What should children call their step parents?

[sunnyday123]

The Mom clearly still has some issues regarding the divorce, and all that bitterness is spewing out of her mouth.

It should be up to the children as to what they call their step-father, no one should force them to do anything. My x's girlfriend tried this when they first started dating, since they were a couple, she felt they were more of a "family" than DD and I, and it was a better place for her to be. Nevermind that she's crazy as a June bug. When DD wouldn't comply, it got ugly.

Just remind your DH this is all being done out of spite, and maybe he can have a talk with the kids about this to see how they feel about it. She's just trying to force something that obviously isn't there between the kids and step-father, which will only make the situation worse, and even if they do call him "Dad", its apparent that there's no feeling behind it. I also might be tempted to suggest to her this is harrassment towards the children, and mention we could go back to court, or therapy for the kids. Sounds like she could be bad mouthing him when the kids are with her.

 

[ilovejack02]

Mom is crazy and there is prob nothing you can really do about it .

In the real world it should be kids choice, but if Mom insists, why make the kids life miserable, have a talk with the kids and try to be understanding, of course it hurts and karma will bite this Mom in the butt later in life.

My best friend's mom actually changed her last name to new step dad name and insisted she use it 30 years ago without her bio dad's permission who still had joint custody and a great guy. Best friend would be punished for not answering to name at school and not calling him Dad etc. Needless to say because of that and many other things , she has a crap relationship with her Mother. It also made her life hell day to day because she refused to go with the flow.


My sweet step son called me Miss. Jenny for years and then once hit 15 ish he dropped the Miss . We asked him what he wanted to call me when he was 6 ish and he said Mom, I asked him if he was sure , that we didn't want to upset his Mom, so he picked Miss Jenny, go figure lol. I was looking for a nickname, but oh well lol. As long as it wasn't witch I was happy!

Step parents can be Dad or Mom, but it has to be up to the kids, not the parents!

 

[pyrxtc]

--- Flame suit on ---

I am a step-mom and my DSD calls me anything but my first name. She is not allowed, I think it is disrespectful to call someone who raised you by their first name. She has a mom but when she talks about me or introduces me, she tells people this is my mother or step-mother depending on who it is I am meeting. She calls her step-father by his first name and I cringe every time.

My DD calls my DH Dad and her father Daddy. She will have a new step-mother soon and it doesn't bother me if she chooses to call her mom or any derivative of it.

All of the grandparents are called by a grandma/grandpa sort of name, even my exes parents are called Nonny and Papa by my kids with my DH. It is done out of respect and because we treat them like our children/grandchildren.

In high school I had a friend who mother I called Mom too. My sister (half-sister) always called my mother Mom and hers mother. our Dad was dad to her and so was her many step-dads whom she called all of them father.

I can see not using those terms if your parents remarries when the kids are older but we've been in each others kids lives since they were 5 and 3. the girls consider each other sisters and my DD considers her new step-moms girls her sisters too.

Families are made up of all different people and they should call each other by the name that feels right for the role they play.

 

[pyrxtc]

added to say that what your ex is doing is wrong, trying to force you out.

 

[mumom95]

Let the child decide.

And I agree with everyone else, the ex is out of line. Way out of line.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

What a nasty woman!

It would be one thing if their biodad was absolutely out of the picture, if the stepdad had always been the one dad in their lives, and THEY chose to call him dad as an honorific. But this situation doesn't qualify in even one, let alone all 3, which is what I feel would be necessary.

I agree. This is clearly not the case since DH has been and always will be in his children's lives. He adores his kids and misses them like crazy.

OP, I'm sorry your DH is being put through this with his EX. I've seen first hand how it can affect the kids. I know it's hurtful but it is just a title. In their heart of hearts, they know who "Dad" is. It's hard but maybe he can take a little comfort in that.

Sadly, since the ex started this she has refused to let DH see his own children (thus why we went to court) and had tried to cut off phone contact as well. The youngest child has been basically brainwashed and when DH was finally allowed by the ex to see them after a year of being repeatedly denied his court ordered visitation, the child told DH that he wasn't his Dad - that his stepfather was his Dad. That broke DH's heart and it was addressed in court by the judge. The oldest child told DH several times that the Mom makes them call the stepfather Dad. He is very sad when he says it and it is obvious that he doesn't want to do that but does it to avoid the wrath of his mother.

