What should my Daughter tell her dad?

[Jodi1980]

Her dad introduced her to his then-girlfriend last year. He had told her that they were talking about marriage, she met the lady's children, etc. It turned out that nothing came of the relationship. Now he wants her to meet his new girlfriend and my daughter does not want to meet her yet. She told me that the last meeting and what she thought was going to happen (her dad getting married) took a lot out of her. She is trying to email her dad a note saying that she doesn't want to meet his new girlfriend and is afraid her dad is going to be angry. If my daughter and her dad were closer, I'm sure she would be excited to meet his girlfriend but they are not that close – he lives only 45 minutes away and only sees her for a few hours once a week (or sometimes every two weeks) and the last time he took her to spend the night at his place was probably 10 years ago. He is a very very relaxed father and I wish he was more involved in her life but I guess things could always be worst! I’m just curious what you would suggest to your daughter to say.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

How old is your daughter?

 

[dvcfamily41801]

Hugs for your daughter, that is a tough decision to make.

I know what it is like to have a dad that is not involved with your life, it has to be very hard for her.

 

[RayJay]

She needs to be honest with her feelings right up front with her Dad.

I would expect nothing less from my daughter, to express her feelings to me whenever, whatever, however and she needs to know from me that it's OK.

RayJay

 

[Jodi1980]

She is 17 years old.

 

[KimRaye]

Originally posted by Jodi1980
She is trying to email her dad a note saying that she doesn't want to meet his new girlfriend

I think she should. It's honest. I would certainly hope he doesn't get "mad" about it, this isn't about him after all. {{HUGS}} for your DD.

 

[Blondie]

I think she should be straight up with her father and tell him why she doesn't care to meet the new girlfriend right away.

 

[Serena]

She's 17? She should tell him honestly and without guilt.

Do you think there will be a problem if she's honest with him? If so, I'd tell him.

 

[mudnuri]

I think she needs to pick up the phone and tell him exactly what she told you. She needs to learn now that she is capable of removing herself from situations that disturb her.

Good luck to her
Brandy

 

[sue1013]

If your daughter were 10 my opinion would be different, but she's 17. I think she should ask herself how would she feel if she wanted her dad to meet one of her boyfriends and he told her no. If she had met this woman and had a problem with her then she would have a reason, not because he didn't do what she thought and marry the old girlfriend sometimes things just don't work out. That is part of life and I'm sure your daughter will have relationships that won't work out we all have.

 

[letyfrombrazil]

I totally understand our daughter, with a father on his 3th marriage it became very hard to me to believe him after a while.
I think she should tell him what she feels, and understand that sometimes parents can be more immature than their kids.

 

[CindyLouWhoo]

Honesty is the best policy here. I hope she can resolve this with her dad.

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by sue1013
If your daughter were 10 my opinion would be different, but she's 17. I think she should ask herself how would she feel if she wanted her dad to meet one of her boyfriends and he told her no. If she had met this woman and had a problem with her then she would have a reason, not because he didn't do what she thought and marry the old girlfriend sometimes things just don't work out. That is part of life and I'm sure your daughter will have relationships that won't work out we all have.

I agree ...at 17 she's old enough to understand that he has the right to have a life also,,and to be happy.....he's not trying to hurt his daughter,,he's trying to include her in his life,,

as a father I know the pain of seeing my daughter when she is hurt because of a relationship that hasn't worked out for her....it tears me apart to see the pain in her eyes...she's always been Daddy's girl.....but would eye ever tell her I don't want to meet a boyfriend because I don't want to deal with the possible fallout...of course not.......


as for the comment about parents being more immature than the kids...what proof is there of any immaturity on his part..from what we've been told...if as adults we're supposed to be able to make all good decisions and make all relationships work,, then I guess all divorce attorneys should find new jobs...

 

[letyfrombrazil]

yes, mickey88, my correct statement would be
..."what she feels, and ... if his choice is not to support and compromise with her ... understand that sometimes parents can be more immature than their kids... and forgive him for that"

 

[monarchsfan16]

If it were me, I'd tell him the truth. I'm also 17, my dad only lives a few houses down the street. We're not very close either, when I don't need him to be driving me to school I only see him once or twice a week. In this situation, the father should be able to respect her wishes. After all, she's his daughter. Close or not, he's her father and he should allow her to exclude herself from situations she doesn't want to be in. Honesty is the only way to go with this one. If he's offended then that's too bad. Meeting the gf/bf of parents is difficult in itself; when you've been let down like that before, it's even harder. Her dad should respect that.

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by monarchsfan16
If it were me, I'd tell him the truth. I'm also 17, my dad only lives a few houses down the street. We're not very close either, when I don't need him to be driving me to school I only see him once or twice a week. In this situation, the father should be able to respect her wishes. After all, she's his daughter. Close or not, he's her father and he should allow her to exclude herself from situations she doesn't want to be in. Honesty is the only way to go with this one. If he's offended then that's too bad. Meeting the gf/bf of parents is difficult in itself; when you've been let down like that before, it's even harder. Her dad should respect that.

my experience is, that most 17 year olds, want to be treated as Adults,,if that's the case then she should meet the woman,,with the realization that the relationship might not work out,,,but also learn that life is a series of relationships that live and die,,whether they be friendships or marriages

what about respecting the fact that he wants to share his life,,and not exclude his daughter..I think they need to reach a compromise that factors in both her and his feelings...

a factor that may weigh in on his decision on whether or not the girlfriend is worthy of long term commitment is how she relates to the daughter...how can he find out if the daughter refuses to meet her....

 

[momof2inPA]

How long has the old girlfriend been out of the picture? I feel so sorry for your daughter having formed relationships with that woman, her kids, who she thought would become step siblings, and to think about trying to form those bonds again without any idea how long they will last would be scary.

I think your daughter should tell her dad that while she might be happy that he has found someone, she is not quite ready to meet the new girlfriend, and your daughter should tell him exactly how hurt she was when the last relationship ended. Then he should understand and let it go for a while.

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by momof2inPA
How long has the old girlfriend been out of the picture? I feel so sorry for your daughter having formed relationships with that woman, her kids, who she thought would become step siblings, and to think about trying to form those bonds again without any idea how long they will last would be scary.

I think your daughter should tell her dad that while she might be happy that he has found someone, she is not quite ready to meet the new girlfriend, and your daughter should tell him exactly how hurt she was when the last relationship ended. Then he should understand and let it go for a while.

that's what I was trying to say...you worded it so much better.....

I also think she should tell him in person ..rather than email...emotions and feeligs get lost in emaill...and it's much easier to discuss things one on one with immediate feedback..

 

[momof2inPA]

Originally posted by MICKEY88
...you worded it so much better.....

Thank-you. I often wonder if I make any sense.

 

[Robinrs]

This is a hard one...

I disagree that the comparison of her introducing a boyfriend is equal to meeting a girl/boyfriend of a parent... it's an entirely different thing.

But I do agree that her doubts and fears should be communicated, not just washed over because of her age. People twice her age have problems with parents in relationships, you're quite blessed that she is talking to you about it instead of acting out.

This could be the father's chance to explain what happened to the previous girlfriend and that no relationship is guaranteed and that he's trying to include her in his life if that is his intention.

Prayers that there is a quick resolution to this.

God bless,

Robnrs