What is wrong with parents?

[TinkerbellMama]

Okay when I say I was spanked I mean right there at the moment of the infraction. A quick kapow (not too forceful but a stinging) on the backside to let me know what I had done was wrong. I'll take your advice into consideration as well.

I do have a question. What is it that has changed in the past 10-20 years that has contributed to rude children and bad parenting? I am 31 years old. I consider myself to be a respectful well adjusted adult. My mother is the 99.9% main influence for that. She wasn't too strict when it came to discipline and punishment but she did make sure I was punished when I was misbehaving. You know waaaay back when "GO TO YOUR ROOM" was actual punishment? Not like now when most kids have phones, TV's, DVD players, PS2, and a host of other electronic gadgets in their room.

Again, you come across as a very thoughtful individual who will make a great parent someday. I compliment your attitude!

To address your question: people are no longer employing what is known as limit-setting and firm guidance, otherwise known as the fine (and somewhat lost) art of parenting. To be a parent, one must be able to deny one's child some desired objects and/or behaviors, and many people lack the backbone or communications skills to do so.

Another quick thinking point: is there any reason your mother couldn't have explained to you that what you'd done was wrong? With words, rather than a swat? I'm really just curious. I don't need to hit my son to show him the error of his ways, and he's only two with pretty limited verbal skills, at this point. I think you can easily see how there ARE other ways, which don't involve any violence, to get the point across. I don't believe in punishment, either...quite the radical concept, I know! I am there to guide and correct him, to teach him proper behavior, and to keep him from hurting himself or bothering others. I steer him away from that which I don't want him to do, instruct him when necessary, and encourage him in activities which are safe, appropriate, and educational. No hitting nor any type of punishment needed! Yes, I am serious, and will be raising him this way his entire childhood. It DOES work!

If you are interested in learning more about my particular style of parenting, look up attachment parenting online. You'll find a lot of information! I also suggest the works of Alfie Kohn if you are interested in the non-punitive model of parenting. It's pretty "out-there" for most people, but in reality it works best to encourage independent, thoughtful development in children.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

I am a firm believer that children learn what they live. That said, here is my oath for our upcoming WDW trip: I will be polite and courteous to EVERY person I speak to. I will be compassionate and sharing at every opportunity. If the need arises, I will be politely assertive. Amen.

AMEN!!!!!! Great motto. Wish more people at WDW felt the same way!

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

But, I've heard, of all three of my children, since the school year started, that they are some of the most polite and well mannered children in their respective classes. Talk about one proud Mama!

Congrats to you! My mom is told the same thing about my little brother (9). Everyone comments on how well mannered he is.


My parents did/do spank. However, most of the time all they (especially my dad) had to do was just give me "the look". I knew as soon as I saw that, I better straighten up and act right. Most parents haven't put fear (for lack of a better word) in their kids. You shouldn't need to spank your kid, but just have the threat there (usually it doesn't take many spankings to realize they hurt and you don't want them again).

I'm sorry, but if a 5 year old child hits another person and all the parents says is "that wasn't very nice" that's bad parenting.

You know waaaay back when "GO TO YOUR ROOM" was actual punishment? Not like now when most kids have phones, TV's, DVD players, PS2, and a host of other electronic gadgets in their room.

I remember this (I'm 25). Going to my room was not fun, especially when my mom would remove the door.

 

[Mickeygolf]

Tinkerbell Mama, I admire your passion for the way you intend to raise your child. We are not big spankers, but on occasion we have done so. I noticed your child is only two. I'd be really interested in how your parenting style is working for you as they get older.

I have a 7 year old and twins who are 6. I'm also pretty lucky that the teachers and our friends tell us our kids are very polite and well behaved. I really don't think the few times we have spanked them has been detramental in any way. If anything, the timing of when it occured has worked rather well.

All I'm saying is every parent must choose how they will raise their child. The key is to teach them respect for others and themselves.

I also admire the OP and the way she handled the situation. She's stated that she would have liked to speak to the parent, but that wasn't possible. I'm sure she had a nice conversation with her kids explaining why she didn't move the child out of there.

 

[dbk1029]

Honestly my mother probably did communicate to me verbally before resorting to giving me a quick swat. But if I recall I wasn't the best listener when I was younger. I also feel that every child is different and some need stricter/different discipline than others.

