What to do with a lazy child

[Beauty]

My son got his report card today and I'm so upset with him. He had 3 B's, one C and one D. I am at my wits in with this child about his grades.

Let me say that before he became so darned social he made straight A's. Hes already qualified for the TIP program through Duke University. Hes a smart child!! On his standardized test he scored a 97 in English, Vocabular and a 96 in Math!

Whats wrong at school is simple, hes lazy!! He doesn't care about homework, he doesn't care about tests. Hes in 7th grade now so he isn't treated like a baby anymore. He doesn't have to write all of his homework down so I have no way of knowing if hes lying to me. I hit the roof with him today and hes admitting to not doing homework (That he told me he did in Study Hall) and not studying for tests. I have BEGGED him to bring his books home and let me help him study. He always said thats okay I know it. I've trusted him this first 9 weeks......THATS MY FIRST MISTAKE!

Nope, no more trusting him but I don't know how to keep him from lying to me. I can't expect his teachers to call me everyday. I don't know. I was so worried about school work as a child, heck I NEVER made a 0. If the teacher told me to write my name 500 times for homework, I was writing my name.

Does anyone have any advice??? I'm just at my wits end with him. I know it could be worse and he could be failing but IF he would just show some Initiative he could have As and Bs. Ugghhh!

 

[Cindy B]

Get him a planner, and set up a system with the teacher and you signing it every day. Our district gives them out for free.

Ask for written accounts of what they did in Study Hall. (I had no idea Study Hall was still around! They phased that out a long time ago).

Ask for weekly progress reports from the guidance office. They will do those here for you if you request them.

I have had battles lately on homework with my son. I email my sons teacher every day, since some things seem to get lost between the two blocks of school and home.

Tell him, no more social activities unitl his grades go up.

 

[CRB#33]

7th grade does seem to be the year that these things start.

I have some of the same problems with my son (he's in 8th now), but the grades are better.

I now check all of his homework every night. I check to make sure he writes all of his assignments down. I am ready to make him go around to all of his teachers and make them initial the assignment book where he has written it (in pen).

He has lost his computer, his games, TV time, social time, and many other things over the course of the past year. It helps for a while. People tell me that he will outgrow it, but I'm sure getting tired.

It kills me because he's so smart.

If you find an answer, please share it with me

 

[lsyorke]

Welcome to Middle School!! Your child will become a different person!! One teacher told me that they are all "walking hormones"!! Keep on him but realize that this is a temporary thing. My stepson virtually failed everything in middle school and went on to graduate top of his class in high school. Tough Years!!

 

[Beauty]

I am going to call tomorrow and set up teachers conferences with all of his teachers.

As of right now the T.V. is gone. He watches what we have on or nothing.

No one spends the night, he goes nowhere with anyone.

I told him the next thing that goes is the cell phone and after that will be everything. He will sit in his room and do nothing but study.

His note taking is HORRIBLE and I don't know how to stress to him how important note taking is. I can remember writing down EVERYTHING the teacher said. I still have some of my notes from high school.

Uggh I'm just so disappointed at him and so at my wits end about his lying to me.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I would agree with taking away his social life until his grades are up. That way he knows you mean business.

Could school be too easy for him? I was that way in school, it was easy and boring, so I didn't do it.

 

[Cindy B]

Originally posted by Jenn Lynn
I would agree with taking away his social life until his grades are up. That way he knows you mean business.

Could school be too easy for him? I was that way in school, it was easy and boring, so I didn't do it.

I was thinking that too.

I would take away a lot of things until you knew that he meant business.

I have also told my son he could no longer do homework in his room, that I had to watch his every move. I need to supervise the papers into the backpack, and then into a folder.

 

[Beauty]

Could school be too easy for him? I was that way in school, it was easy and boring, so I didn't do it.

We've heard this before, but if it is what is the solution? Hes so smart its just amazing the grades he makes on standardized tests. His I.Q. in kindergarten was huge. I just don't know what the answer is.

The lying is what bothers me. When I ask him why he lied he says because I don't want to upset you. Well I'm GOING to see the report card.

 

[Cindy B]

Well, first the progress reports would help. And the progress reports get mailed home, so the student doesnt' forget them on the way home.

Is the work too easy? It sure sounds like that.

Have him work on a challenge packet at home. Find some supplemental material with his current coursework. That may require some planning with the teachers on future units. Find the book he is reading in Language Arts and quiz him at home. Get some additonal math sheets and do it at home. Take some foreign language sheets (available on the internet) and do those as well at home.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by Cindy B
Get him a planner, and set up a system with the teacher and you signing it every day.

Not that you would do this but what I did with dd was to drive her to school & pick her up EVERYDAY until next report card (her punishment). (In addition to the signing of the assignment book daily).
I would also go through her stuff with a fine tooth comb DAILY. I did locker checks as well.
Basically I "taught" her how to organize and also not to do THAT again. She HATED my "punishment".

At the next report card (her grades were great!) she promised she would do the right thing and I should trust her. I did but I still had her have the assignment book signed.

That was last year. So far, so good....

 

[Keli]

It's really hard to motivate a kid that doesn't care about their grades. I think you are on the right track, that's the sort of things I would be doing too. I think it only gets worse for some kids so you might need to think of this as a 'nipping it in the bud' type of thing.

I would stress to ds over and over how disappointed you are that he would lie to you about anything. Its so important for there to be trust between the two of you when he is going into his teen years.

