What is your opinion?

[robinb]

Your husband is asking you to help him market himself, with potential payoff in household income.

This is exactly why I don't think her DH can go alone. Nine days is too short and maybe you're on the C-List but there is no better way to move up the food chain than by making a good impression at a party where you were an afterthought.

 

[LJSquishy]

I agree with everyone else in that 9 days is very short notice. If I were to receive a black tie invitation in that short amount of time, I would be unable to attend.

If your husband is urging you to go with him and this is relating to his career, I would probably attend -- but only if it truly could boost his career. I have attended many business parties for my husband and I do believe they can pay off in the long run. It's all about who you know. I haaaaaaate attending these parties! I don't like being out late, I don't know anyone there, and no one is ever my age (I am 28, hubby is 32). But, my husband is very good at getting to know the "right people" and it has really made a difference for him.

If the main reason is that you just cannot afford to spend the money for the proper attire, you can either consider renting a gown or decide not to go alltogether. I agree it is a lot of money for one night that isn't even fun, plus as you said you are already very busy around the time of the party. Either decision you make will be fine, just make sure and discuss it in more detail with your husband so you are both on the same page.

 

[4GoofyCrew]

I agree with everyone else in that 9 days is very short notice. If I were to receive a black tie invitation in that short amount of time, I would be unable to attend.

If your husband is urging you to go with him and this is relating to his career, I would probably attend -- but only if it truly could boost his career. I have attended many business parties for my husband and I do believe they can pay off in the long run. It's all about who you know. I haaaaaaate attending these parties! I don't like being out late, I don't know anyone there, and no one is ever my age (I am 28, hubby is 32). But, my husband is very good at getting to know the "right people" and it has really made a difference for him.

If the main reason is that you just cannot afford to spend the money for the proper attire, you can either consider renting a gown or decide not to go alltogether. I agree it is a lot of money for one night that isn't even fun, plus as you said you are already very busy around the time of the party. Either decision you make will be fine, just make sure and discuss it in more detail with your husband so you are both on the same page.

I agree with the 4-6 weeks thing. It would be difficult for most people to come up with that type of attire in 9 days. (Oh, I am sure there are plenty of affluent people who already have a those things in the closet but...).

I also agree that, if it is important careerwise, you should probably try to go. It is a dog-eat-dog world out there in the employment arena and if you don't step up to do 'extra's they will look for someone else who will. Not right, but true.

 

[eeyoresmom]

Thank you everyone. I knew I would get lots of opinions and feedback here. Sadie, my DH did not tell me he wanted to go partly because of potential business contacts at first. I do agree that if he had said to me yesterday "We got this invitation. I know it is kind of late and it may be difficult but I would like to go partly because of the potential contacts I could meet, I would have gritted my teeth and shook my head, but I would go..somehow.He sent me an email at work yesterday saying exactly" We have been invited to a black tie event. John Smith bought a table for 6 and invited us and the Doe's (names have been changed), it is Friday Dec. 7th at 7 PM at Event Hall. That was the entire email. When I saw how I would need to dress and that it was also an auction/fundraiser, I gave him those reasons for not wanting to attend in a return email that he did not respond to. He didn't tell me about the business aspect until we were "discussing" it this morning as I was leaving for work. Again, this is an on going issue for us. It is by far not the first time I have felt "under the gun". That is why I gave just the facts in my original post. I do want to be fair and get an idea of what others would do in this situation.

 

[eeyoresmom]

Just to be clear, we were invited by a friend. There is a potential to pick up contacts but it is not a work related event. Of course we are B or C list It is a $625 a plate fundraiser! I doubt the inviter is just getting around to deciding who he wants to invite. Which really is OK, but it is a lot of stress ( and money ), for me at least.

 

[foreUT]

I am glad you are receiving a number of good suggestions, eeyoresmom, because this sounds like a serious sore-point between you and your spouse and I completely understand your misgivings. Sorry that someone else's "last minute decisions" have created a difficult situation for you and your husband. You will be justified in whatever you decide, imo.

 

[angwill]

Thank you. We received the invitation 9 days before the event. I would have to buy semi formal dress, shoes, etc. and only have Saturday to do this as I work full time and still have kids at home. My son's birthday is Sunday and I am already planning on several hours of shopping etc. for him on Saturday. Besides that, I really don't want to spend several hundred dollars to go to an event that we have no personal ties to. I'm sure the invitation was well meant but DH argue over what I consider last minute invitations a lot and do want to make sure I am not being unreasonable. DH believes I should just buy what I need to attend the event as he thinks the potential for business contacts may be good.

If DH has the clothes why doesn't he just go alone to gather the business contacts?

