What to do with teen drinking?

[WhoopyPie]

So over the holidays I found out my niece does some drinking with friends. She's 17, in her house they're very lax about drinking. I don't allow my teens to drink.

Well through myspace.com I found her to be boasting about her drinking and getting drunk.

Do I say something or do I keep my mouth shut. I know if I say something it will start a war and I will be expelled.

I know I'm not allowing my teens out with her and her friends anymore. There's no trust there and an accident waiting to happen.

 

[anewvance]

I just watched a movie on Lifetime the other day about a girl in a similar situation to your neice. And she got in a car, drove drunk and killed her best friend. They made it a point to tell you that it's the right thing to do to tell her parents. She isn't just going to stop, she needs intervention. That's just my opinion.

 

[Bob Slydell]

I know I'm not allowing my teens out with her and her friends anymore. There's no trust there and an accident waiting to happen.

That's about as far as I would go. It's not up to you to "narc" on your niece to her parents about what she's written.

 

[WhoopyPie]

That's about as far as I would go. It's not up to you to "narc" on your niece to her parents about what she's written.

That's my thought also. They allow her to drink around them, but I don't think they're aware of her drinking away from them.

What blew me away on Thanksgiving is that they gave her a full glass of Asti (sp) and then 1/2 hour later she was going out (she was the driver) My husband blocked in her car when he realized what was going on and she wouldn't ask the 2 aunts to move them. It stopped her and a possible disaster. He told our's you're not going out with her and to not ask again. They know when he means business. It was all done quietly and no one knew.

 

[Fanci]

If it was your kid would you want to know?

As for me, I would want to know if it was my kid...

 

[WeirdEyes]

Oh my! Is there any way you could get your niece's parents to look at the myspace web site to see what she's been posting? My DS17 posts on there and I read it all of the time.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

My mom used to let me have an occassional drink at home when I was 16-17ish. Because of the trust we had, I would also let her know when I was out drinking with my friends. I never got drunk, and nobody would drive on these nights. Usually we were holed up at someone's house or a hotel room.

There was no need for an intervention. We all have grown up to be productive members of society (at least the ones I still keep in contact with).

Of course once I got to college it was a whole different thing, but we won't go there. LOL So the theory of if a parent doesn't treat alcohol as something taboo one won't go crazy in college is quite incorrect.

 

[Planogirl]

The drinking and driving part is worrisome. I would say something but related to that aspect of it.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

The drinking and driving part is worrisome. I would say something but related to that aspect of it.

Yes that is worrisome, and that is something that needs to be addressed. Believe me, while my mom may have been lax about some things THAT was drilled into my head, and I was always safe in that regard (at that age).

 

[Skylarr29]

I would probably mention it to the girls parents but not make it a big deal... I would just causually bring it up and if they want to talk about it fine but if not I wouldnt press the issue. I would also take this time to have an extremely important talk with you teens about drinking , driving etc. Tell them how important it is to never , ever get in a car if they have been drinking or if the driver has been drinking... also tell them that if this ever happens that they can call you for a ride home no matter the time so long as they are safe. I also rented some videos for my sisters that show prom night accidents and drunk driving and all that good stuff from our local library.


You are right to not let your children be influenced by that and I might even go as far as to not let them over etc if they are going to let her drink in front of your children.There is a drinking age for a reason and I would always enforce that and explain that to them. Teenagers are not capable (sp?) of seeing the whole picture... that is why they have parents.


And if I was the parent I sure as heck would want to know but if they let her drink in the first place they may not even care. All you can do is keep your children safe.



As you can see I feel very strongly on the subject!!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

They already know she drinks. There is nothing to gain by confrontation.
Protecting your teens is the way to go!!!

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

If they want to allow their daughter to drink at home, then that is their choice. Not much you can do there. I do believe you should at least mention to them that their daughter is also drinking with friends outside of the house. Also 17 is just too young for that kind of behavior.

Now the fact that they let her have a drink and then drive really bothers me. 17 year olds cannot drive very well to begin with, they just don't have the experience. Add alcohol to that, whether she was drunk or not, is just a horrible mixture. But after hearing that they were going to let her do this I have a feeling they won't be bothered/shocked by her behavior outside of the house.

 

[chris1gill]

They already know she drinks. There is nothing to gain by confrontation.
Protecting your teens is the way to go!!!

OK, so the OP is protecting her children by not letting them in the niece's car... that's great, but what happens if that niece is driving to her house, while the OP's children are driving from the other direction & they get in a head on collision because the niece is drunk, driving behind the wheel?