 

[Sandy51]

I teach 7th grade. Welcome to the world of the hormonally handicapped!

Make him use the assignment book/planner. Whenever my team has students with these problems, we will certainly agree to sign the book if the student initiates it. We have too many students to remember whose book we are supposed to sign everyday.

As for punishment; make it count. If it's the phone, take it; the computer, take it. He must understand that you mean business. Require that homework is brought home for you to see.

Set reasonable short-term goals for him to win back privileges.

I wish you luck

Sandy

 

[Beauty]

The good thing with our school is that there aren't too many students. The entire school kindergarten through 12th grade is only a little over 200. There are 13 children in the entire 7th grade so I think having them sign something isn't going to be very hard. I'm going to get suggestions from them as well at the parent teacher conference.

I know one parent that I know pulled her child out of our school and put her in another. Her new school's teachers will email her mother each and every day. I'm sure Nikki (the mom) may email them first but they do email her back whether or not there is a test the next day and how Brook is doing on her homework etc. I would even like that.

I can initiate the emails as long as the teacher will email me back.

 

[Kimickey]

Don't give up and never let him see you sweat. Just go sit in school with him, pop up unexpectantly and just "hang out" with him. In 7th grade that has to be the most embarrassing thing for him is to see his parents at school. Eventually he still get his act together and get back on the good foot.

 

[sweet angel]

If you find an answer, please share it with me

Me too, because nothing that has been suggested so far has worked here. I haven't tried the driving to/from school thing, but really can't do that for work reasons.

It doesn't seem as bad this year (8th grade) as it was last year.

 

[mudnuri]

Boy do I know I'm going to hit this spot with one of my DD's!

Your son sounds a lot like me in middle school!

what my mom did was the following:

She set up bi-weekly meetings with my teachers- we only had 3, they taught multiple subjects.

I picked out a planner- one that I wanted, and my mom showed me how to use it etc.

Every night after supper- we had a sit down. At the kitchen table- my packpack was emptied. Every book I had- came home EVERY DAY!....that way- if I said I didnt have my book to study- HA, I did!

We didnt have lockers in our school, so I use to just shove my books into the closet we used for our coats etc. Not anymore

I lost everything except sports. My family was big into sports- and it was played as a way for discipline, teamwork etc.. not really the things you want to take away. Yes, sports were fun for me, however I learned alot playing them

I did not go to friends houses, they did not come over, no TV, NONE...not even what my mom was watching. No special events- no birthday parties, no sleepovers NADA...if it wasnt school, sports, or my mom with me, I didnt do it.

This went on for an entire marking period. I'm not sure what worked the best, however I will tell you that I did not slack after this happened. Everything I did from that point on was 100% effort...my grades which were C's, went back up to A's where they should have been. The honor roll was back with my name on it etc..

Good luck to you, I'm dreading the teenage years!

Brandy

 

[Kallison]

Once I got 3 C's and my Mom grounded me for an entire marking period -- 12 weeks until I brought home the next report card. She stuck to it, I had nothing to do but study and homework. I never wanted to go through that again. She also told me I would have to quit field hockey which I LOVED. You have to be TOUGH or it will continue. I have lots of bright but lazy students, it's really a shame, but most of them their parents don't care so that is the problem.

 

[phamton]

I've had 5 kids in gifted and talented programs. One of my children also received a Duke Talent search state award. He was by far the highest of my kids at least IQ level. He also was the one who often "forgot" to do his homework.

He used the excuse that school was boring. I informed him that washing dishes was boring for me and vacuuming certainly wasn't an intellectual challenge. Too bad. In this world we often have to do things that are boring. I certainly never feel intellectually challenged when I wash the dishes, but I still do it. It has to be done just as homework has to be done. When he gets out in the world and has a job, there will be many boring aspects to his job. Not everything is challenging.

 

[Pin Wizard]

I'm right there with you, Beth, only mine is 11 years old and in 6th grade. He has a planner, doesn't write a thing in it, doesn't bring it home. I tell him EVERY DAY!! Today he came home with a test grade of 64. Wish the teacher could add...wrote her a note to please do the addition again, he really has a whopping 66. She must have had a tough day grading papers if she thinks 53 and 13 is 64. Please don't make his grade worse than it truly is!! Thanks to his lack of doing what he should at school and me getting notes from the teacher, he lost his gameboy, TV, and PS2 about a week and a half ago. He doesn't get them back until 10/28 at 6 p.m. IF things improve. If they don't improve, he's losing them another month. And the only time he can use the computer is for homework. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!! Everything was A's and B's until this year. He knows what his report card needs in a couple weeks. I have to say there's one thing I really hate about this school...they aren't online! They need to hop into the year 2004 and get out of 1954 when the school was built! I've come across notes I've sent back to the teacher and the nurse that he's never handed in. E-mail is so much more efficient. Especially with the nurse who wants info for his chart! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

 

[Nala217]

I've got to agree with the bored theory. I was the same way in school. I had the attitude that I already know this so why should I waste my time studying it. I'll still get a B without working hard so why bust my butt. I would talk with his teachers and the gifted and talented coordinator at the school to see if they can give him a differentiated curriculum. I would make sure any supplementing you might do isn't going to be looked at as extra work it should be something fun and something he's interested in. You don't want him looking at being smart as a punishment ( having to extra work).