Tinkerbellmama thank you for your advice and suggestions I do appreciate them.

 

[Iott Family]

when being sent to your room was punishment. And I hated it because I knew I had been punished and what shame I felt! We do not allow TV's , Phones or computers in our childrens rooms. We have a game room upstairs in a main living space hat houses the kids TV/DVD and computer. They do however have books nad radios in their rooms and are told none of that while they are in "time out" My kids who get punished this way are 2 1/2, 9 and 11. My oldest slammed the door one time, notice I said one time, because DH went up after her and told her that if she did so again she would no longer be allowed the privilege of a door.

As for my parade incident in Dec 2004, that still heats my blood all this time later. I did tell that child to remove herself, what was she thinking?? and grabbed her by the upper arm to remove her. Thats when her mother intervened......thankfully DH was there as my voice of reason because I was livid. My momma bear instincts were on full. And im not saying he isnt poppa bear but he is also the less volatile of the two of us!

We are going back in Oct., im hoping for saner crowds! And I know I have been one of those people pushing stroller who has stopped dead and forced the crowds to side line...Im sorry! BUT I will never be one of those people who's children are ill bred and poor mannered. Even my 2 1/2 yr old says please, thank you and excuse me w/o being prompted.
And we cant blame children for how they behave so much because they learned it from home and examples set or not set by parents. Sad....

 

[Deb & Bill]

...My parents did/do spank...I'm sorry, but if a 5 year old child hits another person and all the parents says is "that wasn't very nice" that's bad parenting. ...

[Putting on flameproof clothing ] So, it's okay for a grownup to hit a kid, but not for a 5 yr old kid to hit another person????

We don't hit in our house and my kid is turning out great.

 

[LisaFB]

As intersting as this convo is should we get back on topic before a mod locks this thread?

 

[Mickeygolf]

Deb, answer to your question is yes. Hopefully the grownup is making a rational decision for disciplining the child while a 5 year slapping another adult across the face most likely isn't making any rational decision at all.

I'm glad your child is turning out great from no hitting. I'm just saying that we've had results that have also been good from a little more stearn discipline.

As I said before, it's all about teaching your child to have respect for others and themselves.

 

[cybrkitn]

I'm the OP and I just wanted to reply to a couple comments and clarify some things.
1. The blanket we laid down was a small infant blanket only big enough for the 5 kids we had with us not a large blanket taking up all the room
2. both strollers we had on the curb had infants in them not just empty taking up space
3. The only reason I didn't say anything is because there were several people between us and the lady and I would have had to yell to her which would have been quite embarassing and I didn't want to say anything to the kid because I just don't feel right saying anything directly to the child. I don't want to say "this spot is taken" to the child and have her tell her mom "this mean lady said I have to move" and have a parent freak out on me in front of my kids. I've learned that what you say to a child is not always what they hear.
4.I do believe in being polite and sharing but not at the expense of my own children.
5. Only two of the kids were up and out of there seats out of 5 and that is because some cast members encouraged them to get up and dance.
6. I don't think letting people take advantage of you equals politeness you can be polite while still saying no. I would have loved to talk to the mom and say no but it our case it wasn't possible.
7. Would you really let a kid sit between you and your kid during the parade on your very first trip out of politeness?

I think that's it.

We had our first family trip this past October. At MGM we were pretty much in the second row (in the sorcerers hat area) and I let two kids (not related) go in front of me so they could get a better view. One of those parents (might have been from the U.K. due to his accent) was very appreciative for us letting his daughter in front. Seeing the smile on their faces gave me a great feeling. Having two other kids in front didn't infringe on my view at all and I was still able to video tape it without a problem.

A little earlier, our DS4 was offered a spot right in front with another family. I even asked if she was sure and she said yes. That family was so nice and her kids and our son got along great and were talking up a storm

I would be annoyed, however, if a child pushed their way through. Don't know if I would say something though since I can't stand confrontations (would rather avoid them). DH OTOH might.

 

[queenof hearts]

I wish these parents would just pay attention to these kids. Set the tone for behavior prior the going to WDW. Be prepared to take them out of line for a ride. Personally I do not think the parades are worth the wait. Disney should organize the parades in some way that clearly defines the spaces. Easier said then done!