I hate last minute invites formal or family. Probably because all our family are the type to call the day before parties and such and then get upset if we have other plans. lol

 

[Luvchefmic]

This is exactly why I don't think her DH can go alone. Nine days is too short and maybe you're on the C-List but there is no better way to move up the food chain than by making a good impression at a party where you were an afterthought.

agree with this even though normally 4 -6 weeks in these
economic time I say put on your party faces and go it could
really pay off

 

[2disneyboys]

While I agree tha 9 days is unreasonably short notice, with the info you provided, I would move heaven and earth to go with my dh. Cuz I would look @ it as going for my husband, not anyone else. I don't know about your dh, but the men in my life (dh, brothers, Brother in laws, fathers, friends husband etc) seem to be nortotius for leaving out what I consider to be important details for decision making, lol. It just doesn't seem to occur to them to share/repeat all the details...they always seem to turn "I know its last min, but there is this party I think would have excellent business contacts @ so I would like to go to it". Into, " hey Hun, there's a party in a few days we sould plan on going.". lol.

Op, if possible since your dh feels ir would be beneficial, I would try to go if possible.

 

[E-P-C-O-T]

I have been in your position many times as my husband is a Libra and always leave things for the last minute (lol). I have told him that if he doesn't tell me 2 weeks in advance, I am not going. It's just so easy for him, he owns a tuxedo, his barber works out of his office building, he just takes a shower and is ready to go that he doesn't get it. If it's just a gala and you can find an affordable dress and get your hair done within the next few days, you should consider going.

If this is strictly a networking related event, stay home, he will do much better by himself as he can just go and talk to people without having to entertain you and I have found when it's work related, it tends to get boring... lol

I can't tell you how many times he has told me about these thing 3 or 4 days prior... Men!!!

 

[luvmy3]

Thank you. We received the invitation 9 days before the event. I would have to buy semi formal dress, shoes, etc. and only have Saturday to do this as I work full time and still have kids at home. My son's birthday is Sunday and I am already planning on several hours of shopping etc. for him on Saturday. Besides that, I really don't want to spend several hundred dollars to go to an event that we have no personal ties to. I'm sure the invitation was well meant but DH argue over what I consider last minute invitations a lot and do want to make sure I am not being unreasonable. DH believes I should just buy what I need to attend the event as he thinks the potential for business contacts may be good.

That is because men don't understand what a woman has to do in order to ready herself for a formal event. All they have to do is rent a tux and get a haircut. 9 days is way too short notice for you to get all you need, arrange any appts you may need and find a babysitter (if you need one). Men, they just don't get it.

 

[eeyoresmom]

Thank you everyone. The business contact thing is not the reason for going. It is definitely a social event (with the possibility of work related contacts) DH will not be passing out business cards. In fact, I think it would be frowned upon at a fundraiser like this. In an earlier post I explained that he didn't tell me he was considering the possible contacts until after we had been arguing about it. Just to be clear, I am only upset that he is mad at me for not wanting to attend. He does not understand what it takes for me to pull that off on short notice. No, I do not have anything I can dress up. I am posting this after dropping off the food from going to the market, then back out to get what is needed for DS's birthday tomorrow. Oh, the event may actually be at 5:30 and I work until 4:00. He literally will have to change his suit at work (barber on premises) and go. Please don't misunderstand, I don't blame him that it is much harder for me to prepare for an event like this, I just wish he would consider what it takes on my part and not be dismissive. Oh, and I do agree that it is perfectly OK that he attends himself.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I said earlier that 4 weeks is standard invite time in a normal word, but really, I could be ready for black tie in about two hours since that seems the issue.

BUT. We go to these things a lot and I have dresses and shoes in my closet. It doesn't need to take a day to get ready. No one knows if your fancy sparkle shoes are from Payless or Bloomingdales. Or if your dress is from the sale rack at Macy's that was $400 last week but now is $79.

You say that your husband does this often, the delayed notice. Is it for formal events or all events? You can have one or two budget dresses and one pair of shoes (black with sparkle) on hand to avoid the situation.

I would love to go to a fundraiser as you describe, though. It sounds a lot more fun that the boring industry events we must attend yearly.

 

[eeyoresmom]

Thank you. I am not a shopper at all, so that is part of my dread here.We haven't been invited to other formal events (that I know of), which is why I don't have the proper attire. And since we don't get these invitations, I don't think I want to spend even $200 on something I "might" wear.Can we afford to? Yes. But having 4 kids, I have developed a frugal mindset. I just spent a week trying to decide if I should spend $50 on a DIY gel manicure kit. I actually went to the store 3 times before I bought it.