I think it should be the child's choice. If the child wants to call the step-dad something, it's noone's business. Not the biodad, not the Mom, just the child's choice. That being said, I was raised by a stepdad since I was 3 and I still call him by his first name but only because my stepsister pitched a fit the first time she heard me call him Daddy.

Did anyone even bother to ask the children what they wanted?

When she started this the youngest was 4 so he knows nothing different than what his Mom has been telling him. He is far too young to understand the implications of this. The oldest absolutely has made it clear that he only does this because his Mom demands it. He is extremely uncomfortable doing so.

We call my stepdad Captain Mac. He was a captain in the Army and has a last name that begins with "Mc."

That's cute! My DH is an Army officer and my girls sometimes call him by his rank to get his attention. They think it's funny but he always answers. lol

I do appreciate the responses. Honestly I know there is no way we are going to be able to resolve this because the ex flat out refused to listen to the court when told to stop having the boys call their stepfather Dad. She doesn't care that it hurts DH or that the boys may not want to address him that way. She is going to do what she is going to do. She is still dumbfounded that the court seemed to side with DH since she is used to winning every other case that she has dragged into court - constantly for over 4 years.

DH just wants to see the children that he adores without drama or interference from the ex. He wants his kids to know that he is their Dad and loves them and wants to be in their lives. The ex of course just wants the child support and for DH to disappear. That's obviously not going to happen.

 

[punkin]

Unfortunately this rather hit home for me. I think children should call their step-parents whatever they feel comfortable with. I always called my step-father by his first name and I was in no way disrespectful. I loved him beyond words. However, I always felt (even as a child) that we are only given one set of bio parents and they deserve some special recognition of that. My bio-father (whom I did not see after I was 8 yo) will always be my Papa, but my step-father who raised me from the age of 10, who walked me down he aisle when I got married, who held my babies in his arms hours after they were born was the man I think of when I think of fathers.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

--- Flame suit on ---

I am a step-mom and my DSD calls me anything but my first name. She is not allowed, I think it is disrespectful to call someone who raised you by their first name. She has a mom but when she talks about me or introduces me, she tells people this is my mother or step-mother depending on who it is I am meeting. She calls her step-father by his first name and I cringe every time.

My DD calls my DH Dad and her father Daddy. She will have a new step-mother soon and it doesn't bother me if she chooses to call her mom or any derivative of it.

All of the grandparents are called by a grandma/grandpa sort of name, even my exes parents are called Nonny and Papa by my kids with my DH. It is done out of respect and because we treat them like our children/grandchildren.

In high school I had a friend who mother I called Mom too. My sister (half-sister) always called my mother Mom and hers mother. our Dad was dad to her and so was her many step-dads whom she called all of them father.

I can see not using those terms if your parents remarries when the kids are older but we've been in each others kids lives since they were 5 and 3. the girls consider each other sisters and my DD considers her new step-moms girls her sisters too.

Families are made up of all different people and they should call each other by the name that feels right for the role they play.

No reason to need a flame suit. This is what works for your family.

My girls call my DH's parents by their first names but only because that is what his parents thought would be best. They don't treat my girls any differently than their biological grandchilren.

Let the child decide.

And I agree with everyone else, the ex is out of line. Way out of line.

She is and the court and her own father have told her that. She doesn't think she is so she isn't going to change anything.

 

[Duckyiam71]

I am a stepmother and I would never force my stepson to call me mom. I have been in his life since he was 2. I was introduced to him as Becky and he could not say it and it came out Ducky. Well 8 years later, I am still Ducky. When I was first married, it upset that he did not call me mom. His mom has been in his life off and on. But now that I am more secure in my relationship with him and I know his love for me is strong, I am fine with Ducky. Good luck with your situation.

 

[mom2rb]

If it upsets the kids and she is refusing to let their father see the kids, maybe you should sue for custody.

 

[paintnolish]

My kids call their step-dad Dad or Daddy, but they were only 5 and 6 when they met him. When we are talking about him, like perhapr who will be picking them up for school or something, we call him Daddy "First Name" for clarification. I think kids should call step-parents by whatever they are most comfortable with.

 

[TaylorsDoDisney]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Your husband most assuredly should be DAD.

