What to do with two arguing sisters

[momx2]

I have my DD 4 upstairs now laying in her bed crying and yelling she hates this world, hates her sister. No nap today, that contributes to it, but DD 4 and DD 8 just can't get along and I don't know where to draw the line.

Today, all was going well. Both DDs were playing great together, no fights. I had to warn DD 8 a few times to stop being so bossy, normal. But then it happens: DD 8's friend from down the street shows up. Well, within 20 minutes DD 4 is screaming outside because she has fallen and DD 8 accidently helped cause it. (they are all on skates) DD 8 is trying to tell friend something and is trying to keep DD 4 at a distance and DD 4 stumbles and falls and blames DD 8. So, I bring DD 4 in to go upstairs and allow DD 8 to play with friend, because she didn't really cause the fall.

I just don't know what to do. This happens all the time. DD 8 does play well with DD 4 some, but is very bossy. And when friend comes over, I don't want to make them play with DD 4 all the time. I just need to know what balance to find. I can't prohibit DD 4 from playing with them all the time, especially outside. I just don't know what is fair for both of them. Please help!

 

[CEDmom]

Honestly, I think it's a lot of expect that a 4 and an 8 year old will play well together. Think about it, if they weren't sisters they wouldn't play at all together. Isn't there another young child in the neighborhood that your 4 yo could play with? I also don't think there's anything wrong with explaining to your little one that when she's a few years older she'll get to do the things her big sister does. Right now I'd just have a few new fun things on hand for those times that big sisters goes off on her own and your little one is left feeling sorry for herself. Right now I'd go give her a hug and see if she wants to help you get dinner.

 

[momx2]

Honestly, I think it's a lot of expect that a 4 and an 8 year old will play well together. Think about it, if they weren't sisters they wouldn't play at all together. Isn't there another young child in the neighborhood that your 4 yo could play with? I also don't think there's anything wrong with explaining to your little one that when she's a few years older she'll get to do the things her big sister does. Right now I'd just have a few new fun things on hand for those times that big sisters goes off on her own and your little one is left feeling sorry for herself. Right now I'd go give her a hug and see if she wants to help you get dinner.

I agree with you. It is alot for 8 yr. olds to play with a 4 yr. old. But the problem comes in mostly when they are outside. If they are inside, I can get her to do something with me or play by herself. It's hard to have DD 4 in another part of the yard by herself outside. And the friend is over almost everyday and sometimes they ask DD 4 to play with them. It's so hard for her to understand they don't want to play with her all the time and I feel so sorry for her. But I also know DD 8 wants her privacy. The privacy thing is really coming into play lately. That's expected. Play dates won't usually do the trick because it is usually after school and today the friend didn't show up at my door until 2pm. I just want to make sure to be fair to all. I know my DSIs resented me some as we got older because I didn't want to play with her and I don't want the same thing to happen here. Thanks for the input!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am dealing with this as well but my dd's are 14 & 9. It doesn't end as you know, the arguments just change. Mine are 5 years apart, made it even tougher.

I would allow older dd "private time", maybe once a week with the friend, since she is over daily. That way you are prepared to keep 4yodd busy with mommy special time.
Turn some of the issues into some positives, you know?

Now I am dealing with, how come BIG sis gets to do this and that? I want to do that...etc..
I explain she will be doing big girl stuff when she is a BIG girl and not only that she will have the house & mom & dad to herself more than likely.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Good luck. It doesn't really get any better - Mine are 12 and 7 - they can go from getting along great to screaming at each other at the drop of a dime.

I don't think sisters really appreciate each other's existence until they both leave home as adults!

 

[lovemygoofy]

I don't have kids and probably shouldn't contribute but could the younger dd get involved in a play group with children her age? Maybe then she could have friends her own age to play with also.

 

[mom22belles]

And here I thought I was the only one dealing with this . No advice from me as I am busy dealing with 2 girls of my own ( DD #1 is 7 and DD #2 is almost 4)Just giving you a and looking for one too!
Nancy

I have my DD 4 upstairs now laying in her bed crying and yelling she hates this world, hates her sister. No nap today, that contributes to it, but DD 4 and DD 8 just can't get along and I don't know where to draw the line.

Today, all was going well. Both DDs were playing great together, no fights. I had to warn DD 8 a few times to stop being so bossy, normal. But then it happens: DD 8's friend from down the street shows up. Well, within 20 minutes DD 4 is screaming outside because she has fallen and DD 8 accidently helped cause it. (they are all on skates) DD 8 is trying to tell friend something and is trying to keep DD 4 at a distance and DD 4 stumbles and falls and blames DD 8. So, I bring DD 4 in to go upstairs and allow DD 8 to play with friend, because she didn't really cause the fall.

I just don't know what to do. This happens all the time. DD 8 does play well with DD 4 some, but is very bossy. And when friend comes over, I don't want to make them play with DD 4 all the time. I just need to know what balance to find. I can't prohibit DD 4 from playing with them all the time, especially outside. I just don't know what is fair for both of them. Please help!

 

[LadyyRedd]

I have no advice, but just a few words of reassurance. My sis and I are 4 years apart (i'm 30, she's 26) and when we were growing up, we fought ALL the time and now she is my very best friend.

Kimya

 

[momx2]

And here I thought I was the only one dealing with this . No advice from me as I am busy dealing with 2 girls of my own ( DD #1 is 7 and DD #2 is almost 4)Just giving you a and looking for one too!
Nancy

Here's a right back at ya! Maybe we'll make it until they are 18. I swear I'm kicking them out when they get that old!

