What steps to take when someone dies?

[dfchelbay]

My condolences to you and your family. Others have given great advice. I just wanted to add that maybe you should look in to a reputable real estate agent where your mom lives. Since this all happened at her home, she may not want to remain living in that home with such horrible, traumatic memories taking place there. Better to be prepared ahead of time should this be the avenue in which your mum decides to go down.

Good luck.

 

[mrsklamc]

The house may be difficult to sell in a town with a population of 630. Hopefully, she can get something for the land.

 

[4 Ears]

 

[angwill]

Thanks everyone. She did not know about the victims fund so that was good info. His kids are after her for money already, can you believe it?

Sadly, death brings out the family crazies who like to pray on others when they are at their weakest.

My mother didn't remarry and none of us kids expected anything from her when our father died. Believe it or not it was two of my mothers sisters who were trying to figure out how much money she got and wanted to borrow some money and it started during the wake. The same sisters made made issues when my Grandmother passed and when my brother passed of all things. The magic words are no and get lost when dealing with the crazies.

Good luck to your mother it won't be easy when she is already stressed.

 

[cm8]

, My condolences for your mom and her family. I know you said that you were not close, but that would still break my heart. I wish her all the best.

 

[WendyLovesPeter]

I did not read all responses... apologize if this was covered. Watch out for identity theft. Within a month of my mother's death my father received multiple credit card bills for accounts they never had. It took a while to straighten everything out at an already difficult time.

 

[Planogirl]

Wow, this is so sad. My condolences to your poor Mom.

As for the pension, be sure that she looks into that. My DH has an option where he can specify a lower pension which will continue on in the event that he dies.

 

[jlima]

Did they have any credit cards together . . . my mom didn't change the name on some of the credit cards in my dad's name; and three years later, when she downsized and moved, she had multiple issues when she changed her address and had to explain when my dad died, etc. At least one card she had to close the account and apply for a new card in her name. I hope things work out for you.

 

[bumbershoot]

Definitely check with SS for the death benefit; we had FIL cremated, and dealt directly with the crematorium for that, so it was just under $900...the SS benefit contributed quite a bit towards that.

If he was collecting SS, she can get a portion of that per month, unless she's entitled to more of a benefit than the widow's benefit.

If his pension has a widow's benefit, she can get that.

MIL lives on the SS widow's amount and FIL's Union pension now. Alas there was no VA benefit, as FIL was dishonorably discharged after years and years of being in the Navy (thanks to the actions of his wife at the time; back then military wives were supposed to behave and she did NOT).


We found that we only needed 3 certified copies of the death certificate. AARP suggests some enormous number, but when you're paying $18 each (in WA at least) you want to minimize it. All but one credit card/gascard company was cool with having it faxed, which of course meant it didn't leave our hands. SS needed a copy mailed, but they sent it back very quickly. One other CC company needed it in their hands, and they sent it back quickly as well. Oh, and I think the pension company needed a copy in hand, and again, sent it back quickly (if memory serves, once we faxed all the fax-friendly companies we sent that one to them). 3 was sufficient for our purposes.

I spent a solid month going to MIL's every day to help her. I spent part of the next month there as well. It was quite a bit of work, but it paid off b/c she never missed a month of pension or SS benefit, which was good b/c none of us could have helped her at the time, and she had NO savings.


I hope you or another caring person can help her. You should get one person to let the other kids know that IF money is coming their way, they will get it when it's there to get. But now, if they don't want to help their stepmom, they need to just not bother her. She'll get them any money due them in due time.

 

[PJHuntleyCO]

I am sorry for your loss. (advice from the Ex-cop in me) The police will not release the body until they are satisified they have gained all the evidence they need. The DA's office has an advocate that will help your mom. If your mother is involved in a church, the pastor/minister will have a help list as well. Besides the basics of all the insurances, ensure she reviews the policy for imdemnity - murder has a higher payout (ugly to think, but if it is there she is eligible usually).
The death certificate should be released - but the full details of cause is usually held until the closure of the autopsy. If he had a will, ensure she gets that taken care of, otherwise it can go to probate. Basics: Mortuary, required by all states - body can't be creamated due to the nature of his death, so a site for the burial and the costs (life insurance will cover most if not all) SHOP around have someone not emotionally driven do it - don't let her call, although most of the folks are nice - it is a business and treat it as such. When picking a location, find out the details, are there additional costs (maintenance - sometimes not included in the initial burial costs). look for bank accounts, mortgage(s) paperwork, car loans, loans in general, credit cards, drivers license, professional licenses, etc.. his accounts will need to be frozen, modified to her name, this will require the death certificate.
Remember to have the police increase their visability around the home. Do more drive bys. Because this was highly publicized - the creapers may add the house/phone to their list. SO, beware of that the increase in drive bys by the police/local law enforecement should help detour this.
In the funeral announcement - Do not list the home address.
I think I got about everything. When we lost my uncle to a murder years ago, and my Granny to a drunk driver, that was our top list. I hope it is helpful. Again, my thoughts and prayers are with you. God Bless!

 

[knockUout]

So sorry for your mom. Read about this in our local papers today.

 

[buckler]

In the funeral announcement - Do not list the home address.

Unfortunately, the address is already out there due to the news reports. When it comes time for the funeral, you might ask someone to house sit during the service. Sadly, people choose to take the opportunity to burglarize peoples' homes when they think the house will be empty because everyone is at the funeral.

The VA will pay $300 towards a plot and $300 towards burial expenses if done at a private cemetery. The VA will also provide a simple headstone even for burial in a private cemetery. Doing everything at a VA cemetery will be much less expensive since they will cover 100% of the plot and burial expenses, plus provide the marker and set it.

VA Burial Benefits

Questions to ask a private cemetery
http://www.cem.va.gov/bbene/bpriv.asp