What punishment do you think this deserves?

[Mishetta]

My DS8 went over his buddy's house to play after dinner yesterday. (That would be 2 houses away from us.) When it was bath time, I called his buddy's house but just got voice mail. Okay...I'm thinking that one of the parents are on the phone. I waited maybe 10 minutes, & then I looked outside & noticed their garage door was closed. This is unusual because as long as they are home, their garage door is always open. So, since I still haven't seen my DS, I walk on over to the buddy's house to get him. I knocked on the door, rang the doorbell, peaked in their door sidelite windows & no one was home. (Can you sense a Mother's panic at this moment?) So I walk into their backyard & see no one. I start to call out his name (loudly & nervously) & no answer. I look down the street & see no one. So I go to the backyard again & start walking over to their pool (I'm going crazy at this point) thinking that heaven forbid, he was lying dead in there....then my next door neighbor waves at me. She peaks her head out the door & tells me that my son is over there playing video games with her DS! ARRGGHHH!!!! Once I found out my child was okay, I wanted to kill him!

My DS hardly ever plays with the next door neighbor boy. I never even thought to go knock on their door but the point is MY SON SHOULD HAVE ASKED IF HE COULD HAVE PLAYED OVER THERE! I was soooooooooooo mad, I couldn't even think of a punishment for him yesterday. He pulled this about 6 months ago too. I think back then, I took away TV for a month & he couldn't play for one week.

What would you impose on your child this time (so that he gets the message LOUD & CLEAR??)

(This all took place after our "I Love Lucy" episode which I posted earlier....)

 

[Cruise04]

I did that to my parents when I was in kindergarten - went to a friends house after school and they didn't know where I was. I got spanked and yelled at very loudly - plus grounded for a month. Why do I remember that? Probably because I got spanked REALLY REALLY hard!!!!

Not what I'm suggesting, except maybe the grounding part.

 

[snoopy]

Lord, I was a nervous wreck reading that story!

I'm not sure what the punishment should be, but whatever it is, make sure its severe. Because that is something you don't want to have to go through twice!

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

Busy night at your house huh?

As far as the punishement, the TV thing never works here, because I always give in (more for my own sanity)
Maybe just do not let him play outside for awhile. And take away his favorite toy.

 

[shortbun]

I'm not making a judgement here but I have an almost 9yo
DS and he goes nowhere that I don't see him go in the door
or at least the other parent meet me half way and hand
children over. Mine is not focused enough to handle the
little choices that walking a few houses away presents-the
"Family Circus" cartoon comes to mind and the path their
son took getting from place to place. It doesn't sound like
your DS can handle it yet either. Rather than a punishment.
I might re-evaluate the independence he has been granted. I realize it puts the weight back on you but with pools in the
neighborhood and your son's choices not on one but two occassions, he seems like he still needs more close adult
supervision. All kids are different.
Good luck.

 

[Mishetta]

In response to shortbuns answer ~ I did watch my son walk over to his buddy's house 2 doors down when he went there. I always watch him. Then when he comes home, the buddy's Mom or Dad walks my son back home or watches him (we all do this for each other). In this case, I don't know what happened. Maybe the buddy's parents had to leave unexpectedly (they currently have a close family member in the hospital) & maybe just told my son that he needed to go home but my son somehow ended up at the next door neighbor's house. So sometimes even watching your children walk over to a playdates house or walking home may not be entirely fool proof!

I do agree, I need to take some of his independence away since he abused it BIG TIME!

 

[Lynn CC]

I wouldn't punish your DS. I would just sit down and have a talk with him and let him know that you always have to know where he is at all times. He has to let you know if he is going somewhere even if he out already.
My DS is 17 and if he's at Kung Fu and decides to go someplace afterwards he calls and lets us know.
We are just a family that always knows where the others are and what they are doing....all of us.
We keep in touch with Nextels. It's important that they understand this while they are young, this way they are used to it when they are teenagers!
{HUGS}

 

[4greatboys]

Maybe since its his first offense you could give him one day of not being able to go to someones house.

 

[NMAmy]

Ooh--it would be grounding time at my house. This has actually happened with DD before. We live in a group of townhouses and all the kids play together--usually outside in a big centrally located yard. We also have an elementary school directly behind my house (I can watch them from my back windows). One day, she'd told me she was going to Rachel's. When I went to Rachel's to tell her it was dinner time--guess what? Rachel's sister told me the girls had gone to Brea's.

When I caught up with my daughter, I explained that it scared the bejeebers out of me when I didn't know where she was. She was grounded for 2 weeks.

