) the event. However some people don't think this way and the bar/bat mitvah is a time to go super extravagant with just a bit of religion thrown in.

As for two part party--what do you mean? Most have the services-- and then the "reception". Some of the more elaborate ones have an overnight feast at the hotel with brunch/breakfast the next morning with some of the kids "sleeping over" at the hotel.

 

[lastminutemom]

The answers you are going to get are going to be all over the place, because this varies by region and sometimes, even cities within regions.


It is just your child who is invited right and is the Bat Mitzvah girl 12? I am guessing your DD was invited to the service and the luncheon and then a party later or another day?

For just a kid going to another kid's party, I think you could either let your daughter pick out a gift that she knows her friend will like or a check or gift card. It is always nice to do increments of $18, but even as someone who is Jewish, I often gave other amounts. (ie $25 or $50).

ITunes gift cards are great at this age as are clothing store gift cards.

 

[lisaross]

i say $36.00 would be nice..

 

[ruthgator]

i say $36.00 would be nice..

Me too!! And I'm A MOT (that's Member of the Tribe...) (I'm Jewish!)
Another option is a $50 savings bond that would cost you $25... most Bar/Bat Mitzvah kids use their money for college or to buy a car...

HTH!
Ruth

 

[lisaross]

I'm a MOT also, lol

Me too!! And I'm A MOT (that's Member of the Tribe...) (I'm Jewish!)
Another option is a $50 savings bond that would cost you $25... most Bar/Bat Mitzvah kids use their money for college or to buy a car...

HTH!
Ruth

 

[KevGuy]

A bat mitzvah is almost as expensive as a wedding or in some cases even more. A $50 gift is appropriate where I come from.

 

[okeydokey]

You'll get lots of different responses just like in the wedding threads. Some will say a small trinket or jewelery while some will say it's not appropriate to go and give less than 200 or 300. Depends a lot on where you live.

 

[mjkacmom]

For dd13's gf, the girls who were invited as singles gave $50, but we gave significantly more, since our family was invited (some multiple of 18).

 

[JeffreyY]

For my DD Bat Mitzvah last year she got gifts ranging from $36 to $125 from the kids. She usually gave $54. It is like a wedding so you might want to give about what you would give for a wedding in your area. or ask around to see what others are giving.

 

[klacey1]

Around 10 or so years ago, I gave $50 to my best friend for her bat mitzvah. However, when I was invited to another friend's, when both my brother and I were invited (he was good friends with the older brother and our families were a bit closer), I believe we gave $200 or so. I think it depends on how close you are to the family. $50 seems about right.
I remember opening cards with my best friend and with the exception of one person who gave her a Things Remembered-esque engraved jewelry box (which was beautiful), everyone else gave her cash (she also got 20 or so of the same exact card!).

 

[littlele]

For my DD Bat Mitzvah last year she got gifts ranging from $36 to $125 from the kids. She usually gave $54. It is like a wedding so you might want to give about what you would give for a wedding in your area. or ask around to see what others are giving.

This is what I was afraid of. I don't want to be rude, but after buying a new outfit for my daughter and a gift, this could end up costing me way more than I am comfortable with. I guess I will have to really think this over before she commits to going.

 

[snowwhite84]

I agree with the above. My bat mitzvah was 13 years ago, and I can't remember getting much else besides checks. A few adults gave me nice'memory' type gifts, like one had my invitaion incorporated into a mezzuzah, but other than that, it was all money.

This was in South Florida, if that helps.

I also think it can vary based on wha sect of Judaism is being observed. At some reform bar/bat mitzvahs, I notice more emphasis on the reception, and at Orthodox it's more about honoring the rite of passage.

 

[louey]

$50

 

[MSSANDRA]

This is what I was afraid of. I don't want to be rude, but after buying a new outfit for my daughter and a gift, this could end up costing me way more than I am comfortable with. I guess I will have to really think this over before she commits to going.

I know nothing about th celebration but I can not image that the family would want you to decline over the amount of a gift. I would give what you are comfortable with and tell your DD to go and have a good time.

Maybe buy your DD a less expesive dress and then give 18.00 or a 20 or 25.00 gift card.

 

[lastminutemom]

As a member of the tribe as well, I don't think Bar and Bat Mitzvahs are like weddings at all -- though some families celebrate them that way.

I can't begin to tell you what kid gave what to my child -- please don't decline the invitation because of costs. What makes it special to the child is to have their friends celebrating with them.

 

[mjkacmom]

This is what I was afraid of. I don't want to be rude, but after buying a new outfit for my daughter and a gift, this could end up costing me way more than I am comfortable with. I guess I will have to really think this over before she commits to going.

I'm Catholic, and really enjoyed the whole thing! My friend had the reception at a nice catering hall, with an awesome DJ, photographer who set up a little photo booth, games - the kids had SO much fun! She hired a bus to take the kids from the Temple to the reception. Maybe have your dd borrow a dress - I bought one for dd13, got one from Costco for dd6, and a cheap one from a used clothing store for dd8.

 

[louey]

This is what I was afraid of. I don't want to be rude, but after buying a new outfit for my daughter and a gift, this could end up costing me way more than I am comfortable with. I guess I will have to really think this over before she commits to going.

I originally said $50 but I would give $36 if its going to prevent her from going. They usually are alot of fun for the kids and if I were you I wouldn't want her to miss it. Hope she has a great time

 

[mommytomy3]

My daughter has gone to 3 bar mitzvah's so far this school year for classmates.. she gave $54 at each one. I hope your dd can make it.. they are so much fun, my dd had an awesome time at all of them!

 

[disfan07]

my bat mitzvah was 7 1/2 years ago.

Bat Mitzvahs can be veeerrryyy expensive depending on where you live and what you do for it. We had mine at a hotel with 200 people. We spent probably around $10,000 on it.
Most of what I got was checks adn cash. The range for gifts from friends was $36-$150.

It all depended on how good of a friend they were.
It was basically liek an unwritten rule at my syngogue that you invited everyone from your hebrew school class but I wasnt necessarily "friends" with them but most of teh class came anyways adn those were the ones i got $36 from.
From my friends at school, I got between $50 adn $150 depending on how good of friends we were and how long I had known them. Like my best friends who were twins gave me $150 from each of them.

I'd say if it is just someone she knows form school, go with $36.

During my bat mitzvah year, I was invited to 30 bar and bat mitzvahs...I attended 20 of them. We spent about $900 just on gifts that year.