What more can I do??

[luvsJack]

OP, you have to remember that the difference in any diagnosis and "normal behavior" is usually the severity of the symptoms.

Normal teen age behavior will include a lot of the things you mentioned. But, it will usually stop with parental guidance and when given consequences (natural or parental ones). The difference would be when the behavior doesn't change no matter how much the teen misses out or messes up.

 

[lsyorke]

Your son is suffering from psychiatric disorders. You can either accept that and get him the help he desperately needs or not that is your choice.

Please get him to a psychiatrist.

Wow...just wow.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

Best thing I ever did was take my DS now 13 to a behavioral therapist during his 6th grade year. He has ADD but the BT was able to explain to me why he is how he is.

Socially he acts about 4 years younger than he really is. It does make it difficult for him to make friends. He also needs to keep notes and a planner so he can keep up with his work at school. He tests well above grade level in many subjects but just doesn't get his work turned in. It's all about just keeping him organized.

We use limiting his video game time or completely taking them away as punishment when he doesn't keep up on his school work. That's been the motivating factor that works best with him.

Good luck OP! I

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Ok...so last night I come home from work to find the "unmotivated child" that I was ranting about JUST YESTERDAY took it upon himself to recruit his little brother and sister to clean the house spotless before I got home from work.

He didn't spend one minute on the video games after I got home last night (told me he was bored of them!!), he came into the kitchen and ASKED to help me with dinner. I was making jambalaya so he cut up all the sausage and browned it...and then cleaned up the kitchen immediately following dinner...with NO reminders?!!!!

Who the heck IS THIS KID?

I don't know what got into him (and I know it wasn't his dad barking at him because he wasn't home last night ) but I'd take this kid anyday!

Kids have a funny way of proving us wrong just when we are at our wits end...

I'm smart enough to know that this doesn't completely negate his typical behaviour but it at least gives me a glimmer of hope he is capable if he chooses to be.

Make sure that you pile praise on all 3 of your children for their assistance. Then take you son off to the side and praise him for being such a great role model for his siblings. Make them feel good about themselves. They will remember your praise...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Just venting here...so any suggestions are welcome. And beware...it's long.

I don't know what more I can do to help my 15 yo DS care or become motivated.

My hubby and I both feel that we have failed horribly somewhere along the way as parents. He doesn't do well in school because he "forgets" every stinking assignment given to him. I'm talking basic things like studying for tests or doing the daily homework. It has been this way since he started 5th grade (middle school). He BARELY gets passing grades and this is because he steps it up right at the end of a quarter to simply PASS the class.

He doesn't want to work for anything, be it money, more privelages, or just plain pride. He just doesn't seem to "care" about ANYTHING!

Here is an example of what I'm referring to: (And let me add that talking to him is LITERALLY like talking to Napoleon Dynamite...always that blank stare that says "I have no clue what is going on in this world". And I'm not saying that to be funny...

A couple of weeks after school was let out I get a call from another mom who asks me if DS is going to football camp this fall. I said "hmmm...I'm assuming so, did they send home paperwork on it?"
"uhhh...yeah, the payment was due last Friday".
"hmmm...he never said anything about it, I'll have to ask him".

So I call him and say "DS...were you planning on going to football camp this fall?"
"uhhhh....yeah..."
"where is the paperwork they gave you?"
"I didn't get any paperwork"
"really???...during the meeting you went to a few days before school was out did they not give you any paperwork?"
"oh yeah...maybe...i don't know"
"The payment was due the Friday they let out school!"
"oh"
(***insert crickets chirp***)

NOTHING! Just silence on the phone...like "well...what are we gonna do now?" Yet he has no plan...just waiting for me to tell him.

So then I ask him again if he really WANTS to go or if he just doesn't care. He says that no, he wants to go out but just forgot.

But seriously...this is with EVERYTHING. Showering, brushing teeth, day to day hygene, you name it. "I forgot" is something I literally hear 50 times a week from this kid.
He is responsible for cleaning up the table every night after dinner (we have a dishwasher). Despite having this responsibility for over a year, I STILL have to ask him to come back and complete this task EVERY NIGHT...why??? because "oh, I forgot". Every missing assignment is "I thought I handed that in".

He has been taking medicine for ADD since he's been in 4th grade and I still have to remind him every single day to take the medicine or he'll "forget". He has ZERO motivation to do anything other than sit in front of a TV all day. He doesn't really have a group of "friends", they are what I would call classmates or teammates...not someone he's really close to. No one calls him to come over or hang out, and he couldn't care less. He will tell you he has friends and that he cares about sports but doesn't ever have any actions behind the words.