My best friend married my husbands best friend. Her son calls her husband what my kids call him...."Uncle Keith"!!!!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Whatever the child chooses.

I have called some stepdads (I have had 4) "daddy" -- and as I got older, the ones who came into the picture were called by their first name.

My step-mom I have always called her by her first name. She came in when I was around age 3 but I didn't meet her until later (maybe age 4 or so). I was firmly committed that my mommy was my mommy and never cared to honor her in anyway with that title.

In the end, it should always be the decision of the child. Often she/he already has parents and it could be damaging to tell/require/expect them to call a step-parent a "parent" name.

At one point my step-mom claims I told her that I would call her "mom" if I called my step-dad "dad".

I have no idea when I said this or if I did--and the way it came across had me in tears (I was still little). I simply refused and she probably thought I was a brat for not honoring a "contract" I made at a time that I could not remember.

 

[samshane]

My Dh is now 36, but he had a rough upbringing in which he switched off living with parents. When he is with his stepmother, he will refer to her as "mom" but when he is not with her - he will refer to her by his first name. His mom has bee on and off in his life since he was young.

 

[Jennasis]

OP, the ex could be in contempt of court if she continues to make the kids not call their actual father by the name DAD. Time to get el lawyer into action.

 

[4greatboys]

I think it should be up to the kids what they call their step mom or dad. My 2 oldest boys were 5 and 8 when my husband and I started dating and they have always just called him by his name. It works for us. Of course if they wanted to call him Dad that would be okay too. But in the end it's up them. I would have never forced them to call him dad.

 

[SC Minnie]

OP we talked about this last night. Your DH is their Dad. He is still in their lives and has fought tooth and nail to keep in contact with his kids. The kids shouldn't call him by his first name especially with pressure from mom to do so. If she didn't want them to call the stepdad by his first name they could have come up with a different 'name' for him but your DH is still 'Dad'.

 

[SingingMUA]

I have always called my stepmom by her name, although when I refer to my dad and stepmom, I just say my parents, my mom is just my mom. Also if I am talking to my halfbrothers I will refer to her as mom.

This.

I've known my stepmom since I was about 10 (I'm 32 now). I love her dearly, but I don't call her "mom", I call her by her first name. But I do refer to her and my dad as "my parents". They've been together most of my life, and I have a good relationship with her. I always refer to her as "mom" when talking to my little brother and sister.

But my bio mom is "mom".

 

[Pakey]

When my husband and I married, my son had just turned 3 and his sons were 5 and 8. His ex-wife was/is very much in the picture (and she and I are good friends); my ex was/is not.

My husband's sons have always called me by my first name and I'm fine with that. They also call their stepfather by his first name. I never ever refer to them as my stepsons; they are my sons, the same as my biological son.

My son calls his stepdad "dad" and his biological father by his first name. This was his choice to make. My ex-husband never wanted anything to do with my son after we divorced and I'm grateful that my husband (we've been married 25 years now) could be a dad to him. I don't remember when he started calling him dad; probably a year or so after we were married. I'm sure it happened because of the other two boys calling him that.

 

[dislaney]

Without going into too much background, I'm just curious what others think.

What should a child call their step parents?

My DH is stepfather to my older 2 children (ages 16 & 11). They call him by his first name. It never dawned on any of us to have them call him anything else. Their father is very much a part of their lives even though he lives a few states away. They call their father "Dad".

My DH's ex remarried 2 years ago and is demanding that their children (ages 8 1/2 and 5 1/2) call her new husband "Dad" and my DH (their biological father who is very much in their lives!) by his first name now. We have addressed this in court and the ex has been admonished by the court and told not to do that anymore. The ex called DH on the way home from court and told him that she wasn't going to abide by that because she didn't think it was wrong for her kids to call her new husband "Dad" instead of DH.

My DH of course is extremely hurt when he hears his children call someone else "Dad".

Should you lose your title as Mom or Dad when you divorce and become the non-custodial parent?

I think she is way off base. Personally I think you have one Mom and one Dad. Stepparents I've always thought were called by their first name or some other nickname that they want to be called. If the parents and child want to call the stepparent by Mom or Dad - I might be okay with it- if everyone is alright with it but the fact that she wants your DH to be called his first name is where I have the problem. She's nuts.