What should I do about this wedding gift problem?

[ADisneyQueen]

We were invited to a wedding. It is DH's mother' cousin's daughter. DH is 15 years older than the bride, grew up in another state, and was in the same room with her only a several times in his life- parties, funerals. He could not tell you what she looks like or anything about her or her parents. However, his mom still keeps in touch w/ the cousin who is much younger than her, but only occasionally.

The wedding is in another state from where the girl lives and we won't be going. WHat do I send? DOn't want to send anything

 

[krcit]

I'd probably send 25 or 50. My MIL just told us to expect a wedding invite for DH's cousin. I've been married to DH for over 16 years and couldn't pick this guy out of a crowd. We won't be going no matter what MIL thinks.. I can't afford $300 to go to a wedding for someone I don't know. I'll send $50 I guess.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

All you need to do is send in the RSVP card stating you won't attend.

An invitation does not obligigate you to send a gift or even a card for that matter.

I don't see why it would be a dilemma.

 

[disneydreamersx4]

I wouldn't send anything either...we were invited to my uncle's second marriage last year but we couldn't go because we had another wedding on the same day. I sent a note on the response card and that's it. We aren't close, I have only seen him in my adult life about 3 times. If I could have afforded to, I probably might send $25 or $50 though just because. If he ever invites us to his house, I will bring a gift.

 

[redlight]

All you need to do is send in the RSVP card stating you won't attend.

An invitation does not obligigate you to send a gift or even a card for that matter.

I don't see why it would be a dilemma.

Do this.

 

[Becky2005]

All you need to do is send in the RSVP card stating you won't attend.

An invitation does not obligigate you to send a gift or even a card for that matter.

I don't see why it would be a dilemma.

I agree and before a post comes along & says how it was a "gift grab" invitation, I don't think so.

I grew up with my mom's rule of basically you invite EVERYONE who is a relative (stems from some of my dad's side stuff where they have issues if one gets invited & another one doesn't, etc... Basically my mom's rule was invite everyone & whoever wanted to come fine, whoever didn't fine...if they sent a gift that was nice but not expected), so it's ingrained in me that you just invite any & all family members you have an address for to big events.

 

[HunnyPots]

Since the bride is basically a total stranger to you and your husband, I'd simply decline the invitation. No gift should be expected.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Since the bride is a relative of dh, I say he gets to decide.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I agree and before a post comes along & says how it was a "gift grab" invitation, I don't think so.

I grew up with my mom's rule of basically you invite EVERYONE who is a relative (stems from some of my dad's side stuff where they have issues if one gets invited & another one doesn't, etc... Basically my mom's rule was invite everyone & whoever wanted to come fine, whoever didn't fine...if they sent a gift that was nice but not expected), so it's ingrained in me that you just invite any & all family members you have an address for to big events.

I agree. We invited whom we wanted. We figured many wouldn't make it and we never expected them to do so or to even be concerned about a gift.

 

[tiggspring]

I wouldn't send a gift to somone I dont know. Look at it this way you saved them $25-50 per person on the average reception costs and the aggravation of trying to figure out where to seat you. That is a gift in itself!

 

[ksjayhawks]

All you need to do is send in the RSVP card stating you won't attend.

An invitation does not obligigate you to send a gift or even a card for that matter.

I don't see why it would be a dilemma.

Totally agree. DH--and you--do not know this person, so not sure why you were invited other than because of mil.

Send in your rsvp with no and you are done.

 

[ADisneyQueen]

I don't want to send anything, DH thinks we are obligated to send a gift. He doesn't want to spend the $, but thinks someone will know if we don't. I think the bride won't even remember who we are when they open the card!

I've been trying to convince DH that an invite does not equal a gift.

 

[PaulaSue]

Honestly I may be cheap (I dont believe in sending a gift to every invite I recieve only ones I want to) but for that "kind of famly" I would just send a card and a hand written note of Congrats.

 

[katiebelle21]

What about just a nice card and getting something small off their gift registry like a nice picture frame?

 

[bumbershoot]

DH's mother' cousin's daughter.

AKA your husband's second cousin*.

Part of our big WDW trip will consist of DS meeting two (no, three!) second cousins, so it's not that far away from a relation.

But if he barely knows her, then he barely knows her.

She might very well have invited him because she wanted him there...many of my cousins were so much older than me, and I remember having a bit of hero worship for one or two of them when I was a kid, and if the main "hero" was still alive I would have invited him to my wedding. I invited tons of cousins and once removed and second cousins...almost none of them came, but I did want them there (didn't care about a gift).

So if he doesn't want to go, he shouldn't go. And if he doesn't want to send a gift, I'm sure it doesn't matter. If he does, however, want to celebrate the marriage of a second cousin, then that's lovely, and I'm sure she would appreciate it.



*had to write it all out, just as I was taught by my first cousin (who is nearly my father's age) at a family reunion...took awhile, but I got there.

 

[disykat]

I wouldn't send a gift to somone I dont know. Look at it this way you saved them $25-50 per person on the average reception costs and the aggravation of trying to figure out where to seat you. That is a gift in itself!

I agree. She could have been told by her mother she had to invite him, so she did to avoid conflict. You simply decline and that ends it. A card would be nice if so inclined, but I think a gift would more than likely actually embarrass her.

 

[Green Tea]

We got a save the date card for a wedding. Had a nice photo layout of the couple's pictures, info about the ceremony and such. Had never seen these people in my life. DH looked and shrugged his shoulders. He'd never seen them or heard the names either. We didn't save the date! Before long along comes the invitation. At this point we are curious and google the names. We see pics of them, can see what cities they live in. Still nothing. Then in some linked article there is a name DH faintly recognizes. One of the couple is a kid of some distant cousin. Even the cousin has never met DH. Why why why would these people invite us to the wedding? Well, I know why......but they didn't get any $!

 

[dsny1mom]

Count me in with the *I don't send a gift just becasue I received an invite* crowd.

I send a gift if I would have or wanted to have gone but couldn't because of a prior obligation.

dsny1mom

 

[ADisneyQueen]

To answer a previous post, I don't think the cousin invited him b/c she admires him or anything. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know him, DH is 15 years older than her( he's 39 now) and doesn't remember her at all. I doubt they've ever spoken to each other, even at a funeral. The last time we could have seen her she was a teen. I have second cousins that I know, but we grew up in the same town. I think

That is really funny about getting an invite w/photos and not knowing who it is. When we got this invite, DH did not know who it was, I recognized her last name from my MIL talking about her irish relatives.

 

[onelilspark]

Personally, I'd send a little something. Unless it's a financial hardship, a nice card with a $25 gift card inside would be a nice gesture. If you know their registry, use that store. If not go with Macy's, Bed Bath and Beyond, or Target.

My reasoning is that she's family. My second cousin's son had his first Communion and I was invited to the party (long story short: they're on my Dad's side of the family who I rarely saw growing up since we lived pretty far away. I'm only 2.5 hours from them now, so we've been getting closer.) I had never met her son, or maybe only once. I didn't feel like making the drive down. I could have just RSVP'd and been done with it, but since he was family, I sent a check with a card...not for a lot, but to let them know I cared. The thing with family, or at least my family, is that nothing stays private. If you can afford it, it might save you a headache in the long run.

If you had gotten an invite from someone your husband worked with 5 years ago and hasn't spoken to since? Then I'd say just RSVP, no card or gift required.