He is what I would consider immature for his age. When I see him around other kids in his grade it makes me upset because I want him to have friends, I want him to be social but he is absolutely content playing video games with his 9 year old brother all day every day.

Trust me, I've yanked the TV, taken away the cell phone back in January (he didn't care about that either), tried doing positive reinforcement...nothing works.

I guess I'm just trying to find ideas on how to get a kid to CARE. I don't even care WHAT he cares about or is motivated about. ANYTHING at this point would be nice.

I feel like letting him completely fail in life really isn't going to be productive for ANYONE!

Wow...just wow.

Read the above post. Notice how she says her kid does not care and she is at the end of her rope.

If you cannot see that this child needs some outside help then I "wow" on you.

 

[Disney Doll]

OP, maybe it is just "teen apathy".
But maybe it is something else.

My gut reaction when reading your original post was "depression".

Of course, your update post was great too, but made me laugh. Damn kids! Just when we think we have them figured out!!!!!!

In any event, I think I'd do a good medical work-up on him, including bloodwork to test for thyroid issues. If you think your pediatrician is going to give you the "brush off", then go to someone different...sometimes a different set of eyes sees things differently.

The other thing that popped into my head when reading your post was "petit mal seizures"....the blank stare, the impression of him not paying attention. If he's having little seizures (the kind where you zone out but aren't in a full bown flaliling seizure), there are parts of the day he is 'losing'. A good neuropsychiatrist could probably help you there. And review his meds and make sure they are still the right ones for him, in the right dosage etc.

If medically and neuropsychiatrically he checks out OK, then I'd go for behavior modification, lists and personal responsibility.

 

[sbell111]

Read the above post. Notice how she says her kid does not care and she is at the end of her rope.

If you cannot see that this child needs some outside help then I "wow" on you.

Teen doesn't seem to care and the parent is at the end of his/her rope. That pretty much describes every parent/child relationship at one time or another and, in my opinion, is not in and of itself evidence that anything is even abnormal, much less requires outside intervention.

 

[lsyorke]

Teen doesn't seem to care and the parent is at the end of his/her rope. That pretty much describes every parent/child relationship at one time or another and, in my opinion, is not in and of itself evidence that anything is even abnormal, much less requires outside intervention.

Exactly! As one who opted to seek outside help for an "apathetic" teen with a psychiatrist, I wish I had just recognized teenage angst instead of putting him through the hell of what he went through with psychiatric drugs.
Not every teen behavior needs a drug. It's called growing up and testing the limits, something we all did.

To the OP....the fact that he is capable of turning it around on his own is awesome.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Teen doesn't seem to care and the parent is at the end of his/her rope. That pretty much describes every parent/child relationship at one time or another and, in my opinion, is not in and of itself evidence that anything is even abnormal, much less requires outside intervention.

Exactly! As one who opted to seek outside help for an "apathetic" teen with a psychiatrist, I wish I had just recognized teenage angst instead of putting him through the hell of what he went through with psychiatric drugs.
Not every teen behavior needs a drug. It's called growing up and testing the limits, something we all did.

To the OP....the fact that he is capable of turning it around on his own is awesome.

It may be teen angst or it may not.

She has a reg. doctor prescribing ADD meds which is not right to begin with.

What if the son is suffering from anxiety/depression and has been misdiagnosed already?

She asked for help here on what more she can do. My advice is to get some outside evals. like DD described.

 

[Disney Doll]

Teens these days don't seem to be as resilient or as able to cope as teens of the past were...I hear a lot more stuff from my friends who have children about kids that are killing themselves etc. over stuff that, quite frankly, when I was a teenager, I would have blown off without even thinking twice about. I have many theories about why this is happening, none of which are too popular with the DIS parents, so I'll refrain from posting them.

My only contention is that I'd rather be overly cautious with my kid than miss something and have a tragedy happen. So I would still recommend a good medical physical with a different pediatrician if necessary, and a good neuropsych eval. If I got the green light from both of those, then I'd work on the behavior modification, letting him fail a few times and see the results of his failures, letting him miss being able to participate in something he really wants to do because his own apathy kept him from doing what he needed to do in order to participate.

But, by nature, I'm a nurse and I always rule out medical issues first, because I have seen some untreated medical issues which would make you think someone is stark raving nuts, and as soon as they get properly treated medically, the "mental" issue disappears.

 

[lsyorke]

DD...good sound advice. So often medical issues(Lyme disease being the biggest offender) are missed and the symptoms are written off to "mental illness".
I hate seeing our teens being labeled with a mental illness for what could be a medical situation or just being a teenager. Ask any teacher who teaches middle school...those are some rough years emotionally for all kids.