 

[momx2]

I have no advice, but just a few words of reassurance. My sis and I are 4 years apart (i'm 30, she's 26) and when we were growing up, we fought ALL the time and now she is my very best friend.

Kimya

Thanks for the reassurance. I hope they are close. I think that's why I get bothered so much by it because my DSis and I aren't close and I didn't play with her, etc.... I just don't want that to be the same pattern here.

 

[kbkids]

Wow! Could have written your post today. DD8 has her friend over, and every 10 minutes, DS4 is running into the house because his sister did something to hurt his feelings. Normally, they play very well together - throw another friend into the mix, total chaos.

We used to have good friends that lived across the street with a daughter my daughter's age, and a son my son's age. It was perfect. We'd just trade kids every weekend - one weekend, she would get the girls and I'd get the boys, and the next weekend, we'd swap. Oh, I so miss them!! There's not any little boys close by in the neighborhood for DS.

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

Here's a hug for all of us!!! My daughters are 9 and 6 and they fight constantly!!!! Being off school today seems to make it worse. I took them to an indoor pool today and that helped me get through the day.

I guess it comes with the territory.

 

[momx2]

Here's a hug for all of us!!! My daughters are 9 and 6 and they fight constantly!!!! Being off school today seems to make it worse. I took them to an indoor pool today and that helped me get through the day.

I guess it comes with the territory.

Oh, I wish I thought about that. We've got a great indoor pool in town and I always forget about it. But from all the posts, I think you're right about it coming with the territory.

 

[Pollito916]

Sorry I don't have any advice either, but my little sister and I are only 15 months apart, and we started fighting as soon as she started talking. Since we were so close in age, and had some mutual friends, we played together most of the time. But then there were times when we HATED each other, and had screaming matches, and knock-down drag-out fights. I know we drove my mom nuts; she says we gave her an ulcer with all our fighting. But now we are pretty good friends (we are 23 & 24). She calls me almost every day. We still occaisionally fight, but for the most part we get along.

Good luck with your girls. I think it will get easier when the youngest is in school and has more friends of her own.

 

[momx2]

We used to have good friends that lived across the street with a daughter my daughter's age, and a son my son's age. It was perfect. We'd just trade kids every weekend - one weekend, she would get the girls and I'd get the boys, and the next weekend, we'd swap. Oh, I so miss them!! There's not any little boys close by in the neighborhood for DS.

I know how you feel. We used to have boys that lived behind us, three of them. We were like stair steps: Neighbor Boy (NB) 7; DD 6; NB 5; DD 3 and NB 2 1/2. They all fought with the oldest boy, because he was better at everything but all the rest of them got along because they could all play together for the most part. Then they moved and that's when it got bad with my girls. And I will say that DD 8 is just starting to come into her own. No more being naked in front of DH, that sort of thing. She is starting to become a young lady. I think that makes it worse with DD 4. My goal is to strike a happy medium between time with little sis and time with out.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, I may be in the minority here.... But, I do not think it is fair to everyone for DD to have a friend over almost every day if it is going to present this kind of problem (which it inevitably will).

I think I would put more of a limit on the 'friend' time. (Could older DD not play over at her friends some times, which would give her time away from the 4 year old.)

Yes, I think that letting the three of them play outside without good supervision, and expecting all to go well, might be a bit much to expect.

I know how hard it can be... When my DS was little, we kept my sisters kids for a week. Creating the situation where constant supervision was required... It was exhausting!!!! But, with my little DS, I simply had to do it.

I also think that now is a very good time for the 4 year old to learn that she does not get to do everything that the older sister does.

I think many parents here can commiserate!!!

 

[momx2]

Well, I may be in the minority here.... But, I do not think it is fair to everyone for DD to have a friend over almost every day if it is going to present this kind of problem (which it inevitably will).

I think I would put more of a limit on the 'friend' time. (Could older DD not play over at her friends some times, which would give her time away from the 4 year old.)

Yes, I think that letting the three of them play outside without good supervision, and expecting all to go well, might be a bit much to expect.

I know how hard it can be... When my DS was little, we kept my sisters kids for a week. Creating the situation where constant supervision was required... It was exhausting!!!! But, with my little DS, I simply had to do it.

I also think that now is a very good time for the 4 year old to learn that she does not get to do everything that the older sister does.

I think many parents here can commiserate!!!

I agree about them going to her house. I do suggest that and they do sometimes, but for some reason they end up here the most. About the supervision: It normally doesn't matter what level of supervision, my DKs don't mind to have a whopper arguement in front of their parents. I am trying to teach DD 4 she doesn't always get her way and can't always play with DD 8, but it just breaks her heart. It's hard and probably won't get much better if all the responses are indicative of the future

 

[gr8tpanther]

My DDs are 11 (almost 12) and 13 and they fight like cats and dogs! My 11 yo stood over my 13 yo when she was choking on her food and wouldn't tell anyone, I heard the gagging and knew something was wrong, I went out and there she was turning blue, while DD11 was just watching her!

DD13 has tried to throw DD11 out of a window, tried to drown her, stab her... DD11 has drop kicked DD13. Now all these things have been over the years, just saying that even close sisters can fight!

Anymore I just let them go at it and when they come to "tattle" I just tell them that I don't want to hear it, because I CAN hear it!

 

[Jennifer S]

I opened this thread because my two sisters fight constantly and they are 26 and 28 so no - it may not get better anytime soon.

 

[momx2]

I opened this thread because my two sisters fight constantly and they are 26 and 28 so no - it may not get better anytime soon.