What to do when your spouse/significant other is not quite the Disney fan that you are?

[j1alex]

Hi all,

I'm a Disney fan with a fiance, that well....isn't! Does anybody have any recommendations on how to get her to see the magic? We've been once in the 5 years we've been together and it was like I was dragging her that one time. We constantly butt heads on taking trips down to WDW, we were in the Orlando area this past summer, and I couldn't even get her to go one day... She thinks I am some kind of weirdo and that it is only for kids. Has anyone ever had experience with this situation?

 

[JimmyV]

First off...

I have some ideas...but you might not like them. This Board is a dangerous place to come with a question such as yours. There are lots of people who post here who are obsessed, (in an almost clinical way), with WDW and allocate the majority of their vacation time to it. Some even vacation there exclusively. "I can't imagine why anyone would want to go anywhere else!" So when folks like that weigh in, they are going to try to convince you that there are lots of things to do with your fiance that she will find enjoyable and that you will eventually be able to convert her. And I won't dismiss those options entirely, as WDW is extraordinarily diverse and offers lots of different ways to have fun. But there are some things that it simply does not have and never will. If your fiance loves to ski, or scuba dive, or go to art museums, or visit wineries, or mountain climb, or if her idea of vacation is one Michelin-starred restaurant after the next, or if she likes to immerse herself in foreign cultures, or volunteer in developing nations, then no, there is no converting her. WDW will be way too frivolous a place for her. For many people, vacations are all about connecting with the real world. And WDW is the ultimate escape from the real world, and many people go there specifically for that reason. Neither view is wrong. But they are largely incompatible.

But that doesn't mean that she can't or find a few things there that interest her, once in a while. And let me emphasize that. ONCE IN A WHILE. You have to accept the fact that she may never be a "I want to go twice a year, every year" person. She might never become a "I want to go once every other year" person. If you are going to enjoy a long and happy life with her, you are going to have to compromise. You are going to have to find enjoyment doing the things that she likes to do and vice versa. So in your quest to mesh your love for WDW with her disdain for it, try not to go into this with the idea that you can, or should, convert her into being a super-fan. Try baby steps and try to convince her that there are things that you two can do together that are really fun and that she will enjoy, while at the same time embracing the things that she enjoys, even if they are out of your vacation comfort zone. But don't try to "win" this battle by turning her into a DVC member who wants to go to WDW all the time and ride all the headliners. While anything is possible, don't bet on that outcome. It may be that the things she enjoys most about WDW are hours on the Pangani Forest Trail. Or a spa treatment at the Grand Floridian. You have to face the reality that life with her will not be lived with Mickey ears on at all times. If you aren't OK with that, then "Thar be rough waters ahead!"

Specific answers to the "what should I do" question are a bit difficult until we know what she enjoys doing day in and day out, and how she likes to spend her vacations. Give us some examples of "if she had her way, her dream vacations would include ___________" Once we know how you would fill in that blank, we can better assist in making recommendations of things to do in or around WDW that would appeal to her and might make her think twice about having to be dragged there.

 

[WifeHatesDisney:(]

Oh boy are we in the same boat....well, I'm like the guy that's still on the Titanic and you've at least made it to a life boat. My suggestions will be the last paragraph but I figured I should give some back story in the middle.

I got my wife to go to Disney twice, once while engaged and once since we were married (will be married 3 years in November). While engaged we found out she was pregnant 10 days before we left, and took our 6 month old son the second time (obviously too young to really enjoy anything). He's now 2.5 and my wife still thinks he's too young to enjoy it. She says they're not going until he's at least five. My issue goes a little deeper with the relationship my wife and mother have, and since my parents are DVC members who travel annually our trips would usually include being with them for the week. I won't bore you with the details between the two of them. I feel as though I screwed things up with my wife's first impression of Disney. My sister and I are relative experts on what we like to do at Disney so on the first trip it was very regimented. I wanted to show her everything I loved about that place. It was early mornings, fast paced, and late nights. I always asked if she was ok as she was about 9 weeks pregnant, but she kept saying she was fine. She never made a big fuss about it until I brought up going back when our son was 6 months old. She knows it's a special place for me, and she was excited to ride the rides she couldn't the first time since she was pregnant. She had fun on the rides, but trying to stay on a schedule with a 6 month old, when it's hot and busy, got her pretty frustrated. Since then she says she won't go back until he's five. I disagree and think he'd have a great time now. He's at that age where everything interests him and he absorbs everything people say. Unfortunately, she doesn't agree. I am traveling to Disney next Saturday for two days. We didn't plan to go with my family this year since she axed the idea. However, airfare dropped and I need my happy place, so I'm flying out to meet them down there. She's ok with it, but it's unfortunate I don't get to share the experience with my son.