I can't even believe the question is being asked here.... use some common sense and save somebody else's family from the agony this niece could cause somebody's family... I'd be all over that one. I'm also sure the police would be interested to know she's driving drunk behind the wheel... perhaps she will get lucky & get arrested before she kill's someone....

This is such a sore subject & I cannot believe people are so lax about it

 

[ChrisnSteph]

OK, so the OP is protecting her children by not letting them in the niece's car... that's great, but what happens if that niece is driving to her house, while the OP's children are driving from the other direction & they get in a head on collision because the niece is drunk, driving behind the wheel?

I can't even believe the question is being asked here.... use some common sense and save somebody else's family from the agony this niece could cause somebody's family... I'd be all over that one. I'm also sure the police would be interested to know she's driving drunk behind the wheel... perhaps she will get lucky & get arrested before she kill's someone....

This is such a sore subject & I cannot believe people are so lax about it

I agree with you. The parents already know she drinks at home - maybe they aren't aware or that concerned about her drinking away from home. It may cause a confrontation, it may not, but it would be worth it if it saved the life of the niece or any other person who could die as the result of her drinking and possibly driving.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OK, so the OP is protecting her children by not letting them in the niece's car... that's great, but what happens if that niece is driving to her house, while the OP's children are driving from the other direction & they get in a head on collision because the niece is drunk, driving behind the wheel?

I can't even believe the question is being asked here.... use some common sense and save somebody else's family from the agony this niece could cause somebody's family... I'd be all over that one. I'm also sure the police would be interested to know she's driving drunk behind the wheel... perhaps she will get lucky & get arrested before she kill's someone....

This is such a sore subject & I cannot believe people are so lax about it

Trust me, the parents know.

 

[malibuconlee]

Do you live nearby? I so, let her know she can always call you for a safe ride.

 

[Tiggeroo]

if the parents already know and are lax it's doubtful there would be a huge argument. I would talk to them but try not to set them off by coming across as judgemental. If you criticize their parenting it will start something. But they need to know what their dd is up to. I have 3 kids from 18-21. I allowed them to have an occasional drink in my home or at family gatherings when they were 17yo. But this was only if I knew they were not going out at all afterwards. This way I knew they wouldn't drive. I knew they would be exposed to alcohol alot at college. I didn't want it to be such a forbidden thing that they would go nuts. I also didn't want them to have no exposure until they were in college.
I work in two well to do suburban high schools. I would say that if a parent believes their child won't drink until they are 21 they are sadly mistaken. 95% of people drink before they are 21 yet 95% of parents believe their kids won't.

 

[chris1gill]

Trust me, the parents know.

Oh, no doubt the parents know... but do they know they could be arrested for supplying the niece with the alcohol that then allowed her to go on to let her drive drunk and kill someone? Who cares if it causes a confrontation. Frankly, the parents have been wreckless themselves... I can see them at the funeral now, crying over the coffin of their dead 17 year old... how many times does this play out in our country every single day of the year? And how many people sit back and say "if only" Well, STOP saying "if only" and do something to encourage the youth to NOT break the law.....

 

[WhoopyPie]

OK, so the OP is protecting her children by not letting them in the niece's car... that's great, but what happens if that niece is driving to her house, while the OP's children are driving from the other direction & they get in a head on collision because the niece is drunk, driving behind the wheel?

I can't even believe the question is being asked here.... use some common sense and save somebody else's family from the agony this niece could cause somebody's family... I'd be all over that one. I'm also sure the police would be interested to know she's driving drunk behind the wheel... perhaps she will get lucky & get arrested before she kill's someone....

This is such a sore subject & I cannot believe people are so lax about it

Where did I use she's driving drunk. I did say she had a glass of something and then wanted to go out. I did say that on myspace she's boasting about drinking with friends. I was just wondering if I should open a can of worms and let her parents know what her site says. I know if it were my child, I'd want to know. But I also know how responsible my kids are. I've raised a few and have 2 left in the nest.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Keep in mind, the only real proof that the OP has that her niece is drinking heavily is from a blog that she happened to find.

Aside from the possibility that the blog postings are heavily overexaggerated, how exactly would the conversation go with her brother/sister?

I just thought you'd like to know that your daughter is a heavy drinker.

Ummm, how do you know this?

Well, I was snooping around, found her blog and saw it on there....

I don't see that going real well. Yes, there's the possibility of her niece's parents taking it to heart and sitting down with their daughter to discuss it, but more than likely, this will drag the OP into something that she really shouldn't be in the middle of.