What to do?

[MickeyMomOfThree]

This is not an issue for OP, as the man has passed. He is no longer here to feel lonely, sad or ignored. I don't disagree that no one should be left in that way but in this situation this is not part of the story. When a person is alive it is a whole different story (just my opinion.) I don't beleive myself to be uncaring at all. I ahve taken my kids to visit strangers in nursing homes (I am a GS leader and have taken the girls for years). We take holiday decorations, sing songs, call BINGO. I take them in stages, the younger kids go call the BINGO for those who are better off, the older they get the more they seem to be able to handle. I personally have not had anyone in a nursing home but have tried to make an impact on others who may have been "forgotten".

I don't know if I personally was considered to have no compassion, but I assure you that I have spent my life trying to be a good, considerate person and treat people the way I wish to be treated, and have most definatly have raised my kids in that way. However, I still wish to remember my loved ones when they were alive. Again, personal opinion, but I don't believe that to make me non-compassionate.

 

[tlens]

Maybe that nursing home was bad. Not all are like that. Many treat people with dignity and respect and it wouldn't be harmful to take a child to.

Beside the OP could have not taken the kids and went herself. not everyone in a nursing home is senile. They appreciate visits from friends and family as much as you and I do.

 

[Tricia819]

Why bother going to the funeral if you couldn't bother visiting him when he was alive? Hope your grandkids are kinder, but really you've already taught your kids what counts.

I never said I didn't visit him when he was alive, as a matter of fact I saw him at least once a week until he went into the nursing home.

 

[okeydokey]

I would postpone the trip. There is no way I would miss my grandparent's funeral because I really, really wanted to go to Disney. But that's just me.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I would postpone the trip. There is no way I would miss my grandparent's funeral because I really, really wanted to go to Disney. But that's just me.

I have to agree. But that's just the way I look at it, too.

My grandmother died the day after Christmas in 1999 (she was 99 years old). The only day my mom could schedule the funeral was my 35th birthday. No one cared that it was my birthday and neither did I. Grandma was the most important person that day and honoring her was the most important thing to do. But, again, that just how I look at things.

 

[islangrl]

As my kids are still young, I am just guessing at what I would want. If my grandfather died and one of my kids said they "chose" to go to disney instead of the funeral, I would be quite upset. I think it is pretty disrespectful to his memory. Sure your dad said just go, but I am sure he is pretty upset right now, probably more than you are aware of. I just lost my dad a few weeks ago, and having my family around me has been very comforting. Your plane tickets can probably be changed for a fee, much less than $1000, and if you check with the airline and show them a death certificate, they may even waive the fee. It's not like you are trying to get the money back. Your husband can probably change his vacation days, just go later this month. Good luck, and I am sorry about your grandfather.

 

[stmize]

I'd go. In fact we had the same situation happen to us last yr. My DH's gm died. We went to see her before we left and she made it a point to tell my dh to go and have a good time and not to worry about her. We went and she died a few days after we arrived and they had the funeral while we were gone. Obviously we were upset but we did have fun in her memory cause we knew that was what she wanted.

 

[3boys4me]

Honestly, my mouth was hanging open reading that. I simply cannot imagine making vacation more of a priority than your grandfather's funeral.

i agree

 

[Colinsmom]

OP, I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry that some posters in this thread have been so judgemental and cruel towards you. The dynamics of every family are different, and I know that my family did not expect anyone to change vacation plans or take extraordinary measures to get to either of my grandparents' funerals last year. Everyone in the family was able to visit each of them not long before their death and say their good-byes, and we've been able to support each other far beyond the couple of hours that are spent at a funeral.

Is there any way that you can just leave a day later for your trip? Or send your family ahead, and you join after the funeral (assuming that it only a day or two into the trip)? But ultimately, you don't have to answer to anyone who is judging you on this thread. You only have to answer to your family and the memory of your grandfather.

 

[Ellester]

To the OP: I am so sorry about your grandfather. Hopefully the funeral will be before you are supposed to go so the point will be moot. But, if not, you will just have to do a gut check and make the best decision for your family as a whole. I would have a heart to heart with your parents and then just make a decision. In my mind, there is no right or wrong answer. My maternal grandparents didn't even have funerals, they were very against them. I did go after my grandmother died and we spread her ashes on the golf course. I did not go when my grandfather died, it was really only a time for the siblings to argue over who got what out of the house. Sad, really.

 

[Tricia819]

the decision has been taken out of my hands. We're having a private family viewing tomorrow.

 

[Tricia819]

it was really only a time for the siblings to argue over who got what out of the house. Sad, really.[/QUOTE

It will be interesting to see if my other aunt shows up with her hand out considering she hasn't had any contact with her parents in 11 years.

 

[islangrl]

Not to sound insensitive, but I am glad you get to do both! Have a great time at Disney; and again I am sorry about your grandpa.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Considering the circumstances, I am releived for you that it happened in a way that you don't have to make a choice. I am sorry for your grandfather's passing, it is never easy, and though he lived a long (and I hope happy) life, it does remind us that life is short, you never know what tomorrow will bring, so to live life to it's fullest. I hope that you and your family will be able to enjoy this trip and knowing how grandpas are, I am sure he would have wanted you to enjoy yourself.
Take care...

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Why bother going to the funeral if you couldn't bother visiting him when he was alive? Hope your grandkids are kinder, but really you've already taught your kids what counts.

How we treat our elders speaks a lot to our humanity/compassion.

I have been in a lot of very nice nursing homes and most residents love to see children - they would have doted on them!

 

[I_Know_You2!]

How we treat our elders speaks a lot to our humanity/compassion.

I have been in a lot of very nice nursing homes and most residents love to see children - they would have doted on them!

I agree entirely.

until he went into the nursing home.

So he might as well have died then.

 

[Tricia819]

Since you are so quick to judge others when you know nothing of their situation, I hope you all never have any phobias that prevent you from what others think is the "right thing".

 

[wall*e2008]

the decision has been taken out of my hands. We're having a private family viewing tomorrow.

Are you not attending the funeral? Viewings happen a day or two days before the funeral.

 

[just4today]

Since you are so quick to judge others when you know nothing of their situation, I hope you all never have any phobias that prevent you from what others think is the "right thing".

I'm not sure what you expected to happen with this thread. Your original post spelled out all the justifications you had for doing what you're doing, but you posted it here Did you expect that no one would disagree with you. Just the fact that you were unsure about what to do means there are two sides to this issue. People here have stated their opinions. Some of them disagreed with you. That's what happens in a discussion.

 

[I_Know_You2!]

If I had a "phobia" that kept me from people I loved, I'd sure as hell get it treated, medicated, whatever, and get my sorry butt in to see that person.