She felt really badly about this. We live in a small suburban town and all the kids just kind of run around from place to place. I'm fine with that (I grew up in this town, too, and one reason I moved back here was so she could walk to the ice cream shop or the skating rink or the school in a group of kids with no real worries) but she knows she has to let me know whenever there is a change of location! She's very good about calling me to let me know. I broke down and bought cell phones with unlimited calling because the payphones in town are disappearing. (She's 13 now).

She's learned that if she would like a certain amount of independence, she needs to show me that she can be responsible. If she forgets, she is not allowed to do things with her friends anymore.

 

[Mishetta]

This was the second time in 6 months that he's done this. The first time, he went to the house which is behind his buddy's house & I don't even know those people!

 

[aprilgail2]

My daughter is no old enough to go anywhere without me (she's 4) but I do see the kids on the block who are in 2nd grade and my friends son who is in 3rd and their parents have the kids walk around with cell phones so they can reach them at all times...at first I was amazed a 7 year old would havea cell phone but it makes prefect sense to me....at least you can reach them if they are not where they should be...

 

[Pluto2003]

so he can let you know he has changed locations. It won't belong before he will need a cell phone so he can call to tell you he has changed locations. Plus you would be able to page him if you need to. If he doesn't tell you and gets caught, he doesn't get to go to friends houses. Period. Address this now. Start your expectations now........

 

[Mishetta]

Oh I could just imagine suggesting to my DH that our DS8 needs a cell phone!! Especially after all the times that he's lost his Game Boy! He would lose his head if it weren't attached to his shoulders! No, that's not an option for us at this point. He's just not mature enough.

I'm thinking more on the lines of not being able to play outside for a week (no friends over either). Does that sound firm enough? I need to impose something today.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I wouldn't punish him either but I would make it clear that if he wants to change houses he needs to either come and tell you or call and ASK IF he can go over to so & so's house. Give him the reasons why.

The kids mess up from time to time but this method has served me well for the long run because it has made my kids think ahead and call. What I am saying is have a system that is down pat so it continues well into the teen years. DD has a cell and calls us to ask if she can change locations, first. Works for us.

 

[4greatboys]

Well since its a second offense I would def make it a week not going to anyone's house to play or maybe no video games for a week.
I do think he's a bit young for a cell phone. If not at home his only other destination should be the other house. If he needs to leave the other house then he should be headed straight back home.
Im a little suprised to at the other family. I would have watched him go back home.
My oldest ds 16, laughs at me because I wouldnt even let his best friend walk home at night (one dark street and one neighbor hood away) I always drove him home.

 

[CookieGVB]

1st offense - sit down and talk with him about how scared you are when you don't know where he is, and that it's important to ASK PERMISSION before going inside ANYONE'S house.

2nd offense - visiting privileges would be taken away, for at least a week.

Good luck - that feeling is AWFUL, when you don't know where they are!

 

[maroney495]

We have the FMS radios and I make DS (who is 14) take one with him whenever he leaves the house. WE live in a small town and her never goes far, but I want to know where he is and be able to reach him when needed. We started this when my father got very ill and I might need to leave for ER at a moments notice and now it is just habit and has been very helpful(except when he "accidently" turns off the radio) The other kids made fun of him at first but now they know he will have it and don't comment.

 

[Rajah]

I like that idea.

A week's grounding along with a sit-down heart-to-heart, followed by making him carry a walkie-talkie radio with him at all times when he leaves home.

 

[Gupsmom]

If my child wasn't allowed to wander the neighborhood (and they're not because they're 4, 5 and 7) and you watched him go to a friends house, then I'd be very curious as to why that parent didn't watch him go home?! I'm not saying that I wouldn't be mad at my child (he is, ultimately, the person responsible for letting you know where he is) but I'd be a little upset with the friend's parents too. I'd never let a young child just leave this house without making sure he got home. Come to think of it, as for the house he ended up at, I'd never let a child come in and play without having the kid call or go home and ask first. You may want to establish some common ground with the other parents in your neighborhood...to help prevent this from happening again.

Jess

 

[Mishetta]

I agree Gupsmom ~ I will talk to the parents of the boy he was playing with.....as to why they didn't at least call me if they were going out. I will tell them that my DS didn't come directly home. (I'm guessing that by now they figured that out since at 745pm I called their house & left a voice mail message telling them to send my DS home.) I'm thinking that my son was on his way home & they just left but he got side tracked if the neighbor boy was outside & once buddy's parents were gone, my DS just followed neighbor home or something to that effect. The once or twice that my son has ended up at the neighbors, he has called me from there (so the Mom must have asked if we knew he was there) but this time, nothing. I just don't know how this all happened yesterday but I surely don't want a repeat performance! Again, it's even very rare that my DS has played with the neighbor boy. Kids! No wonder I have to color my hair & take Blood Pressure meds!