Ok, enough of that. I get the same reaction from my wife. "It's a little weird." "You guys need to grow up." Ect. I've unfortunately not been able to come up with a good argument because she won't listen. She thinks we go and hang out with Mickey Mouse and act like 5 year olds. I try to explain to her that on property they have world class restaraunts, beer selections, and it's a great escape to relax. A day by the Wilderness Lodge pool, a spa treatment at Saratoga Springs, or a round of 18 at The Palms are all adult things that are relaxing and enjoyable. I try to explain to her that responsibilities are suspended. From the moment I step off the plane transportation is cover. I can do whatever I want (within the Florida laws) and not worry about a thing. It's that freedom from real life that makes things so enjoyable.

From my experience you can't force someone to enjoy it. My wife and I barter. I took her to a wedding in the panhandle of Florida, so I went to a wedding with her in North Carolina. Next year we're planning a vacation she wants to do, so the following year she'll go to Disney with me. I know you said you love Disney so you probably have an idea of what you want to do there, but if you do get her to go I would recommend going at her speed. Bring up things you like to do but ultimately let her run the show. My wife's a girly girl too. I mean no offense to any women who may read this, but she doesn't do lines and hot weather. Unfortunately, some people can't just enjoy Disney and only take away the bad things. I've explained to my wife what Disney means to me, which is why she's ok with me going next weekend. I suggest you let her know that this is an important part of your life and she's going to have to be willing to accommodate your need to have it in your life. If she loves you she will understand and make an attempt to experience what makes you happy. Unfortunately this might mean taking her shopping or going to a Home and Patio Show with her (I ended up loving the Home and Patio show), but you have to make an effort at what she likes to get some cooperation from her towards Disney. If she still won't go leave her at home. Disney is a magical place even by yourself. Good luck!

 

[WifeHatesDisney:(]

Wow. Just realized how long that was. Sorry for the novel. Cliff notes: make efforts to do things she enjoys. Let her plan what you do at Disney.

 

[j1alex]

I appreciate the feedback from you both, and the info was very helpful! I am relieved I am not the only person in this situation! We are avid travelers and do quite a bit of "not related to Disney" trips, but as, Mywifehatesdisney said, sometimes I need my "Happy Place" My "fix" of everything that encompasses WDW. I spent 9 months down there for my College Program, and something about WDW just calls me back once in a while. It's not about the mouse, it's more the nostalgia, the entire experience! I have thought about taking a solo trip down to meet friends that live/work there, but I would assume that the spouse go with. I like the day at the pool/spa idea! She too is a girly girl, and this may motivate her. It's definitely not going to break our relationship, it's just odd and difficult to understand on both of our ends. A Disney conundrum if you will...ha. Thanks!

 

[DisneyWishes14]

OP, I hate to see it, but she will never see the magic. Some people feel it, some people don't and you can't force someone to like it or understand our passion for it. My DH is the same way. We both have our passions (Disney for me, music for him) and we make compromises. I go to WDW often just with DS7. We started going annually when he was 1, but by year 3, my DH had had enough. He just did not enjoy the trips. And, quite honestly, though WifeHatesDisney says WDW is a place to leave responsibility behind, when you are traveling with a young child, that simply does not happen (WifeHatesDisney, that's probably why your wife doesn't want to go) Anyway, I digress.

When my DS was about to turn 4, I took my first solo trip with him and it was so much fun! I could finally tour the parks and not feel like I was dragging someone along who was miserable and simply didn't want to be there. My DS7 and I now do about 3 solo trips a year and DH usually joins us for one additional one. When DH goes, plans are very different. The trip is much more relaxed, but we all get to do the things we enjoy. We do some things together and some things apart, but we all get to have a vacation that suits us. For example, on an upcoming trip, DS and I are doing Wild Africa Trek, while DH goes to the spa. We will then join up later for dinner. On another night, DH and I will go to DTD for dinner and a movie while DS is in the kids club, which he loves!

I guess my point is, she may never have the passion you have, but there are probably things there she would like to do. Maybe present her with some "park alternative" options - spa, dinners, etc. - and go from there. If she doesn't want to do it, I wouldn't push it. You'll just end up with a miserable travel partner.

