What is your take on this elementary school punishment?

[mjkacmom]

A 6th grader (a known bully) threw a stick at another boy (who gets picked on a lot). The boy, who usually says nothing, went to the principal, although he didn't see who threw the stick. A bunch of 6th graders were told that no one would have recess if they didn't tell who threw the stick (including my ds). The bully told them that whoever told would get beat up. Today everyone decided to tell. The whole school now knows who threw the stick. However, there is no recess in the school unless this boys admits throwing the stick.

I had to pick up ds at lunch today, so he will have to sit out on Monday instead (even if the boy confesses). Why can't they just punish the kid? If everyone on the playground saw him throw it, isn't that good enough? It's 80 degrees here today, and our schools don't have a/c. It has rained all week, so they've had recess in the auditorium all week.

 

[luvsJack]

I would be a bit upset. Punishing the masses is not the way to handle any situation much less a known bully. This kid enjoys making his classmates miserable so is probably enjoying this.

Obviously someone in this school needs some lessons in how to handle bullies.

 

[taximomfor4]

maybe they are hoping that in the future, kids will report bullying. At dd's school (she's a 6th grader), the bullying got so bad at least 3 kids were pulled out of school IN ONE WEEK. THe school ended up doing all kinds of things to get people to report bullies. Not sure how well it worked...dd was one of the 3 pulled out of school.

 

[brittsmum1998]

My dd's elementary school would punish the whole calss also. Whether it be missing recess or writing something 100 times. I don't quite understand it because all it makes kids do is to hate the culprit or bully, whatever the case may be. Now the bully is more mad and resentful and does more nasty things and its a never ending circle.

 

[disneygirl 17]

I don't agree with the policy of punishing them all. I can understand - no one having recess until they all tell who did it, but even then what would stop all the kids from not telling the truth and blaming another child.

Maybe their thought is if enough kids put pressure on the bully for throwing the stick...maybe he won't do it again. They might all start to be mean and dislike him since they all missed recess because of his actions. Why can't kids (people in general, no matter what age) just get along....

 

[dimimi]

My dd's elementary school would punish the whole calss also. Whether it be missing recess or writing something 100 times. I don't quite understand it because all it makes kids do is to hate the culprit or bully, whatever the case may be. Now the bully is more mad and resentful and does more nasty things and its a never ending circle.

I can't believe a school still has kids write something 100 times. That is such an old fashioned punishment. What a waste of time.

 

[XYSRUS]

Yes, it's totally unfair but I tell my kids that's nothing compared to real life. Life stinks sometimes and you just deal with it.

 

[SOnotLayuh]

It sucks that they have to punish everybody. There really should be punishment for the bully themselves - otherwise what are the kids learning? Couldn't the bully purposefully continue to do things that get this punishment in order to bully the entire class at once?

 

[happygirl]

I'm all for it. Is 6th grade elementary here it's Jr high

 

[luvmy3]

My only issue would be that they told the kids that they would miss recess if they didn't tell, so they told. Then they turned around and said nobody would get recess if the bully doesn't admit it. WTH Punish the bully, let everyone else have their recess.

 

[Silly Little Pixie]

My only issue would be that they told the kids that they would miss recess if they didn't tell, so they told. Then they turned around and said nobody would get recess if the bully doesn't admit it. WTH Punish the bully, let everyone else have their recess.

I'm a teacher, and ITA. Wrong idea to punish everyone once they all told. Wasn't that the point? To get them to stand up as a group to the bully?

Whether the bully admits it or not doesn't mean he didn't do it. Prisons are full of people who say they never did it. Doesn't make it true.

 

[mumom95]

I think it's wrong to punish everyone, when they already said who did it.

And I hate it when they take recess away from kids as punishment. Kids NEED to run off some energy after sitting still for a few hours. It's good for their body and their mind. In my opinion recess isn't a priviledge it's a need and shouldn't be taken away.

 

[Spoonful of Sugar]

What I would worry about with this situation is that the kid who told in the first place could end up being the target of more bullying since the others might consider it his fault that they don't get recess. If he is often a target, it might be easier for the other kids to blame him than to blame the bully.

 

[Tinijocaro]

Going out on a limb here to say that the whole school does not really know who threw the stick. Most heard rumors about who did it. At the elementary school where I teach, there was grafitti being drawn in the boys bathroom, the principal had had it so asked the kids if they know who did it, to tell. They all framed this one boy. Everyone kept saying it was Zach. To the point that Zach got called down to the principal's office denying it was him. No one believed him. Turns out, during the time frame the last event happened, he couldn't possibily have done it because he was with me in a lesson. The kid who really did it was found out the following week when he did it again, got caught and confessed.

Point is, unless a teacher saw, they really can't take the students' word. Kids lie, all the time. Doesn't mean they lied in this case but I'm sure your administrators know how reliable the word is of a mob of upset kids who want recess back.

A 6th grader (a known bully) threw a stick at another boy (who gets picked on a lot). The boy, who usually says nothing, went to the principal, although he didn't see who threw the stick. A bunch of 6th graders were told that no one would have recess if they didn't tell who threw the stick (including my ds). The bully told them that whoever told would get beat up. Today everyone decided to tell. The whole school now knows who threw the stick. However, there is no recess in the school unless this boys admits throwing the stick.

I had to pick up ds at lunch today, so he will have to sit out on Monday instead (even if the boy confesses). Why can't they just punish the kid? If everyone on the playground saw him throw it, isn't that good enough? It's 80 degrees here today, and our schools don't have a/c. It has rained all week, so they've had recess in the auditorium all week.