 

[jeni1072]

During our trip in October, in 8 days, we did not watch 1 parade or any fireworks. Not worth the hassle, IMO. 3 years ago when we were there, we started leaving MK as the fireworks started. At the very end of main street we decided to stop for a minute and watch, before we left the park. A woman next to us carried on for 5 full minutes, about how she had been waiting in that spot for 2 hours, and how dare we just walk up. I was confused, we weren't allowed to walk, stop in the middle of the road, in WDW? The only thing I could say to her was "well thats too bad you guys missed out on 2 hours of Magic Kingdom!". And she continued on. The funny thing was as we stood there, other people doing the same thing as us continued to flood to the area, and eventually there were too many people for her to direct her *****ing at.
We will not sit and wait for a "spot" for hours, nor will we sit and listen to someone berate us for being somewhere we had a right to be! I mean, isn't this a parade and fireworks that have been going on for some time now? So, as I said, no more for us.

 

[anbouk]

It is terribly annoying. Annoying people during the parades do come often. I have had two experiences in my latest visit [read next post]

 

[anbouk]

These kind of people get me really angry and the thing is, sometimes you know that you shouldn't tell them off or anything so you let it go.

both of these happened our trip this past summer:

One time, there was this man that was standing next to us. He started talking to us throughout the whole parade and we found it really annoying (the kids were trying hard to conceal their laughter). We couldn't pay attention to the parade and were very upset heading home.

And there was another time when my DD and DS (twins, 12) were sitting on a lamp post (there was a bar in front of it, perfect for sitting on). They had a great view. Then a small child passed by and his mother put him on the lamp post too. You could visibly tell that their was not enough room. Frusterated my DD jumped off and DS followed. They found another lamp post across the street so we went too.

 

[cybrkitn]

you have my sympathies. I did not read all the posts in this thread but I skimmed thru and let me tell you we were there in dec 2004 watching the 3pm parade, and we werent in the first row but bacl by Casey's, at MK and our then 10 month old was in his stroller watching/napping and along comes a girl the size of my then 7 year old DS and climbs into and stands on my 10month old DS to see the parade! Her mother had the nerve to tell me she wasnt hurting anyone while my DS is screaming and tells me to shut my brat up that he is a hypocondriate(sp). So yeah, what is it with some parents besides they have their heads up their butts!

I would have immediately picked that child off of mine and yelled at that child's mother! That is child abuse/child endangerment and boy would she pay for it! That type of situation would get me over my fear of confrontation really fast.

Glad to know that your son was ok after that ordeal It amazes me how rude and self-centered people are these days

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

[Putting on flameproof clothing ] So, it's okay for a grownup to hit a kid, but not for a 5 yr old kid to hit another person????

We don't hit in our house and my kid is turning out great.

I understand what you are saying, but (to me) hitting a kid is different than spanking. A swat of a kids hand is not the same as punching them (nor is it the same as a 5 year old slapping someone with all his might). As I said, a parent doesn't NEED to spank if they have "the look". I'm 25 and if I saw my dad give me "the look" I'd still shut up.

If you don't need to spank your kids, that's great. I don't have kids, so I may change my opinion later. I just know that I was spanked (on occassion, not all the time) and I turned out OK. My parents were both spanked and they turned out to be great people.

 

[lindalinda]

I feel for you OP. I am always amazed by SOMETHING when I go to WDW. I will tell you my bizarre story. Its not a parade story, just kinda wierd rudeness story. I was at epcot with a friend and our 3 children, aged 5, 5 and 4. We had a wonderful trip. It was early september and REALLY HOT. So we stopped at the fountain in epcot (I forget the name of it) to cool off. There was a family with 5 kids at the fountain. (I assume they were all in the same family because they all had stripped down to their tighty whities!) Well, all these kids were sitting directly on the fountains. I mean actually blocking the fountains .....It was like some sort of power-bidet action, and quite frankly unsettling. No other kids could cool off because the fountains were being sat on. My friend went up to one of the kids and told him he had to get off the fountain and share. He refused. Then his mother came over a cussed out my friend! Said her kids were there first! I mean this is a large fountain area and plenty of room for kids to RUN THRU...not sit directly on them! It was creepy quite frankly.