 

[loves to dive]

I agree with others, the more you try to push the worse it might get. There is nothing wrong with a couple who have different interests, personally I think it's healthy. So, some times you are going to have to compromise as others have pointed out and as long as she isn't resentful if you go solo, go for it, I do it all the time. I have tried and tried to convince my DH if he were to just go with me for a long weekend and stay at the resort, he might like it. I always stay at the deluxe resorts, usually BC/YC, he is a meat lover so great steakhouse there, he enjoys a refreshing adult beverage, great bar there, he likes good music Jelly Rolls just across the lake, he loves being out on the water, you can rent boats, we are scuba divers, you can dive in the living seas at Epcot. I've tried to tell him he doesn't even have to go to the parks, it could just be a nice weekend at a nice resort. No go, period. He hates to travel, he hates crowds, he doesn't like to be outside, he is a smoker and hates to have to go to some isolated place to smoke (you would think he would stop but after all this time I don't even try on that one), he is basically a home body. He is not anti-social just anti-crowds/outside/travel. He will travel to dive because he likes that so we dive together and I vacation either solo or with DS. I'm betting an occasional girls weekend somewhere is going to be something she is going to want so, she does that you do WDW.

 

[jcb]

These are all good suggestions. I completely agree that you should try to tailor the next trip to what she likes. Perhaps, stay at the Swan / Dolphin so she is not quite so inundated by the "magic" and can more easily enjoy the pool and/or spa. Also, try to plan a trip when it isn't surface of the sun hot and not so crowded. If she likes Halloween or Christmas, go when the parks are decorated. I think the last thing you want to try to do is spend every waking moment in the theme parks. That's just plain torture if you are not into that kind of thing.

This may be asking a lot, if she likes Harry Potter, spend a day or two at Universal / Islands of Adventure.

Try Disneyland. With all that Southern California has to offer you can combine an "adult" vacation for "her" and a not so adult vacation for you.

 

[margot31]

My husband is slowly becoming a fan. We first went together was before he deployed. I told him I didn't want to go to a place that would have me sitting and thinking of all the things that could go wrong or things he would miss. I wanted to stay busy plus at the time we only lived 2 hours away.

I have my upcoming birthday trip and going in dec and he was not pleased with where I chose since it was becoming an issue to go where I originally wanted to go. But I think once he really sees some of this magic during the holiday he will finally get it. We also have a son who won't be going on this trip and I can only hope that this trip makes him more excited and can't wait for that joy to share with our son when he is a little bit older. My thing is I have just been patient. I will say moving away from FL has helped me not talk about disney just because of the cost for us to go can be a little high. But I will say he did agree that if we get stationed back in FL we will be getting annual passes. So that is a step in the right direction.

 

[Tiggerette]

My husband and his family are definitely the Disney Fans. I would rather be in Europe than visit Epcot-Europe. That's because I love being amoung the people, immersing into the culture and sense of place. The time I walked through a museum, which was the fort that held against a Roman invasion awed my American sensibility of "old" historical sites.

That said, I appreciate Disney for its dedication to family entertainment and service stewardship. I've heard WDW isn't the Disney of yore, but I think it still offers far more in service excellence than many other American entertainment centers. It offers escapism of course, but I think in a way that's a trite summation. I think it excels at offering ideals and experiences for a person to "buy into," meaning that feeling of belonging and becoming linked to something outside of yourself that also reflects an intrinsic part of yourself. When folks talk about their love of Disney, I hear an expression of some aspect whose first reverberation begins with some Disney experience whether at the parks or elsewhere, which then resonates loudly within themselves. To me, that's not escaping, that's finding accord and acceptance.
Not everyone will "buy into" a Disney ideal or experience. I'm more of a pragmatist than my husband would like when it comes to believing all things "magical." However, I enjoy those special moments that come from unique experiences while at the park. As a fan costumer, I see first hand the magic of a smile when we brighten a person's day. I know my joy is found in sharing joy with others. I suppose that is why I enjoy Disney; seeing myriad ways the parks and all its cast members try to help share joy. I especially think of the cast members that I don't see, who work behind the scenes. It's an amazing little metropolis of people working towards that "magical" guest experience.

Best wishes to y'all as you find your balance and place where you feel most at ease.
-krista "Tigger-ette"

 

[piglet1979]

I am a big Disney fan and still believe in the magic. My husband not so much. I tried so hard to take my kids to Disney World and he would always say they are not old enough, they won't remember it. My reply would always be that they may not remember it but we would and they would still believe in the magic. It never worked. A few years ago (kids were still little) my dad decided to take us on a trip to Disney World. He had no choice he had to go. He loved it but it was very different then the way I love it. He thinks of it as a Theme Park. Nothing Magical. I have gotten him to go twice since but now he is getting back to we don't need to go. We have seen everything and nothing new will be out for awhile. He hates the crowds too so that does not help. A big thing that helps him to like it is I let him do his own thing while I do things with the kids. Like this trip we just got back from. He did not want to see some characters (one of my favorite things to do) so he went and had a drink and just sat and rested while I was off with the kids doing the magical stuff.

Hope she comes around a little for you.