 

[mjkacmom]

Thanks everyone. Recess is still off (but just for the 6th grade - not middle school here). I think it should've been reinstated when the kids fessed up on who threw the stick. The thrower is a child who was feared in the early years, accepted later on (he is an amazing bball player), but who is being disliked again. Kids who have had issues with him in the past have had no help from the principal, because the parents are NUTS, and she's afraid to make waves. I think she's afraid (for her life - LOL) of accusing him, having him deny it, and having to deal with the parents (I recall an incident involving mom and a shovel on another mom's doorstep).

 

[Mary•Poppins]

Another teacher here ...

And this really sounds like a much more complicated story. I just got done listening to the book 19 Minutes. It is fictional ... about a boy who was bullied for years and goes on a killing rampage. It really makes you think.

As far as the punishment being unfair ... probably so. However, as one PP said, life is sometimes unfair ... and we learn to live with it. Perhaps there is WAY more to this story that even you as a parent knows (perhaps dealing with the child that is being bullied). It sounds like the principal is sending a direct message to ALL the kids that this behavior will not be accepted.

So sorry ... I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but it could be a good learning experience for your child. My good friend always tells her children and mine, "When you hand out with trouble, it will follow you home!" (Not implying in any way that your child was involved with this. Just stating that sometime being in the wrong place, gets you into trouble.)

 

[mjkacmom]

Another teacher here ...

And this really sounds like a much more complicated story. I just got done listening to the book 19 Minutes. It is fictional ... about a boy who was bullied for years and goes on a killing rampage. It really makes you think.

As far as the punishment being unfair ... probably so. However, as one PP said, life is sometimes unfair ... and we learn to live with it. Perhaps there is WAY more to this story that even you as a parent knows (perhaps dealing with the child that is being bullied). It sounds like the principal is sending a direct message to ALL the kids that this behavior will not be accepted.

So sorry ... I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but it could be a good learning experience for your child. My good friend always tells her children and mine, "When you hand out with trouble, it will follow you home!" (Not implying in any way that your child was involved with this. Just stating that sometime being in the wrong place, gets you into trouble.)

Oh, I really don't care than my child has to suck it up and spend a few days without recess. I read that book, too - it was really good. I'm not siding with the bully, but I don't think this punishment is going to help him much, unfortunately. His parents are bullies, and he's been like this since kindergarten. The kid who got hit with the stick has his own issues. One of them is that he hangs out with bullies - the rest of the kids like him. I'm just surprised, because I've had children in this school for the past 9 years, and haven't heard of this happening before.

 

[luvmy3]

I don't like to use the analogy "life is unfair" in situations like this because that is usually when something is beyond your control, this punishment wasn't. The students were told that to avoid punishment they would have to tell on the bully. They told and the school changed the terms after the fact, and for what reason? It doesn't even make sense, if the purpose was to get the bully to admit it then why make the rest of the class tell in the first place, why threaten them with punishment if it didn't matter whether they told or not? They are 6th graders and sure there will be many times when things aren't fair however we should still be treating them with some respect and not make things unfair for them just because we can. They could have been up front, if bully kid doesn't tell you all will miss recess, fine if thats how it is going to be, but they changed it and thats whats not right. Of course I've always had a problem with authority


As someome pointed out, the bully is probably loving this, he does something wrong and the whole class gets punished, I'm sure thats really going to make him think about his actions next time

 

[LMC]

OMG, I was going to post a similar issue! I thought this was only going on at my DSs school. I think punishing the entire class for the actions of a few is totally wrong. Peer pressure does not work at this age (my ds is in 3rd grade). I do agree with doing something like this in high school because peer pressure does work at that age. I had to call DSs teacher about something that happened a couple of months ago and she said "he's the best student in my class" well then why does he have to have silent lunch all the time (if he's so good and not misbehaving) and why do they get punishment in PE class. I choose to use medication (and alot of it) for his severe ADHD and we emphasize how good behavior begets good rewards/outcomes. BUT, now he is punished for the 2 or 3 who constantly talk and cut up so he thinks what's the point in being good when you get punished anyway. We see the psychiatrist regularly so I am going to get his take on it next visit. Maybe I should just ditch all the meds since it doesn't seem to matter that he has good behavior and they punish him anyway. I am sure the teacher would love that!!!

 

[Disney-&-Baseball]

What surprises me is that your school doesn't have a better way to deal with this situation. In our area we have what my daughter says is called the TAC room. Kids like the bully are separated from all the other kids during recess. If this student is a bigger problem they spend all day in this room getting their education. While they don't get what the other students do in the way of an education they are getting taught. The masses deserve a fair education without the bullying so the bully gets separated and the masses get their safety and education. The bullies have fair chances to earn the right to re-enter the classroom with the other kids through their actions in the TAC room. If they handle the classroom correctly they can earn the right to once again enjoy recess once again. The bully is watched quite well during the recess so anything sketchy sets them back again. Only certain schools in our area have this room so problem students from other schools get an auto transfer to said school with the parents taking on the responsibility of getting their kid to school. We chose to move my daughter to this school as her last school wasn't dealing with bullies and only made excuses on why it was happening. All this was teaching her is to survive you need to push kids around . So she was in the early stages of being a bully herself. While it might sound crazy the school with all the bullies is probably the safest school in the area. She has had no problems and is the happiest she has ever been in school.